tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29002686.post4982662852849351501..comments2023-03-26T03:21:26.006-04:00Comments on My Family Sucked!!! Life After Estrangement.: Lessons From Been There Done ThatWinterskiprincesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17540416561657173099noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29002686.post-5476213113343203472012-07-16T19:59:20.094-04:002012-07-16T19:59:20.094-04:00Oh definately not the only one. If you are just ...Oh definately not the only one. If you are just looking into this, you will find so many people also struggle with this.Winterskiprincesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17540416561657173099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29002686.post-79075409361470448542012-07-13T23:54:32.619-04:002012-07-13T23:54:32.619-04:00WOW here I tjought i was the only 1
Thanks so muc...WOW here I tjought i was the only 1 <br />Thanks so much !!!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29002686.post-14064256849586669772012-07-09T11:11:54.947-04:002012-07-09T11:11:54.947-04:00You are right, there is a definate connection betw...You are right, there is a definate connection between 7 and 14:)<br /><br />We are trained to think that love means no boundaries when brought up by mentally/emotionally abusive parents like this. No boundaries on just one side of course:)Winterskiprincesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17540416561657173099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29002686.post-29477310346492502022012-07-09T06:31:14.935-04:002012-07-09T06:31:14.935-04:00#7 and #14 are my favourites.
I actually link the...#7 and #14 are my favourites.<br /><br />I actually link them together. Sometimes it still surprises me, that they blow 'no'-s around like they were soap bubbles, but if I dare to say no to one of their unreasonable requests, all hell breaks loose.<br /><br />And I still grieve for the parental 'love' that I thought I had. I have mistaken 'love' for 'no boundaries'. It is difficult to digest.Scathahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10142503058944423178noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29002686.post-76714751720876225392012-06-19T21:12:49.958-04:002012-06-19T21:12:49.958-04:00I find Lesson #7 creepily accurate!I find Lesson #7 creepily accurate!Cassandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15946844298660263710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29002686.post-10704751242721970712012-06-18T10:36:16.060-04:002012-06-18T10:36:16.060-04:00At this stage, I don't want to fix my NPs eith...At this stage, I don't want to fix my NPs either. I accept them as they are and know that acceptance is not approval.<br /><br />I no longer seek love and support but sure would like a bit of respect!mulderfanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07500535934417551223noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29002686.post-16706708507246892702012-06-18T09:39:50.176-04:002012-06-18T09:39:50.176-04:00True, you can not fix other people. Plus if they ...True, you can not fix other people. Plus if they are truly like this, they do not want to be fixed, nor do they believe there is anything to fix. <br /><br />I didn't even want to fix mine, I just wanted them to respect the word "no" to any unreasonable requests on their part, and to leave us alone during a time of intense grief when my MIL passed away. It was at that point, I realized this whole relationship truly was pointless.<br /><br />As a rookie, it took me so long to come to the realizations that I came to, and I repeated the pattern for a good 19 years after I wish I had come to the realization LOL. Maddening, as I do not think I am a stupid person.<br /><br />If I was my friend, I would have told them to get out ASAP.Winterskiprincesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17540416561657173099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29002686.post-44394504622175428872012-06-15T16:06:59.005-04:002012-06-15T16:06:59.005-04:00I am a "rookie" who only recently reali...I am a "rookie" who only recently realised of the scope of what's behind all the stress in my FOO. Acceptance of point 14 is truly hard: a part of you just wants to go back and "fix it", but I know deep down that nothing I could ever do would make any difference. So thanks for taking the time for posting this list, it really helps. I'm going to print it and read it every time I feel remotely tempted to go into denial.Karahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14470007362954479373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29002686.post-785664355745918532012-06-12T10:42:44.113-04:002012-06-12T10:42:44.113-04:00you would certaintly be right!you would certaintly be right!Winterskiprincesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17540416561657173099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29002686.post-35947570493775295322012-06-12T02:20:02.923-04:002012-06-12T02:20:02.923-04:00Excellent list. I am glad mulderfan gave this lin...Excellent list. I am glad mulderfan gave this link. I would guess there are tough lessons behind every item on the list. Thank you for sharing it.Ruthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07083142637240943607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29002686.post-91653280684309170482012-06-10T18:18:03.549-04:002012-06-10T18:18:03.549-04:00Mine could pull off being a true MOTY in Public-as...Mine could pull off being a true MOTY in Public-as long as it wasn't for an extended period of time. That's likely why mine had NO friends even after the 'objects of her creation' left. Even after her DH "deserted" (read divorced) her after 22/23 yrs. of marital hell within 4 mo. after a massive MI at age 65 and started HIS life all over again. If your adult kid isn't useful for public bragging rights, if they dare terminate the relationship they've passed their "expiration date" and require being publicly culminated, denigrated, slimed and maligned like the trash you always told them and treated them as if they were. Having the insight of a gnat, the fools don't realize how this behavior reflects on THEM and concurrently confirms even further the AC's decision. The smear campaigns also come back to bite them in the ass: If they find an ear to bend, they'll bend it till it breaks. People get really, really tired of hearing about someone else's "ingrate adult kid" or "Deserting" ex-DH (who left literally and finally because his very life was at stake.) People are smarter than you realize; even their patience and politeness has a limit to the "Woe is MEEEEE!" crap.<br />Just give it time while you go on with your life-the real one, the one you never thought was within your grasp. It is now!<br />TWAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29002686.post-30026989680588245012012-06-10T18:17:27.444-04:002012-06-10T18:17:27.444-04:00Two I forgot:
15)yes, there are people less F'...Two I forgot:<br /><br />15)yes, there are people less F'd up than your parents who you can trust and engage with.<br />16) Run DO NOT walk away.Winterskiprincesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17540416561657173099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29002686.post-14176331864900529502012-06-10T14:54:36.873-04:002012-06-10T14:54:36.873-04:00So true by the way, there is no "right" ...So true by the way, there is no "right" time. I did not even realize I was walking away the first time I did. I just knew that while it continued, there was no going back.Winterskiprincesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17540416561657173099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29002686.post-23341985664602523052012-06-10T14:53:04.114-04:002012-06-10T14:53:04.114-04:00TW: We never did have children. If we had, I w...TW: We never did have children. If we had, I would definately have been NC from the "parents" a LOT SOONER. My children would not have been allowed to suffer their disfunction. <br /><br />Mulderfan and TW: LOL, they have put away their masks long ago. I would have to have an outbreak of human like behavior on their part first (and for it not to be so oh transparent) before I could possibly be in danger . It is a testament at how far I have come, that I find the thought truly amusing.Winterskiprincesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17540416561657173099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29002686.post-72633774795333120872012-06-10T13:46:41.673-04:002012-06-10T13:46:41.673-04:00This is an amazing list, but for me, this is the b...This is an amazing list, but for me, this is the best part: "I know I did not have the skills or the knowledge to do anything differently at the time." I still struggle to forgive myself but that quote pretty well sums up why I should.<br /><br />I agree with TW: "Don't be fooled by the occasional "outbreak" of superficially respectful/humane treatment." These outbreaks are most often self-serving and temporary. Usually, they're designed to "hoover" you back so they can resume/escalate the abuse. <br /><br />I would add, abusive parents are not like wine. They don't mellow with age...they get worse! In my case, WAY worse!mulderfanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07500535934417551223noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29002686.post-89778904711824629092012-06-10T12:39:40.880-04:002012-06-10T12:39:40.880-04:00GREAT "Heads Up" List! One of the real b...GREAT "Heads Up" List! One of the real benefits of technology is the ability to access a community that "Gets It," no questions asked. How I wish this had been available to me as well when I was younger. #14 takes awhile to process. Realistically if the 'parents' had been consistently nasty we would have walked away long before we did. Don't be fooled by the occasional "outbreak" of superficially respectful/humane treatment. View your experiences with them as more of a "totality of behaviors/circumstances" rather than discrete events. If these people had not given birth to you, would you want them in your life-in any capacity? If you have any, do you really want YOUR kids exposed to this? Don't think for a second they're not going to do the same to them-if not now, you can be CERTAIN your kids will be the targets of the same behaviors/attitudes you endured sometime in the future. If WE don't feel safe or trust these 'parents' what chance will children have with these (fill in the adjective(s) of your choice) 'parents'?<br />Many thanks! This Post is a wonderful compilation of "Red Flag Behaviors"/attitudes and ACs ignore them at their peril-and heartbreak. And, NO it doesn't "get better" over time. If you're waiting for the "right time" to walk away, it'll never come. You know what you KNOW based on your experiences from birth; you don't need any further "confirmation." Believe yourself. There are real people behind these screens that will support and encourage you on your journey. You are NOT "alone." <br />Tundra WomanAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com