You know, I never attracted abusive men. I am not saying that like it's a bad thing. It's a great thing. I scared them, whether it was in business or in college.
I believe the reason for this was the vibes I gave off. The reason for the vibes that I gave off was because of the S Donor that I had. He wasn't physically abusive, but he was pretty darned abusive to his wife and daughter in other ways. He would dispute this, but it's true. A couple of times he threatened physical abuse by things such as smashing a chair next to me, which he writes off as a father and daughter having a "heated argument". Wonder what that story would be if I threw the chair at him???? That is not what happened however, as I did not want to demean or intimidate anyone. I just wanted to live MY life.
It's a power play on these "men's" parts as they are so inferior and sad. As a young woman, and thanks to this, I already was quite aware (though not consciously) of what I would NOT be putting up with. Truth be told, I figured I would never marry. It did not seem that attractive to me, at least in the context of the donor's marriage. Apparently I thought being married would mean putting up with this in the end.
It never occurred to me until many years later, that a marriage could be quite different. Also that you need to stand on your own, even when you have the most amazing marriage. It's a partnership not a caretakership. Many of the men in my family of orgin (not considering them my actual family) and my husband's family (I don't know how he came out different) think that a wife cooks, cleans, runs errands, and does the laundry. Basically they are the cook and the maid. As charming as all that sounds, I never got why I would need to or want to be that way. Nevermind and be abused for it!! I don't know how I got these ideas, as apparently my E Donor is quite helpless in the world. "If it wasn't for my new husband, I wouldn't have been able to do this". "I couldn't do this because of my ex husband". What? Huh?
In a way I am grateful that my upbringing made some of these pitfalls a non-issue for me. Thanks guys for showing me what I did NOT ever want for myself. I even realized that just because a sperm and an egg joined, I did not have to live with your abuse either:)
I believe the reason for this was the vibes I gave off. The reason for the vibes that I gave off was because of the S Donor that I had. He wasn't physically abusive, but he was pretty darned abusive to his wife and daughter in other ways. He would dispute this, but it's true. A couple of times he threatened physical abuse by things such as smashing a chair next to me, which he writes off as a father and daughter having a "heated argument". Wonder what that story would be if I threw the chair at him???? That is not what happened however, as I did not want to demean or intimidate anyone. I just wanted to live MY life.
It's a power play on these "men's" parts as they are so inferior and sad. As a young woman, and thanks to this, I already was quite aware (though not consciously) of what I would NOT be putting up with. Truth be told, I figured I would never marry. It did not seem that attractive to me, at least in the context of the donor's marriage. Apparently I thought being married would mean putting up with this in the end.
It never occurred to me until many years later, that a marriage could be quite different. Also that you need to stand on your own, even when you have the most amazing marriage. It's a partnership not a caretakership. Many of the men in my family of orgin (not considering them my actual family) and my husband's family (I don't know how he came out different) think that a wife cooks, cleans, runs errands, and does the laundry. Basically they are the cook and the maid. As charming as all that sounds, I never got why I would need to or want to be that way. Nevermind and be abused for it!! I don't know how I got these ideas, as apparently my E Donor is quite helpless in the world. "If it wasn't for my new husband, I wouldn't have been able to do this". "I couldn't do this because of my ex husband". What? Huh?
In a way I am grateful that my upbringing made some of these pitfalls a non-issue for me. Thanks guys for showing me what I did NOT ever want for myself. I even realized that just because a sperm and an egg joined, I did not have to live with your abuse either:)
