Shout Out To This Blog About Boundaries

I found some new resources of blogs regarding nacissists, family estrangement, self esteem building e.t. that relate to my topic.
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/stop-explaining-stop-justifying-stop-talking-boundaries-are-upheld-with-action/

This blog is targetted towards women dating, but brings to light issues that can fit into all lives at any age  with the tweaking of a few words.   I totally agree with this blog about boundaries.   There is no discussion needed, one's boundaries are one's boundaries and they will be respected...no discussion needed.

Though we all have tried to justify our boundaries to others.   I love the way this author puts it into perspective as this wasted energy is "pointless".  The author is so right on about that, and I figured this out about 6-5 years ago.  My boundaries began to have a period at the end of them with no other words needed thereafter.

Arguments to my boundaries from Spermy:

"I respect you and your feeling more than you know. But, I have my needs and feelings too. I want to talk with you about what has happen to us, not just about Bettyann, but going all the way back to the beginning. Yes it will be painful, yes it will hurt, but at least it will be real. What we are doing now is not real, what you propose is not real. I'm willing to compromise,"  BULLSHIT alert.  What compromise was put forth?   And why do I need to make a compromise?  I have compromised decades of my life by this point.  Spermy can not even concede that I am done talking about Bettyann or "The Monster".   I have already talked, I have already heard all the excuses, I was done.   This is the one boundary that I put down, and Spermy needed to have compromised on LOL.

Put your boundary down and end the discussion.   They will either abide by it, or not.  I also am not going to spend my time AGAIN arguing with my father on what my feelings were during my childhood for Christ Sake!!!  What a further absurb waste of my time and life it would be to engage in "Spermy's compromise" (ie do everything HIS way).

One additional and interesting note about this though, in my recent correspondence with Spermy's sister and my uncle by marriage, it was clear that my aunt has been given the impression that Spermy and I don't speak BECAUSE OF THE MONSTER.   Now while the monster is an abhorrently selfish and evil woman, as far as I a concerned, I actually hold Spermy SOLELY responsible for his past and continued actions.  I hold HIM responsible as it should be.  He can marry and be with a souless monster if he wants to, she has and never had anything to do with our lack of relationship HE DID.  I do find it interesting that Spermy has tried to deflect blame to others in these different ways.

I am not saying that the monster should be praised for her evil and selfish behavior, but it has nothing to do with Spermy (except for those times when he supported or encouraged this abuse of me).  Again, Spermy's actions are his actions, Eggy's actions are her actions, and the Monster's actions are her actions.   No one is responsible for what the other does or did.   They can just worry about their own actions.

Family Rifts Board-Re Boundaries

This is a response to another member whose parents do not acknowledge that they understand what Boundaries are:

You know my dad tried that on me too. "I don't understand what you mean". So I laid it out over and over until I got the following response "I am not stupid, of course I understand what you are saying".

It was important to me that both my parents could not claim "they were not told" or "they did not understand". I guarantee they both understood from the get go, but it's a common "matyred me" ploy. Once they can't say they don't get it anymore without looking like an idiot, then (for me anyway) I was on my way to freedom and closure.

That, and I just did not accept any excuses anymore. ME: "The monster told me to FO when I said she wasn't going to sell my house"DAD: "She was just diagnosed with diabetes and is upset." ME: "I don't accept that as an excuse from her, or a reason to talk to you more on it." DAD: speechless, as there is no argument for that.

I drew my line in the sand with 1600 foot high concrete wall that went divided us across the world and 1600 foot into the earth until or unless he could respect me. That doesn't happen, oh well. It'snot my loss by any means. In fact, I hope he never claims he can, so I just don't need to deal with him. He is just not a nice person.It's easier to forgive things if you have ever felt loved. I never have or at least since third grade when I started to formulate my own opinions.

I often wonder was it just that I wasn't a boy OR that h ejust didn't want children (but he accepts my stepbrother easily enough no matter what he does) OR he just hates females OR he just
hates me. It's an unanswerable question, and no matter what the answer is, there is just one bottom line there.

And you know what,it's not my problem!!! It's his.My boundaries are my boundaries, whether he understands them or not,that is HIS problem, NOT mine.