15th Year Anniversary

It's not the actual day or anything of the estrangement. That was a few months back or forward in the year of 1995, and I didn't realize it was the start of something in my life. I also didn't realize that saying "no, my most important priority is NOT making sure you get exactly what you want on your birthday via a list that you send to me of approved items". It was not like Eggy didn't get birthday presents, she did....she just decided to inform me that she didn't like any of my presents. She decided to inform me of this, and then make demands after we received a package for my husband's April birthday in September or October.   You know that old baseball glove that we had just been pining for all year (eyes roll---cause the husband liked to watch sports, and wouldn't already have his own baseball glove).

She claims later to not have known what was going on (as far as my husband's surgery was going).   I know she did, I sometimes managed to get a word in edgewise between the  "memememe and then there was mememeememe and then IIIIII".   Also, I really could have given a crap whether she knew or not.  WTF!!   What kind of person does this?   I seriously came out of that?   Come on, there must be some mistake.   (there is an uncanny physical resemblance that makes the "switched at birth" theory seem unlikely...)

I received this request just as my husband was about to go into surgery to get six inches on his colon taken out. I wonder if the timing wasn't such that I was working sixty hours a week, my husband was about to have major surgery, and the bizarre timing of a gift so she could get a gift....would I have just given in like the good little mouse of a daughter that I had been? Would I have just rolled over? I like to think I wouldn't have, but I might have to be perfectly honest. I was just fed up at the time, it was the very final last straw in the millions of straws received.

A gift, a fucking gift, that is what was worrying this woman? How about no fucking gift, how about that? How about you buy yourself things you like, and I buy myself things I like? Despite my mothers fictional stories about rushing to my rescue with a bike that I needed (hahaha), I could afford things. I wasn't asking for anything, and did not ask for the bike or anything else she gave me. I didn't type out lists of what I wanted every year. Isn't that for children to do for Christmas? Weren't we adults now? I was at least. I didn't want anyone stressing out that they may not have gotten me exactly what I wanted every year, and guess frigging what, I didn't get exactly what I wanted BUT I APPRECIATED THE THOUGHT THAT WENT INTO MY GIFTS. What a ingenuous holiday concept!  Now unfortunately, I have recently found out exactly what those thoughts were, and I WISH WISH I had known that then.   I would have in exact detail which orifice to shove her "gifts".

She wanted this to improve "our relationship".   As  Dr Phil would say "how did that work for you?'   Because spending time with someone, listening to someone, supporting someone emotionally, and not spending every conversation talking endlessly about one's self could not possibly be a way to improve a relationship.  Crazy talk!

All that though, that's old news.   Fifteen year old news, Eggy hadn't finished yet.  After all, she was denied what she wanted.  I dared to utter that one word "no".  Here we are 15 years later, and the bitch female donor still tried to solicit my attention by committing outright libel when two previous other posts failed to reel me in.   The accusation of cyber theft did manage to get my attention unfortunately and divert my attention from trying to enjoy perhaps one holiday in which I do not have to grieve anything or anyone.  But the cunt female donor needed to be the center yet again.   If I had just thought to think that not only was this the holidays but also her birthday month my 15th independence day, I would have been so much more prepared to just ignore the twat female donor.

Meanwhile the thought my Eggy put into my presents was her imaginings of what a loser life I was leading. I guess I could only aspire to be where she was at that same age, in a loveless marriage, being miserable teaching, and having her husband dictate for her what she could and could not do. I am guessing Eggy might have been just the least bit jealous, and wanted her payment for the life she missed.....due to "the accident".  Well, here it is honey, here is your payment.   Happy Anniversary to ME!!!   FUCK OFF TO YOU!

Eggy is MOST Thankful for Herself

You will so to your left a blog called "Suburban Black Sheep".   They have great postings on there that they call "Notes from the N-Playground".   I am totally running away with the idea for myself, solely because I have a great one to share.   This was posted the day after Eggy both put up a blog that implied I was cyber stealing from her starting in 2009, and subsequently took it down when I told her I could contact the Lancaster PA Police and FBI to look into that for her, while explaining libel and the consequences of committing libel on purpose like.  Here is what female donor, Eggy, posted:

I was looking for something to make me laugh: Don't passive-aggressive smile-face me! http://tinyurl.com/acqpq9

Oh, SHE needed some cheering up after posting falsehoods (which basically were the call to her egg to (PAY ATTENTION TO ME, WHY AREN'T YOU LOOKING AT ME, PAY ATTENTION TO ME, I DON'T THINK I HAVE HURT YOU ENOUGH LATELY).  Poor widdle baby girl, got awl in twouble like, and now she needs some cheewing up.  Well at least I was suspect five in back of four other possible people that are pissed off and hating her.  Wonder if it's her creepy admirer from last year that was posting on her birthday video?

Aw look, she's just satan a little old lady.   I wonder if she is bopping this guy her admirer is someone else that got screwed (literally or figuratively, you choose).  How surprising to see a video quite literally all about her on her birthday!   Wonder what she will be thankful for this year?

EGGY:   I am thankful for me.   Then I am thankful for myself.   Then my art is thankful for me.   My photos, they are also thankful for me.   The birds, trees, and flowers all say thanks to me!  And Jimmy, can you let us know how thankful you are for me too?

JIMMY:     Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, what er huh?   Oh yeah yeah, thanks for you.  So thankful that I have gun under the bed should life go on just a little bit longer.   Yeah, that's right, thanks for you hon.   No, no I am listening, you just go on talking about yourself bitch  sweetheart.

Dear Karma

Please give this lady the swift kick in the ass every time she does something nasty. It appears that you have been doing your job. While I personally don't like to hurt people or want them in pain, if they are doing this to others, dear Karma, they need a lesson more severe than I can personally or even want to dole out to them. I am glad that you are out there, Karma to take care of that little chore for me.

Please keep doing this until she becomes a better person. I know that the reality of this happening is far fetched, but I believe it's the most possible when you are smacking her upside the head. If she never becomes a better person, please be sure, Karma, to hold her hand in her last moments.

Karma, also thank you for reminding me of what a foul human being she is, by letting me see the foul lies that she still insists on putting up on the Internet. It's not only the lies, but the things she says like "I realized I couldn't work in a gas station for the rest of my life".

Reality check here, I took a conscious two years off from college to find myself while WORKING two jobs (much like she did as a waitress when she was knocked up, before sponging off the city for a degree she never ended up using or enabled her to keep any job for awhile--see I can spin a loser story too, except mine is the reality). Some donors (or when not associated with the likes of mine----parents) would find this something to be proud of. I certainly learned about taking inventory, balanced cash, and those sort of worthless things. I worked as a janitor, ticket taker, and candy counter person at a cinema. The janitor position was very physically taxing as I had to push a vacuum that weighed almost as much as me. Between biking there (this was well before the theft of the bike) and having to clean two full cinemas and two bathrooms, I was kept pretty fit and healthy, plus I got paid.

I also managed to glean what I wanted to be, an opportunity that I had never really been given before. I already knew, as that fucking bitch knows, that I would be doing something else. I was 19 years old, and quickly later became employed by Paul Revere Insurance and excelled there, BEFORE I WENT TO COLLEGE (which although in the fictional universe my mother paid for, but I in fact paid my tuition for years I was successful and those that I was not). In fact if I had stayed there, and not moved on with my college career, I probably would have been a lot more successful, had a retirement plan, and much more vacation time then my later jobs before becoming self employed. I guess that makes me a loser, rather than someone doing what they want to do while living at the beach with the love of my life and my awesome dogs?

I am quite darned proud of my record, and most parents would be proud of their daughter that had worked so hard and taken care of themselves so well. Since I didn't realize the evil, nasty, foul nature of my mother at that point, I didn't tell her to shove the worthless presents that she bought me so she could be a "good mom", while thinking her foul and negative thoughts about me. Talking about leaving my bike unsecured and she needed to come to my rescue (two years later?). First of all, my bike was secured--has she ever heard of bolt cutters. Second of all, where we lived, which I didn't realize was next to a quite active tenement of prostitutes and drug dealers, where a family was gunned down in the middle of the night----the fucking least of my worries was that my bike might be stolen (or car, and a friends secured motorcycle disappeared within hours of being there). I could also afford my own fucking bike, and when she rushed to my rescue according to her fictionalized account (two years later when we lived in an entirely different apartment one block away from my work, which I enjoyed walking to even though a had an AUTO) by buying me a bike that weighed like 75 pounds, and hounding my husband to do all the "surprise birthday" footwork for her....I should have driven that thing right to where she lived and dumped it on her foul doorstep. I didn't even want a bike, but thought it would be rude to refuse a present. Where we lived had an abuser living above us that we had called into the police. I believe he broke into our storage area, and I wasn't about to call attention to myself (he had guns and knives up there) to get it back. Course it was my fault for living below someone where we regularly heard "no put back the knife" and when the police would show up----the woman would say nothing was wrong.

These are probably far from the last fictional stories (oh just look for user name imaginny in this search, I doubt I have found all of the stories as yet)that I will find about me penned by my dumb ass egg donor. I am thankful ,Karma, that you give me these frequent reminders of the right decision that I took far too long to make. Imagine this all started because I said "no" once. "Nope that is not going to happen for you", got far too much on my plate to give you gifts that you aren't even thankful for, and now worry that they are not the perfect representative of what you think you are.

Little victim, "what did I do that day to be called dumb and have my information linked on the blog?". Oh, gosh, doesn't she know sending five people after me that have all been educated in your fictional accounts of my life, would not be well received? Finding the never ending parade of falsehoods and the evidence of what a twisted fucking sense of reality that she manufactures to prop her worthless loser self up? Perhaps that's it. Apparently, there is a list of people that she does this to. And so I am not sorry that Karma kicks her sorry butt down the stairs regularly. She deserves it.

I gotta say, once upon a time I was a pretty good daughter. To make fun of parents who say "well I did not beat you or sexually abuse you", my proof of good daughterhood is that I didn't try to kill you in the middle of the night, and then parade around with your heads on sharpened sticks. So I must have been one hell of a daughter. I hope all the other people that she regularly pisses off to the point where they hunt her down to steal from her, are also able to exercise that sort of level of control.

My sincere thanks, Karma. Happy Holidays. Deliver to her everything that she deserves this holiday season, and thank you for the bang up job so far.

Too Nice, Wants to be Naughty

(another reposting that seems to relate to the recent thread. This was posted somewhere back in 2009, I think)

Some mental geniuses have criticized me for "not being a nice person". Well actually nice me usually means certain people feeling free to stalk, threaten, and creep me the F out. So ya, I am not nice me here.

I mean nasty parents (not all parents, just the stupid ingrate entitled ones) who are hating me instead of the children who want nothing to do with them. The person that donated the egg to this individual cocktail usually points them here.

The mean, it works, the vile insects slink back under their rocks to hunt for the more vulnerable vegetation and things that have evolved neither backbones or balls. My balls tucked under for a little while lately, and then I remembered how fun it is to have balls.

It's pretty important to have a backbone in these hard times too. And swearing, I love it. Perhaps because I am overly fond of fart humor as well. It gives a good punctuation to a situation that needs a big of inflammatory language.

And I think people that can not get over themselves, are pretty friggin hilarious. When they need to make big whoppers and lies up to elevate themselves, I am like a shark sniffing the blood in the water. Come to me baby.....

My counterpart smells the blood if this person detects anything remotely negative in what I write. Like about the estrangement with the Spermy of the story. Oh, Spermy was discovered again by Eggy, and what joy there must have been to hear from crazy person AGAIN. You know Spermy might understand that the gateway to reconciliation will not be found through that door. Not that there is a door, but it definitely would not be found through that door. Infidelity has a way of eroding trust in the long term. Just something for you married couples to think about, while you are still married. The divorce might just go a little more smoothly if you aren't bopping someone else during it. Just a thought for your consideration.

So if your kids end up not wanting to be around you later, you might have someone open to discussion with you. That is unless you are a rotten sniveling liar, and you have publicly posted this all over the place.

I'm not even using ink now, and it's a waste of my time LOL. Let's just say that I have discovered my iron balls again, and am treating them with the respect that they deserve!! The rest of you tuck tail and run, cause the beast is loose!!

OMG, did she just talk about balls?

Solutions and Suggestions to Stop Internet Libel in An Estrangement

Re posting of a past blog that seems oddly appropriate at the moment.

Have a relative frustrated because you are no longer talking to them (and deservedly so). Are they spreading lies about you on the Internet. Here are some creative solutions to stop the problem.

• Post your own obituary. Be sure to specify there will be no public service, private ceremony only. Be sure that this person will either find it or be unwittingly notified about it by a their associates.
• Hire an actor or actress to pretend they are you, correspond with them, and throw them completely off track (or make them think you are reconciled---just obvious problems are they will want to visit).
• Let them know you forgive them, and want a relationship with them but the radioactive nuclear waste in your area (where you are quarantined by the army) makes this, sadly, impossible.
• Send them creepy messages like "I just drove by your house" or "I know you were just on vacation". (My mother did this, and it quite effectively freaked me out).
• Ask for money first thing whenever they call.
• Have your cell phone barely charged on every conversation.

This Sperm and Egg Combo Advises---Don't F With Me Beyatch

****Sorry it was just too much. I had to release this rage one more time. It irks me, as I know this is just what the foul beyatch wanted. So think of this as returning the favor this holiday season.

I am never going to her website again, I think I can say (14 years later) I got a good idea of how this woman is...and I am good being way way away from her. She hates being called dumb (though in all irony the blog post she is talking about calls three other people dumb, I never imply that she is coming to my site, though the person who is implied to have come has an isp address from shrewsbury mass...but she says I always have to be right without even reading the post or understanding what it is about, but getting (her words) her reporters to post back to her) What is dumb is sending her online "reporters" to my site to harrass me, and what is dumber is to continue to piss me off with her lies and fantasies about me. I DO NOT PLAY, and when I do get into action it's not in a passive aggressive subtle sort of fashion.

Glad to see you have a healthy list of suspects of people (the cowardly she bitch has taken this post off her website now, guess we can call off the Lancaster police now about the supposed cyber theft of money?) that can't stand you guys. Jeez, and the funniest thing, you post that bogus post about me....and then blame me when you start getting harassed by someone when I am doing my best to ignore your insanity. Makes me wonder if this is just your fantasy post to get my attention. Well you got it, but not in the way you want it baby cakes. Sounds like you hang with an upstanding crowd.

All the stuff you have out there is in writing, and can be used against you in a court of law. Especially since I do not have to prove any financial hurt on my part, just that you lied about me in writing. And if you follow the bread crumbs of your untruths and paranoid fantasies, you can see anyone could find themselves to me.

I do it so much more directly AND legally. You might want to stop, as I have now directly identified almost everything related to you on my blog. I don't play, and may see fit to take it down when you apologize, fess up, and stop the shit entirely. I warned you that I was keeping tabs on what you write.

Oh, and then I could call you if you do not cease and desist, or is that what you are trying for? Because if it is, I never ever see a period of time where I will feel forgiveness for you or fondness of any sort. The reason for this is that I don't believe you are mentally ill or that what causes the foulness that lives inside you. Some people are just born without love, compassion or empathy for anyone but themselves.

Here is the other thing though, you are too much of a coward to e-mail such allegations to me as I am not afraid to do. Most likely you are ripping the phone jacks out of the wall for fear you will have to try and justify your miserable excuse for life and being.

Crimes can be reported to either the Lancaster Pennsylvania Police OR the FBI. If any crime does even exist, and if this is not your sad and pathetic attempt to be noticed after a long ignoring period.

I am more annoyed at you than normal today, as I found yet another version of your events online regarding a bicycle story. Yes, you manage to make anything you have done, and everything that you do ugly. I remember you hounding Robert to go get the bike, that I didn't want by the way. You claim one that I left my previous bike unsecured, which is untrue. We did live in a high crime area, where a family was murdered in a drug deal gone wrong....guess if I had been murdered, instead of having my bike stolen, it would have been some loser thing I did.

You know genius, when you got me the bike I HAD A FRIGGIN CAR. I walked to work because it was like a block away (perhaps a detail that someone so totally in not in love with themselves and all things them could have figured out), and I could certainly afford my own bike. It was understood to be a birthday present for me at the time. Thank you for soiling yet another memory of mine, and letting me know the ugly negative thoughts that go through your mind every day. I no longer need to read your blog, and am disappointed in myself at being sucked in again.

What you never understood about the Columbia that was stolen, was that it was my first bike and I loved THAT bike. Clearly you manufactured other reasons why I missed my bike, but this is the thing that you don't get about me. I am not material and I am not into "things". I understand that my bike was a thing, it was also a memory of times gone by in which my world was a lot more innocent, and it just may have been possible that I had loving parents. When I read the utter crap that you write about me, it just can not be possible that you loved me as anything other than your mirror. Unfortunately for you, the mirror started seeing that something was not right with the reflection.

I said the other day that I didn't think I hated anyone. Wow, I didn't know how wrong I was. Every time I try to forgive you or move on, you shit in front of me. I don't believe you are mentally ill either, or that if you are that is an excuse for your behavior. I find you to be a very ugly person inside, and feel bad how much it must hurt to live with the foul blackness that rests inside of you.

Love in It's Widely Recognized form

It's been 18 years since our marriage vows (this year) and 23 years together in total. Blowing away my parents first try of 18 years of wedded hell (19 years or so of being together in total to account for my nine month incubation period). What is freakin hilarious, is both of my "loving" piece of shit parents have always downgraded MY marriage. MY "I didn't need to get married because some sperm landed on my leg and one lodged inside" marriage. Or my "found the first person who could fucking stand me marriage" (though I admit to that being quite a feat for that donor). Or my "second person I ever fucked while married marriage".

MY marriage which has included zero cheating on either's part, is not because we are afraid to die alone. No DUMB ASSES,

****Note inserted here, we would have had children to live in servitude to us. Yes you read that right chilDREN, because you need to account for possible death, the fact that they may hate you for good reason later on--due to the expected servitude---, moving away from you, and they may marry someone you don't like, so one couldn't possibly keep their fucking mouths shut for the one or two days out of the year that time is spent with the grown up egg/sperm combo. The big mistake my donors made was not making a few models to ensure that one would end up a whining, sniveling, back boneless creature. Instead, lucky them, they got me with a working brain and ingrained self esteem.

and the owners of the sperm and egg that spawned me have ever felt the feeling in it's true and widely recognized form, it's actually because we love each other...and not for one moment faltered. I realize this jealousy stems from not being able to duplicate this, and living in your own personal hell and all (karma really sucks doesn't it?). It's certainly not my fault however, I arranged neither marriages or the sad tragic little lives that live within them. Nor any health problems that anyone may have developed, though their postings try to blame me for it (since the suicide note didn't work). If I had powers that worked like that, I would strike one mute and fingerless (and toe less in case they had the fortitude to come back from that, which is extremely doubtful as exercise is a four letter word to, well, either one of them)

Neither of your mates (currently) are who I would have picked either. See you stupid pieces of narcissistic shit, this is called an individual making their well defined choice. Blame whoever you want for your miserable meaningless lives, we've just come back from the beach in our miserable lives LOLOL. I've gone jogging, he's watched a little Red Sox, and the earth hasn't collapsed in on us as it would for either of my donors. Imagine the ruckus that would ensue by a spouse making the smallest "mistake" in their houses!! In one a glass being broken or spilled milk, would be cause for much drama. In another, imagine that a sporting event would want to be watched in that very house LOLOLOL. It would be too much. The sonic boom would be heard around the world, cause it's not what they likely.

What is really sick on my egg donor's part is the criticism of my marriage because I have been married so long. Like until death or something, no shit that vow meant something. And not because I said a vow, but because I actually carefully considered who my partner would be. It wasn't just someone who leaked on my leg one night while I was in a drunken stupor. Imagine how a little bit of contemplation might make a marriage that will work, if you will. Now imagine what Ms Egg Donor might say if I wasn't married at all LOLOL. For Christ sake, would she fucking shut up already with her assumptions and negative criticisms and God awful whining. The she says "she never sees the good in what I say." Lady I don't need you to see what little good you have said about me, which is like 1% of your totally out there rantings to an audience that is too stoopid to see you for what you are. They are picked well, props to that.

Other people see me and know me. I don't need to put up with negative BS from either of , saying that my unhappy childhood is BS. Oh I guess that's why I didn't get out of bed even to shower for three years, that was my happiness at my childhood peeking through. Or how I started having dinner in my room only to keep out of your mother fucking fights that were the norm at dinner. Yeah, great childhood. Or finding one donor at home talking to men about how they were fucking person Y, that was great as well. Sometimes children tell their parents that they were good parents out of a sense of politeness, as the alternate version that one was a rotten egg sucking parent from hell that one would never wish on another human being, doesn't go over so well on those holiday occasions.

Though when gram told Ms Egg Donor that only whores wore red nail polish (which I agree is wrong, but it was Gram so it was freakin hilarious), and Ms Egg Donor went ballistic, I totally missed the joke, as I didn't know that Ms Donor was personally collecting other donor sperm. The thing is E donor convinced me everything she was doing was cool because S Donor was such an ass, but then later it occurred to me that things could have been handled just so much better and ethically. But narcissistic sociopath;s don't care as long as it fits in with their happiness. Hey let someone else tell me what was going on, and also notify me on the next marriage.

Ah yes, the proof is that Ms E Donor went to therapy and so she could not be a narcissistic sociopath. Um, I can't think of anything that would make Ms E Donor quite as excited as talking to someone about herself for hours and hours. Course Ms E Donor would have to pay someone eventually, because who the fuck can take that. Who cares? They both totally chose your estrangement. They both totally could not make a compromise of any sort, and broke whatever promises you made. A least one is a sick pathological liar, who deserves everything that is coming and more.

Heaven forbid one would express anger to either of my chickenshit parents, by the way. Certainly in person, it can't be taken after doing and saying inappropriate things in public or private. One is supposed to say "thank you, can I have another?" However, I am not being hazed in a friggin sorority here or in any club that would have the those two for members.

This has been a message from your sponsor: JUST SAY NO TO DUMB ASSED PIECES OF SHIT.

And if you are trying to mend an estrangement, this would be a really bad way to do it . However, if you are welding the little fucker shut, it is an absolutely inspired way of doing it.

Regardless of the Attempted Explanation...

So did you or I miss an apology there, or explanation as to why she needed to elevate herself by debasing her daughter.

Oh, and why was a drinking problem that is non-existent mentioned as well as a medical problem being the reason for our estrangement.

Publicly she wishes to exonerate herself, but privately let me let you in on a little secret. The shellac put over a rotten piece of wood does not make it worth any more.

Anyhow, between that and the lies about name calling in e-mails, it's a poor way to try and extend an olive branch, and just about as believable as the sky being a putrid green.

I am not dissappointed in my anger causing her not to have direct contact with me (that and the shame and guilt she must feel at being such a liar and excuse maker and shellacing over her rotteness). That is by design. It's not the anger that scares her, it's the truth. The truth that ain't all that pretty nevermind how you wrap it or stick a bow on it.

On my blog, I would like to tell Ginny where she can stick something. Big old fake.

Oh, and lest we forget the sharing of my name with her sick little gremlin friends. God help their (the gemlins or BOL club as I like to call them) children if they ever decide, er make the mistake, of reconnecting. Run far, run fast.

It's Almost as Dumb as I Posting Under My Orginal Name at First...

You BITCH!!! Yeah that's right, I will allow you this one time to scream it out, and scream it loud and proud!

Gale of "God Bless" Gale and motherlode. Looking and talking about her son and daughter in law on estrangements ning site. http://estrangedstories.ning.com/. Likes the bible and is very fond of calling the pot black, as a former kettle herself. (Son and daughter in law, run and run fast and far). Oh she shares her looney bin experience for those of us truly disturbed and needed psychiatric help. Cause there's nothing wrong with her. Bless her little soul. She is just an innocent little bible thumping peach. (seriously daughter in law, stop e-mailing her with anything)

Cheli, who likes to bitch about her daughters pregnancy online to strangers, and the particular details of her daughters life. No unflattering detail left out, and you wonder if this mother even likes her daughter. Her blog entry Fanfreakintastic is a delight, and should scare her daughter straight one way or another. I would personally run from this delightful character, who whines and isn't even estranged.

And then there is Leann whose DAUGHTER apparently has no boundaries LOLOL. Leann who would like other people's daughter in laws to be bitch slapped for supporting their husband in a troubled time.

These mothers on this forum are truly frightening, and think they live in their cocooned private place. Meanwhile, they are quick to either criticize someone for being up front with their story and name initially, and use it as an excuse to hunt them down and "research" them. Can I tell you how truly frightening to have my name posted on the Garden by these freaks.

I like the mother who just wishes that her daughter can not have the children she longs for, so she will see how her mother feels. Charming. Loving. So nice to be supported for such wonderful thoughts at estrangedstories.ning.com. Not at all a narcistic sociopathic audience.

As a narcistic sociopath, I should know. I should also know it's not to bright to broadcast this BITCH'S NAME ALL OVER THE INTERNET. If it weren't for you kids fleeing your homes as if rabid wolverines infested the place, I would say it may be the worst mistake you ever made.

Well, I got your pictures freaks, your story, and who knows perhaps someday your kids phone number and address to point them in the right direction. Then they will look like this:

I really think that when adult estranged children's parents are posting on public forums, (NO I REALLY REALLY HOPE) that their kids find them, and see a bit behind the curtain. It changed my whole outlook on my mother when I saw into hers estrangement.com and snickers.typepad.com. Her more sane and awfully boring ramblings can be found at ginnycaputo.blogspot.com. I am sure that she will be happy when I share that her husband's name is Jim Maxwell, and I am pretty certain he was neutered quite some time ago.

MIA My Mother

The person who has been lost is the woman sitting to the right (your side). I haven't seen her for awhile. One day, she disappeared from sight.

She used to bake me cookies on occasion. One Valentines day, she made me a very nice pink cake with candy hearts all around. On my birthdays, it was homemade Angel Food cake, whipped cream, and strawberries. I got as much of that as I would like.

I supported her, even when it should have been evident that she was not doing the right thing. I used to go to antique markets with her and help her set up. We used to enjoy looking at dolls and dollhouses together.

Even when I started to understand what had happened in the family, still I supported her.

The disappearance began subtly with friends. She didn't like my apartment she didn't like my friends. She really resented that there was a boy that I fell in love with. She really hated weddings. My graduation was really about her and my father. Her rage grew and infected everyone. Her entitlement to things that I couldn't provide became that I must not be doing well.

Eventually, I looked around and POOF the mother that I had thought I grew up with either disappeared or was an illusion in the first place. She wasn't the most loving, the most attentive, but I thought she was a nice person once upon a time. I look and look, but she is not there.

There is an angry old woman where she lived. She tells stories about me that aren't true, but I have no idea who this woman is. What the heck did she do with my mother?

Do you know?

How Stupid., Of Course

Dear Coward,

You need not bother to answer my question. I am very well aware that I am still in punishment for not talking to you. I know you not only want to hurt me, but you want me to seek you out.

The thing is, I have been totally over wanting anything from you, other than for you to stop lying about me for at least 10 years. I won't ask anymore, I will just hunt you down wherever you go in public to talk about me. I know when nice does not work, nasty works better, and I am not even warmed up yet:)

If you don't want to hear from me, I would suggest quite strongly that you stop. Otherwise, you will hear from me in many and various forms and forums.

Sincerely,

Brave Enough not only to tell the truth, but in not needing to break down others to elevate myself:)

Who can spin the best yarn?

Oh, I think I can spin one better than Imaginny.

I started to, but then unlike my mother I did not have the heart to make up half baked stories. So here is my more simple one.

This is a yarn or fiction remember:

My mother was a wonderful loving mother when I was an adult.

Ohoh, and I was the victim of PAS syndrome:)

The End

Now that is what I call fiction.

Karma Has a Way of Following You to Your Grave

Karma will follow my mother to her grave. She will cuddle up with her lies and manipulations, and go to the afterlife deluding herself that she has been right.

I hope she doesn't go on this journey alone, but I fear that will be her fate. On the other hand, it's not like it hasn't been by her choice alone.

At some point she will either own it, or there just is darkness out there in the universe (in that there is no afterlife).

At any point, I am sorry that she will make that journey without me, on the other hand, I accept that I can't accept her manipulations and lies as "love". She knows what she has done, even if people can't see behind the curtain of victim hood that she pulls over herself, and wraps herself in it's warm fuzzy softness, ignoring that it's really porcupine quills sticking into her. The present of love that she gives so nicely wrapped, is filled with cow manure instead of a glowing softness.

If others want to accept that into their lives, I guess I can just be glad that this person who is somehow related to me will not go to her grave entirely alone-perhaps.

On May31st, I will bury the thought of my mother ever reaching out in a way that I recognize as lacking in manipulation, deceit, and outright lies. This site will be deleted, and I will quit searching for the woman that might have existed once, and accept that she never did.

FORMAL DOUBLE CEREMONY TO FOLLOW TO BURY A PAST AND PRESENT THAT I AM MOVING ON FROM. I HAVE FORGIVEN MY MOTHER BY ACCEPTING, FINALLY, THIS PART OF HER THAT WON'T BE CHANGED OR CAN'T BE CHANGED. I FORGIVE MYSELF, BECAUSE I COULDN'T CHANGE IT OR ACCEPT HER VERSION OF "LOVE". WITH THAT FORGIVENESS WILL COME THE MOVING ON, DELETING THIS SITE, AND NOT SEARCHING FOR "HER" ANYMORE. INSTEAD I WILL GRIEVE, YET AGAIN, FOR WHAT CAN NOT BE, AND COME TO ACCEPTANCE OF THAT DURING THIS TIME OF MOURNING.

I HAVEN'T BEEN SEARCHING FOR MY FATHER, I NOT ONLY KNOW WHO HE IS BUT HE DID HIS DAMAGE A LONG TIME AGO AND HE HAS TAKEN ON SOME OF THE RESPONSIBILITY, WHILE ALSO CALLING OUT THE FLUNKED OUT OF TWO COLLEGES CARD WHICH I HAD REPEATEDLY APOLOGIZED FOR (AND FINANCIALLY PAID FOR IN ADDITION TO THE COLLEGE THAT I GOT A RATHER STELLAR GRADE POINT AVERAGE FROM WHEN I GRADUATED). I DON'T BLAME HIM, HE IS WHO HE IS. HIS WIFE IS WHO SHE IS. AND HE AND MY MOTHER WERE A PRETTY WELL MATCHED PAIR EVEN IF IT DIDN'T WORK OUT. HIS NEW WIFE IS WELL MATCHED TO HIM AS WELL, AND I HOPE SHE AND HIS SIBLINGS OUT LIVE HIM SO HE WON'T BE ALONE AT THE END. I WON'T BE THERE, THIS PART OF MY LIFE IS COMING TO A LOOONNNNGGG AWAITED END.

JUST A BIT OF FORMALITY IS NEEDED. I HAVE ACTUALLY FOUND THAT EXERCISES FOR RELEASING ANGER AND GRIEF HAVE HELPED ME VERY MUCH GET OVER ALL THIS. NOW IT'S TIME FOR MY MOTHER'S ACTIONS TO STOP SURPRISING ME ALREADY, AND TO KNOW THAT I HAVE ACCEPTED WHO MY FATHER IS, AND THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP DOES NOT WORK. REALLY NEVER WORKED.

A Little Drama from the Mama

Happy Mother's Day!!! Remember folks, sometimes you just can't run far enough away.

Enjoy my e donor's May 3rd post, where we discover the reason that I don't talk to her is an attempt to ruin her life. Da Da Da Duuummmmm~!!

And my favorite quote of her post "I still feel good about having been her mom and she can go screw herself if she thinks that she can wreck my life by not talking to me. " Cause it's all about her folks, it's all about her. And she is lovely, and I think some lucky grown up woman ought to adopt her.

There is not a definitive post here that gives background information to this estrangement. The category "Maniac for A Mother" will give you a hodge podge of postings about my E Donor.

The category "Evil that is BA" will give you postings on my lovely Step Monster, since it's a mother's day theme and all.

Reply to Mom's Four Part Series

It's so ironic to me that you complain about my "correcting" you when you talked about me for 4 years, including lies about my feelings for my grandfathers & step brothers death, and a known lie about why I ceased talking to my grandmother. You hunted down my realitives (I never got Jimmy on the phone) and "interviewed" them. And my husband was just being polite if he said he didn't know why I wasn't talking to you, and he was feeling harranged when he told you I felt you were mentally ill. He probably just wanted you off the damn phone.

Nice and reasonable does not work with you. Apparently you get the message much more, and put a little more thought into it when nasty comes in. I hate being nasty to people, but as I have learned in the corporate world, when nasty works it's nasty that they gets.

Won't it be refreshing if you actually stop writing about me and my father now. I mean what more possibly could you have to say? You've had a good four year run, is it out of your system yet.

As for being judgemental, yeah, I never received an apology or validation for anything you did to hurt me. Not one, "I see how me not telling you that I was married could have been upsetting, especially when I wrote to your father about it and let you know that way, by being abused by him in my stead". Nope. It's not that I was upset that you were imperfect, but you wanted the fucking perfect daughter in me, and the perfect relationship only as per how you wanted it? I don't think so.

You couldn't muster up a "how's your husband doing" while I was mentioning what room number he was in and what hospital to you, but you did want the perfect birthday gift. And that's how you wanted to measure our relationship? You even mentioned the CD player you got me as a measure I should use for your birthday gift. Then you whine about how little money you had at the same age I was, then you say it must be because I am overvaluing my talents as an accoutant.......you have really twisted logic and a twisted version of what a realtionship should be.

Then while you say you have a copy of an apology, you can't muster up what could possibly have been in it, other than you didn't know how to communicate at the time. Not only were you an imperfect mother, which I could live with, but you couldn't even apologize for abandoning me in a parking lot when I was young, vulnerable, didn't know how to drive, didn't have a cell phone or money to call for help, and then scream at me for giving you a message when you got back that I had no idea as a young girl was an issue.

To say that parents should be getting along during a divorce, when it was you that was trying to get me in the middle to sue my dad, and break into his house to get your things. Is that part of keeping your daughter out of the middle?

Or that your daughter wasn't your confidant during the time you were having an affair, so you never needed to give her a heads up while leaving her with her father? Yet there was another personal errand you could bring her on, not to mention encouraging her to read Hite reports so her sex life wouldn't be as bad as yours while she was still in Junior High, never mind High School?

I think you were a bit more than imperfect, like completely self absorbed and self interested. You didn't even know me, you even needed to make up a list of things you thought were me based on interests you last knew in High School. It might occur to you that since I was younger, of course my interests would be things that younger adults would know.

As far as being an incomplete picture during my childhood, in reading your posts it's still the same picture. One that I didn't need to be involved in. And there was no need to be eaves dropping through the heating vent, as you guys were screaming at each other while I was watching tv in the room. Didn't seem to be a whole lot of concentration on good parenting from either of you during this time, beyond my basic needs? I think the lack of understanding on who I was just shows where your concentration was the whole time........on you.

The only illumination you gave me, was that you sought therapy and actually thought about it before intitating an affair during your marriage. So it was premediated while you had other responsibilities. And you feel no remorse for that. It is entirely everyone else's fault that you didn't get a divorce first during this period of thinking about this. And perfectly understandable why a friendship would be possible with a husband that you did this for two years!!! Okay.......apparently you don't have a whole lot of understanding of human emotions or empathy towards anyone other than yourself. And I say this thinking dad isn't any great shakes either.

I hope you can do me the kindness of now putting this at an end. I sincerely hope you didn't write this as a way to get through to me for the goals you are looking for, which is justification that you can be so selfish by not validating how others in this scenario might have felt or suffered. It was all just about you and your journey. Well, if that is they way you felt living your life, and continue to live your life that way, feel free. But to think everyone else is going to say, "hell yeah let's go for a trip to Sweden and you just feel free to abandon me like you did before, and we just to things you like doing. And let me now obsess about getting you the perfect present especially when all you did was complain about presents that I attempted to get you based on what I thought you might like and my finacial situation". Um, the answer is just continue staying out of my life lady. I am sorry that might hurt you. I am sorry that I am unable to love someone as self absorbed and selfish as you. I mean that sincerly, I have no pride in not wanting a relationship with my mother. But I am imperfect, and that is my selfish choice. My life has been better without you in it for all this time, and will continue to. I hope you can find some joy in the fact that I enjoy my life, I did not go into a marriage without love, I have chosen not to have children so that they will not suffer from inattention although I probably would not have been as inattentive as either you or dad, and I have made the selfish choices in my life that have made it better. On the other hand, the loving relationships that I have where the love, validation, and support are returned, I am unselfish in what I give them, because what I get back in non-material things is so much, and so rewarding and what I have been missing in my own biological parent relationships.

Have a good life. And if you can keep from writing about me, you will be able to keep from hearing from me. But perhaps that is exactly what you are trying to avoid, and so perhaps I have allowed msyelf to be sucked into your vapid void all over again.