Parental Alienation Syndrome

Okay, got a comment on one of my old posts, saying that I should think about PAS, parental alienation syndrome. I know I have a blog out there, and some people might mistakenly think I am looking for THEIR advice. I am not. I am a big girl and working things out, I think quite brilliantly all by my little self.

I do not believe in hypnosis. I do not either believe people, especially people that I have disliked my whole life whether they donated to my birth or not, have some kind of mystical power over me. Especially when the actions of another party, were not known or ever commented about by the other. Duh.

One has nothing to do with the other. They are both people, separate. I dislike them both on their own standing and by their own actions. I AM NOT some helpless female or child caught in some tug of war. In fact the instigator of PAS is the Egg Donor. She was the only one that talked negatively and endlessly about the "attributes" of my sperm donor. She was the only one who tried to take revenge by writing a letter about a remarriage to my father, that she neglected to inform her own daughter about. She was the only one that encouraged me to break into my father's house to retrieve things she thought were still there. It was only her that talked about herself endlessly, thereby knowing nothing about her daughter at all. Not only by her endless talking, but by her endless disinterest and not listening.

In other words the E Donor alienated herself by her own actions, which though are talked about less in this blog as it was long ago, but are talked about. I don't get how one would think one's is worse that the other, or why that should even matter. Is this a contest, stay with the parent that is the lessor of two evils? If that is the case, my E Donor will hound you to the grave if you don't give her what you want. The S Donor just shuts up in his little passive aggressive shell. Hmmmmm, I will take the one that shuts up and stays away please. I got things to do during the day, that don't involve someone's trauma that we do not have the same taste in Christmas gifts while my Fing husband is in the hospital getting his intestine removed. Thanks.

My S Donor has done his own things. He was never allowed to be close to me in the first place, to warrant an immediate cutting off. He took this silence by me as acceptance of him doing anything he wished, and treating me any way he wished. He was wrong, and I didn't even know the depths of his suckiness. I mean I had a clue my whole life, but the last thing really took me quite off guard. He sucks it's true, but the one thing he did not do is try to pit me against my E Donor.

In fact my S Donor, wonderful guy that he is, didn't think much of me for not talking to my E Donor. Cause I am both their property to him.

Whatever issues my dear secret admirer has, could either be asked of yourself in a public forum, or you can go back to where you crawled from. Just some food for thought.

On the other hand, been running out of topics lately for this forum, thanks. Doubt I would like or sympathize with you very much, as it seems like you aren't the type of person that would take responsibility for their actions or decisions. Apparently, you feel you can be swayed by others. That is just sad.

The other thing is, the post that you posted your little comment to was a very general post. Geez, you must have been thinking about this in your little head a long time.

Family Rifts Posting-Goals Regarding Estrangement

In answer to another board member's posting, these were my answers to her questions regarding goals:

I have not "somewhat connected" with three members of my family, my father, my mother, and my stepmother. By default of my mother, I guess my step father, but I think it's that we both don't want to third party the other. We never would have just talked on the phone before anyway. I have nothing against him, is what I guess I am trying to say.

What are your goals regarding the Family Rift?

To go on with a fruitful, productive and mostly happy life. To feelgood that the decisions I made were based on some not easy but fairenough decisions.

What did/do you need to heal?

Well apologies and acknowledgements would be just lovely. Respectof my boundaries.

But that ain't gonna happen!! So accepting that it is what it is,and nothing I am going to do is going to change that. Including submitting to their wishes and wills.

Do you hope to establish reconnection?

AT this point, I hope they stay far far away, quite frankly. If at some distant point in time something changed drastically, and I do mean drastically, I would try and entertain the idea with an open mind.

to what degree?

If a drastic change happened, I imagine it would still be a very limited and superficial degree for my own sanity. It's hard to wrap my mind around something or someone changing so drastically.

Why and How?

I can't even begin to imagine why or how this would come about.This is beyond my very vivid imagination.

Or do you only hope to make sense of your estrangement, remaining disconnected, and why/how?

I think I have made sense of my estrangement. My dad hates females,and never wanted a kid. Mystery sort of solved. My step mother for some reason thought I was the equivalent of my mother, who my dad was glad to be rid of, but still treated me like the mistress living in her house. Mystery solved there as well. My mom felt entitledto things that I could not give her materially or emotionally as payment for having me in the first place. Again, mystery solved.Now years and events happened during a period of (I am counting afterI left the house) of 10 years with my mother's estrangement and a good 18 or more years with my father/step mother estrangement. All of this emotional and verbal abuse finally became clear to me as something I did not need to allow or deal with. I have given them options, made consessions, and the same has not been done for me because I am their "property/child".Many days writing and analyzing my feelings are the how. Even conversations with the parents since even if they happened via e-mailor on my blog. They really made things very crystal clear for me.