The Post Office and Angel Stamps

The yellow slip in my box told me that a package was waiting. The usual quarterly deliver of our medicines that scream "you are no longer 19 years old!" The reminder is brings up memories of my Grandmother's pillbox in some very disturbing ways.

As it happened, an elderly lady had made it to the postage desk before me. She is very cute in her track suit, and the cash in her wallet that she probably takes out monthly from the bank for groceries and such, just like my Grandmother did. Her list of tasks is well organized, and she scans the post stamp selection. "Cats and dogs like last time" asks the Postman. She takes off her glasses and peers closer, "What is this one then?". The Postman answers "That is an Angel with her lute".

She peers closer, and I can tell she is not sure whether to believe him or not. "I'll take those she says". I smile warmly at her as she comes back. "Postage stamps are so ugly these days" the lady says smiling back. As the Postman walks away she asks "Is that an Angel?" I look closely for her, truth to tell my eyes aren't what they once were either, and I say "Yes, and very appropriate for these holidays coming up."

The lady winks at me and says "Everyone needs an Angel this year. People are going through tough times".

This will give me a warm feeling throughout the day. I should have hugged her, or asked if SHE needed anything. I was too touched by the sentiment to think clearly at the time.

Elsie Snickers Rest in Peace 10/1/2009

Elsie Snickers was my grandmother on my maternal side. She died recently at a care facility. I am sorry that she did not enjoy her life, as everyone has a right to. She had an illness somewhere in her that (this is what I would like to think) prevented her from allowing those that had grown up loving her to be close.

I am not referring to myself in the above statement. I feel much empathy with her, having been trapped within the biology that she was born with (again this is what I would like to have think happened). She never really had a significant other to really share her life happily with.

I wish life could have dealt my grandmother a kinder blow. Please rest in peace, Elsie, and find happiness somewhere. I feel her death has released her from a very unhappy and unhealthy existence.

I don't write here much anymore on family issues. I felt that I needed to leave my memorial to my grandmother. Here are some memories of her:

• She actually recorded me young singing, and listened to it in her adulthood. If you had ever heard me sing, you would be amazed that anyone would seek to listen to that.
• I remember her little kitchen in the home she had when I was younger. Sitting at the table and talking with her.
• I remember the Barbie airplane play kit that she bought me. I played with it all the time.
• She had a box of my mother's old toys that I loved playing with at her house.
• Christmas's visiting with her at her brother's family's house.

My Grandmother

Tomorrow is the day that my grandmother died about three or four years ago now. So we are estranged by death now, I guess. Although there have been moments where I have thought she was about.

Right after she died, I drove to her house to sit on the stump that used to be "my" boison berry tree. As I was driving down her street, I swore that I smelled her rose perfume in the car with me. She was suffering, and the afternoon before I had visited her. She was unconscious and had pneumonia. I held her hand, and told her if she needed to go that we would all be okay. That I loved her and I would miss her, but I didn't want her to suffer. The next morning I was called and told that she had died.

In the last weeks when she was conscious, she did not recognize who I was. Sometimes she thought I was just a nice nurse that had come in to put extra blankets on her or call for some help. This didn't upset me, as I knew she had loved me in her life, and this was in no way caused by her. She had been suffering from Alzheimer's, which was the reason that she was moved to the nursing home from her home. Stoves suddenly become potential instruments of tragedy in these cases, especially with someone who used to be such a good cook, and could no longer remember that she shouldn't use the gas stove anymore:(

Grandma saw ALL but one of her brothers die before her. Their were eight brothers and sisters in her family, I think. Plus ones that may have died as infants or in childbirth. Grandma was the oldest, so this was like seeing her kids die before her in many ways, and also best friends.

Her sister in law, Aunt Sophie (I used to call her aunt soapy) died shortly after her robe caught on fire from her gas stove. She lived behind my grandmother, and I used to play in her yard with my second cousins. She was a very nice and loving family.

Watching my poor grandma grow old and then die, I realized how much sorrow comes with that. Grandma outlived her husband, and most of her peers (siblings and friends). It seems unfair somehow. I also know she did enjoy as much of life as she could right up to the end. She was always involved in activities and field trips. However, if she heard we were visiting, she would drop whatever it was she was doing.

I remember and love you Grandma.