Something I have in common with my mother, when someone royally pisses me off, I have a hard time letting go. Ginny (aka my mother) has left the group that I belong to. Hooray. So now I guess I can return the favor, and stop monitoring her blog. I know that is real inappropriate of me, and I am not trying to justify by saying it, but she's walked around and checked my house without permission, had a four year blog saying all sorts of untrue things about me (like I didn't care that my grandfather was dead), and been posting these sort of things on the group that I belong to a couple of years ago. Not that it's right, but I really really wanted her to feel what it's like being stalked. And I made sure to personally comment to her everytime (since I found her blog and her postings on the group) she posted a fabrication, an untruth, or misrepresented something I said.
I differ from my mother as my fit of pique is ending soon, having only gone on for months, and not ten years. It was interesting that again she made no apologies to the group that had to chase her away for the second time. You would think, if everyone is telling you your thinking and ways are warped, wouldn't you think about that------at least. Certaintly you might give THEM an apology. Guess it's nothing new to her that she never apologized to me.So good night mother martyr. I guess you can never say again that you don't know why the rift occurred. Of course, you can say it, but we will all know you are lying.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Friday, March 24, 2006
On Being Nice and Anger
The last few ugly posts of mine have been all about feeling anger in the moment. That rage you feel when someone is going after you. In my case, about something 10 years ago that is still being argued today. I apologize if my recent posts are hard to look at, they are hard for me to look at, but they do represent the rage I was feeling at the time. I did never send my mother e-mails before this that "degenerated her", but her letting me know that upset her (told her to go to hell once 10 years ago, and it was like the worst thing I could have possibly said----she never did know me too well) was my escape hatch out this last week.
I have been nice in the past, e-mailed reasonably, stated my feelins, and told my mother our relationship was at an end. It still continued, I think now it's over.In the corporate world, I always found "nice" didn't get you much of anywhere except abused and taken advantage of. Being aggressive got you where you needed to be if nice didn't work. I am nice. My employees appreciated the nice treatment they got from me, souveneirs, personalized Christmas cards, and little Holiday tokens that were left on their desk. That actually never backfired on me.
Nice to authority figures though by putting in that unreasonable extra time without complaint, doing them that favor et et did not pay back in spades, except that you were expected to work longer hours, and do more. As more and more of your life was drained away, more and more was expected from you.
Certaintly a correlation can be made between me and my parents. Time to drop the nice, and deliver the nasty. It works sometimes, although that is not how you want to be or want people to see you. If it gets the results though, and saves your sanity, it may be necessary at times.Now on to bigger and better things. Don't even think I can get excitable talking about the estrangement with my father. Certaintly something that annoys me will come up this summer when he is living here.
I have been nice in the past, e-mailed reasonably, stated my feelins, and told my mother our relationship was at an end. It still continued, I think now it's over.In the corporate world, I always found "nice" didn't get you much of anywhere except abused and taken advantage of. Being aggressive got you where you needed to be if nice didn't work. I am nice. My employees appreciated the nice treatment they got from me, souveneirs, personalized Christmas cards, and little Holiday tokens that were left on their desk. That actually never backfired on me.
Nice to authority figures though by putting in that unreasonable extra time without complaint, doing them that favor et et did not pay back in spades, except that you were expected to work longer hours, and do more. As more and more of your life was drained away, more and more was expected from you.
Certaintly a correlation can be made between me and my parents. Time to drop the nice, and deliver the nasty. It works sometimes, although that is not how you want to be or want people to see you. If it gets the results though, and saves your sanity, it may be necessary at times.Now on to bigger and better things. Don't even think I can get excitable talking about the estrangement with my father. Certaintly something that annoys me will come up this summer when he is living here.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Sorry I Was Wrong She is a Piece of Crap
Ginny continues to say things that "I said" using different words. I had not called her a piece of crap at all in the past, but she has changed my mind. She is a piece of crap in addition to the horrible hateful person she is. Oh, and she is a cunt too. And a bitch. And a whore. A fucking bitch cunt whore piece of horrible hateful crap. And maybe just maybe that will convince her to go the fuck away.
Piece of shit fucking cunt whore, is on a group for estranged people. When I first joined, I was not aware she was on there and was talking about my dad. Then some "friend" of hers e-mailed me with some questions. Apparently she had directed her friends to my website. So I searched for her "blog" found it, and found she was on my group. I looked up her hateful postings about me on the group, where she basically said I had no feelings about my grandfather's or step-brother's death.
Any way, so I used aliases on the group, she identified me and her. Now she's on the group talking to me, the fucking bitch cunt whore, and trying to again continue the argument. Piece of crap. I have gone from disdain to disgust. She really is a piece of crap in addition to the above, she is right. I apologize mom, I was wrong, you are a piece of crap fucking cunt whore.
My bad.
Piece of shit fucking cunt whore, is on a group for estranged people. When I first joined, I was not aware she was on there and was talking about my dad. Then some "friend" of hers e-mailed me with some questions. Apparently she had directed her friends to my website. So I searched for her "blog" found it, and found she was on my group. I looked up her hateful postings about me on the group, where she basically said I had no feelings about my grandfather's or step-brother's death.
Any way, so I used aliases on the group, she identified me and her. Now she's on the group talking to me, the fucking bitch cunt whore, and trying to again continue the argument. Piece of crap. I have gone from disdain to disgust. She really is a piece of crap in addition to the above, she is right. I apologize mom, I was wrong, you are a piece of crap fucking cunt whore.
My bad.
Post to Me on Public Board
Fist of all let me say, there has been no communication to her from me, but I did talk to someone else on the public board, without identifying my mother on my personal experience and this is what was sent (oh so much longer than any private post to me)
Robin,
If a parent had sent me constant harrassing emails and had called me aliar, that would be troubling. I can understand how you would be upset by that. If you were available to be asked about your reasons for estranging yourself, then it would bepuzzling and upsetting why a parent would ask someone else about it.I have experienced being harrassed by a parent as my own mother did that onoccasion with me, sometimes calling me on the phone five times in a day or leaving long messages(25+ minutes) on our answering machine or calling at 3 AM to tell me she couldn't sleep. I know you remember much of what she did. This drove us all crazy for many years.
However, in your post on Rifts you are referring to my actions, not hers. That is how you remember our exchanges and how you feel.My memory of the email exchange between you and me is different from yours. We did exchange a lot of emails in a short period of time which we had never done before that September in 1995. I was upset too and hurt by some of what was said. If I hadn't been upset, I guess this never would have happened. Perhaps even if it hadn't been email, it wouldn't have happened. We both seemed to feel free to say more than we had ever said to each other in person. I did make an apology at the time for one thing that I said during the initial argument. This apology was never acknowledged and I have been called a liar for even stating that I apologized. I wish I had never made other apologies. It makes me feel like a wimp for having done so. But I cared so much about you and missed you so much that I would have apologized for the rain and wind for a time.
I am not going to apologize for being upset. I am as entitled to my feelings as you are and I felt upset and hurt by things that you said. I have never asked for an apology as it seemed obvious to me that I would never get one. Your refusal to talk to me beginning after that has made it impossible for me to talk with you about it. The person whom I spoke with about it many years ago said that they did not understand it either. I would have been happy to talk with you about it. It wasn't possible to do two opposing things: to give you your space and at the same time make you talk with me. From things you have said back then and recently I have been hearing two different wishes from you: that I would have tried harder and that I would leave you alone. And two different criticisms: that I harrassed you and that Ididn't try hard enough. (And if I try harder, then you feel harrassed.)
I can understand that you might feel abandoned if a parent didn't try harder to contact you but then at the same time you wanted to keep me out of your life. It's just not possible to have it both ways: to have a parent who keeps trying while demanding that the same parent leave you alone. So, as I have said in other places recently, I accepted your decision to estrange yourself. It is your right.
Like Jenny, I would have liked to be able to have a relationship where we were able to have lunch and just hang out sometimes. I will always miss what might have been but isn't.
Love (through tears),Ginny
Robin,
If a parent had sent me constant harrassing emails and had called me aliar, that would be troubling. I can understand how you would be upset by that. If you were available to be asked about your reasons for estranging yourself, then it would bepuzzling and upsetting why a parent would ask someone else about it.I have experienced being harrassed by a parent as my own mother did that onoccasion with me, sometimes calling me on the phone five times in a day or leaving long messages(25+ minutes) on our answering machine or calling at 3 AM to tell me she couldn't sleep. I know you remember much of what she did. This drove us all crazy for many years.
However, in your post on Rifts you are referring to my actions, not hers. That is how you remember our exchanges and how you feel.My memory of the email exchange between you and me is different from yours. We did exchange a lot of emails in a short period of time which we had never done before that September in 1995. I was upset too and hurt by some of what was said. If I hadn't been upset, I guess this never would have happened. Perhaps even if it hadn't been email, it wouldn't have happened. We both seemed to feel free to say more than we had ever said to each other in person. I did make an apology at the time for one thing that I said during the initial argument. This apology was never acknowledged and I have been called a liar for even stating that I apologized. I wish I had never made other apologies. It makes me feel like a wimp for having done so. But I cared so much about you and missed you so much that I would have apologized for the rain and wind for a time.
I am not going to apologize for being upset. I am as entitled to my feelings as you are and I felt upset and hurt by things that you said. I have never asked for an apology as it seemed obvious to me that I would never get one. Your refusal to talk to me beginning after that has made it impossible for me to talk with you about it. The person whom I spoke with about it many years ago said that they did not understand it either. I would have been happy to talk with you about it. It wasn't possible to do two opposing things: to give you your space and at the same time make you talk with me. From things you have said back then and recently I have been hearing two different wishes from you: that I would have tried harder and that I would leave you alone. And two different criticisms: that I harrassed you and that Ididn't try hard enough. (And if I try harder, then you feel harrassed.)
I can understand that you might feel abandoned if a parent didn't try harder to contact you but then at the same time you wanted to keep me out of your life. It's just not possible to have it both ways: to have a parent who keeps trying while demanding that the same parent leave you alone. So, as I have said in other places recently, I accepted your decision to estrange yourself. It is your right.
Like Jenny, I would have liked to be able to have a relationship where we were able to have lunch and just hang out sometimes. I will always miss what might have been but isn't.
Love (through tears),Ginny
There she is the demented bitch. Great picture of her as it looks like she is. Controlling, manipulative, selfish, and scarry/demented looking. Ugh, just makes me want to puke seeing her there.
So I did reply directly to my mother. Sadly when you e-mail directly from the group boards, you loose that e-mail when you send it.
I used swear words. I told her that I am through being nice. I reminded her that she has my e-mail addresses. She could actually e-mail me, she does not need to post letters to me on the board. Additionally, I let her know there are not two messages. I expected the apology from her in less than 10 years, a few months after the event, I just never wanted to hear from her again after being constantly harrassed. The time for apologies was long over, and were never received. There was nothing to acknowledge.
God she is just the worst. Okay, maybe not the worst, she never sexually or physically abused me, but God I can't stand her. Seeing her picture never makes me wistful, it makes me want to throw up and never see her again.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
REPLY TO GINNY
Well, you know think what you want. No I did not love you for five minutes today, of for a very long time now. I don't say things I don't mean.I did think you might have actually heard me from you postings and "brief" civil responses. You are deluded, and clearly nothing will ever get through to you, as it didn't before when you "interviewed" everyone even though you knew why we weren't talking.We were still estranged when I got the letter from your mom, so no that wasn't it either, it had already happened, but keep going on with your delusions.I hope someday you can let it go, and you will stop lying to yourself and face your actions.No I do not take responsibilty for our estrangement. It was perfectly in my right to deny your request for the perfect gift, and let you know the problem I had with it. The only responsibility I take, is making the right decision not to talk to you again. (e-mail is not talking)
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