Been There Done That EFOO Communication During The Holidays

I should first of all say, this comes from the point of view of someone who honestly felt they needed to cease a relationship(s) for their own well being.   So that would make me the "estranger".   Although I sometimes wonder with the actions taken by my EFOO if I am not really the estrangee, as I sometimes feel I was forced into taking the only option.   There was never any real attempt to mend fences with me or acknowledge boundaries, quite the opposite as a matter of fact.   In any case, I am the estranger of this story.   I am certain that holiday communications might effect other individuals differently, and possibly more likely affect the estrangee differently.

Mostly in the current day, the main contact that I might have is to see one or the other on my sitemeter tracker.  The exception being this year at the beginning of the month, Eggy tried and succeeded in getting my attention with a series of blog posts.   It was well before the Thankful day, however, and so it did not impact my enjoyment of the holiday so much.

Very early on in the estrangement with Eggy, about the only time I would get contact was around those holidays.   It was not pleasant even if it was just a card.   It made no sense that there was silence all the rest of the days, but *BAM* on the holidays there it was.   Why not wish me well on a day that was not my birthday, or Xmas, or Halloween, or Thanksgiving?   I concede and thought that it wasn't meant to hurt at the time, but it did.   I preferred not to hear from her on the holidays or my birthday when we were estranged.  In fact, due to the fact that the last straw was her insatiable need for the correctly appropriate present to her status as "Glorified Eggy" it was a real sore spot to hear from her.

With Spermy, I had initially agreed to keep the lines of communication open.  In that spirit, I wrote an e-mail around Thanksgiving to keep him in the loop, an e-mail when we moved with our contact info, and a card at Christmas.   I had asked for limited contact as I had concentrated on "our relationship" and doing it as he wanted for 18 years, and now I needed to concentrate on unpacking and setting up my business here.   His excuses for the monster and both of their actions were not high on my list to spend time on.   One would think he would have understood, as I got this excuse from him all the time, and not in a pleasant and reasonable way.   However, he took umbrage, and did not return the greetings.  He never explained when HE wanted to keep the communication open, why HE didn't at least acknowledge receipt of the Thanksgiving e-mail.   Then he ripped up the card because the monster's name was not on it at Xmas (it's all about appearances folks, not reality in my family, even when it's apparently well known that I would not wish that troll a happy anything).   I am guessing that he did not want contact during the holidays .   I was relieved about that, as I no longer had to dutifully keep the lines of communication open in my mind.   He said it as usual just for show, that he was being a good Spermy.   Yeah, right.   His actions sent me the right message which his vocal cords and fingers were no longer equipped to do.

It does upset me when I see he's been on my page around the holidays.  Also, he knows where my other blogs are, so it's not to be sure that I am doing alright in life, as he claims.   He is just so filled up with BS.  Although recently a relative claimed he said nothing to them about the estrangement, I know that they were lying.  How?  Because his twisted and intentional mis-"understanding" of his reasons were reiterated to me on a 50th anniversary by a cousin in law who had never met me before!!   How odd that she would think it was his racial slurs (which are not the reason, and yet don't make him all that appealing to me) were the reason for our estrangement or his hatred of females.   So that is such bullshit that he is not trying to make excuses for why his only off springs does not want to engage with him, and why he flips out when he reads the real and known reasons on my blog.   Imagine if someone else saw  that, who he knows and those things were not mentioned by him!!

Not that he needs to worry, his siblings were all drilled to death that their parents were always right no matter what.  I often wondered what would have happened to me if physical or sexual abuse was going on, as I have little doubt that this would have been justified and looked over somehow.  So the fact that my donors emotionally and verbally assault me in adulthood and don't respect boundaries is of no concern to them.   What they might want to consider, however, is that THEY actually did have loving parents.   They are so appearance driven though, I am sure that they think that is only a word and not an action.

So, I got a little off the path there, no I do not like to hear from my EFOO during the holidays.  I think they no longer like to hear from me either, and that is fine.   It took so long to get here.    This is why when well meaning family asks "but what about later on, won't you regret...."   I have been through deaths of loved ones.  I don't want my time wasted on people who are fake and unloving towards me.   I want to be there for the ones that are.   When my donors die, I am sure that I will grieve for what I did not have as a family unit.   The fact that they are dying or dead will not change what was or what would have ultimately been.   To relive that story again would not only be painful beyond belief to me, but personally damaging to me as well.   I did not take care of myself before because I couldn't.   I was too young, naive, and believing that a word was a representation of the act.   I also did not have the communication skills to stand up for and protect myself.   I do have those things now, and I won't waste them.

For me a great gift on the holidays is not hearing from them at all.   Spermy and I reside in the same place parts of the year, so seeing him does not even upset me.   It's just lovely not hearing from him, and his constant put downs included even in his fake apologies LOL.

Sorry which reminds me another thing that well meaning family members seem to ask if I don't mind tarnishing "his legacy".  Isn't a legacy something you earn and make on your own through hard work?   No, I am not responsible for "his legacy", he is.

Thanksgiving !!

I am thankful for sleeping in this morning (clearly).   I am thankful for my husband who has started Thanksgiving dinner, and is waiting for me to come down and cook with him.   I thankful for warm cinnamon buns and coffee.   I am thankful for Leon and Boris who keep it warm under the covers.   I am thankful that the wind gusts are gone so that I can walk the dogs (including Lola, Gus, Buddy, Jake, and Tommy) in the woods without being too worried that a tree will fall on me or a dog.  

I am thankful for the yummy food that I am going to eat and help prepare shortly.  And again, mostly thankful that everyone and everything that I care about is alive today:)

15th Year Anniversary

It's not the actual day or anything of the estrangement. That was a few months back or forward in the year of 1995, and I didn't realize it was the start of something in my life. I also didn't realize that saying "no, my most important priority is NOT making sure you get exactly what you want on your birthday via a list that you send to me of approved items". It was not like Eggy didn't get birthday presents, she did....she just decided to inform me that she didn't like any of my presents. She decided to inform me of this, and then make demands after we received a package for my husband's April birthday in September or October.   You know that old baseball glove that we had just been pining for all year (eyes roll---cause the husband liked to watch sports, and wouldn't already have his own baseball glove).

She claims later to not have known what was going on (as far as my husband's surgery was going).   I know she did, I sometimes managed to get a word in edgewise between the  "memememe and then there was mememeememe and then IIIIII".   Also, I really could have given a crap whether she knew or not.  WTF!!   What kind of person does this?   I seriously came out of that?   Come on, there must be some mistake.   (there is an uncanny physical resemblance that makes the "switched at birth" theory seem unlikely...)

I received this request just as my husband was about to go into surgery to get six inches on his colon taken out. I wonder if the timing wasn't such that I was working sixty hours a week, my husband was about to have major surgery, and the bizarre timing of a gift so she could get a gift....would I have just given in like the good little mouse of a daughter that I had been? Would I have just rolled over? I like to think I wouldn't have, but I might have to be perfectly honest. I was just fed up at the time, it was the very final last straw in the millions of straws received.

A gift, a fucking gift, that is what was worrying this woman? How about no fucking gift, how about that? How about you buy yourself things you like, and I buy myself things I like? Despite my mothers fictional stories about rushing to my rescue with a bike that I needed (hahaha), I could afford things. I wasn't asking for anything, and did not ask for the bike or anything else she gave me. I didn't type out lists of what I wanted every year. Isn't that for children to do for Christmas? Weren't we adults now? I was at least. I didn't want anyone stressing out that they may not have gotten me exactly what I wanted every year, and guess frigging what, I didn't get exactly what I wanted BUT I APPRECIATED THE THOUGHT THAT WENT INTO MY GIFTS. What a ingenuous holiday concept!  Now unfortunately, I have recently found out exactly what those thoughts were, and I WISH WISH I had known that then.   I would have in exact detail which orifice to shove her "gifts".

She wanted this to improve "our relationship".   As  Dr Phil would say "how did that work for you?'   Because spending time with someone, listening to someone, supporting someone emotionally, and not spending every conversation talking endlessly about one's self could not possibly be a way to improve a relationship.  Crazy talk!

All that though, that's old news.   Fifteen year old news, Eggy hadn't finished yet.  After all, she was denied what she wanted.  I dared to utter that one word "no".  Here we are 15 years later, and the bitch female donor still tried to solicit my attention by committing outright libel when two previous other posts failed to reel me in.   The accusation of cyber theft did manage to get my attention unfortunately and divert my attention from trying to enjoy perhaps one holiday in which I do not have to grieve anything or anyone.  But the cunt female donor needed to be the center yet again.   If I had just thought to think that not only was this the holidays but also her birthday month my 15th independence day, I would have been so much more prepared to just ignore the twat female donor.

Meanwhile the thought my Eggy put into my presents was her imaginings of what a loser life I was leading. I guess I could only aspire to be where she was at that same age, in a loveless marriage, being miserable teaching, and having her husband dictate for her what she could and could not do. I am guessing Eggy might have been just the least bit jealous, and wanted her payment for the life she missed.....due to "the accident".  Well, here it is honey, here is your payment.   Happy Anniversary to ME!!!   FUCK OFF TO YOU!

Eggy is MOST Thankful for Herself

You will so to your left a blog called "Suburban Black Sheep".   They have great postings on there that they call "Notes from the N-Playground".   I am totally running away with the idea for myself, solely because I have a great one to share.   This was posted the day after Eggy both put up a blog that implied I was cyber stealing from her starting in 2009, and subsequently took it down when I told her I could contact the Lancaster PA Police and FBI to look into that for her, while explaining libel and the consequences of committing libel on purpose like.  Here is what female donor, Eggy, posted:

I was looking for something to make me laugh: Don't passive-aggressive smile-face me! http://tinyurl.com/acqpq9

Oh, SHE needed some cheering up after posting falsehoods (which basically were the call to her egg to (PAY ATTENTION TO ME, WHY AREN'T YOU LOOKING AT ME, PAY ATTENTION TO ME, I DON'T THINK I HAVE HURT YOU ENOUGH LATELY).  Poor widdle baby girl, got awl in twouble like, and now she needs some cheewing up.  Well at least I was suspect five in back of four other possible people that are pissed off and hating her.  Wonder if it's her creepy admirer from last year that was posting on her birthday video?

Aw look, she's just satan a little old lady.   I wonder if she is bopping this guy her admirer is someone else that got screwed (literally or figuratively, you choose).  How surprising to see a video quite literally all about her on her birthday!   Wonder what she will be thankful for this year?

EGGY:   I am thankful for me.   Then I am thankful for myself.   Then my art is thankful for me.   My photos, they are also thankful for me.   The birds, trees, and flowers all say thanks to me!  And Jimmy, can you let us know how thankful you are for me too?

JIMMY:     Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, what er huh?   Oh yeah yeah, thanks for you.  So thankful that I have gun under the bed should life go on just a little bit longer.   Yeah, that's right, thanks for you hon.   No, no I am listening, you just go on talking about yourself bitch  sweetheart.

The Month of Thanks-Will Be Most Thankful For

I don't mean to start on a downer OR to jinx myself, but I am MOST thankful that no one has died this year.   We did have a customer's dog, Petey, who I have known from puppy hood that left us this year.  However, that is bound to happen especially as I am entering a decade in the business.

so far our loved family members and our beloved pets remain healthy and happy.   This will  be a truly magical year if we can make it to the end.  We have had a personal major deaths for the last seven years.   We actually thought last year we were going to be spared, but our dog, Jackie CD, died on the morning of Christmas.

By the way, the majority of these deaths have occurred in November or December, so I am not the holiday freak that I used to be.  What I want for Christmas is for everyone and thing that I love to be alive not only this year, of course, but for as long as it is physically possible for them to be.

Uh, honey, where are you going with that ladder, extension cord, and chain saw?

Three Things...

1. Apparently of the 18 posts I have done this year, November has 12 posts in it (Yipes, I really let the female donor get to me, as well as the indirect message from a relative).
2. If you look to the left, you will see some bloggers that I have been following, and have discovered some others there through following.  Each has a different and unique story that is helpful and thought provoking.  An estrangee or enstranger may find some real helpful insight there.   Not all of these bloggers are estranged by the way, but detailing the angst that can go on in dysfunctional families.  
3. As these blogs grow, the story changes into something else.   It is not always easy to glean the pertinent points of the story or root causes.  So I have included one summary page, and one more detailed page that goes over the main points of my story.

I am hoping for no further diversions that will cause an Italian style erruption on my part.   Dealing with these feelings again have been exhausting.  I have managed to spend a whole day not paying attention to the female donor's blog OR anything she may have posted in reply.  It's time to let go, and I am going to give it one more try.  

If you don't hear from me until after the holidays, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!   Try to enjoy and don't let the jerks get you down.