Friday, November 25, 2011

Thankful for 2011 Thus Far & Wierd Dreams

I find myself thankful again (and I almost hate to say it so as not to jinx it) to have no deaths in the immediate family and/or our dogs thus far.   We did loose two dogs of clients this year due to old age and cancer.  We also have a family friend's father (and someone we know) who has suffered a stroke and heart attack right around now.  We are hoping for the best outcome for him, and his family.

All in all, after about an eight year stint of having close family deaths and deaths of our elderly pets (and one that was too young to leave us), it looks like we have managed a two year reprieve.  Just a little over 30 more days to go, and we will be into 2012.

I have been having some really bizarre and recurring dreams.   The circumstances of the dreams are all different, except for the pregnant bunnies and cats.   I never actually see the births, although sometimes I hear the baby animals.   One was a murder mystery dream, one was a dream about old friends whose house (this was never in real  life the case) was filled with pregnant bunnies and cars in cages.   And I have had some more that I can't remember, just know that they were different.

I looked it up a little, and gather it might be about creativity and taking risks.   Somewhere that is not far from where my mind is at these days, in order to further grow my business especially in light of some new challenges we are facing:)

Monday, November 14, 2011

Cold Weather Plan

I need a cold weather fitness plan for this winter (never mind the holidays).   It's so easy to get out and about when it's nice out.   Historically, I have always preferred hibernation in the winter months!  It was dogs that originally got me active in the winter.   I like to ski (downhill) but it is not an activity that I can do everyday during the winter.   I do have indoor gym equipment, so this is something I am going to need to utilize again.

It's getting over the bone chilling cold of winter however that is the problem.   We choose to conserve a lot on heat during the winter.   Layering, of course, does help but when you go outside in the cold (which I need to do in order to appropriately train dogs) the cold (even if I don't feel it while I am out) tends to creep into my bones and sap my energy and strength by the time I go indoors.

I'm thinking maybe ensuring that I have a hot shower or bath waiting for me when I come in from long times in the cold weather?   I have most of the gear to keep me warm when I am out, but I still get the bone chill when I come in.  Maybe have some new clothes heated up for me when I get in.   I am going to have to figure this out, or I will have put on all the weight I lost NEVER MIND being able to loose more.  

Today is beautiful out, but recently it has been cold I went into hibernate mode for sure LOL.   I CAN NOT have that happen for the next five months.  

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Warm Weather, New Projects, Old Projects...

Getting a bit of a break here from the bitter cold that blew through in October.   This has my spirits on the rise, of course.   I am going to have to man up for winter, as I have at least one dog to ready for obedience competition (and am going to try and give Leon a shot in March of 2012---Boris has to wait for UKC events).  The great thing about winter is it's the least busy time of the year.   The bad thing is it's usually very very cold, and this saps my ability to get up when I need to train My dogs.   I need to do it though...   Also I am determined to get some indoor legs.   Boris and I take a Canine Good Citizen test on the 15th of November, and hopefully I will get that small satisfaction of getting an indoor something.   It's ironic as most people have trouble with the outdoor trials, but of course that is where I train most of the time, so indoor trials give me angst.  I bet a lot of it is the mental knowledge that I have not gotten an indoor one yet that holds me back.  Your mental state can have a lot to do with your dog's performance, and I know when I really feel confident my dogs feel it and their performance shows that.

On a crafty creative note, I am determined to learn how to crochet or macrame collars for my dogs (eventually fancy with beading).   This way I can have special holiday or dress up collars that I have made with my dogs in mind.   I used to do Christmas homemade cards for family, but it has become a time of year that I don't enjoy (due to deaths of animals and family) so I don't get that amped up to do it anymore.   So this is something new that I can do that does not bring up any sad memories.  It is also something that my grandmother used to do (and I have some projects that she started knitting, but never finished, which I would like to someday), but I never paid attention when I had the chance to when I was young.   I was more of a tomboy.  So it will be done with the happy memories of my grandmother in mind, and kind of a memorial to her talents.

Life is good.   I am not where I thought I would be when I was young, but I am in a better place than that:)

Friday, November 04, 2011

Miss Your Family On The Holidays? Glimpse My Past 2001 Christmas Eve and Christmas with Mine

Many years ago, starting in 1992, I used to keep a written journal.   Apparently, I detailed most of the upsetting things in my life.    I guess I have continued that trend in this blog, and it's upsetting because life is so short to allow people to make you this upset.   This is when Christmas had moved from Grandma's to The Monster and Sperm Donor's house (my old childhood horror "home").

I didn't remember these as all that bad, until I read this entry in my journal.   Half of the things I don't remember.   Actually, I am pretty sure I just blocked them out to be able to withstand the next year.  When I think back, I remember arrivals, small talk, eating, present opening, very little talk with the donor or monster (as possible), and being sure to help do the dishes at the end or set up at the beginning if I was early. 

And here is the delightful experienced I got to enjoy with my "family"on one of three or four occasions that we would bother to get together or correspond yearly:

Last year [Sperm Donor-not his title in journal entry] and [Step Monster] did not have much of the family over.   It was basically me, Robert, Andy [Step NB], Louise [Step SIL], my grandmother, and [Step Monster's Father].  We thought that year had been a little quiet and actually WERE looking forward to seeing the rest of my family.

Maybe I was too much looking forward to enjoying every one's company.   The food was great as usual, but...

[An aside, I am ashamed at how meanly I talk about my family here.   I picture myself though sitting politely through this, and here is why keeping things in is sometimes the biggest mistake you can make.   If you can't let people know they are hurting you, and come to some sort of agreement about your relationship, perhaps they are not worth keeping a relationship with, especially when you have the most superficial of relationships in the first place]  Things in bold are my additional additions or my attempt to "spare feelings" for any relatives that may be checking in on my blog, though God knows why.

The relatives [talking about "my side" here] were out of control.   It really brought me way down how nasty, rude, and obnoxious everyone was.   Well not everyone, but more than a few of these people.

Let's start with [Anonymous 1] the bitter [insert career path here].   You can just tell that [Anonymous 1] is a gem just like my [Anonymous 2].  So [Anonymous 3] starts questioning [Anonymous 1] about every aspect of his job & each [whatever it is this person does][Anonymous 1] hates when [Anonymous 3] does this, and kind of whispers that to me.   Then [Anonymous 1] very rudely turns the tables on [Anonymous 3], and is a real asshole to [Anonymous 3], which [Anonymous 3] does not seem to pick up on.   Robert thought it was funny, but I thought it was really horrible and embarrassing.

Meanwhile [Anonymous 4] is getting even more boozed up than normal.   Mind you, [Anonymous 4] shouldn't feel on such a familiar basis with Rob or me to do the rude & obnoxious things [Anonymous 4] did over the next two days, which really ruined Christmas for me.

So first as [Anonymous 4] is getting really buzzed, [Anonymous 4] starts talking endlessly about how [Anonymous 4] is the "Italian Jew" [NOTE: SO GLAD THAT ROBERT'S PARENTS HAD NOT BEEN ASKED TO ANY FAMILY OCCASIONS LIKE THIS AS YET, EVEN AFTER 10 YEARS OF US BEING MARRIED]  Very nice and classy. Then as the evening progresses, she attacks Robert in his new coat ripping off the hood, then grabs Robert's ass and finally at the end of the evening screams at Robert for having a cookie.   [As I recently read more of this journal entry, I do not know why I did not rip Anonymous 4 a new one...actually I was trained well to be polite to my elders at all costs apparently]

[Anonymous 2] at the beginning of the evening gives Robert a used belt.   Why?   We don't know.   I can only assume he thought it was some kind of grand peace offering [This relates to another journal entry before this of a bizarre incident with Anonymous 2 toward Robert].

Then when Robert asks how [two of my second cousins] like their gifts, these cousins proclaim that they were "crappy".   [In a previous journal entry, I talk about being excited to give gifts to my family and spent sometime selecting.   I think this may have been the year that I stopped that practice]   Well they are [Anonymous 1's] kids aren't they?  [Another Second Cousin] didn't bother to say thank you, but [Another Second Cousin] was being shy that night.   I would prefer to think that is the reason why.

Anyway, Christmas Eve I could take.   Against my better judgement, I agreed to go to my grandma's the next morning [who I will warn you in advance was also not showing at her best.  Which is weird because I thought by this time, close to her death, she had stopped this type of behavior towards Robert.   What we choose to block out!]   for the annual torture & make the grandchildren feel like shit breakfast [sponsored by Anonymous 2 and Anonymous 4] (and apparently this is not the first Christmas breakfast where I felt like a second class citizen in "my family")

**Nick and Brett this year were by far the best behaved children [This is Step Monster's sister's kids, one of whom pulled a knife on his mother in later years]  THIS IS A TRADITION THAT I WILL NOT REPEAT AS I WANT TO ENJOY CHRISTMAS DAY FROM NOW ON.

12/25/2001 (continued on a different day this journal entry) Christmas morning-the horror continues...

So against good judgement of any kind of sane/rational thought process, we go to Grandma's (something I've managed to avoid for the last two years).  Robert & I are sitting at the dining room table.   We had asked to help, and been told to stay out of the way.   Breakfast was not near ready and no one was sitting down.   Grandma basically comes over and says not to sit in those chairs ever.

Then Robert goes over to pick up a glass (set with all the other glasses to be used for beverages) and [Anonymous 2] says [that Robert] can't have any because there won't be any for anyone else.  [WTF?]

Finally [Anonymous 5] sees the Dr Seuss tape for [Yet Another Second Cousin] & rags on the gift that we bought for [Anonymous 2's child]  (Not only did I do my best to select child aged appropriate gifts, but I don't have kids myself and hardly know these.  Plus this criticism comes from someone who gave baked goods, or sports puzzles as the one or two Christmas gifts ever, and got thank yous prior to this incident) & then I end up eating on the couch alone & across the room [from the rest of "my family"] to eat breakfast.

Hey Merry Christmas, family.   Pick on each other next year, we won't be there.

Ever heard of being a good host,manners, that sort of thing?

Was so blue afterward that I ended up spending the rest of Christmas crying.  

Lovely family day.   Can't wait to see them next year!

So if you are blue and missing the family you are estranged from, go see if you kept any documentation on what "family" get together were like in reality.   I know that I did not remember half of this.   This is not even the Sperm Donor's or Monster's actions, but people who are supposed to be happy to see me after a long time.   I realize I spend quite a bit of this journal entry logging in mistreatment of my husband, instead of me.   That is most likely me just being polite, and the disrespect shown to my husband only shows how they really felt about me.  Why would I ever EVER want to revisit that?