Well, Golleeee, they finally sold their house

Finally from 487 thou to 290 thou, and only taking two and a half years to do it!! Congrats monster, er should I say congrats to the real estate agent that FINALLY needed to handle this for you. Glad you took my advice, seems it took her a much more reasonable time frame.

Can you imagine if I had let this insect represent my property by cowtowing to her entitlement behavior, just cause she was "part of my Donor's life"!!! Wow at 2000.00 per month, just in mortgage payments that would have been 30*2000=60,000 spent. Now you get some of that in the sales price, but only the non-interest portion. Let's say that is about 1/3, so only 40,000 spent on interest while waiting. Not to mention the 3,000 in real estate taxes, maintenance to keep the property up, some utilities need to be paid in the meantime, water, and her Fing commission.

You know a really bad real estate agent is one that has been in the business for YEARS, and still only pumps out four-five properties a year. If you don't want your property sold anytime soon, and someone that is really really bad at their job, feel free to check my Monster's business site. She is available for crashing funerals as well:)

The House is Up for Sale Again

Okay, so the monster has hired a new real estate agent (as opposed to using herself). Must admit, that's probably a pretty good idea. And they are now using someone who is supposed to be quite successful. Really makes me think this real estate agent must not like them too much, as check out the pictures that she chose to use.









And here are the pictures of my old childhood home in it's glory.
























Er, what tricky marketing plan are they using LOL. Did they loose the pictures of the house before or what? Now our house is down to 309,000 while it looks like it is now in the 140,000 category. I have added a new tag to check the progress called "Real Estate Mogul". An apt title for my competent monster who was insisting on being allowed to sell our house. Bwahhahahahahahhahahah!! I think not.

Um, Yeah, She's a Saint

I am always transfixed by parents and kids out and about for fun. You know, well behaved kids enjoying an outing with a parent or two, perhaps their siblings in tow as well. Maybe it's just a special outing for the child in question.

Parents telling their kids, in public mind you, how proud they are of them. Or kids telling their parents they love them spontaneously without any prompting or not after their parent just screamed at them in public. It's an alien world out there to me sometimes. I don't know how "real" those instantaneous glimpses that I see into the lives of others are. Who knows? Knowing my husband as I do though, I do know there are actual loving families out there. His is proof to me. I get jealous of this sometimes.

The other day, I was telling my husband how my E Donor took away a moment where my grandmother was proud of me (not for anything extrodinary, but she was boasting about me to my mom), and not only did my E Donor belittle this emotion from her, she saw fit to tell me this story on the way home from the event. Heaven friggin forbid someone should be proud of me or love me like that. My husband replied, that his mom let him know she was proud when he raked the lawn!!! He grew up knowing that he was loved in a million different ways, and I grew up sure that I was not in a million different ways.

Anyhow, watching these happy families mill around, I was remembering my S Donor's response to an online (actually on this forum or an e-mail that I attached way back when) that the Monster always encouraged him to spend time with me. Now, let me just say, my S Donor only wanted to spend time with me in the brief time he was single. And he didn't want to spend time with ME, he just wanted another female to boss around and control in the interim until he found his next "victim". I was finally out of the house and sort of on my own, and it was his intention not to let me enjoy this moment of the first freedom that I had in my life.

Let me just say, there is no doubt in my mind in that particular union, they are very deserving of each other. I was wondering though, when did evidence of this "wanting" of my S Donor and myself to spend time alone together surface in her attitude. It must have been the day I made the mistake of moving back in, and was greeted with her calling me bitch at the top of the stairs. Or perhaps it was the day where it was made known to me that the S Donor would not help me pick out a car, and that I should bond with the Monster only and have her take me out. (oh, yeah, she would have probably backed a car over me. Oops) Nope, maybe it was the day where I called to wish the S Donor a happy birthday, and she lied that he was at a meeting as to the reason I couldn't call him back later (they were going to my step brothers for a party)

Yeah, she was always trying to bring us together. Saint Big Ass (that's a play on her initials). I am so sorry to my audience that I am harsh on her, but I use this forum to get my anger out. However, I do not blame her for the distance between me and the S Donor that is all his. I blame her for the way she abused me for thinking I was "the other woman". Or for not believing that I should have a relationship with my S Donor, though I heartily agree these days.

Fun with PhotoDraw:)

So yesterday's photo was done with transparent clown face. Today, I did opposite with transparent "monster" face. I wanted to see which looked better.

Definately, though subtle, this was more in line with what I was going for. I started out by cutting and pasting features and putting on, but that looked kind of stupid. So I finally figured out putting one picture over the other, and then playing with the transparency and order (size and sahpe of overlaying photo) did more what I was trying to convey in my Wordless Wednesday posting.

Wordless Wendnesday

Wondering How the Step Punching Bag Worked for Me?

Fitness Tips for The Disturbed

Okay, so I have renewed my vow to conquer my fat, so I won't be whining about it next year. Exercise has been a bit of a challenge since, I once again allowed myself to get out of shape. So I need a little motivation, a little pep, that does not come in a candy wrapper or a wine bottle (calories you know).

So the next bext thing is? You ask wisely. Why rage and hatred!!! I like Tae Boe, and I now know of only one person that can bring about that physical force, and she once hit me (out of a sound sleep no less, very unsportsman like. Plus I heard that she now complains that I swung back. Damn right Bitch!!) Clearly, it would probably be the wrong thing to stalk her, and then jump out of the bushes and beat the crap out of her, and really not my style anyway. I don't sneak up on helpless people. Ahem.

There is a non violent way, however to get this same affect. I love Tae Boe, and I have a punching bag. When I was in corporate America, I used to picture my poor boss's face on it (he used to "redo" my work incorrectly, causing a panic job for me to correct and explain why Bob just booked negative depreciation. This caused much overtime, overnights, and sleeplessness during my salaried job) Now what I have done is loaded three pictures of my beloved step (they go from overweight to really quite obese, yea) then printed them up in grayscale. Next I will tape these to my Tae Boe bag to get through the first of these sessions, which I will be lucky to do 15 minutes on.

Monster List of What I Do Forgive and What I Can't Forgive

Oh God, thinking of what I forgive....yipes, this one will be hard. You may see a "/" followed by a non-forgive only on some of these. I will try and dig deep in there:




What I Forgive or Is A Non-Issue/What I Can Not Forgive

• Marrying My S Donor (he picked her, and he has that choice)/Not Making Any Attempt to Really Accept me From the Beginning and Only Seeing Me As a Product of The First Marriage



• Not Being Perfect/Physically and Verbally Assulting Me, and Not Apologizing When Being Obviously In The Wrong Not Only about the Assault but About The Issue Leading to Her Unprovoked Assault and Even if The Dishes Had Been My responsibility That Night, There Was No Justifiable Reason For Her To Awake Me With A Slap (Period)



• Not Being Happy In Her Marriage/Blaming Me for the Failure That SHE Reports Her Marriage to Be



• Being Resentful of My Grandmother/Making No attempt to Be Respectful of My Grandmother as I Was of Her Father



• Not Liking Me As A Person (Not Trying is A Different Issue, But Not Everyone Likes Everyone Else)/Wanting Me To Do Favors For Me While Not Liking ME And As My Payment for Being Born in The First Place (which included the expectation that she would sell my house, and that was a given in her mind)

Narcisstic Qualites?

As a product of two narcisstic (IMHO) donors , I often ponder those qualities and if they are a symptom of a larger problem (ie mental disorders). For instance, I have another dog trainer that has shown an interesting and inappropriate fascination with me (and not in a good way, luckily it's a woman, but still....) Going so far as to threaten my dogs and my safety should I see her (no matter how subtly). One thing I notice about her, is she seems to think I know things or should know things about her, when the truth is that I have no interest in her whatsoever. Do narcisstic people think everyone is interested in them, their hobbies, what they do? I mean, I am interested in my friends et, but I don't do research on them or search them out at all. Narcisstic people seem to think everyone is interested in them, and go out of their way to "research" other people. Is it just that they deflect their own fears or the fact that not many people like them on others?

It makes them seem a little crazy, and a lot dangerous to me (probably as a result of watching the shows Snapped and The Most Evil a little too dilligently). For instance, when I watch Betty Broderick's story talked about, I can picture my own monster snapping and shooting me in the bed when I sleep (because I am pretty convinced although I am the unloved daughter, that she has always seen me as the other woman, and that will never stop. She blames me for all her problems of non success in business and marriage).

I think the deflection is the same, and the unawareness of proper social niceties and conduct. For instance, when (in my younger adulthood) I was talking to my S Donor, he would badger me about coming up to Maine without the husband. It annoyed me, I mean my husband and I do frequently things alone and together. Mostly I was ignored going to Maine, so he was good company (and by the way we love each other and like being together) and a good buffer between me and my family. I didn't even know how much I did not like them then, I just knew I needed something to get between me and them.

Anyway, one weekend I thought "hey the S Donor probably just wants to do things alone with me, let's see how it goes". So I let him know that I was going alone. I get there, and he is leaving with his friends and the monster for the beach, and it is clear that I am not invited along. "Okay see ya, have a good time. Glad to see you came alone." So I bike rode alone, and walked alone, and called my husband on the phone to say how lonely I was. I got the required fifteen or five minutes of conversation from the Donor, and that was it.

It occurs to me now that in his Narcisstic way, he was deflecting his own problems. HE wants to get away from his spouse, HE does not enjoy time with HER, and HE has always tried to get me to mold my life to HIS unhappiness. Totally the opposite of truly loving parents that want their kids to succeed and be happy in life. It was all about him, it had nothing to do with him wishing to spend time with his daughter. I didn't want to spend time with him either, as I dislike him so, but was (misguidedly) willing to give it a chance, and reaped the same results (what is that defination of insanity again) that I got repeatedly over and over and over again.

I like being pampered by my husband, and I enjoy his attention. I hope to God that I don't have the type of Narcisstic qualities that my parents display, but I know in reality I just have to have some. I hope that I am more like my grandmother, where the underlying foundation is about love and caring of the people that are important to me. It's difficult for me though, to even pick up the phone sometimes to talk to my elderly father in law, who I love dearly. It's even almost impossible for me to express that sometimes.

Little by little, I strive to change these things, I can only (thankfully) imagine the damage I would have done (unintentionally) if I had children myself. But then I think of the job I do with dogs (both mine and other people), and think I would have at least done a job of several hundred times better in the love department anyway.

Sometimes, you just get these little gifts in life......

I don't consider myself a mean and vengeful person.......except to one, the step monster. Anything, and I mean anything that doesn't go well for her, just puts a little smile on my face.



Look at this HOUSE for rent.

Then....

Look at this HOUSE for sale.

Yup, thems the same house and the house I was unfortunate enough to grow up in as a child. And, er, the house that the monster is selling under her own name now (or renting ) for more than two years. She has by some miracle sold five homes that did not belong to her (but probably to a high school friend or something), one over her annual average of 4 homes sold a year.

This humilation must supercede the humiliation of having your step whatever not allow you to sell their (ie my fucking) house. To be a real estate agent and not even able to figure out how to sell your own house, and have your miserable sales record on the web. That does have to be the ultimate, doesn't it.

Besides that, the turmoil that must be going on in the S Donor and Monster's household. I am ashamed to say, it gives me a happy little glow inside. May they live forever in their misery together.

My Post On Healing From Family Rifts

(I hate that things I copy and paste from boards turn out like this---formatting problems. Also, this was written to a woman who is receiving info third hand from family members, and these were my thoughts on that and my experiences with it).

I decided for my self not to do the "triangulation thing" anymore.If someone called me on my dad's behalf, much to his dismay, I picked up the phone and called him directly. If someone had something to say from the monster (like my, er dad), I ended the conversation with him and called her. I got it right from the arses, er horses, mouth so to speak. It cleared up a lot of things for me. It made m erealize that it is all a game to them.They want to look good in front of other people. Their actions towards me are obviously not good. So they need to say things, not in my pressence, to make them look good. They are not meant for me,they are meant for their audience.

I have heard the "other" things they say too, which does not put them in a positive light to anyone.It's been a big eye opener to me re: who my family really is. It's a bit different with others here, in that my relationships were never close or positive with my "parents". Or the monster----understatement of the year. So there is no positive "thing" to cleave to, and when you combine that with their disrespect and clearly not respecting certain boundaries in particular, it is a no brainer for me NOW. This wasn't so before in my life, where I didn't realize how this "molding" of myself in what I thought were these isolated situations, changed me in ways that I did not want(shy, untrusting, low self esteem as far as my place i nmy "family").Truthfully, even messages from the arses, er horses, mouth are ignored by me (not that they have come recently) at this point as I read between those lines.

My cousin said how sad he felt my father was in that the legacy he was leaving behind was an only child that hated him. I said, yes it's the legacy he regrets (and which he made for himself by the way) NOT the loss of a daughter. It's the outward appearance and how that makes HIM look ONLY. The fact that it's so blatantly obvious and indefensible that his and the monster's treatment of me is something you would give your worst foe not a "loved one". I can't make that right for them, they did it, and it's theirs. I will not feel guilty either for being born or finally drawing my line in the sand. Sorry, not going to happen for you. These are the messages I get in the triangle. I just tell mycousin, I know these people, and I know they are not for me. Feel free and enjoy their company and hospitality, but don't think you will convince ME that they are good people.

Anyway, the triangulation subject hit close to home, clearly LOL.As for what Ann should do? There has been excellent advice to look inward to what you want. How do you want to handle it? What do you think are the right circumstances for you? No rush.

Friday Estrangement Blog Fishing

Real Estate Family Feuds (sound familiar?)

Rememberances of A Mother

Is That Obituary Misleading (this struck me because there are two obituaries of my actual relatives where my step brother, but not me was listed-----nice-----by the way I do love my step brother who died at 18 or 19) Note: glad to know this has happened to others and not just me!!!!

Uncle's Death Found Out About Months Later

Defining Ones Self

The Religious Connection

A Mother's Bid to Prevent a Marriage Fails

The Other Woman

Living Well Is The Best Revenge

John Lennon's Long Lost Half Sister

Overwhelmed and Overworked

Screwed Up Messages

My husband was shocked to hear the word "vulva" on a show I was watching the other day. I thought to myself, my we are so repressed in some ways. I mean, come on, what is the big deal. Course it is a tricky subject, and I guess not all parents deal with it well. Perhaps in our society there is no good way to deal with it? But it got me thinking about my own weird mixed messages growing up in my household.

The education started for me when I was five or so. The book and detailed explanations of what would happen to me every month once I became a teenager. Better than no advanced warning, but I was pretty horrified, and remember thinking then, I am never going to have kids, so why does my body need to do this (ie either being violated LOL or having my monthly friend). It was also explained that the Donors do this by the E Donor. Great. So that started explaining the occaisional noises next door, as my room was always destined to be right next to theirs.

(Now I should note, the S Donor, nor anyone from that way has visited this blog since, uh, the tampon/feminine napkin post, which was sort of the point of that post LOL)

From early on, I remember arguments of where the E Donor might throw away her, er, feminine products. From before I hit puberty, and somehow I still thought "what is the big deal" although some girls get to feel dirty for this. I know I have not been the only one to have to deal with a repressed asshole for an S donor. Um, why not have seperate closeable baskets in the bathroom if you truly can't take it. Jeez. Grow the F up grownups. If I was the E Donor, I would have been taping tampons up around the house like decorations until he shut the F up. Actually, no, I wouldn't have been married to him in the first place.

The E Donor was the more liberal one, I guess sexually and in other ways. I think the non racist or sexist ideas mainly came from her, and in no way from the S Donor. I was shocked to later learn what a racist sexist he was, but I think that is because we never really had a real conversation. We both pissed each other off so much, that we never did dig beneath the skin to the true human. If we had, I most likely would have been estranged at age 19, and that might have been better for me. Maybe not though, as I might have more doubts than I do now about the type of person he is. The mistake might be made to now seek him out, and go through a whole bunch of shit that I really don't need right now. Life's hard and short enough. You know what I mean? In no way do either of them contribute anything positive.

So back to mixed messages, the S Donor kept an extensive collection of Playboys in the bathroom (the only bathroom by the way) which makes me only now realize what else he was probably doing in there other than "reading" them. Ick. But very early on, I knew they were there and used to read them. I got to see the Caligula episode well before was appropriate, as well as one issue where a grown yet "height challenged" woman dressed up like a little girl in a nightmare sequence. Might have been Penthouse too, they were both in there.

Yet sex was inherently bad, and nothing I should do according to the S Donor. Meanwhile the E Donor had the Hite (sp?) reports out, and encouraged the reading of such stuff. So bad, good? Am I supposed to enjoy it later? Mainly I thought, yeah it was something to look forward to. The S Donor did not have that much pull with me, as, especially when I hit puberty, he was a complete dickhead. I am convinced now that I was paying for their bad relationship for a long time, and he was taking it out on me.

Not to mention the "sex" arguments that I got to hear in depth through the house. Yippee, surely every kids dream. I think what I learned from that though, is the core relationship is really important or NOTHING will be good. If you don't like the person, if you shouldn't be with the person, no matter what you do or how hard you try, nothing in the relationship is ever going to be good. Unfortunately, they are both such superficial people, I am not sure either of them will ever understand that or how it affects other relationships.

I am happy for who I am, I also know how these things have negatively affected me. That does not mean I am "blaming" my parents per say, but trying to understand what additional work that I need to do and where things stem from. I am repressed in some things, much like my husband sometimes . Luckily, we talk about these things, and it's no big deal and we can laugh and tease each other. I guess it's normally for all of us to be repressed to an exent, you think? Just growing up through the 80s, will make you feel a little less sexually "free" to experiment.

So do we/I need to get unrepressed? Am I really unrepressed already? Then with age, your drive goes kaploey sometimes. Age and health actually. Depressing, but true. So I am probably pretty much normal in both my mixed messages and feelings during this point in my life. You think? I dunno, just thoughts that rolled around after my husbands dismay at hearing the word "vulva". (and now I will undoubtedly get a whole bunch of weird people reading this post. every now and then, look up the key words that people use to find your post, and you may be a bit dismayed). So regarding my note, perhaps I am repressed?

Happy Birthday to You

So my aunt is over at my father's house. It's her birthday weekend, and they have been there all week.

It's sort of hurtful to know that your relatives wouldn't try to get together with you for a lunch or something. It's not like she was just over for a day or an hour.

I know the Step Monster makes it clear that she doesn't want anyone visiting me. And that is fine and all, cause I don't blame her. We are all adults and can make our own decisions.

I have never been that close to this aunt, but she is a part of my past. I have nostalgic memories of her, and I guess that is all I am ever going to know of her. Perhaps I should be thankful. I may remember her in a better light than she actually is.

It makes me feel dirty somehow though, that someone would do that knowing that I have expressed and given an invitation to do lunch sometime. How little someone must think of me!!

Friday Fishing

It's been a really lovely summer so far. It's been pretty decent days of the high 70s, so not hot and not cold, sunny, great breezes, hinting of fall but not even nearly into it yet. And so my mood has been way to good to be brooding over my estranged family. And an unfortunate incident in my closer family, without blood relation, is having me be a bit focused on that more. So I bring to you, other people's angst this week!!!

An Individual's Story From Another Country

Themes of Estrangement and Child Abuse in Science/Fantasy Epic Novels

Problems with A Brother Who Does Not Have Social Skills

Sarcastic Commentary with Estrangement as Family Management

Post to Healing from Family Rifts Board on Avoidance and Dog World

I really appreciated a couple of posts here, especially as it related to a recent experience not DIRECTLY related to family estrangement but touching on some skills and realizations I came to regarding myself and my reactions to things.

My dad is incredibly passive aggressive and controling, so Idid "avoid" that most of my life after being beaten down (not physically but emotionally and verbally) over and over again for expressing my beliefs, feelings or emotions. This has leaked over into other aspects of my life.

I am a dog trainer, and people like Lisa, I also consider part ofthe dog world. The dog world is made up of very big hearted people with equally big opinions and prickly (understatement here)personalitities. The dog training and dog world is becoming more and more my family, AND it's a family in which you don't want to isolate someone important in spite of their "prickly" nature sometimes. Some of these people spend so much time with dogs, tha tthey may not have the appropriate human responses at times.

At this dog event I was at, I may have misinterpretted another's genuine like for seeing me and making a honest mitake in bringing up a painful subject for malice. I don't know this for sure, but was talking to a mutual dog person, and it made me see that I may have misinterpretted her actions, repressed it, and then come down hard after I came home from the seminar. In the past, I would have neither talked openly to this person nor to my friend/teacher/ and mentor about it. I would have simply avoided it and have it fester.

At the seminar, I don't honestly think I could have addressed it in front of the class to this person without completely blowing up right there. Her response back, if it is as represented by my friend and mentor, may have softened my response, but anything else other than an apology for bringing this up at the seminar would have set me off. See, we both volunteered training at the same shelter awhile ago. We both fell in love with the same dog, Jordan. I had a dog that was going to pass away from heart disease within immediately to a year. He had a good quality of life until his very last day, so euthanizing him for me, was not an option nor was bringing in a new stressor into his environment, though I would have killed to have Jordan be my dog eventually. I couldn't in all conscious ask them to "hold" Jordan there for me either.

Well, I had to leave volunteering eventually to be closer to home for my dog, and I was growing my business so I got very very busy.And, an incident, which I won't go into, happened at DRU to cause this person to leave. I had never enjoyed working with her or thought she was a particularly good person around dogs, and she seemed very jealous of me and my success with dogs. So I was friendly when I saw her at dog events, but only enough so I would't look like a complete witch in front of other people. In other words, I didn't encourage a friendship, but never really told her why. I always felt she was gunning for me, and I did in fact find out about something that she wrote about me on a public dog training board,which sounded both like she was missing me and dissing me at the same time.

See she didn't realize I was out there training in public already when I was talking to people, as I did not share that info with her, and she felt I was talking to others without the experience of handling dogs/clients one on one. I felt and still feel that out of jealousy she was trying to hurt me. So in the first few minutes of the seminar, she made a bee line for me, and announced Jordan was put to sleep, that noone thought to call me, and despite my telling her that I did not want to discuss this at this time (this was an important 9 hour a day, three day seminar to get through, and I had to force not dwelling on this at the time, though I felt like she just balled up her fist and slammed me in the gut). The next day, she AGAIN brought Jordan up, and how he wasn't the right dog for me. Again, I just immediately and obviously changed the subject, turned away from her, and just cut her right there.You might imagine, I was repressing and getting angrier and angrierat the time.

After the seminar, I got home and found some pictures of Jordan and the flood gates opened. Saturday night and all Sunday, I sobbed and sobbed for my good friend, though two years had passed since he passed. To me, thinking that he had found his home and been happy,it was like it happened that day, and that I had left him at the shelter just recently. It was horrible.

However, I did confront the situation rather at that time with theperson involved. I have not heard from her, and my intial comments were rather harsh, and MAYBE undeserved. I could not get her on the phone, but did let her know through e-mail, both before how dissappointed that I was in her to assault me so, and then after that I apologized IF I misinterpretted her actions. I am not so niave to give her the full benefit of the doubt. However, if I was wrong, doubtless we will hug and cry together and go on as a strong force in the dog training world.

See, in this world, it is so important to stick together because of the deterioration, thanks to the Animal Rights (as opposed to welfare) movement in the industry. if we don't stick and work together, we will be gone, and we all have something to offer. If I am right,there will be no hugging and crying , but at least I both let her know my feelings, and opened up the door to reconcile and not be afraid of me when we next meet.

Without dealing with my own family estrangement, I don't know that Iwould have had the strength to say that, nevermind to say out loud in the seminar "I do not wish to discuss this with you at this point". I have learned that while we need to act like adults,holding in your true feelings and not dealing with the issues does nothing to improve your relationships.Sorry for the long and boring post , but I wanted to share this reak thru moment for me as well.

DJ Seems To Be Alive and Well

I was so happy to see my father's dog, DJ, at the summer house. So apparently they have learned to house train him, and have him behaving well in a condo environment.

I guess he hasn't been trained well enough to be around other family members during events, and that is why he has been missing from the house.

The Weight Posting Thingy

I WILL NOT NEGLECT MY BLOGS

I WILL NOT NEGLECT MY BLOGS

I WILL NOT NEGLECT MY BLOGS

Okay, confession time, I have slipped on the weight thingy. Actually, it's more that I have maintained and slipped on the exercise which is inexcusable. So it's time to get on the bandwagon again. The thing is, those family "issues" really make me go for the food and liquor, which are both fattening and horrid. And once you go for the food and liquor, you feel all bloated and sleepy and not like exercising, which is ridicoulous, because if I would just keep to the exercise program, I would be at my ideal weight in no time at all, well before next summer, and I should have been there for this summer.

Troublesome Tuesday

I have been trying to stay away from blogging and the computer to get some work done, and still not getting the work done. Been obsessing a little too much about the S Donor and Monster being one street over and apparently settling in for the rest of the summer. Ugh.

Not to mention that the "rescheduled" father's day so my family was up. We got to see my Aunt and Florida cousins for like 5 minutes. Mostly because the monster apparently had a "negative reaction" when they mentioned they would try to get up to see me. Making them feel it was necessary to see me on the sly only on the way out. I wonder how the monster lives with herself in the evenings. She has apparently been revamping stories to where I attacked her for no reason twenty years ago. The monster is a piece of work.

You would think it's enough that she has dad all to herself like she always wanted. Now she wants to control my other relatives too. The thing is, for one trying so hard to do that, it must seem obvious that she has a lot to hide, and answer for.

We went to say hi to my cousin Rich at the beach, and she was there. She looks like she has gained more weight. Diabetes doesn't do so well the heavier you get. I like what one therapist says about wearing unresolved troubles in your weight. Mostly because I am loosing and getting healthier while she is gaining. All's not right in paradise over there----Que surprise!!!

All her side was there and my step brother, Andy, and her sister, Carol, all looked away when I looked over. Guess they didn't want to say hi LOL.

The S donor must have been at the house with Louise, Andy's wife, and Andy, Carol's husband. Rich was the only person from our family there. Crappy day too, fitting.

Heaven forbid they have missed father's day. Hey, happy father's day, S Donor. Anyone give you an "appropriate" card. I should have done the appropriate father's day card inserts and poetry this year. Well, there is always next year.

Tradition or Trap?

My family had many things that are considered tradition. Christmas was one of them. There were the core people that you would expect there each year. In the beginning, this included more of my grandmother and grandfather's siblings and their kids. As the family got bigger and bigger and more involved, it broke up a bit. That was when I was a little girl.

Later on it was generally almost always my grandparents kids and their kids each year. My great grandmother too until she died when I was 9 or so. There was the little and big Christmas tree that we would decorate, until one year Grampa got the idea to just keep the tree decorated but covered with a cloth down in the basement LOL. So things did change, but the core of the holiday never did.

Until......recently. I have not been there, and it has not been as well attended by others anymore. But really in my later adult years, it was more a trap than a welcome tradition. In my younger years, I looked forward to it more than anything, as it was one of the few times I would see my cousins. Now of course, we are all old and can drive and see each other whenever we want to. Some of us live farther apart, and so that was the reason that I attended the anniversary party (in addition to congradulating my aunt and uncle on 50 years of wedded bliss) to see everyone.

It's been nice to part with the tradition or "putting up the mask" as it seemed every year. I got so grumpy before going. I didn't used to know why really, but my husband did. I wish then I had gotten to know my grandmother and other family members outside that "fake and artificial" environment. "See everything is great, we meet for Christmas". BS.

At least between me, the S donor, and the monster.

In general, I like tradition. The familiar is always nice to go to, when it's ripe with true good feelings and wishes. Sometimes tradition can become a trap to keep you in your place. To not accept that things have changed, or people's behaviors need to change with the growth of their children into adults. Then tradition has outgrown it's usefulness, and needs reavaluating.