Friday, September 28, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Cross between a very mild Hostel and The Office. Again dark comedy horror movie, done well, I love them. The only thing missing was the why, and what was going on. Now some people like true fans of the orginal Halloween claim this makes it creepier. I am more of a fan of a little history. That was about the only the "wrong" with this film that is right up my alley.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Saturday, September 22, 2007
But I can see
When you come to visit it me
AOL might mask your address it's true
But the page you look into, gives you away, yes it do
Plus you have been to my business site as well
As you know, I would rather you go to hell
A relationship with me is not your right
Your marriage is your current plight
I have given you chances again and again
Only to regret them----yet again
So go your way, and I'll go mine
I guarantee in the end, I'll be just fine!!
Friday, September 21, 2007
Thursday, September 20, 2007
- Pastina (basically Italian baby food, like my Nana made me). It's small round pasta made with butter, eggs, and salt. So if fits right in with my low cholesteral diet. It was in our marriage vows that husband has to learn how to make it for me when I am sick.
- Cadbury raisin and nut milk chocolate bar.
- Macaroni and cheese velveta or craft (or all natural amy's????)
- Tomato Basil Soup
- Grilled Cheese (also real low cal of course, and low cholesteral)
- Chocolate Pudding
- Butterscotch Pudding
- Orange Jello with canned assorted fruit and whipped cream (again like gram used to make, and we would eat it during the Lawrence Welk show when I stayed over during the weekends)
- Potato Chips
- Dumplings, man, though I haven't had any decent ones in a loooonnnng time
- Crepes with strawberries and sour cream.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
A young Stephanie Powers in a horror movie. I had seen this before, and liked it well enough. I had caught it in the middle on tv, so I hadn't remembered the title or anything. It's kind of a cool little known classic. Course, I didn't remember liking it so much as to sit through it again.
Sort of a religious undertones horror movie. Clearly showing hte religious woman as a nutcase, so don't worry.
Not a must see, but a see if you are bored and want to see something a little new and a littel unusual.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
- Halloween. Favorite holiday bar none.
- Leaves when they change.
- Crisp fall air.
- Tourists have at least become less around here.
- Soup for dinner.
- No need for air condition or heat (saving some money).
- Putting on the fall clothes (favorite sweaters and turtlenecks). Also good camouflage for things.
- Apple picking.
- The season for candied applies, dumplings and apple pie.
- Pumpkin pie or soup.
- New tv programming seasons start (I think)
- Driving in the car, and looking at the scenery. Or hiking and looking at the scenery
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
I decided for my self not to do the "triangulation thing" anymore.If someone called me on my dad's behalf, much to his dismay, I picked up the phone and called him directly. If someone had something to say from the monster (like my, er dad), I ended the conversation with him and called her. I got it right from the arses, er horses, mouth so to speak. It cleared up a lot of things for me. It made m erealize that it is all a game to them.They want to look good in front of other people. Their actions towards me are obviously not good. So they need to say things, not in my pressence, to make them look good. They are not meant for me,they are meant for their audience.
I have heard the "other" things they say too, which does not put them in a positive light to anyone.It's been a big eye opener to me re: who my family really is. It's a bit different with others here, in that my relationships were never close or positive with my "parents". Or the monster----understatement of the year. So there is no positive "thing" to cleave to, and when you combine that with their disrespect and clearly not respecting certain boundaries in particular, it is a no brainer for me NOW. This wasn't so before in my life, where I didn't realize how this "molding" of myself in what I thought were these isolated situations, changed me in ways that I did not want(shy, untrusting, low self esteem as far as my place i nmy "family").Truthfully, even messages from the arses, er horses, mouth are ignored by me (not that they have come recently) at this point as I read between those lines.
My cousin said how sad he felt my father was in that the legacy he was leaving behind was an only child that hated him. I said, yes it's the legacy he regrets (and which he made for himself by the way) NOT the loss of a daughter. It's the outward appearance and how that makes HIM look ONLY. The fact that it's so blatantly obvious and indefensible that his and the monster's treatment of me is something you would give your worst foe not a "loved one". I can't make that right for them, they did it, and it's theirs. I will not feel guilty either for being born or finally drawing my line in the sand. Sorry, not going to happen for you. These are the messages I get in the triangle. I just tell mycousin, I know these people, and I know they are not for me. Feel free and enjoy their company and hospitality, but don't think you will convince ME that they are good people.
Anyway, the triangulation subject hit close to home, clearly LOL.As for what Ann should do? There has been excellent advice to look inward to what you want. How do you want to handle it? What do you think are the right circumstances for you? No rush.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Monday, September 10, 2007
Sunday, September 09, 2007
I am very pleased to announce that the house, in which I grew up for so maaannnyy "happy" years, has not yet been sold by the step monster "real estate agent". Quite a crackerjack, she is. Can you imagine, had she been our real estate agent, we would have paid 24 months of 2000.00 (15 yr mortgage) a month mortgage, real estate taxes, utilities PLUS our current big nut of a mortgage!! So that would be 48000.00 of mortgage payments, 6000.00 of re taxes, and a few thousand for utilities. OR, I guess we could rent out to people that we can't oversee from here, who could further damage our property, all so the Monster could "not be humiliated" as she said. Well, I hope that I have done my best to fullfill her nightmare of humilation.
I hope everyday that she is sad or upset, I come to mind. The house actually disappeared from realtor.com for a day, but then reappeared today, so the subscription was probably just up. For a moment I thought the beast had sold something in record time. Hahahahahaha.
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Friday, September 07, 2007
Rememberances of A Mother
Is That Obituary Misleading (this struck me because there are two obituaries of my actual relatives where my step brother, but not me was listed-----nice-----by the way I do love my step brother who died at 18 or 19) Note: glad to know this has happened to others and not just me!!!!
Uncle's Death Found Out About Months Later
Defining Ones Self
The Religious Connection
A Mother's Bid to Prevent a Marriage Fails
The Other Woman
Living Well Is The Best Revenge
John Lennon's Long Lost Half Sister
Overwhelmed and Overworked
Thursday, September 06, 2007
The education started for me when I was five or so. The book and detailed explanations of what would happen to me every month once I became a teenager. Better than no advanced warning, but I was pretty horrified, and remember thinking then, I am never going to have kids, so why does my body need to do this (ie either being violated LOL or having my monthly friend). It was also explained that the Donors do this by the E Donor. Great. So that started explaining the occaisional noises next door, as my room was always destined to be right next to theirs.
(Now I should note, the S Donor, nor anyone from that way has visited this blog since, uh, the tampon/feminine napkin post, which was sort of the point of that post LOL)
From early on, I remember arguments of where the E Donor might throw away her, er, feminine products. From before I hit puberty, and somehow I still thought "what is the big deal" although some girls get to feel dirty for this. I know I have not been the only one to have to deal with a repressed asshole for an S donor. Um, why not have seperate closeable baskets in the bathroom if you truly can't take it. Jeez. Grow the F up grownups. If I was the E Donor, I would have been taping tampons up around the house like decorations until he shut the F up. Actually, no, I wouldn't have been married to him in the first place.
The E Donor was the more liberal one, I guess sexually and in other ways. I think the non racist or sexist ideas mainly came from her, and in no way from the S Donor. I was shocked to later learn what a racist sexist he was, but I think that is because we never really had a real conversation. We both pissed each other off so much, that we never did dig beneath the skin to the true human. If we had, I most likely would have been estranged at age 19, and that might have been better for me. Maybe not though, as I might have more doubts than I do now about the type of person he is. The mistake might be made to now seek him out, and go through a whole bunch of shit that I really don't need right now. Life's hard and short enough. You know what I mean? In no way do either of them contribute anything positive.
So back to mixed messages, the S Donor kept an extensive collection of Playboys in the bathroom (the only bathroom by the way) which makes me only now realize what else he was probably doing in there other than "reading" them. Ick. But very early on, I knew they were there and used to read them. I got to see the Caligula episode well before was appropriate, as well as one issue where a grown yet "height challenged" woman dressed up like a little girl in a nightmare sequence. Might have been Penthouse too, they were both in there.
Yet sex was inherently bad, and nothing I should do according to the S Donor. Meanwhile the E Donor had the Hite (sp?) reports out, and encouraged the reading of such stuff. So bad, good? Am I supposed to enjoy it later? Mainly I thought, yeah it was something to look forward to. The S Donor did not have that much pull with me, as, especially when I hit puberty, he was a complete dickhead. I am convinced now that I was paying for their bad relationship for a long time, and he was taking it out on me.
Not to mention the "sex" arguments that I got to hear in depth through the house. Yippee, surely every kids dream. I think what I learned from that though, is the core relationship is really important or NOTHING will be good. If you don't like the person, if you shouldn't be with the person, no matter what you do or how hard you try, nothing in the relationship is ever going to be good. Unfortunately, they are both such superficial people, I am not sure either of them will ever understand that or how it affects other relationships.
I am happy for who I am, I also know how these things have negatively affected me. That does not mean I am "blaming" my parents per say, but trying to understand what additional work that I need to do and where things stem from. I am repressed in some things, much like my husband sometimes
So do we/I need to get unrepressed? Am I really unrepressed already? Then with age, your drive goes kaploey sometimes. Age and health actually. Depressing, but true. So I am probably pretty much normal in both my mixed messages and feelings during this point in my life. You think? I dunno, just thoughts that rolled around after my husbands dismay at hearing the word "vulva". (and now I will undoubtedly get a whole bunch of weird people reading this post. every now and then, look up the key words that people use to find your post, and you may be a bit dismayed). So regarding my note, perhaps I am repressed?