Miss Your Family On The Holidays? Glimpse My Past 2001 Christmas Eve and Christmas with Mine

Many years ago, starting in 1992, I used to keep a written journal.   Apparently, I detailed most of the upsetting things in my life.    I guess I have continued that trend in this blog, and it's upsetting because life is so short to allow people to make you this upset.   This is when Christmas had moved from Grandma's to The Monster and Sperm Donor's house (my old childhood horror "home").

I didn't remember these as all that bad, until I read this entry in my journal.   Half of the things I don't remember.   Actually, I am pretty sure I just blocked them out to be able to withstand the next year.  When I think back, I remember arrivals, small talk, eating, present opening, very little talk with the donor or monster (as possible), and being sure to help do the dishes at the end or set up at the beginning if I was early. 

And here is the delightful experienced I got to enjoy with my "family"on one of three or four occasions that we would bother to get together or correspond yearly:

Last year [Sperm Donor-not his title in journal entry] and [Step Monster] did not have much of the family over.   It was basically me, Robert, Andy [Step NB], Louise [Step SIL], my grandmother, and [Step Monster's Father].  We thought that year had been a little quiet and actually WERE looking forward to seeing the rest of my family.


Maybe I was too much looking forward to enjoying every one's company.   The food was great as usual, but...

[An aside, I am ashamed at how meanly I talk about my family here.   I picture myself though sitting politely through this, and here is why keeping things in is sometimes the biggest mistake you can make.   If you can't let people know they are hurting you, and come to some sort of agreement about your relationship, perhaps they are not worth keeping a relationship with, especially when you have the most superficial of relationships in the first place]  Things in bold are my additional additions or my attempt to "spare feelings" for any relatives that may be checking in on my blog, though God knows why.

The relatives [talking about "my side" here] were out of control.   It really brought me way down how nasty, rude, and obnoxious everyone was.   Well not everyone, but more than a few of these people.

Let's start with [Anonymous 1] the bitter [insert career path here].   You can just tell that [Anonymous 1] is a gem just like my [Anonymous 2].  So [Anonymous 3] starts questioning [Anonymous 1] about every aspect of his job & each [whatever it is this person does] .  [Anonymous 1] hates when [Anonymous 3] does this, and kind of whispers that to me.   Then [Anonymous 1] very rudely turns the tables on [Anonymous 3], and is a real asshole to [Anonymous 3], which [Anonymous 3] does not seem to pick up on.   Robert thought it was funny, but I thought it was really horrible and embarrassing.

Meanwhile [Anonymous 4] is getting even more boozed up than normal.   Mind you, [Anonymous 4] shouldn't feel on such a familiar basis with Rob or me to do the rude & obnoxious things [Anonymous 4] did over the next two days, which really ruined Christmas for me.

So first as [Anonymous 4] is getting really buzzed, [Anonymous 4] starts talking endlessly about how [Anonymous 4] is the "Italian Jew" [NOTE: SO GLAD THAT ROBERT'S PARENTS HAD NOT BEEN ASKED TO ANY FAMILY OCCASIONS LIKE THIS AS YET, EVEN AFTER 10 YEARS OF US BEING MARRIED]  Very nice and classy. Then as the evening progresses, she attacks Robert in his new coat ripping off the hood, then grabs Robert's ass and finally at the end of the evening screams at Robert for having a cookie.   [As I recently read more of this journal entry, I do not know why I did not rip Anonymous 4 a new one...actually I was trained well to be polite to my elders at all costs apparently]

[Anonymous 2] at the beginning of the evening gives Robert a used belt.   Why?   We don't know.   I can only assume he thought it was some kind of grand peace offering [This relates to another journal entry before this of a bizarre incident with Anonymous 2 toward Robert].

Then when Robert asks how [two of my second cousins] like their gifts, these cousins proclaim that they were "crappy".   [In a previous journal entry, I talk about being excited to give gifts to my family and spent sometime selecting.   I think this may have been the year that I stopped that practice]   Well they are [Anonymous 1's] kids aren't they?  [Another Second Cousin] didn't bother to say thank you, but [Another Second Cousin] was being shy that night.   I would prefer to think that is the reason why.

Anyway, Christmas Eve I could take.   Against my better judgement, I agreed to go to my grandma's the next morning [who I will warn you in advance was also not showing at her best.  Which is weird because I thought by this time, close to her death, she had stopped this type of behavior towards Robert.   What we choose to block out!]   for the annual torture & make the grandchildren feel like shit breakfast [sponsored by Anonymous 2 and Anonymous 4] (and apparently this is not the first Christmas breakfast where I felt like a second class citizen in "my family")

**Nick and Brett this year were by far the best behaved children [This is Step Monster's sister's kids, one of whom pulled a knife on his mother in later years]  THIS IS A TRADITION THAT I WILL NOT REPEAT AS I WANT TO ENJOY CHRISTMAS DAY FROM NOW ON.

12/25/2001 (continued on a different day this journal entry) Christmas morning-the horror continues...

So against good judgement of any kind of sane/rational thought process, we go to Grandma's (something I've managed to avoid for the last two years).  Robert & I are sitting at the dining room table.   We had asked to help, and been told to stay out of the way.   Breakfast was not near ready and no one was sitting down.   Grandma basically comes over and says not to sit in those chairs ever.

Then Robert goes over to pick up a glass (set with all the other glasses to be used for beverages) and [Anonymous 2] says [that Robert] can't have any because there won't be any for anyone else.  [WTF?]

Finally [Anonymous 5] sees the Dr Seuss tape for [Yet Another Second Cousin] & rags on the gift that we bought for [Anonymous 2's child]  (Not only did I do my best to select child aged appropriate gifts, but I don't have kids myself and hardly know these.  Plus this criticism comes from someone who gave baked goods, or sports puzzles as the one or two Christmas gifts ever, and got thank yous prior to this incident) & then I end up eating on the couch alone & across the room [from the rest of "my family"] to eat breakfast.

Hey Merry Christmas, family.   Pick on each other next year, we won't be there.

Ever heard of being a good host,manners, that sort of thing?

Was so blue afterward that I ended up spending the rest of Christmas crying.  

Lovely family day.   Can't wait to see them next year!

So if you are blue and missing the family you are estranged from, go see if you kept any documentation on what "family" get together were like in reality.   I know that I did not remember half of this.   This is not even the Sperm Donor's or Monster's actions, but people who are supposed to be happy to see me after a long time.   I realize I spend quite a bit of this journal entry logging in mistreatment of my husband, instead of me.   That is most likely me just being polite, and the disrespect shown to my husband only shows how they really felt about me.  Why would I ever EVER want to revisit that?

Narcissists As Outsiders In Our Lives

The last line on One Angry Daughter's excellent post made me remember that I started the below post, and what great info this might be to someone who has not totally "come out" yet OR is not comfortable in their own skin.  It also fits into Upsi's topic where a cyber stalker has latched onto a better way to project their rage which their estranged daughter no longer allows.

I work self employed in an occupation that, frankly, does allow for some pretty questionable people to call themselves "professionals".   I mean this term as something outside of an actual craft, but as in ethics, teaching ability, empathy, compassion for others, honesty, experience (as in fabricated sometimes or a legend in their own mind)and business sense.  When things (especially honesty, ethics ET) are lacking, what can you really bring away from these people anyway?  Especially if their are people offering services who do have ethics, honesty, compassion, experience expertise, empathy, teaching ability and business sense.

I have this online list that I have been a member of since 2004.   The list was closed, moved, and remained in a "protected" state.   This means it is a safe place where "professionals" (and apparently some people's opinion differs than mine) can speak their mind.  It is also an unfortunate place where people are endlessly bullied to conform with some IMO pretty twisted thinking.   Since many of the members have been in some form or another "professionally" (and others this is not their full time career) involved with dogs, this means that another person can not have a different opinion.   Some of the bullies who keep others silent (and I know this due to the e-mails that I receive) will completely go off the topic without hesitation and attack you personally.  This is how I found out (had suspected due to a feedburner snafoo that probably one or more people had linked me to this blog) that these particular disturbed dog trainers had found me.

Was the conversation about family estrangement?  Er, no.   Though perhaps I took an unfair jab at Smellanour, who likes community rules changed to her liking (meanwhile if the shoe had ever been on anybody's foot prior to this, they would have been the object of her abuse) cause she didn't bother to research the canine legislation for these dogs who were "more than her pets" in a relatives illness.  (and since she claims to have been a rescue at that time, and running a rescue ....not really sure what the story was other than she wanted to get her way)  I normally wouldn't give someone a hard time about this, but she lives on a dog list that discusses greatly canine laws and how they limit owners.   She researched everything else of course except the canine laws and ended up with like 7 or 8 dogs too many and needed to rehome them.  Something she could have done easier and without drama, but in the end the community decided to keep their laws rather than cow down to Smellaneour.  Her mother was ill so she had moved, and that spiralled into the "I know all about you and your blog, you selfish so and so."  Cause you know the interesting thing about Smellenour or people like this in general is that they can ONLY empathize with themselves.  So even though my parents aren't dying and are fully wealthy enough to take care of themselves with better care than I could give them, now I am evil just in case I am in the same boat as her.  Of course, she knows what my decision would be, never mind that my donors may very well out live me!!!   LOLOL, but a delusional person like this can not see that HER situation is not only not the same as MY situation, but it is none of her fucking business.  AND that I don't need to think culling puppies is great when they can have full lives due to a defect AND I actually do not have to think the same way as she does.

It is weird that she was so fascinated that she stored this info for a long time, before springing it and actively follows me.  Weird, bizarre and more than a little sick, I think.  Whatever floats her boat though, apparently life is not full enough for her.  Glad I could help fill in some of the holes.

Yeah, the conversation was not about exceeding local law limits on canines either.  It was because I said "I don't believe in culling (killing) a puppy from a litter because it does not meet a standard, or because it has a defect but can live out their lives".  Oh, the bruh haha that ensued was remarkable, because I wouldn't take my opinion back.   An Airedale breeder whose name was something like pumpkin seed, needed to say that I didn't want to breed because I knew I would have to cull in that way from a comment that did not resemble that at all.

We all know this as gas lighting, straw man, red herring...   These people who exist feeding off the weaker simply because their opinions may vary than theirs, are people that don't realize others have outed their kind before.

And they are not worth our time.  I did unsubscribe from the list NOT because my (non) secret was out.   I can care less.   I don't care what they think about me as a dog trainer never mind my personal decisions in my life.  It was because I realized this is basically all the feedback you get on this list from these "professionals".   Most of whom can not play well with others, and so felt the need to leave all the professional organizations that they ever belonged to, because not everyone would think their way.

So hi my BOL club (Bitter Old Ladies),  and read away.  Hey, don't be an anonymouse next time, and let your name and opinions be known and shine.   Wanna tell anyone your views on culling or is that just on "secret" lists?

Gonna take more than that to ruffle my feathers.   Hey thanks for documenting those interesting items on that list though.  More people know how you really operate now, and it's not attractive.

Gotta wonder if this is the same person now stalking other people's blogs.   I could see these people doing this.  Especially now that they have been cut off from other venues of bullying, regulated to their "secret" list with other like minded bullies.   What fun is that for a bully to now be on a list where everyone opinions must be the same?   God, they have to branch out somewhere don't they.   So my apologies if they have branched out to a blog near you.

What Is It With People That Don't Call First!

First off, I am delighted to see people that I haven't seen for awhile. You know, that is unless you interupt me in the middle of an mid day married person's personal activity!! Or something else that I may be doing and not expecting company to pop in.

My life really isn't so boring that I might not be involved in something. However, if you just called first, not only could I arrange my activities, but I could arrange something fun for us all to do.

Just saying. And just because we are an old married couple, does not mean you couldn't find us in a compromising position if you just let yourself in. And no one needs to see that!!

Meeting Up With an Old Friend After 20+ Years!!

Talk about your estrangements, huh? I had last seen my friend before I moved out of the apartment we shared together 20+ years ago. It had not ended on a good note, though not for any specific reason. We were both young, and involved with our own thing.

This friend had been my absolute best friend during the first year of college. I loved their sense of humor, sense of fun, and they were easy enough to get along with. The sense of humor was a biting sort of sarcasm, but I always thought said with a twinkle in the eye at the time. This friend had introduced me to the favorite term during college "fuck me with a rusty chain saw" which still makes me chuckle to this day. They were just kind of out there and a bit different, which appealed to me and still does appeal to me. Most likely because I felt like I never fit in. However, I think of my friend as more the cool kid, although they may not think or have thought of themselves that way. May have felt more like I did then, than I ever imagined.

My friend was very into reading things that I would never be into. I found that interesting however. I always perceived them to be something of a good student, but not focused on any one discipline. I could picture them being anything that they wanted to.

I should point out, there was a bit of an identity or coming out crisis with this friend. Something that, after seeing them, I think is still struggled with to this day. I only say this because they felt more closed off and angry to me, then I had (at least) perceived 22 years ago. Not necessarily that they were acting angry towards me or anything, it was a certain vibe I got, and something that I had either not picked up on before or had not recognized (if I am indeed correct) until now. Being asked what they were doing or anything, suddenly made them seem quiet and reserved. Is it because they still not feel confident having come out? I mean the discipline photography itself, is nothing too radical. Personally, I don't find the subject matter all that radical in this day and age. As far as lifestyle, I was always brought up to believe what two adults (or more by the way) did in their private lives (assuming everyone is of age, consensual, of the human species, and not bizarrely related) is really their own business. I know at one point it was perceived to be a problem by my friend, as I was weirded out when another friend of my same sex hit on me.

This was during college obviously. The reason that it was weird was that she was truly a friend, and there was no hint of chemistry ever between us. It's a bit different that I thought it was weird she would do that, and my other friend having relations with people who were my friends too. I was happy for them when they finally came out to me. The reason they hadn't been honest from the beginning was because of my reaction to the other incident, which in my mind, was far removed.

So it may have been weird meeting my husband and niece and not knowing if they were accepted or not. I not thinking about it beforehand, didn't think to have the discussion with anyone, because it doesn't seem that unusual to me and felt that aspect would be ho hum by now.

It also could have been, this friend never liked me as much as I liked them LOL. I think that is true of a lot of friends that I have lost contact with. I don't know why that is, but I seem to have valued them much more than they valued me. And this is only my thought process here, as it wasn't a bad meeting, but there was definitely a bit of awkwardness and trying to recognize the person that I knew in college. Probably the same on the other end, as I was a wilder girl and a lot less reserved, I guess. Maybe not all that much. I much more enjoyed this friend's antics than I would have ever had I initiated them myself.

I also don't think my friend has a lot of hetero friends!! I am not sure, but in talking to him, he felt awkward about talking to other hetero friends about their relations or kids. I don't understand the difference between the two really, other than one couple is same sex and the other isn't. Normally relationships are relationships and really, there are the same things to talk about.

Just found it interesting how an interaction twenty years apart had these different nuances, where it is hard to let your guard down and just maybe enjoy each other. Which we did!!! you know what I mean, it will probably always be awkward on some level seeing old friends with that time passing.

My Childhood House for Sale

We had an event recently near my home town about an hour and a half away from our house. We road through Worcester MA, tallying up the changes (or non changes) since we have gone. Like that 290 still has heavy construction going on (oh, how I hated that while commuting out of Worcester way back when). The "park" that ended up being a business park (ie a huge business building went in there). What businesses weren't there, who was. Riding by George's bakery, and realizing "shit, we gotta get those meat pies, spinach pies, and syrian bread".

We managed to visit our friend at his house. Another friend was walking his dog, and so we missed seeing him due to the schedule. Spent some time at my husband's dad's house to help him sort through his deceased wife's(my beloved mother in law/husband's beloved mother) pictures and stuff. Tough, as it's still not been two years, and my dad-in-law is still very much grieving and missing his partner. He has met someone long distance, and hopefully that turns into some companionship for him.

During some downtime, my husband pointed the car towards my childhood home. The for sale sign is so huge, that you can probably see it in the next town (nice to use one's real estate connections). And it was interesting to note, that the monster couldn't help herself but put her name on the sign, even though she is not supposed to be the listing RE agent. I'm not sure she realizes, the bigger sign won't sell the house...... Perhaps the talents of an actual real estate agent would though LOL.

What Is Up With Customer Service?

----First off, I have just used one of my husband's "friends" to do our taxes. He wouldn't say how much he charged other than it was a flat fee for form. Husband assured me that it would be fair. Bill comes in, and it kind of takes me by surprise. Then as I am checking to be sure my records match our "new accountants'", um, I find some inconsitencies. Things labelled wrong, things forgotten, et et. There was another way my husband's income could have been handled and it's not that unusual. I am very nice, and put together a list of questions and things to look for next year, and I get this curt response "don't know how it happened, I don't have time to look into it now". Oh, and the best thing, even though for like 20 years I have been listed as taxpayer, and my husband as spouse, this guy takes it upon himself to switch. Now first of all, this screws up credit checks et. Then he says something like "taxpayer is gender based". Um, no it isn't or instructions to the tax, the tax line, and accounting firms that I worked at before would know this. What an *ss. We are not using him next year, or any other accountant now that the work is done. The accountants I should have use, have worked for, and have a rep for excellence and customer service are at http://www.kbkf.com. Their website may not look slick, but let me tell you in working in the field for 15 years of my life, I don't think there are any better than those guys. I really don't.

April Fools Day!!

Our guests yesterday were delightful. Very good time. I am not usually a baby person, but baby Cole was way cute. Leon was especially enamored of him. Leon would love having his own little boy or girl!!

Cole has downs syndrome. His parents are quite on top of it, and dealing with the developmental and health complications. He is a very happy baby. His dad can get him into a fit of giggles in a flash!! He is also used to having dog noses investigate him all the time LOL. He is still pretty young, and just now eating real food. He gobbled up the fruit salad with gusto!! V ery cute, you see a kid like this, and you think what if we.......and then you stop because it's a very expensive, time consuming, and big time additional responsibility. Mark has a history of breeding cute kids by the way. He has three from his previous marriage, two boys and one girl. Celine is a cute tween chatter box. She always hugs me, and wants to be involved in the training of Tyler. Then the boys, who are a few years younger, are the boisterous but very nice boys. Noah, the youngest, is like Denise the Menace LOL. I remember a party where the kids were at the early evening, and then everyone was put to bed before the drinking and gambling began. So the dogs were loose and having fun too, then at like midnight, I spot Noah dragging my dog Jazz around. He had snuck out of bed to be with the dogs!!! Trouble, but cute cute kids. Poor Jazz, good thing she is such a good patient girl.

Robert had made my favorite marmalade chicken, hamburgers, hot dogs, and a great fruit salad (we have a very good fruit market not far away from us). Then he made brownies from this Giradelli mix that he found at BJS. Love them, and I think when he saw that he threw the rest of them away LOL. Guess that's another thing that I can not be trusted with.

Took a beach time walk with the dogs, and baby. Sunny but a little gusty. Dogs had a blast, and Tyler saw water for the first time. For a lab, he didn't exactly dash in. Jazzabelle was chasing everyone around at 14 years old. Jackie was left home as punishment as he was trying to bully Tyler all day (par for the course and what a lot of his training is focusing on right now). Tyler did very well, and I was glad to see the training had continued.

Visitors Today

fGot some friends coming over today. It's been a whirl wind of cleaning the house, and making sure the yard (thawing from the winter) is presentable, meaning poop free. No matter how much you have pooper scooped through the winter, if you have had snow, there is something hiding in those layers. So as the snow has been receding, I have been going on poop hunts. It's pretty sad when you know which dog's poop it is, even when it's months old and mummified. Oh, the glamorous life I lead . I could describe my client's dog's poops for you to categorized by individual dogs' names. I'll leave that a mystery for another time.

I have met both of these people from Robert's old job. Both of them worked with him at the beginning with H&R Block Mortgage (division shut down yesterday), one became Robert's boss at the next company, and the other decided to move onto other companies and positions. They both married each other, just had a baby, and I helped them train their dog, Tyler. So couple, Tyler, and baby Cole are coming up here for a visit tomorrow. I am pretty excited. This is an actual "we would like to visit you visit" and not a "we would like to crash at your place while we enjoy the beach visit". Tyler and Leon will get reaquainted, and I will get to see if the training for Tyler has been kept up.

Last most recent visit was our friend and his new girlfriend last month. Luckily none of our friends know about this blog. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I find it so weird that others blog and let their friends know where they are in cyber space. How can you gossip to complete strangers about them then?

Any who, all Robert's friends seem to get attached or married to these.....well....awful girls (I guess at forty they really should be called women now). This friend is the last single one in my husband's group of High School friends (not counting divorced here). He had stopped subjecting us to his parade of girlfriends at some point. And many of them I actually liked. The one I liked the best was probably this girl he was dating in college. She is now successful, and STILL CALLS HIM AND IS INTO HIM. Perhaps that is the turn off? And she is one of the hottest looking ones to, sweet, cooks for him, does special things for him.....but no. Then there was this crazy one, but she was very entertaining, and nice. Every story she said was a wild made up lie, but like I said it was entertaining, and she was a pretty good egg. Very artistic as well.

This one, first thing she is like eyeing my dogs who are lying there. Then if one walks across the room, she starts gasping and clutching his arm. Then there is the really inappropriate (haven't you grown out of this at all?) gropy feely baby talk thing. Then we are having a great time playing a game, and I don't remember why but she starts taking things seriously and pouting. I am thinking "WHY DON'T YOU GO UP TO BED HONEY?" I understand that my husband's friend probably feels like the odd man out when he comes up here. Hey, I have no problem with them having a guys weekend. This place is big enough where no one has to see me, or they could go out to a sports bar. This GAG girlfriend though.

Oh the best part. Everyone knew that my husband was making a big spagetti dinner. He had found out what she liked to eat, and was preparing the request. All day he's cooking. So she gets here, and wants to take a ride around town. Fine, she sees there is cooking going on. Then this girl (who our friend claims does not drink) wants to find a place to have a cocktail, pouting now as nothing is open here until like May. Then she starts insisting that she wants to have lobster. You should have seen my husband's face.

Oh, this one was a treat. It seems all Robert's High School friends wives are horrible. I don't understand it. And this friend of Robert's is my favorite. He's a nice guy. A bit obessive about sports, and controlling of his girlfriends. I like being his friend, but I would murder him in his sleep as a girlfriend.

Anyway, that was our last "company", and I couldn't get her out of my house fast enough. There is nothing worse than being stuck at your home with someone you dislike.