Thursday, April 21, 2011

Narcissists As Outsiders In Our Lives

The last line on One Angry Daughter's excellent post made me remember that I started the below post, and what great info this might be to someone who has not totally "come out" yet OR is not comfortable in their own skin.  It also fits into Upsi's topic where a cyber stalker has latched onto a better way to project their rage which their estranged daughter no longer allows.

I work self employed in an occupation that, frankly, does allow for some pretty questionable people to call themselves "professionals".   I mean this term as something outside of an actual craft, but as in ethics, teaching ability, empathy, compassion for others, honesty, experience (as in fabricated sometimes or a legend in their own mind)and business sense.  When things (especially honesty, ethics ET) are lacking, what can you really bring away from these people anyway?  Especially if their are people offering services who do have ethics, honesty, compassion, experience expertise, empathy, teaching ability and business sense.

I have this online list that I have been a member of since 2004.   The list was closed, moved, and remained in a "protected" state.   This means it is a safe place where "professionals" (and apparently some people's opinion differs than mine) can speak their mind.  It is also an unfortunate place where people are endlessly bullied to conform with some IMO pretty twisted thinking.   Since many of the members have been in some form or another "professionally" (and others this is not their full time career) involved with dogs, this means that another person can not have a different opinion.   Some of the bullies who keep others silent (and I know this due to the e-mails that I receive) will completely go off the topic without hesitation and attack you personally.  This is how I found out (had suspected due to a feedburner snafoo that probably one or more people had linked me to this blog) that these particular disturbed dog trainers had found me.

Was the conversation about family estrangement?  Er, no.   Though perhaps I took an unfair jab at Smellanour, who likes community rules changed to her liking (meanwhile if the shoe had ever been on anybody's foot prior to this, they would have been the object of her abuse) cause she didn't bother to research the canine legislation for these dogs who were "more than her pets" in a relatives illness.  (and since she claims to have been a rescue at that time, and running a rescue ....not really sure what the story was other than she wanted to get her way)  I normally wouldn't give someone a hard time about this, but she lives on a dog list that discusses greatly canine laws and how they limit owners.   She researched everything else of course except the canine laws and ended up with like 7 or 8 dogs too many and needed to rehome them.  Something she could have done easier and without drama, but in the end the community decided to keep their laws rather than cow down to Smellaneour.  Her mother was ill so she had moved, and that spiralled into the "I know all about you and your blog, you selfish so and so."  Cause you know the interesting thing about Smellenour or people like this in general is that they can ONLY empathize with themselves.  So even though my parents aren't dying and are fully wealthy enough to take care of themselves with better care than I could give them, now I am evil just in case I am in the same boat as her.  Of course, she knows what my decision would be, never mind that my donors may very well out live me!!!   LOLOL, but a delusional person like this can not see that HER situation is not only not the same as MY situation, but it is none of her fucking business.  AND that I don't need to think culling puppies is great when they can have full lives due to a defect AND I actually do not have to think the same way as she does.

It is weird that she was so fascinated that she stored this info for a long time, before springing it and actively follows me.  Weird, bizarre and more than a little sick, I think.  Whatever floats her boat though, apparently life is not full enough for her.  Glad I could help fill in some of the holes.

Yeah, the conversation was not about exceeding local law limits on canines either.  It was because I said "I don't believe in culling (killing) a puppy from a litter because it does not meet a standard, or because it has a defect but can live out their lives".  Oh, the bruh haha that ensued was remarkable, because I wouldn't take my opinion back.   An Airedale breeder whose name was something like pumpkin seed, needed to say that I didn't want to breed because I knew I would have to cull in that way from a comment that did not resemble that at all.

We all know this as gas lighting, straw man, red herring...   These people who exist feeding off the weaker simply because their opinions may vary than theirs, are people that don't realize others have outed their kind before.

And they are not worth our time.  I did unsubscribe from the list NOT because my (non) secret was out.   I can care less.   I don't care what they think about me as a dog trainer never mind my personal decisions in my life.  It was because I realized this is basically all the feedback you get on this list from these "professionals".   Most of whom can not play well with others, and so felt the need to leave all the professional organizations that they ever belonged to, because not everyone would think their way.

So hi my BOL club (Bitter Old Ladies),  and read away.  Hey, don't be an anonymouse next time, and let your name and opinions be known and shine.   Wanna tell anyone your views on culling or is that just on "secret" lists?

Gonna take more than that to ruffle my feathers.   Hey thanks for documenting those interesting items on that list though.  More people know how you really operate now, and it's not attractive.

Gotta wonder if this is the same person now stalking other people's blogs.   I could see these people doing this.  Especially now that they have been cut off from other venues of bullying, regulated to their "secret" list with other like minded bullies.   What fun is that for a bully to now be on a list where everyone opinions must be the same?   God, they have to branch out somewhere don't they.   So my apologies if they have branched out to a blog near you.


mulderfan said...

Bully! Exactly the right term to describe these pathetically insecure cyber stalkers. Just the run of the mill school yard bully gone high tech!

Since they are intellectually incapable of making their point through healthy two way discussion, they inevitably make it personal. Of course, everything is always personal for them! If you disagree with them, you must HATE them.

I'm, quite frankly, bored with all the horse shit that floats around in the guise of "comment". I just managed to climb out from under the pile of manure that my own family heaped on me for 60+ years so I can smell it a mile away.

...and "culling" healthy puppies just because they don't meet some arbitrary standard is illegal where I live.

Winterskiprincess said...

Apparently, it is legal here. However, try to look up the word on a breeder's site that admits that they do that, and you will hear sappy music and cute puppy pictures (and guess what no sign of the word cull).

I didn't realize it until I was taken back by someone's comment that "dogs not passing the deafness test, simply do not wake up". Not and are sickly and will not thrive.

The reasons that I was given were "they would take up space that a kill shelter dog could use". You know I have a dog that they would have culled with a wonderful temperament and working ability (and only three legs). Just because they find themselves in a kill shelter (and don't get me wrong I hope they find homes) does not mean that my Boris is undeserving of having been born, cared for, and finding a home.

The TRUTH is they don't want to pay for the food, care, or spend the time to raise them. And they certaintly don't want it to be known that an imperfect dog came from them and their breeding.

I guess if they don't exist, then they don't have to reexamine their breeding program OR have the expense of bringing a valuable (just not to them) life into the world. Ugh.

mulderfan said...

"kill shelter" Oxymoron if ever there was one.

My GSD was deemed not suitable for adoption because of the abuse he had suffered for the fist year of his life. Five years later I figure we were destined to meet the day before he was scheduled to be put down. Two losers living happily ever after...that's me and my boy!

winterskiprincess said...

Unfortubately, shelters assume that abuse means the dog can not go forward. That's just not true. Your dog is so lucky that someone found him that was willing to work with him, and let him go forward with his life (instead of living in the past).

So many people get an abused dog, and keep them trapped in their fear from the past. That is always a shame, and very stressful for the dog.

In the states that we call "The South" there is a real problem where dogs are being "imported" up North. Between no spay neuter, hunting dogs being lost and not found (or cared about beingfound), and then diseases being transported up to Maine (as we don't have the same importation laws as Massachusetts), I am sure many of our local "unwanted" dogs who are not puppies are paying the price. It is a shame on all fronts.

Shelter staff are not always the best versed at reading a dog, or realizing what circumstances are best present to read a dog. Plus our dog owning public is continually being dumbed down as far as dog training goes.

It is a viscious cycle that I don't know how to break, but I know culling viable puppies is hardly the answer:) Now if they are going to be physically miserable or temperamentally a public danger, that is a different story.

The dog business is a lot of fun, but there is a lot of sadness and helplessness when dealing with the public as well.

Winterskiprincess said...

I should also say, being a dog trainer can be a naricissits wet dream, unfortunately.