Monday, March 21, 2011
Do This and I Will Do That #NOT: A narcissist can only see from the point of view of their need (or a sociopath if they are more likely to step into the world of the illegal or physical violent). They can not see that their relatives do things with them or for them in order to spend time with them. They get the correlation of how to get something from their victim alright.
They see this as a way to get you to do something. They assume this is the same for you, so they dangle a carrot. They do not realize that this carrot is a promise to spend time with you or to do a project, nor do they care. They see this purely as a means to get you to do something, even if you would have done it with the empty promise of a project to be done on your behalf (you are thinking more of afternoons spent spending time together).
Oh, and when the time comes, whatever it was (cookies you last made with your grandmother and socionarc; the bookcases that you would build together, the door to the outside that you would be taught how to frame), those will not ever be considered as being done with you or for you. These were just a means to get to their end.
Do They Believe That They Are Roosevelts? (or the use of imagined future assets as another carrot) Another great trick for control is the "I want to leave you in my will but....." Course this only works if the victim is very concerned with being left in the will or cares at all. It particularly does not work if your victim thinks socionarc is entitled to whatever money they can save to themselves, AND further more is quite sure that their assets will remain in the negative.
It would perhaps be a bit more affective if they had a narcissist as a child who saw great potential in their future assets. Then you would have to hope for a greedy socionarc child for this to be at it's most effective.
Otherwise, what socionarc is telling their "beloved sperm or egg" is that you think so little of them, that you feel the need to bribe and control them. Not fodder for a great bonding experience and relationship.
I Have A Great Opportunity for YOU! (er no they don't) "I am doing a run (hahaha, not in my stepmonster's case---a charity lift up where her servants carry her around) for charity, and I have an opportunity for you to donate for me and have great advertising" Translation "You are my horrible step daughter who does nothing for me, I have found a way to use you and am too lazy to get anyone else to give to this to. I must always find a way for you to do something for me, so I will pretend this has a benefit to you".
Or you have the opportunity to give your product away at your cost so that your donor or monster can gift this to someone, as they are "supporting your business" NOT in anyway using you as a low cost means of getting gifts. After all, this produces SO MUCH publicity for you, and you would only be relying on family and friends to drive your business.
***Trying to stay out of the personal realm here, but failing in the latter examples.
What other "great" things have your Narcs or Socios done for or to you that announce "I am a Narc and/or Socio"!!! "I care not at all for others, and may pretend to care for those who cater to my life being as comfortable as possible without regard for anyone else but me!"
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Mulderfan shares their thoughts in a couple of excellent blog posts that illustrates abuse heaped on her spouse:
Guilt After Spousal Abuse
Upsi also shares how her own mother put Upsi's husband between them!
Destination: Gaslight Junction (or as I like to think of it, rewriting history to make one the hero of the story)
I think what really pissed me off when either of my donors disrespected, went after, or used my husband was the following "didn't they get enough jollies out of the mistreatment of me"? I mean really, you see us a couple of times of year, I am being the dutiful daughter and sucking it up, but you need to also do these things to him? That was unacceptable to me. It also tells you how lacking in self esteem that I was, that it needed to come to that for me to say "A FUCKING NOUGH ALREADY".
They both tried to use my husband readily enough when the estrangement began, and this is after my female donor had nothing but criticisms to say to me behind his back. And my male donor felt it appropriate for him and his monster of a wife to call my husband at work, while his mother was dying, for the sole purpose of complaining about me (and in the monster's case to be sure he did not want to list our house through her).
Really, it had to come to that for me to really really see them. Astonishing, as I am not a stupid person nor normally so willing to have people treat me shabbily. Just thinking about it, pisses me off all over again.
I saw a posting on a board that unfortunately describes what I feel for my donors "I despise them, I really do."