Have a relative frustrated because you are no longer talking to them (and deservedly so). Are they spreading lies about you on the Internet. Here are some creative solutions to stop the problem.
- Post your own obituary. Be sure to specify there will be no public service, private ceremony only. Be sure that this person will either find it or be unwittingly notified about it by a their associates.
- Hire an actor or actress to pretend they are you, correspond with them, and throw them completely off track (or make them think you are reconciled---just obvious problems are they will want to visit).
- Let them know you forgive them, and want a relationship with them but the radioactive nuclear waste in your area (where you are quarantined by the army) makes this, sadly, impossible.
- Send them creepy messages like "I just drove by your house" or "I know you were just on vacation". (My mother did this, and it quite effectively freaked me out).
- Ask for money first thing whenever they call.
- Have your cell phone barely charged on every conversation.
