Thursday Thirteen (13) Pieces of Financial Advice from My Husband

Here are thirteen ways my husband is "saving us" money:

1. Bought Willies for 350.00 last year to plow our road. Sadly the thing needs parts every time you want to start it up, and the snow is too heavy for it to push.


2. Turning off the boiler all the time, so there is no hot water when you need it. Not realizing how close he is coming to driving his wife over the edge if she needs to wait a *&&%$%$&^%^& half hour for WARM water again.


3. Driving 24 miles to "fill up", not actually filling up OF COURSE, and calling that paying less for gas.


4. Driving, first of all, to everything even if it's .7 miles away from us.


5. Petco bought food that provides us one free bag for every ten bags. When you have three large Dobermans, that's a large savings.


6. Buying a bike last year that he has rode maybe a handful of times, but he had to have it.


7. Not paying the meter or getting change for it when he could, and getting a 25.00 ticket. (mine was 50.00, but he doesn't know about that shhhhhhh)


8. Okay, this one is a good one, the pizza buffet at the Gaslight in Portsmouth, NH.


9. Turn in empty wine bottles, and usually that goes to the price of postage stamps or shipping.


10. Slowly replacing the light bulbs to energy saving light bulbs that last for seven years.


11. Making sure our thermostats are timed properly in the winter to go down low in the evening, and up in the mornings (I can not wake up in a cold room).


12. Complaining about products when they are bad, so we can get coupons and get something better in another of the company's product lines.


13. BJs runs for things we buy in bulk once a month.

Couple of Things

-The upstairs toilet is clogged (until hubby unclogs it, HIS JOB). He claims not to have done it, and I usually remember if something like a sea monster has emerged from my butt. Me thinks he lies. BTW, he was occupying the bathroom before the incident.

-The horn in my car is intermittently beeping. Rob's old car remote thing had gotten very sensitive due to his putting it through the wash numerous times. It hasn't been seen for awhile. I wonder where it is at this moment, and if I am going to be surprised by finding it come out somewhere?

-Had a dream in which I had my husband and a more obnoxious clone of my husband. It was somehow combined with my weird dreams of Irene's haunted apartment house, that looks more like the apartment that we rented (slum) from Dom way back in the day. Except it has a few more rooms like the mysterious old furniture room, the multiple shower room, and the leaky tub out back of the mysterious old furniture room. I was really annoyed at clone Robert when I woke up, because he kept commenting that I looked worse as the day went on. I kept throwing pieces of soap at his er, naughty bits. Weird.

My Husband is So Gullible-The Front Fell Off (LOL)

Okay this bit is extremely funny, but it is a gag video. My husband totally bought that this was a real interview LOL.



On this link Snopes.com completely outs it!!

Things You May Want to Ponder Before Actually Saying Them Out Loud to Your Wife

"Well, at least you aren't as crazy as your mother."

"Our marriage may not be the best, but......." when gossiping about another's marriage, there is probably a MUCH better way to put this.

"You don't look that bad".

"Honey, you used to have it like that" and then the attempted save "hey you can't go back to nineteen" (female translation for those boys who are too stoopid to figure it out, this means you don't look that great now, and will never come close to looking great again)

Unless you actually want your wife to start looking for a new "boy toy" things like these are best left behind the lips never to be spoken. I am just saying. Don't worry, me and my husband are fine. I visit the garden where I buried him everyday .

Google Maps-Where My Husband Grew Up

Here is the street (no street view available sorry), where my husband did most of his growing up.


View Larger Map

Last Day of Wine and Roses

Okay, I agreed to give up wine until Halloween, which will probably continue to fit in nicely with my weight goals. And my husband agreed to give up his vice, which I will mysteriously leave out LOL.

This was all my husband's idea by the way. I am hoping he won't be a big grumper this whole week!! I should be good.

My Husband Is Trying to Poison Me, Again

I used to like chopped liver. That is until....yesterday night around 2:19am to 6:00am for the main fireworks.

Husband thoughtfully bought American Kosher chopped liver for me. Felt it tasted funny but still gave it to me. I just thought it wasn't made that good, and so I gobbled up some.

Didn't feel anything funny until I woke up at 2:19am with the distinct feeling that something ugly was gonna happen if I didn't get to the toilet pronto. Then from that time until 6am it would stop after six times, and then 15 minutes later it would start all over again like the first time.

Now there have been other incidents with my husband. My most favorite that comes to mind is when hubby put the stool softeners in the aspririn bottle. Um, I unfortunately got a headache and thought I took some aspirin. My husband was like "couldn't you tell those pills weren't aspirin?" Gee, no, never thought to question what type of pills might be in the ASPIRIN bottle.

Oh Another Husbandism

Oh yeah, the husband came up with another piece of wisdom to share wid y'all. How could I have married such a conservative close minded person? And how can this person be a really nice caring guy, albiet having such screwed up beliefs?

Or was I raised to "liberally" by parents that did not even believe in the idealogies that I took to heart. I was so raised not to be racist, sexist, and not to judge based on sexual going ons in ones own life (as long as consenting adults, blah blah blah, no one is hurt). I have always really believed this and continue to.

Howard Stern interviewed Martine Rosenblatt who invented satellite radio. Now my husband and I are both pretty huge Howard Stern fans, we own Sirius Stock, and we subscribe to Howard on Demand because we do not have satellite radio as yet. BUT WE WILL, AND WE FIRMLY BELIEVE OTHERS WILL COME AS WELL, JUST LIKE CABLE. In the meantime, we have a budget and don't have money right now for additional luxuries, we should probably cancel our premium cable channels since I use Netflix (gotta wait for the Dexter new season to come and go first, not to mention the last two episodes of the Sopranos).

So this guy (now gal) is fascinating. First of all, he invented much of the more sophisticated technology that goes into satellite radio. Oh, the interview was such a move to get the info out and promote Sirius, but it was all good. Martin(e) has been married for 48 years to the same woman, and has a cute daughter with her. Fairly recently he let her know that he wanted to be a woman, and (after I am sure a period of surprise) she was good with it and wanted him to be happy. They still have a sexual relationship, and when Howard asked if she was now a lesbian, she said something like no, I love my husband for who he is so I guess I am a Martineism. I thought that was pretty good, and everyone exclaimed that was what true love is.

Is that the end of the story? Oh no, this guy's daughter got sick, and there was no cure. So he started up the bio company that made the cure that saved his daughter, and it trades for over 60.00 a share now!! Do you know how hard it is to get a bio company to perform like that? Not only did he come up with a cure, he came up with a viable nother company.

Clearly this guy is a genuis, with a great career good family life. So we are talking to the tenants about it, and my husband says "this guy is so fascinating and such a genius, isn't it amazing how messed up he is." Huh? Because he felt a certain way, and changed physical only characteristics to make the outside match how he felt inside, he's messed up. Granted if my husband came to me with this same scenario, I don't know if I would be open minded enough to handle it, and go a whole nother way sexually, but I don't think that means this guy is messed up.

I think it means that as a society we are pretty repressed and close minded in our thinking. I mean in the end, what does it matter, who cares? It's just a preconceived perception, or am I messed up ? I won't agree with you if you say yes by the way!!

Monday Musings of My Man

My husband has read some of my blogs poking fun at him. He has come to the strange conclusion that I like love him or something. I am wondering when he is going to realize he was just a fling already. It's been twenty going on twenty one years already.

So, I had posted that the inspection sticker on his car is from November of 2005, and I had a fit when I realized he had not gotten his car inspected. And knowing my doodie face the way that I do, I know that it's not that he has just forgotten to do it. Then it would only be a few months old NOT years old.

Finally, he manages to get the windshield wipers fixed on the car at my constant nagging. Which was promptly followed by the appointment (yes even though we aren't REALLY in the boonies, we are considered rural, and appts need to be made to go for an inspection) for an inspection sticker.

He goes, and the car fails. So I need to ask him, as he hasn't volunteered this info. He goes "the tire rods are shot. 450.00 to fix it. What do you think?" WHAT DO I THINK? FIX IT, DUMMY. No, I want you to be stopped in 2009 with a 2005 Mass inspection sticker, or worse be killed because you won't at the minimum maintain your car (the car he HAD to have by the way) so it passes inspection.

AARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Oh, Guess what the sale item was for last week. Easter candy.

The Mind of My Husband

Oh, yes, it's that time boys and girls "musings of my man". You know, I need to capture these when they happen before I forget. And I only poke fun at him because he is a wonderful man. To make this up to him, and because of the fact that he thinks he is "blogging" while not actually blogging (LOL God help us all when he figures this out, he likes to "participate" with suggestions that I don't take now), I am gonna give you a little example of what he needs to deal with.

We are in the grocery store the other day, and are in the check out line. We are close to those magazines that I never by, I just read the headlines when I am way bored. Grocery shopping with the husband is such a trial on my patience. Besides my grandfather, I have never met a man that likes to meander through the grocery store like you are in the most fabulous clothes store made in the world (which distracts me to say, has anyone else realized Macy's does not have a mens section anymore? Or never did, see they merged with Filenes that used to have a good mens store, but I digress)

A little demo there of what might be called ADD. So on the cover of one of those mags, it says Tom and Katie to break up or divorce. No duh, did she finally come to her senses, I am thinking. Then I am thinking about the rumors of Tom's sexual preferences that went around after his first wife. Then I am thinking, man shouldn't there be a limit on how many failed marriages you can have in a so many years period of time. Then my thoughts become a loud booming voice when I say (loudly) to my husband "do you think Katie finally realized that Tom is a homosexual"? "Um, yeah plastic please, and ignore the wife, would ya?" Daggers come in the sideways look that says "uh, yeah, you have expressed your non-pc thoughts out loud again. "

Seriously though, I think I have said before hot male celebrities should NEVER make the mistake of speaking in public. EVER, it ruins all our sexual fantasies. And if you get married and divorced like a gazillion times or cheat on your wife or go all psycho scientology, it is like a negative 90% hit to your hotness. So all male hot celebrities that are reading this blog, take note. See, except for that one "incident", my hottie, Rob Lowe, has done it right. Okay, it's from the eighties get off me. I am stuck in my eighties college days. At least in the female to male equation, I am not sure whether male to male is the same. For instance male to female, guys could care less what Jolie says, quite frankly. She is just hot. She could do a million stupid things, and she would still be hot.....sigh.

Oh yes, now to humiliate the husband. Hmmmm, should have waited for something much better before letting loose my idiocy above. Here is a musing "I buy things when they are on sale". Okay to realize why this makes me roll my eyes. It's not that he buys things we NEED or WANT or have been LOOKING FOR when they are on sale. So prime example, candy. If it's on sale, it's coming home. It doesn't matter who is on a diet or wether it's on my "food I can not be trusted or expected not to eat if it's in the same building with me". Luckily the item that brought the comment up was brownie mix, which SOMEONE has to bake. Let me tell you folks, there was a request that I NEVER COOK at the beginning of our dating (and I think it was included in the wedding vows) which I heartily continue. So we all know that I won't be tempted to actually the bake the brownies. Those giradelli brownies for the mix are so good, and just the newest thing that was purchased solely because it was "on sale". As an previous accountant I go by the "time value of money" concept and only buy it on sale if 1) I happen to need it and 2) it's on sale. Otherwise I divvy up the 25 cents extra only when I need it.

To Castrate or Not Castrate----Another Post Inspired by the Husband

How many times have you heard someone say "he should be castrated" of a phedophile or rapist. Are people so niave as to think the sexual predator will not creatively find another insertion device. After all, it's more about control and sadism than sex.

You really want to solve the problem. Well, madatory death penalty for certain crimes would do it (assuming we can trust our legal system to prosecute on the "no shadow of a doubt" theory, which I think we all know would be a faulty assumption). There is jail, but how many times has one (oops) been let loose or let loose as they have been "rehabilitated" supposedly. Only for some unfortunate soul (normally a dead sole as the perpetrator does not want to go back to prison) finds out later on.

Assuming we could trust our legal system as above, I say take off all extremities. Arms, legs, and then you could leave the sexual organs be. Like to see someone try to rape or molest another with no arms or legs. Alright, pull out their teeth too, just in case.

Oooooohhhh, thought of another quote

Caught on to this from a little innocent phrase that my husbands friends seem to use a lot. Course, to not be caught, you actually need to be seeing someone on the day indicated LOL.

See you next Tuesday. I hope someday I do have an opportunity to say this to the step monster.

C youU Next Tuesday!!!! *ahem* Sorry. Know I had talked about favorite quotes, and here is one that can be "masked" unless it has gotten that popular by now.

Next Quote From The Husband

"Lesbians are man haters". That is the definition of lesbian according to my husband. It's not that some woman prefer to have sexual relations with other woman.

An interesting note, in my husband's mind the reverse is not true. Men who are gay do not hate women.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. He really believes this. Wow, such an awesome guy in so many other ways, how can this brain blip occur?

May need to change blog name to bad news

I don't know if I can talk about family estrangement anymore. Not interesting me so much, or really bothering me anymore.Sadly though, and unfortunate incident at my husband's work is causing much stress. He was having performance problems with one of his employees, an older woman, which as some people would know falls under two protected classes. She choose to retaliate by filing a human resources complaint against my husband, saying he demeaned her at first. Then HR in all their infinite wisdom, told her to dig up any kind of thing she could find. She didn't find much, but she found an e-mail from another employee that instructed my husband to get it done faster than a prom dress comes off. He had replied and cc'd her because the rest of it had to do with loan closings, and didn't remember that was on there. That is probably the worst she came up with, otherwise she has voluntarily given them the e-mails my husband couldn't find that detailed the problems with her performance. Thank goodness for that, don't think she realizes she just did my husband a big favor.

Still pretty stressful, not sure that my husband isn't going to loose his job over this.