Six posts over three years to say you are wrong? Or that everyone else is wrong?

There has been an elephant that I have been trying to ignore, but have become fascinated by it.  My egg donor has been writing a now six part series on "being wrong".   I have no idea what the point is to any of these posts.

You would think I might have some insight into this, but even looking at these seems akin to falling down the rabbit hole that is my egg donor's rational in the worlds of things too big and too small (and way off kilter).   It's been a couple of years since I have specifically brought up either of my donors as a topic, but I am just too fascinated.   It's sort of like seeing something disturbing (like the injury to the basketball player in the news) and yet need to look to be sure it's okay.   When you look though, there is no way this is okay (or sane).  My mother wrote a similar odyssey of her martyrdom, sacrifice, and the harsh cruel world that forced it's indignities on her in parts I, II, III, and of course IV.  I have linked my thoughts as this series went on here.

Now to be followed by the six, yes six, and lengthy part series on "being wrong".   I had done some posts on her previous four part series, as I was confused as to the purpose of these postings.   You know this was not new to me, except for one disturbing piece of information.  I had after all, been the accident that began the whole story, and lived in the house as the "events" unfolded while living in the donors self involved dramas as the bit part pawn.   Course I shouldn't be surprised that the egg donor might have forgotten that I was there at all!

So now we this most recent series that I will try to summarize the message of (though I am thoroughly confused as I read them, and wonder if some sort of small stroke might have occurred or dementia):

Part 1 May 30, 2011  Entitled "Being wrong the book the experience" Here we find that she finds her friends are wrong about Bob and Janice (see part 4).   So she is first not liking them, but then finds her friends are wrong, and likes them.   So here is where she is wrong, but then wait for it...Part 4 nix that, she was right all long!   In each she is the hero or the victim.   Heroically she reverses her sheep like reaction, and overcomes her wrong friends.   Then she finds she is a victim to her rescues, and her friends were right after all.   Meaning ultimately, she was always right, always doing the right thing.

Part 2 June 14, 2011 Entitled "More on the subject of being wrong"talks about deception on the Bachelorette?  Um, er, okay.   This is reality.

Part 3 October 2, 2012    Entitled "When you are just plain wrong"   Talks about how she was wrong on her assumption of Hugo (you might think one would notice a trend in themselves by now...ASS umptions based on nothing more than the marbles rolling around in her skull)  

Part 4 October 4, 2012  Entitled "How is it that we choose the wrong answer?" Now it is Bob and Janice, started from an above post.   Now they the very horrible people she first thought they were based on other people's opinions, who she found to be wrong previously (LMAO).  So is that like a double negative, where wait for it, she was right all along.

Part 5 March 28, 2013 (***and I have to note this came after "someone" was reading extensively on my blog after I posted on 3/25) She read a book called Being Wrong.   In it it described an experiment where people would give an incorrect answer (on something that would be obvious) in the presence of other people who gave an incorrect answer (sounding like peer pressure or the sheep response to me)   Other people apparently incorrectly believed they were paralyzed.   So we are all capable of believing anything at all, and thus are always incorrect (you know except possibly one person *her*)  Blah blah blah, and how others treat other strangers on the Internet regarding what side of estrangement they are on, and blah blah blah blah and we get to the Carol story.   Who may or may not have been a perfectly lovely angel, but the point is Tim would have had to be wrong but not meaning to be wrong.   But Eggy knows of course.   And blah blah blah to a final point of that could people can be abusive while thinking they are doing a good thing....  (um, if they are and they are good, they have apologized once they realized this, and not taken this as their excuse as to having not done anything wrong at all).   Doing the "right" thing and being abusive are not compatible.   Sorry, not going to excuse eggy nor should anyone else excuse eggy's behavior for this lame "excuse".   Its taken her many many years to think this one up, she should have done better.

Part 6 March 29th 2013:  From part five, what if she was her friend Tim that was clearly wrong (and why wouldn't eggy be sure about it one way or the other) about the other friend Carol.   Sometimes we are all Tim, though she does not know why we would be Tim.  "People" have likewise be "wrong" about her and that makes her both pained and irritated.  But in the end, she magnanimously accepts other people's right to be wrong, and perhaps not even know they are wrong.  Guess that is probably someone like me.  I wouldn't bother to list all the things that I have been "wrong" about that have been acknowledged AND are out there in black and white.   Where she was being abusive but "thought she was doing the right thing"---give me a fucking break.    Seriously, she bore birthed and brought me up, did they tell her I was retarded?

So you get the point of her series right?   I'm off to see the caterpillar and smoke whatever comes out of his pipe.   My advice is this.   When you are wrong, step up, apologize, immediately.   Don't wait years and then try to come up with excuses in a series of senseless blog posts.   I am not assuming she is posting for my benefit by the way, I just wonder how many other people know her who she thinks are idiots that would believe this claptrap (be they Carol, Tim, Janice, Bob or the Jabberwocky).   That is the wrong way to say it, who she thinks are to stupid to see through to what she really is.   Yeah, I definately look at her through a dark film, as I have experienced her first hand once upon a time.

 I have dealt with being wrong right away in the moment it happened.   There is no excuse for not owning up to what one has done or taking ownership for it.   You can't disguise it as having abused someone while thinking you were doing the right thing, as everyone knows it's bullshit.   The only one someone who thinks like that is fooling is MAYBE themselves.  The very sad thing is that they (self absorbed, the selfish, narcissists) are really trying to fool their victims.   They think all these words will hypnotize their intended victim into a stupid state of unconsciousness.  

I don't think all the parts to this newest (senseless) series is over by a long shot either.   Perhaps I am wrong, and I will own it if I am, but she seems to be doing a very dysfunctional dance trying to exonerate herself for something.  Abuse, being wrong, I don't know.   I don't care.   Maybe I am wrong about my opinions about her, but I have earned those opinions and would have to ignore so many actual actions and writings to dispute my theories about her----and that would make me an idiot.   I don't like her or trust her to want to be an idiot for her.   Been there, done that, it's over.

Anyone want to take any bets on how many more parts there are to go?   I am going to say there will be eight parts by the time she is finished.

Reply to Mom's Four Part Series

It's so ironic to me that you complain about my "correcting" you when you talked about me for 4 years, including lies about my feelings for my grandfathers & step brothers death, and a known lie about why I ceased talking to my grandmother. You hunted down my realitives (I never got Jimmy on the phone) and "interviewed" them. And my husband was just being polite if he said he didn't know why I wasn't talking to you, and he was feeling harranged when he told you I felt you were mentally ill. He probably just wanted you off the damn phone.

Nice and reasonable does not work with you. Apparently you get the message much more, and put a little more thought into it when nasty comes in. I hate being nasty to people, but as I have learned in the corporate world, when nasty works it's nasty that they gets.

Won't it be refreshing if you actually stop writing about me and my father now. I mean what more possibly could you have to say? You've had a good four year run, is it out of your system yet.

As for being judgemental, yeah, I never received an apology or validation for anything you did to hurt me. Not one, "I see how me not telling you that I was married could have been upsetting, especially when I wrote to your father about it and let you know that way, by being abused by him in my stead". Nope. It's not that I was upset that you were imperfect, but you wanted the fucking perfect daughter in me, and the perfect relationship only as per how you wanted it? I don't think so.

You couldn't muster up a "how's your husband doing" while I was mentioning what room number he was in and what hospital to you, but you did want the perfect birthday gift. And that's how you wanted to measure our relationship? You even mentioned the CD player you got me as a measure I should use for your birthday gift. Then you whine about how little money you had at the same age I was, then you say it must be because I am overvaluing my talents as an accoutant.......you have really twisted logic and a twisted version of what a realtionship should be.

Then while you say you have a copy of an apology, you can't muster up what could possibly have been in it, other than you didn't know how to communicate at the time. Not only were you an imperfect mother, which I could live with, but you couldn't even apologize for abandoning me in a parking lot when I was young, vulnerable, didn't know how to drive, didn't have a cell phone or money to call for help, and then scream at me for giving you a message when you got back that I had no idea as a young girl was an issue.

To say that parents should be getting along during a divorce, when it was you that was trying to get me in the middle to sue my dad, and break into his house to get your things. Is that part of keeping your daughter out of the middle?

Or that your daughter wasn't your confidant during the time you were having an affair, so you never needed to give her a heads up while leaving her with her father? Yet there was another personal errand you could bring her on, not to mention encouraging her to read Hite reports so her sex life wouldn't be as bad as yours while she was still in Junior High, never mind High School?

I think you were a bit more than imperfect, like completely self absorbed and self interested. You didn't even know me, you even needed to make up a list of things you thought were me based on interests you last knew in High School. It might occur to you that since I was younger, of course my interests would be things that younger adults would know.

As far as being an incomplete picture during my childhood, in reading your posts it's still the same picture. One that I didn't need to be involved in. And there was no need to be eaves dropping through the heating vent, as you guys were screaming at each other while I was watching tv in the room. Didn't seem to be a whole lot of concentration on good parenting from either of you during this time, beyond my basic needs? I think the lack of understanding on who I was just shows where your concentration was the whole time........on you.

The only illumination you gave me, was that you sought therapy and actually thought about it before intitating an affair during your marriage. So it was premediated while you had other responsibilities. And you feel no remorse for that. It is entirely everyone else's fault that you didn't get a divorce first during this period of thinking about this. And perfectly understandable why a friendship would be possible with a husband that you did this for two years!!! Okay.......apparently you don't have a whole lot of understanding of human emotions or empathy towards anyone other than yourself. And I say this thinking dad isn't any great shakes either.

I hope you can do me the kindness of now putting this at an end. I sincerely hope you didn't write this as a way to get through to me for the goals you are looking for, which is justification that you can be so selfish by not validating how others in this scenario might have felt or suffered. It was all just about you and your journey. Well, if that is they way you felt living your life, and continue to live your life that way, feel free. But to think everyone else is going to say, "hell yeah let's go for a trip to Sweden and you just feel free to abandon me like you did before, and we just to things you like doing. And let me now obsess about getting you the perfect present especially when all you did was complain about presents that I attempted to get you based on what I thought you might like and my finacial situation". Um, the answer is just continue staying out of my life lady. I am sorry that might hurt you. I am sorry that I am unable to love someone as self absorbed and selfish as you. I mean that sincerly, I have no pride in not wanting a relationship with my mother. But I am imperfect, and that is my selfish choice. My life has been better without you in it for all this time, and will continue to. I hope you can find some joy in the fact that I enjoy my life, I did not go into a marriage without love, I have chosen not to have children so that they will not suffer from inattention although I probably would not have been as inattentive as either you or dad, and I have made the selfish choices in my life that have made it better. On the other hand, the loving relationships that I have where the love, validation, and support are returned, I am unselfish in what I give them, because what I get back in non-material things is so much, and so rewarding and what I have been missing in my own biological parent relationships.

Have a good life. And if you can keep from writing about me, you will be able to keep from hearing from me. But perhaps that is exactly what you are trying to avoid, and so perhaps I have allowed msyelf to be sucked into your vapid void all over again.

Ah, the Final Solique-Mom's 4 of 4

Well here it is. Kind of anti climatic, wonder why she bothered? To whom is she writing too?

Any way, as far as therapy, that's not going to make her a person that does not demand the perfect present and relationship in repayment for the imperfect part of her.....soooooooo....not going to happen. I was fine in having an imperfect relationship with my imperfect mother.

10 years ago......when she could not honor her own six month vacation.

So now, perhaps she is done with writing about me. Wouldn't that be refreshing.

Let's see, she starts off by saying things she has done to prove she loved me, let's take stock shall we:

1) Calling up my husband and relatives to "interview" them
2) Sending me an e-mail "apology sincerely offered" in subject button then admitting on her blog it was only a ruse to get me to read that she would be in Worcester
3) Writing on an online board that I had no feelings about the death of my grandfather or Josh, which was just a lie, and timed interestingly after (in fact stated in the next sentences after she mentioned this) she found out I thought she was a sick woman.
4) Defacing my wedding picture on her blog, and then trying to justify it, and not taking it off
5) Walking around and peering into my house without permission
6) Saying she would take six months off from harrassing me, then unable to follow her own suggestion
7) I agree to her coming down, where she agrees that we will do things I enjoy for a change. Thereafter, she sends me a letter outlining things she will not do (all things I enjoy of course) and a menu plan for Robert to follow because she "doesn't eat that kind of food".

Part 4 of 4 on it's Way?

Seems mom is taking a bit of time with part 4 of 4. The Estrangement. Could be part of a horror movie series!! Wonder if it will even make it on there. See dad there checking it out to to see what other horrors she has had to write about him.

Now my turn, how will this fictional account go? Something like I just wanted better birthday presents, I don't understand how my daughter was angry with me. Her husband was just in the hospital, how could she not want to argue endlessly with me on how I was not going to get the perfect birthday gift for me. That I was already ungrateful with any gifts I got, and this wasn't going to become the further wheel of torture for her.

I had bad taste I guess back then, because I went to find gifts that I thought she would enjoy. She actually mentioned gifts that she had given me like a CD player radio et et, as to the quality and dollar value she would enjoy getting. We were in a different place than her age wise and financially, although we would probably spend 100+ on her, we were in no position to be paying 300+ on her, especially when all she ever did was call and complain about her gifts before this ever happened.

Considering she was not up for a Marginally Good Mother award in my eyes, I mean she was a marginally good mother, but not the best marginally good mother (in that she fed, clothed, and sheltered me before the age of 18), she was lucky she didn't just get a card quite frankly. Actually, she was lucky she got a card, and one that did say "Mom, You Suck Happy Birthday". Those haven't caught on at Hallmark yet.

Personally, I think they would make a killing with cards of that type LOL.

Mom's Solique Part 3 of 4

Not really all that worth reading. Justifications for knowing doing something thought out that was wrong, because everyone else's life is like a soap opera. I bet the big difference between her and those other people, they were probably expressing their remorse when they told their story.

I don't really care that she had an affair, what buts me is the lack of remorse, especially with the insistance that she wants to be friends with Tony. What? I mean could she see that perhaps he doesn't want to be friends with her being that she was fucking another while married to him for another two years. Pretty twisted, being that she went to therapy to come up with that solution. No responsibility to end the marriage as tidly as possible for her family's sake. And she specifically sites for a physical relationship, not an emotional one.

You know parents don't have to be friends after a divorce, they just need to be able to communicate civilly on occaision, and put on a good face at family gatherings. And I guess part of my mother's bid to have a harmoneous relationship, including trying to get me to break into my father's house and steal stuff for her. Or maybe it was when she tried to get me to sue my dad for tuition that he didn't end up paying. If she wanted such a harmoneous relationship between us all, why was she playing these little divorce pawn games? Yeah, I am getting her a trophy right now for mother of the century.

It's just gross all of it. I really hope she is not writing to me, because I empathize less and less the more she goes on and on.

And I have no idea where those books are that she is talking about, I liked them too, as they were part of my child hood. I am sure she must know some rare book dealers that could help her find either one. I know I have been searching for the fairy tale one myself. Instead of whining and wringing her hands and being irresponsible, why doesn't she just buck up (or didn't) and take action and do the right thing?

Or perhaps express some remorse when admitting to these that are horrible things to other people, especially your family that includes your daughter. I mean if I was so loved and adored, certaintly I wouldn't get the response "shit happens" when I ask why she didn't bother to tell me she got married when it happened.

The she lies about it. I am sure she would remember the thorough thought and effort that would have gone into it (if she wasn't so self absorbed, selfish, and self centered to not even thing of it) to tell her own daughter she's getting or gotten married.

On a humorous note, dad must just be thrilled to see his sexual life posted up there for all to see.

Who is My Mother Writing the Solique to?

I am very confused about this story that my mom's writing. Grant you I recognize the story, but who is she writing it to? She can't be writing it to me, can she?

I mean, I knew she married at 19, that they didn't love each other, that they had sexual problems the clarification of the extent does not change it, and that she had an affair. I mean she went to a therapist after her friend died, had the affair, then told dad. Why not just get the divorce? I mean is that too obvious a question. Don't have an affair, get a divorce.

I feel kind of like I am being an ass here, but to feel no remorse for doing that, to feel like what you did was a completely justified act. I mean if she said, it was a poor decision on my part, I would feel for her. But to be wringing her hands at that point, AFTER SEEKING HELP AND THINKING ABOUT IT. That doesn't make it a loveable act for me, not that I should be the one judging her.

But for her to think Tony (aka my biological father--well actually unfortunately my only father) would want to be friends after? Only she gets to be niave as the crisis developed. Doesn't sound like dad had the benifit of therapy before being told his wife just cheated on him. I hate even having to be put in a position to empathize with him, because I just know he must have sucked to be married to. Take my word for it, in picking my husband I wasn't looking for my father in disguise. I do feel bad for him, but he's not a nice person, he's more pathetic than anything.

Mother Recent Solique Part 2 of 4

She takes a more reasonable tone here, and doesn't try to justify as much, which is refreshing.

I do have to corrections to make. 1) The arguments and blow outs weren't every six months LOL. They were like every third day. 2) As for the combined wanting to be good parents. They hardly knew I was there most of the time. I didn't see any kind of specific trying to be a good parent other than feeding, clothing and sheltering me. I'm not saying they did a horrible job, but if they were really concentrating on the art of parenting, um why were the blow out arguments right in the house with me. I am pretty sure I could have been kept out of being a witness to most arguments.

On me eavesdropping as a child, first of all you hardly had to eaves drop as the yells filled the air in a very small house. My bedroom was upstairs, and the tv room is where the vent was. All you had to do to "eavesdrop" would be minding your own business and watching tv as you parents screamed at each other directly below you. So now I am thinking they really weren't all that bright. The other thing she talks about are my perceptions as a child, and I can assure you that reading her blog they are the same perceptions that I have now. Gross. Like I need to hear this. Who cares.

Why if there was such attention to detail, did my mother never even realize that I enjoyed different music than she did MY WHOLE LIFE. I enjoy classical too, but not the same classical music she enjoys. She never knew a thing about me other than I enjoyed romance novels, which she noticed as she was not interested in them, and that I liked to play instruments. Oh, and that I wasn't doing well in school. That was pretty much the extent of her knowledge about me.

Then she talks about how she didn't want me to be like her, and the next breath lists out how many things my dad and her didn't have in common. So? Tells me in order to even like someone in her eyes, they need to mirror your exact interests, which her current husband most assuredly does.

To me, if Robert likes sports and I don't, so what? He goes and watches sports. Sometimes I watch with him, sometimes I go watch a horror movie. My husband doesn't like horror movies.

I mean there were scads of reasons why my parents sucked together, and in my opinion the fact that he liked sports and she didn't just wasn't that important. Now the fact that they were so self centered and everything was always about them.....hmmmmm. Hard for them to compete in that kind of environment.

As for their combined love of our pets, I am glad I wasn't one they all died horrible deaths. Mom didn't take a one or ever ask about their well being after she left. I am sure if she took one cat, the destitution would have been of gothic novel proportions. It's hard to imagine that at my age, she was as immature as she is describing.

Nope, three things. She says she didn't tell me of her affair because I wasn't her confidant or advisor, which is fine. Course it would have been just ducky if she had let me know about that before she left me with a father that was sure to take that out on me, oh and surprise me with the news. Nice huh? But my point here, and I need to be real vague as it is a family secret, one that my mom thinks only me and she knows, and while parties she would not like to know about this don't, course my husband does. She included me in an errand once that was highly inappropriate to take ones daughter to. I won't go into it more than that, but to tell me she was having an affair would have been far healthier.

Mom's Solique is Apparently Part 1 of 4 (was part 1 of 3)

Apparently my mother is going to commence the whining in a four part series. The first of the series can be found in a link below.

But, but, I had to work at menial jobs like everyone else did, and I had to walk to work just like everyone else had to. I had to grow up just like everyone else. Woeeess me. I had to be a selfish self-absorbed person from the get go you see.

Puke, gag me with a spoon as they used to say in my day. Whatever lady. Been there done that but without the kid. And unlike my mother, also with parents so absorbed in themselves just as I graduated high school to do anything but be abusive towards me, and use me in their divorce and remarriage games.

At least they were still status quo where they left off with their parents. Had I had a baby, I wouldn't have been able to count on them, not one little bit. And for sure, my kid would not have been allowed near them. Period.

A Revised Fairy Tale for My Mother

This is written as if I was my mother, not me.

Once upon a time I became pregnant by a man I did not love, much less like or know. While I despised my parents and would subject my newborn to the abuse at their house, I felt totally justified in moving in and wedding this man that I did not love. I did tell him that, and now fault him for not seeing what a selfish bitch I really was at the time. Clearly everything is about me, and it is my right to use everyone.

My child was my delight in that she was totally dependent on me and under my control. I used to like to play the game with her, with her dysfunctional dad of who do you like better? When I was interested in spending time with her I did, and when I wasn't I didn't. We spent much time yelling in front of her, and subjecting her to our relationship which was never "right". From an early age my daughter became my confidant and sounding board. I started teaching her about sex at five years old, so the same "accident" wouldn't happen to her.

I claimed to be a feminist, and did in fact go to college and get my masters mostly funding it through state funds, yet still whine about it that my husband went first. Course he actually used the degree that he studied for to make most of the money, but I will still find a problem with it for ever. It also allowed me to spend time with my cherished daughter.

When my daughter was in first grade, I became knowledgeable (supposedly according to Ginny) about the abuse of a teacher to her. Actual physical abuse. But I allowed it, because my husband did not want me to do otherwise.

As soon as my daughter hit her early teens, it was time to let her in on our sexual dysfunction as well. Hite reports, playboys, and penthouses were left around the house. I encouraged my daughter to read the Hite report so she wouldn't have the dismal sex life that I had.

The yelling increased, and soon my daughter had the good sense to stop participating in family dinners by having them up in her room. She started to have a mind of her own, so time spent with her was mostly grousing at her, intimating that she had a learning disorder (and never doing anything about it) or that something was wrong with HER. Oh no, it could not have been the dismal family environment to which she was enslaved to.

AT her age of 16, I decided instead of getting a divorce and going on with my life, to start an affair during my marriage. Something else that is totally acceptable for me to do, due to my own decision to enter into a loveless marriage. My daughter got to come home from school when I had "friends" over, and find us in the kitchen being very quiet when she came in. I let her wonder for awhile what was going on.

Finally, right before she graduated high school, I decided to leave. I left her with her father who I despised and knew was verbally abusive towards her. I claim to have cared there was no room in my new apartment for her to visit, but the truth is that a cot could have easily been set up. I was far to absorbed in my new life to have a relationship with her.

When finally I decided to bring her to the Cape for a visit, I mentioned we should go to the mall. My daughter then had the unfortunate message from her dad that she did not know to be a problem. I promptly drove off while she stood in the parking lot wondering what she did wrong or if I would bother to come back for her. I did after an hour or two. Then I screamed at her for giving me the message. Clearly this was her fault. All of it. I then wanted to go to a Brown concert to which my daughter was not interested in, as she was 19 and liked music of her actual generation. Instead of going by myself and enjoying it, I blamed my daughter for me not going as she was next in line to provide happiness in my life and cater to me alone. Silly girl, she wanted to go to the beach, and listen to her music on her welcoming. Especially since I always just love to drag her to jazz concerts before that were not her style nor did she like. How dare she not want to go this one time.

Later on, I decided I would just let her find something out not from me personally, but through her father. The first thing that I let her discover for herself, was my affair. She got to hear it when she came home one evening, and her father was talking to his brother about it. Then after he hung up, she got to be yelled at by her father as if she had the affair or had some knowledge of it.

The second thing I let her learn without talking to her directly about, was my marriage to my new husband. I sent a letter to her father, which he again read to her in a tone that suggested she must have known about that too. Later when I received a Christmas present for our joint house, I made sure to berate her about the china which she had personally liked. Later on I was sure to ask for the correct quality and quantity of my gifts, even though I was never pleased or thankful for anything she gave me.

Later on when her father did not want to pay her tuition bill, I openly encouraged her to sue her father since my divorce settlement said he would pay for her college. My daughter decided against that. Then when she was picking up some of her stuff at her father's house, I suggested she go in when he didn't know, and snoop and steal some stuff that I wanted without his permission. She didn't think that was such a good idea either.

I had many lovely visits with Robin besides the Cape visit. Many times she flew over or road over to spend time with me, it used to be for a whole week in the beginning, the moment she wanted to spend days only, I was sure to give her a hard time and guilt trip about that too. Meanwhile, I couldn't be bothered to spend more than six hours with her.

There was the trip to visit her in college. Despite the fact that apparently I knew what it was like to be poor, I had to berate her about the quality of the apartment (not that it wasn't clean or anything) and the best bed that her and her roommate had given up for me. It wasn't enough, and although my daughter said goodnight and asked if everything was all right, I expected her to check on me several times, and even though there was nothing in her power to do, apparently I wanted her to secure a master suite with me for the night. Not that I ever did the same for her, when her and her husband visited they slept on the floor in the fifty degree house I kept for them. My daughter really enjoyed my company on that trip (the one at her college).

Well let's see, then there was her marriage. I was sure to proceed that with phone calls about my abysmal marriage, how I didn't like marriage, how I didn't like her father. I was sure not to have any pleasant kind of conversation whatsoever about plans et. Her in law family had an elaborate according to me (it was lunch at a restaurant) to welcome her into the family. I couldn't even be bothered to show up on time that night. When I did, guess what the topic of conversation was? My Mercedes and her father. On the day of the wedding when I knew my daughter was having her hair done and doing other wedding related things, I suggested that instead of me picking up her grandmother, that she do it. I also watched as the neighbor helped my daughter into her gown, instead of showing the slightest interest in the proceedings. At the ceremony, I was sure to drag her aunt outside so she could tell Tony about my new Mercedes. I went home shortly thereafter.

Then there was her graduation that fell right near mothers day. I was going up, and her father was going to be there, so I talked ad nauseum about her father to her, even though she didn't want to hear it. It was the ONE mother's day that my daughter did not bother to call, as she didn't want to hear about it any more or worry about it during her graduation. As usual while taking pictures of her, and she was enjoying the moment, and much the same as I did at the wedding, I was sure to tell her to take the stupid look off her face rather than just wait for something I liked, or heavens forbid participating in the celebration with her. I would just so much rather give her things than my time or energy. That's being servile to someone not caring.

A couple of years after this, her husband fell ill due to a problem with his colon. I sent him his birthday presents (which I had never bothered to do before) several months after his birthday. I had sent my used clothes to my daughter as part of her birthday package of generosity that year, as well as other stuff that she didn't need or want, but was always polite enough to thank me for. I wanted my birthday to be just perfect. Hadn't I been the perfect mother for my daughter? Hadn't I been ungrateful enough for my prior gifts? So her husband's in the hospital, how dare she become enraged at me because I am such a selfish hypocritical person?

She said no to me one time. I had to harass her and stalk her for life after that, didn't I? She must submit. But it's me that's being servile of course, not selfish and uncaring at all.

Oh yes, and then there was my blog and my postings on an internet group. The first lie that I enjoyed telling was that my daughter estranged herself from my grandmother because my mother stood up for me. I did this full well knowing that my mother had called up my daughter in the past, and threatened suicide. I said I did not know this, but I knew that she called when we weren't there, and I further heard the lengthy voice mail messages she left when I knew my daughter was at home. Plus we had discussed this in the past.

Then the next lie I told after I discovered that my daughter felt I was unbalanced and sick, was that she had no felt nothing when her grandfather and step brother passed away. I purposely posted this right after she had said this and I found out, knowing there was no way she would find this out on this public group. Unfortunately, find out she did after I challenged her to find out what a good and loving mother I was.

The defaced wedding picture on my blog is about my favorite. And although my daughter profusely thanked me for the photos, I had to once again bitch that on her website she did not credit me for the photos.

Oh, yes, then there was the personal stuff that I had no right taking off her website and putting it on mine, but I did anyway, with my twisted and obviously flawed version of the truth.

Now, I want my daughter to have a relationship with me. I have never apologized for not one of these things. I have apologized for not knowing what to do after my incredible selfishness when her husband was in the hospital. You know, she put up with it for months before cutting me out completely, and then hung in there in and out for a couple more years. Boy my daughter is dumb.

I hope she is much smarter now.

Link To My Mothers Most Recent Solique

Good God, does she never stop whining and trying to justify her selfish acts. The link here will bring you to her latest whining, where no doubt she will be justifying including me in her abusive marriage and her two year affair before the divorce. You know whatever she did is fine with me, but to take no ownership and keep whining about it. Then to top it off, to complain that my father, who I don't think is any great prize myself, but to actually complain that he doesn't want to be friends with her. Well, no duh!!

She starts off by how she had to walk to work, well who fing didn't when they were young. I walked or rode my bike until I was twenty two or so. God lord. And how she had to work her way through school, well also something I needed to do.

But it's everyone else's fault because she was selfish, and let dad know that she wasn't in love, so she used him, but she let him know. So that just makes her a ducky person right? Oh, and about how much she adored me, makes me shudder to think what I would have been treated like later if she didn't.

You would think no one else in the world needed to grow up and take care of themselves or find themselves in the world. And to try and justify using someone, it just makes me sick. It's one thing to say "I realize now I made a mistake and I am sorry", it's another to be such a narcistic siociopath. Seriously.

I didn't hate her before, but the more and more she tries to justify her actions, the sicker she makes me.

The other thing, she complains that she had to wait for college. I don't know about her, but I have always had a choice in my life. Many a single mother may wait while their child is growing, but it is definately their choice to wait. My mother in law, who I loved very much, felt also she was dragged along by fate, but we all have these choices in our lives as we live in America. Just because we never reconciled ourselves to our choice, did not mean we didn't have the power to make that choice. For such a "feminist" as my mother claims to me, it's confusing as to why she thinks everyone else on the planet had this power over her.

When she talks about adoring me, she is talking about while I was in her "control and power" like when I was younger and couldn't escape. Like when I was a pre teen and was basically included in their sexual problems, and copies of the Hite report and Playboys were left everywhere for me to find. It's only later when you are an adult that you realize how inappropriate this was.

I admit to getting back at my mother later on during our estrangement by making some pretty inappropriate comments, to which she completely flipped out. How does she think it was being a tween and getting to witness your parents sexual and emotional disfunction. Because basically your mom thought you were her bud, and it was completely appropriate to unload on you.

She picked him. She got pregnant. Regardless of the reason, she decided it was a good idea to enter into marriage, and then drag her child through every miserable day to feed into her own selfishness.

She talks about my dad's reaction to her being pregnant (I don't know what that was, but I can certaintly read the intimation). Then she talks about how she didn't want to get married, and didn't love him, then complains about his reaction. She is surprised if he wasn't overjoyed by the prospect of being tied down to her for the rest of his life. Good start to a marriage, huh?

I have said before that I didn't judge her, I don't think I did, and so I find it puzzling that the more she writes, the more I do tend to judge her. It just seems so selfish and so self serving to me with the lack of regret, remorse, or apology. Even if you didn't get married loving your husband, once you enter into that agreement, it's a pretty crummy thing to break 18 years of trust. It's not so hard to get a divorce, and then start a relationship. It would just sort of be the responsible caring thing to do. But not so much for the selfish and completely self absorbed person my mother is.

She talks about hating mothers day. I always did too, because I had to buy a card with flowery sayings instead of a card that expressed my true feelings about my mother.