Monday, December 31, 2007


Here are the first lines of every month from my blog:

January 2007 "Do you know that friction plus panty elastic can create quite a painful welt in your butt?"

February 2007 "I have been in a such a good mood lately, that it's been kind of a struggle to write about this stuff ."

March 2007 "Convenience stores are manned by clerks who don't understand the "convenience" part of the title. "

April 2007 "Our guests yesterday were delightful. Very good time. I am not usually a baby person, but baby Cole was way cute. Leon was especially enamored of him. "

May 2007 "Dear Daughter,Let's start with most recent events first. I should not only have continued to send you holiday cards (or just sent them at all as I usually don't), and additionally should not have ripped up holiday cards from you as they were not addressed to my wife who has behaved in an irrepairable way towards yourself."

June 2007 "Okay this is pretty cool. Computer screen in tables with advanced grabbing techology to be marketed to hotels and restaurants first."

July 2007 "---I went to the Adult Children of Narcistic parents board, and was shocked to find a discussion on parents who use pets against their children. It so parralled my dad's own post to my blog, and my reply that he neglected and killed off OUR pets rather than take care of them, give them to me, or find them an appropriate home!!"

August 2007 "Soon after my last post, the first of some dog trainer guests came over. I have been attending a dog training school run by Margot Woods. It got a bit busy once visitors came and the school got started, needless to say."

September 2007 "Okay, I agreed to give up wine until Halloween, which will probably continue to fit in nicely with my weight goals. And my husband agreed to give up his vice, which I will mysteriously leave out LOL."

October 2007 "So my father-in-law, as I mentioned, is incredibly lonely after the loss of his wife. It's been almost two years now. One of his sons set him up with an internet contact, probably not envisioning what would happen next. He meant to set him up with someone close by, but confused a town in one state, with the same named town in another state hundreds of miles away."

November 2007 "A constant drip drip of anything will eventually wake me up, I will have to seek it out, and shut it off."

December 2007 "Okay, so I have renewed my vow to conquer my fat, so I won't be whining about it next year. Exercise has been a bit of a challenge since, I once again allowed myself to get out of shape. So I need a little motivation, a little pep, that does not come in a candy wrapper or a wine bottle (calories you know)."

Friday, December 28, 2007

Other Zoo Mishaps

After the incident of San Fransisco Zoo's Tatiana, and her subsequent demise, I found an interesting news posting on other zoo mishaps. Even Little Joe in my beloved Franklin Park Zoo has had his moments.

Unfortunately, as everything else, zoos are woefully underfunded. These animals are not meant to socialize with people. Things happen.

Part of the price of taking away habitats and wanting to admire this sort of beauty, is that unfortunately there is a risk. Luckily, there have not been more fatalities than this.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Bhutto Killed In Attack

It's not like this should have been a huge shock. Perhaps, only Bush has is even close to having as big a target on his back. That's probably not right, but I don't follow foreign politics. Probably some other foreign political figures live their lives in constant fear.
Though it should not have been surprising, I still found my head whipping around this morning as the news was announced, and my husband burst out of the bathroom door, where he was just about to take a shower. Somehow, it still came as a shock. Perhaps because we are still in the feel good holiday spirit? Where things like tsunamis and assignations should not happen. Unfortunately, these things do not time themselves appropriately. Benazir's husband has survived, and thankfully their children will still have him, though they have lost their mother. And 18 other people have lost husbands, children, brothers, sisters, wives, et al. Rest in peace to the others that have been lost, but not to our suicide bomber. We all know where we wish he or she would rest.

Bhutto's fears came to an end today. Though it seemed destined to happen, a lot of people were pulling for her. We will now never know if she would have made the difference that we were all hoping for.

Rest in peace, Benazir.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas

We did not go to my cousins last night, as we thought it might snow in the evening. It didn't, and so I am sad that I missed the occaision. If you take my immediate family situation out of the equation, my cousins are pretty fun people. My aunts and uncles are okay, and I am usually happy to see them.

Course S and M would have been there in what is reportably a small house. It would have been interesting to watch them squirm all evening or for M to show her true colors. However, that's really not so Christmas like, so it's probably better that we did not go.

So now it's Christmas morning, and I heard my husband go downstairs to start Chrismas breakfast. Normally we have cinnamon rolls, but I don't think he got those yesterday. Or he was goading me when he was talking about waffles et. (not that I don't love my husband's waffles)

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Sunday Secret

I feel weak because I need to take medication for my condition.

Inspired by this site.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Thursday Thirteen (13) Things That Can Cause Family Estrangement

Here are thirteen things that can cause a rift (or the disagreement as to these topics can cause a rift---usually there are other deeper underlying issues that have come to play):

  1. Sexual orientation (ie homosexual or heterosexual).

  2. Race of friends or spouse, if you family is racist.

  3. Money, as in one owes the other money.

  4. Inheritance squabbles.

  5. One family member no longer wants to be controlled by another or "dance to their tune".

  6. Differences or conflicts in religious beliefs.

  7. The dramas that happen during a divorce.

  8. One's spouse is not welcomed in or is not approved of.

  9. Abandonment of a family member (usually a parent leaving the family).

  10. Not recognizing children or parents as individual people, but belongings instead.

  11. Unforgiven memories of physical, verbal, or sexual abuse.

  12. Strong political opinions that differ.

  13. Jealousies of status.

***The picture above represents the reason for my split from the monster and S Donor. They felt they had the right to sell MY house. They argued about this during the time my mother in law was dying. I am not putting up with it any more. For two years now since last October, as a matter of fact.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

How Holidays Have Changed For Me

Childhood: This is when Christmas meant the most to me. Before the age of 9, my great grandmother, Katherine, was always there. My middle name is for her. I see pictures of me sitting on her lap, and I know I was truly happy then. My poor grandmother, I always tried to squirm away from her, but would willingly snuggle in my great grandmother's lap.

My cousins were always there, and this was like a built in play group, of which I belonged. Normally, Kaya and I hung out and ran along the house running our hands along the newly washed tile walls. Or sneaking to the stockings to see what we could get away with seeing in there.

Also, the great aunts, uncles, third and second cousins, and friends of my grandparents were always so much fun. I also remember spending New Year's Eve with my grandparents, and we would play bingo with them their friends and siblings until the wee hours. I was always made to feel special there, which was so different than my home life.

Young Adulthood: My parents were newly divorced. There was tension as far as where I would spend Christmas or Thanksgiving. I would fly, which I hated, and later drive 8 hours to see her, where she was mostly interested in.....her. Which was fine actually, but we or I were never allowed to relax and be ourselves, like you can be with people who truly love YOU. It was like being on stage and expected to put on a master performance. The gifts had to be wrapped just right, there had to be the right amount of perfection in the gifts, et.

Christmas with my family became dodging bullets for the latest story my S Donor or Monster relayed about me. Having fifteen minutes of conversation with my father, and then getting presents that the monster obviously picked out for me. Always a sweater or purse in a conservative style. Or perhaps a hat. I was always appreciative, but I have recently realized that I have hung onto these things that are not my style, and are now unwelcome reminders of them. Plus, I hate "Christmas Santa" sweaters. I mean, how many times a year can you wear those?

I would be incredibly grumpy before going there, and my husband always pointed this out to me. I hated it so much, except for seeing my cousins.

Around my mid 30s to recently: At some point, the celebration moved to the monster's house. It always felt like a stage production there, especially if you could see behind the scenes. She wanted to be "the great good woman" instead of the monster she was. The thing is while she put on the "show" she resented every moment of it. However it needed to look perfect, and like we were all one happy family. I played along with this for a very long time. I still enjoyed seeing my cousins, but got increasingly grumpier.

I longed for the days where this was at my grandmother's house. She, by the way, was not allowed to the final Christmas with us, as she might get upset going back to the rest home. Then she was gone. The monster would have never put such a stipulation on her father.

After Estrangement: It's been two years estranged from the S Donor. Last year, I was not at all in the mood for the holidays. Not because of missing going to the family gathering, but I was exhausted after being busy in my business, and still exploring how I felt about the players and the estrangement. I was busy making peace with how I felt. Also my mother in law and my dog Netpune had both died around Christmas. So a whole bunch of negative feelings around the holiday prevailed, although I know it's not the holiday's fault. My Jewish husband decorated for Christmas, and held with the things we normally do on OUR Christmas (ie cinnamon buns for breakfast, and Chinese food for dinner on Christmas Eve and leftovers on Christmas).

This year, I am a bit more into it. I am planning a holiday party for local businesses. I put up the decorations this year. I am feeling it again a bit more, and thankful for my marriage and life as always.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Oh The Difference A Few Days On Celexa Makes

Sometimes I forget the pill, and then think "hey, what if this thing is all in my imagination?" I think because secretly I still feel judged. Judged by who? I don't know. Certaintly not the people that love and care about me.

Anyhow, for the benefit of those who sometimes think they may have a problem, here is what I feel when it happens to me. Extreme reluctance to bathe (I am not saying I don't, I am saying getting there and doing that are suddenly a monumental task) Things that I enjoy suddenly spark no excitement or happiness in me. Things that are upsetting will always be upsetting, but this strikes when everything is basically okay. You feel like you are cut off and completely alone. Also without the will to move or do anything productive whatsoever.

I have mentioned that I probably had this at least from Junior High. It's something that I masked easily during those years. However, when you finally really get out of the "funk", there is no mistaking that this is the real you. When you are not the real you, you sorta know it, but don't know how to get there.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Manic Monday Baby---Oh, If Only

I have forgotten to take my meds, so I am far from manic. I actually prefer manic to depressed. My manic normally means "can be very productive", as long as I don't burn myself out in a manic explosion of energy.

Anywho, doing my manic monday anyway:)

Manic Monday for December 17, 2007
What is your idea of a perfect romantic evening?

For one, it follows the perfect romantic day of exploring, or a long hike, or perhaps skiing. It ends at a very comfortable restaurant, with a fire going at this time of the year. The restaurant has excellent food, and an incredible wine list where you can order anything that you want by the glass. And the deserts..... Of course we are all tired from our physical activity, but were able to dress to the nines anyway.

Imagine you had to take part in the winter Olympics. What sport would you do? (Here's a link to the official sports, in case you need help.)

Skiing baby. Or hockey. I had always wanted to play hockey when I was a girl, but my parents made me take figure (yuck) skating instead. Never was there a girl that shouldn't have done anything dance related than me.

What's something that people do in traffic that really bothers you?

Probably yacking on the telephone, instead of paying attention to what is going on.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

White Stuff

I forgot that it was going to be a storm today yesterday. I woke up all confused as to what the "white blanket" was outside my window this morning. One window was a wall of white, and the one behind my head looked like it was not snowing at all.

As my dogs, whose bathroom is outside, will attest, IT IS SNOWING. Snowing hard as a matter of fact. It's almost hard for my Dobermans to pee and poop above the snow. We will probably have to shovel out an area for them when it slows a bit. Very good boys and girls today though, they sucked it up and got er done.

Yesterday, I was going to suggest a road trip. Looks like that is out for the day. It seemed like such an inspired idea yesterday, and today I can't even remember what it was. Looks like I am going to be cleaning, decorating, and making Christmas cards today. Also a list for the local business "cookie" party that I will be throwing together.

It's been lovely being able to enjoy December with mostly only my dogs in our house. Oh that's right, going to be doing some indoor training with Jackie today.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Thursday Thirteen (13) Accomplishments this Year

Here are thirteen things I can pat myself on the back on for 2007:

  1. My weight may have fluxuated, but it's still LESS than it was last year. It's also still going doooowwwwwnnnnnn.
  2. Annoying the Animal Rights Movement known as Truly Dog Friendly (NOT). This helps further keep them from their goals of putting dog trainers out of business that have ANY experience or knowledge for their train from the bed cookie slinging. (I am not talking about positive trainers here, I am talking about the extremists in my profession).
  3. Kept our house for one more year, during a very trying time. And it ain't been easy.
  4. Came close to making the gross sales goal for 2007, and it could still be done if I got one more board and train this year OR a slew of privates.
  5. Have been proactive in marketing my business. Need to get better but I am trying at least.
  6. Have come leaps and bounds with Jack this year. He now can do run thrus with me, and has started to finally focus on me instead of what's going on outside the ring (even when we set it up so there IS something going on outside the ring).
  7. Have gotten another dog and handler interested in obedience (Ally and Brie).
  8. Managed to rehome a dog after his first home was not able to follow thru on training. Rehomed to a proper and responsible home by the way.
  9. Did have a 70% increase in gross sales from last year (after COGS-cost of goods sold).
  10. Did not sell individual lessons this year, but packages and no apologies on exercises needed to be learned.
  11. Have made professional status with the IACP this year, meaning I will be able to start on my CDT exam for 2008!!
  12. Continued to flourish and grow despite my familial situation.
  13. Kept good mileage records this year, and would have been able to furnish myself with a payroll (no matter how meager) from my business.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Okay, the slidy thing is going down again up top

Whoohooo!!! The slidy thing up top is on it's way down again. It was to 14 last time I was celebrating, and now we are at 5. At least it didn't go up, and I am on board again.

Now for a yummy meat pie lunch from George's bakery where I used to live in Worcester MA. No matter what you think about Worcester, there are real gems there.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Monday is A Bitch Me Me

1. If you had to add a thirteenth month to the year what would you name it?


2. In your opinion, what should the Eighth Deadly Sin be?


3. If you were magically transformed into Snow White's Eighth Dwarf, what would your name be? (okay so there is 1) sneezy 2) bashful 3) sleepy 4) grumpy, my husband's name for me 5) dopey 6) Happy 7) Doc)

Hungry!! LOL, especially because I am trying to be good on my diet.

4. If you could add an Eleventh Commandment to the Christian bible, what would it be?

Thou shalt not annoy me

5. If you were to become the sixth Spice Girl, you would call yourself _______ Spice.

Stubborn Spice

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Rate Freeze for Five Years Agreement

Click my article header for a link on the agreement reached.

I am sick to death of people bashing others who have found themselves in an unfortunate position from not getting help. I have been unable in my life to count on welfare (decided not to have kids as I couldn't afford to IMHO). My husband is ineligible for unemployment in the highly volatile mortgage industry (he's 100% commissioned, which makes him ineligible). I am self employed and just starting my own business. Before that, I worked for corporate America and watched (and reported on) co-workers embezzling money, and getting "punished" with a letter of recomendation and two years severance. You know, because management was so embarrassed they just wanted it to go away.

I have worked hard. My husband has worked hard. We took a chance and bought this place so I could further realize my dream, and also so we could live where we wanted. We had no inkling, clearly of what was going to happen to my husband's company, and would have been out and refinanced when we did. Unfortunately the news happened too fast, and refinancing has become no longer an option RIGHT NOW. Due to ratios, and what we needed to do to keep our heads above water. The very last thing that we need right now, is to be getting 8000 a year in debt or even building up costs on our loan by refinancing.

Sorry, if there is help out there for us FOR ONCE, we are going to take it.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Hey There Hi There Hoe There

Got a great chuckle as I saw the town.isp address come up. The S Donor was purusing the pages for an hour and a half. He sure does know when to pick the times to read LOL. I wonder if he is now using a step punching bag. Course I mean an actual punching bag not a human.

Yup, it's that time for the "traditions". If everyone is not present, everything must not be alright. As long as everyone is present one day a year (or two or three), well then, relationships must be good, right? WRONG!!!

Merry Christmas, and enjoy it with your chosen family. We are fine, and having a very merry Christmas season.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Thursday Thirteen (13) Santa List

Dear Santa,

Here is a gift list of thirteen things, that I have thoughtfully put together for you to choose from:

  1. A pack for Jack when we walk to and from the post office, so he can carry the mail back for me.

  2. Those silver Old Navy jeans. Okay, they would probably over emphasize my bottom side so....perhaps in a smaller size then, er, I take currently.

  3. An aquamarine tennis bracelet.(or garnet)

  4. Hallmark Peanuts Gang Christmas ornaments for this year, and if possible the other years that I missed:(

  5. Oh, a couple million dollars of course, to ease our mortgage restructure money woes, and make our future money worry free.

  6. A fully paid ski vacation this year!! With lessons from Jose in Stowe.

  7. A day at the spa for a facial and massage.

  8. Cross country ski equipment, and also equipment for Jack to do that with your dog.

  9. A new fleece jacket for Jack or Leon (old one is a little tight for Leon), and the old fleece will probably fit Jack well now that he's filled out a bit.

  10. Money for the operation for Leon's knees (only if you can guarantee he comes out of it okay).

  11. Personal trainer to kick my ass.

  12. A very luxurious make over for our master bath, with the emphasis on a luxury shower (as we did in our last house).

  13. Wood flooring for our master bedroom.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

The Week I Have Had!!

--My dog Jackie ate the shell of a football toy. This was discovered, when I realized it was missing, and we ripped the house apart sure in the knowledge that he couldn't possibly have wolfed this down. A few tablespoons of peroxide later, the wearabouts of the item became clear as it was vomited out of Jack's mouth.

--This led to an upset tummy, and vomit stains to be cleaned out of the carpets periodically (he did this unfound at night while we were sleeping, poor guy).

--While training Jackie, I left the lights on my Nissan during the 45 minute session. Car was dead, and I decided to walk back to the house, not realizing that on this main York road cars not only go fast, it was approaching night, and THERE IS NO SIDEWALK. I am lucky to have a dog that can heel with me closely so as we both didn't get hit.

--Husband FINALLY got around to getting an inspection sticker on his car, and he needed to get tires. Score, there were two used but like new tires that he could buy for 25.00 a piece. Unfortunately, the mechanic forgot to tighten up the lugnuts. Now we have a damaged car with an inspection sticker on it.

--And of course, the incident that started the whole week off.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Tuesday Ten-Ten Things About

I saw Winn Dixie recently. It was a pretty good film, not the best acted but there was a lot of things I liked about it. Espcially the 10 things she wanted to know about her mother. So if I had a daughter or son, here are 10 things I would tell her/him about their grandmother (my side):
  1. She had pretty long brown hair when she was younger.

  2. She liked to play softball with friends when I was little. (at least I assume she liked it, later on she had a real hate for sports)

  3. She is good at baking and cooking.

  4. Angel food cakes were made for me from scratch on my birthday.

  5. She started her own antique business at 30 or so.

  6. She majored in biology in college and got her masters when I was small.

  7. She enjoyed clothes shopping, especially high end clothes at a Worcester store called David Berwicks (I think).

  8. Weddings are not among her favorite things.

  9. Independent "intellectual" films, plays, and dance are the types of entertainment that she enjoys. (or enjoyed, don't forget I haven't talked to her in 10 years)

  10. She felt trapped in her previous life.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Christmas Me Me on a Monday, of Course

I found this at the attached blog site.

1. What is your most enduring Christmas memory?

My Great Grandmother made all us, great grandchildren, these little bears. I always loved that bear, though I somehow lost it in my adult life.

2. Do you have a favourite piece of Christmas music?

Tansiberia Orchestra Christmas Eve Sarejevo (sp?)

3. Do you stick to the old family traditions?

Absolutely not!!! LOL. I like it to remain spontaneous these days, and totally enjoyable. I felt trapped for so long by our family traditions, that put a mask on our relationship in the family.

4. What makes your mouth water at Christmas time!?

Sugar or gingerbread Christmas cookies.

5. How soon do you put the Christmas tree up and when do you take it down?

This year, I chose to display my ornaments by hanging them around the house not on a tree. The tree thing is kind of a pain. There is always something wrong with the Christmas lights (though I still put those up) especially on the prelit trees. A great idea, but they seldom work.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Fitness Tips for The Disturbed

Okay, so I have renewed my vow to conquer my fat, so I won't be whining about it next year. Exercise has been a bit of a challenge since, I once again allowed myself to get out of shape. So I need a little motivation, a little pep, that does not come in a candy wrapper or a wine bottle (calories you know).
So the next bext thing is? You ask wisely. Why rage and hatred!!! I like Tae Boe, and I now know of only one person that can bring about that physical force, and she once hit me (out of a sound sleep no less, very unsportsman like. Plus I heard that she now complains that I swung back. Damn right Bitch!!) Clearly, it would probably be the wrong thing to stalk her, and then jump out of the bushes and beat the crap out of her, and really not my style anyway. I don't sneak up on helpless people. Ahem.
There is a non violent way, however to get this same affect. I love Tae Boe, and I have a punching bag. When I was in corporate America, I used to picture my poor boss's face on it (he used to "redo" my work incorrectly, causing a panic job for me to correct and explain why Bob just booked negative depreciation. This caused much overtime, overnights, and sleeplessness during my salaried job) Now what I have done is loaded three pictures of my beloved step (they go from overweight to really quite obese, yea) then printed them up in grayscale. Next I will tape these to my Tae Boe bag to get through the first of these sessions, which I will be lucky to do 15 minutes on.