Tuesday, August 24, 2010

New Eating Plan, Slow and Steady--why spouses suck LOL

Okay, my husband in general does not suck. He is a loving and wonderful guy, who brings home %^#@$ cookies and candy. In meeting with the nutritionist, the agreement had continued rather well for a time being.

The nutritionist did a good job, so the following sarcasm can not be attributed to making fun of her. I am making fun of us. Truly a big difference has been seen in complying with these beginning ground breaking changes:

  • Plan out meals and make a shopping list. (we stuck to this for two weeks, although I have been consistent in trying to bring up the meeting every week----cause I am THE best LOL)

  • In cereals, breads ET; the first ingredient should say"whole" whatever AND the fiber count should be more than 3.

  • The plate method of eating dinners where 1/4 should be protein, 1/4 should be starch, and 1/2 should be veggies.

  • 3 regular meals and 2 snacks should be eaten every day. Not more than an hour should pass in the morning before eating breakfast, and not more than three hours should pass between the eating of snacks or meals during the day.

  • Be sure that we are eating the proper servings of snacks and meals.

  • That my husband in particular should experiment with a new vegetable a week. I love veggies, this is NOT a problem for me.

In the last two weeks, my husband has defaulted to the lame excuse for bringing home calorie rich and nutrition poor sweets. The old "they were all on sale". This is the excuse that follows every holiday for buying the candy that we hardly need NOR is good for us.

I have better self control than my husband, but I am not perfect. I know shocking, right? I find myself lacking control sometimes, and if it's in the house (and lets just say I might have had a couple of glasses of wine), then chocolate and sweet things will be hunted and devoured in my house. It's the only kind of hunting that I don't mind doing myself. Also I don't need to worry about skill with a bow or gun. Husband tends to leave these things out in easy to find places where they can be cornered easily:)

And that is why he sucks. If they are not there in the house in the hidey holes during especially weak moments (sick, tired, stressed, under the wine influence) then I can not eat them. And God knows, I am going to be way to lazy to go out and get them. These things need to be physically brought in the house by someone other than me (except for the very rare Rowan Tree cafe cookie).

So that is why my husband bites the big one. The other undermining thing is when relatives visit of course, and especially if they are not on a healthy course of eating.

That being said, after my birthday week of non stop eating and then many treats being home by husband, I am only up 5 pounds that are quickly coming back off. I gotta say this "rocket science" really makes sense and seems to actually work. Let's see where I am in a couple of months, as this epiphany is still fairly new.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

My Birthday

I had a wonderful birthday yesterday. It was filled with family who came to us at the house over the weekend and into the week. This would be a great tradition to start every year, as an excuse to get our family up and have fun. My brother in law, niece, and nephew came down. All my nephews and nieces are great. I have five in all. One is all grown with kids of his own, one is close to starting college, one is in his tweens , and two are around nine years old. They are very kind and wonderful young adults and children.

I have a hard time communicating with them and bonding sometimes due to my own upbringing. I am reserved, shy, and not so trusting of those that don't know me real well. It's not that I realistically think I could be hurt by people who are in my family, it's my previous experience with my biological family that holds me back. It took many years until I felt I could have some heart to hearts with my brothers and sister in laws. It was the same with my mother and father in laws. It took forever for me to really be able to open up somewhat, and experience a relationship with them. It took me a very long while to realize we could all disagree with each others opinions, but still like each other. It just did not work like that with the E or S Donor, never mind the B monster.

Not that this is why we became estranged at all, but it sure is the reason that I am not bonded to the people that share my DNA. Thus why I don't feel that there is an overwhelming duty on my part to participate in a relationship that has never been there in the first place. My brother and sister in laws had a very different relationship with their mother and the person that they considered their father. They do also share in the fact that there did exist a man with their DNA, and no relationship existed between them. Mostly because DNA man stepped out and away from his children. He was not a man that deserved his children, however it was not his children who ended the relationship. His children are now wonderful parents (except us of course) to great children. It is a wonder that they came from the same DNA, as this man seemed to have zero parental instincts whatsoever. Although I did hear that he had another family, and I believe the children in the house were also his.

It is unfortunate that my brothers and sister in law had to deal with this in their youth and adult lives. Explaining my estrangement to them is a little easier for it. If their biological father had not existed, they probably would not relate to my experiences at all. The understanding of it is still hard for everybody. My parents in law were great examples of what parenting should and could be. Some find it hard to understand that every parent and child relationship may not follow the same model of love, affection, and support of one another. Unfortunately, the example of such did exist in their own experiences as well.

The whole point of this, is that I have a story to tell about estrangement on my birthday. It was a great birthday, and I almost hate writing about this the day after to sully any part of the memory a wonderful day. It may help someone to realize that they are not going through these experiences alone.

My brother in law, niece, and nephew dropped their car at our house so that my husband could shuttle us off to the beach. Bogey boards, a football, towels, and a beach chair travelled along with us. My niece was very excited to catch the waves for a second day in a row, and excited that I was coming along. My niece is an exuberant energetic pixy of a girl. You can not be shy with her, she doesn't know shy or reserved. You are going to get hugs and kisses, and you will like them LOL. Do not resist. It makes me feel bad that I am shy and reserved with my other nieces and nephews, and that is something I will have to work on. My niece has inspired me.

Anyway, we get to the beach, and pick a spot near the stairs. I do scan to see if the donor or monster is around, and I do not see them. Not that I care really, I just like to know whether or not they are there, so I don't bump into them unexpectedly. I would also not like to set up my chair right next to them, if you know what I mean. As we are walking along the ocean, my phone rings. My husband lets me know that he saw the donor walking up the stairs from there. So most likely, they are set up somewhere near us. No biggy, now I know and am not going to be surprised.

My niece and I start walking back after bogey boarding, and I realize "the man" in the straw hat is in actuality my step monster. The s donor has come back to join them. They are fifty feet away from us, as luck would have it. I am amused to see the monster turn her chair so her back faces towards me, once she realizes that I am there. We just went on with our day. The only difference it made in my day was having to explain to my brother in law why 1) we don't acknowledge each other (and it was more of a vague explanation than the hundreds of reasons why) and 2) why the donor does not try and wish me a happy birthday. You know besides the fact it is the memory of a mistake he made (yeah that would be me) when some seminal fluid leaked up the wrong leg. Plus the fact that I have apparently always reminded him and the monster of the e donor or the fact that there was an e donor in the past.

My birthday is perhaps not nor ever was a day of happiness for my donors, and that is okay. I did not end up being the replicant that the e donor wanted. I did not end up continually paying for the s donor's mistake and knowing my place in the world, as the s donor would have liked. I have gone on, survived, and do what makes me feel happy. I see in their weight and on their faces exactly how happy and fulfilling their lives are. They have what they so richly deserve. It does not make me happy, but if does feel like some kind of justice in the great scheme of things.

In the end the feeling of being near them was the feeling of being near strangers that you somehow just know are not the type of people you wish to or want to know. We have all been strangers for ages anyway. It is just official these days:)