State of Affairs

I hope no one thought I had died from the cold that I had LOL. Things have been good. In fact, so good that I have had not that much to blog about on my "negative" blog.

In May, we have an unveiling to go to for my father-in-law. This is a Jewish tradition (my husbands' family is Jewish, but not me). It's nice in that the family gets together. It brings up a lot of the grief again, however, and I don't enjoy that so much. I prefer the tradition of wake, funeral, and over. It's hard enough getting through the "firsts of everything" throughout the year without a deliberate reminder.

Checked my mother's website today because I was thinking of family estrangements. She has a new poem. Instead of feeling the familiar anger that she does not own up to her part in it, I felt it was a well written poem. If I did not know the person or circumstances, I might feel sorry for that person. As it was, I didn't feel any anger or resentment. It's only been 11 years now LOL. Not really a fast journey for me. A journey that has contributed a lot to my life, however.

An amusing thing about the poem is that it focused on presents and packaging at the end. The superficial stuff that does not make or break a relationship....normally with normal people. At least she was giving this package to someone else, rather than expecting it to be done just right and given to her:)

Oh well.

Poem to S Donor

I know you don't realize it
But I can see
When you come to visit it me

AOL might mask your address it's true
But the page you look into, gives you away, yes it do

Plus you have been to my business site as well
As you know, I would rather you go to hell

A relationship with me is not your right
Your marriage is your current plight

I have given you chances again and again
Only to regret them----yet again

So go your way, and I'll go mine
I guarantee in the end, I'll be just fine!!

If you are waiting for the father of the year

Trophy, you will grow old I fear.

My feelings for you are plain and true

Are you looking for something here, are you?

Just post and let me know

The audience here enjoys it muchly, and it's quite a show

Of how you are and what you think

If it were a court of law, the jury would put you in the brink.

How to end the poem I just don't know,

But again could you just go? (thought the tampon post took care of this)

Okay, if your question is yet again, "what happened to us" I will again direct you to the following posts. Bullet points on explaining it to other family members, thoughts about estrangement and what "love" is really (and something you obviously don't experience or understand), and lest we forget there was you and your wive's narcistic; self centered, wish to be involved with the sale of our private real estate.

Really the most important reason, my life is better now. I have gone on. There is nothing positive you bring to the table. I asked you what "good times" we had after the third grade, and even you could not answer what those were LOL. Being the criteria that I had a "good time" as well with you. I do not miss you, nor your negative influence in my life. I am hoping no one else is suffering because I am no longer in contact with you, even the monster, as you may now be deflecting on some other female. Good luck in life.

Valentine's Day for "The Folks" Grouping (5) and Final

To The Monster:

I wanted to find a card just for you
But apparently Bitch, Cunt and Whore cards
Are far and few.

Happy Valentine’s Day!! I hope it brings you EVERYTHING that you deserve.

To Dad:

L is for Looser
O is for over
V is for verbal (abuse)
E is for end

And F is for Fuck You
Happy Valentine’s Day Fuck Face

To Mom:

Oh life was sooo hard on you
You suffered and suffered oh yes it’s true
So I offer up the following present on Valentine’s Day

I’m going to stay far away!!
Happy Valentine’s Day Psycho.

Valentine's Day to "The Folks" Group (4)

Got a bit carried away creatively on these. I think the shorter ones are funnier. What do you think?

To The Monster (4):

On the day of St Valentine
While your heart so black withers
On your marriage a dead dry vine

Things you have amassed to this day
By getting men to pay your way
Sparkle, shine, and soft of furs and jewels
Because accomplishments can’t be had by an ignorant fool

One you’ve caught who will never leave
It’s not necessary for him to deceive
As his heart is empty just like yours
But loneliness is not his wish
And so the one that will have him, is his dish

So enjoy your day
While you suck the life
And joy from others who you can’t see
Have their own cares that don’t always include thee.

In other words, it’s not always about you, Bitch. (wanted to use the C word there, but just didn’t feel like it worked in the end)

To Dad (4):


A choice was never asked of you
A choice you made, yes it’s true
To treat your daughter like a piece of shit
From childhood to adulthood, you great fat prick!!

And on this Valentine’s Day the tables are turned
Another holiday for you I don’t yearn
In fact Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter
It’s true, are all better without you

Father’s day, what’s that?
A sad day my whole life, that’s a fact.
What the fuck do you deserve?
Except a big fat seagull turd
On your head!!!

Happy Valentine’s Day you stupid jerk.

To Mom (4):

A riddle to me
You will always be

Mentally ill
Or just not nice

Or perhaps the combo of both
Is your vice?

So I wish a narcistic Valentine’s Day to you
I’m afraid that’s the best I’m gonna do

Valentine's Day to "The Folks" Grouping (3)

To Dad:

Happy Valentine’s Day

Please enjoy the attached heart shaped box, with chocolates specially made with my dog’s feces.

Take the Pristies chocolates and shove them!!

To The Monster:

The way I feel about you is beyond compare


I hate every part of you including your stupid hair

Bitch!!!

To Mom:

How do I love you?

Let me count the ways...........

Uh, oh!!

Valentine's Day To "The Folks" Grouping (2)

To Dad (2):
Roses are Red
Violets are blue
Hope the monster and her son
Are prepared to take care of you
When you get old:)

Happy Valentine's Day!!

To The Monster (2):
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Did you Lexus have four flat tires?
Boo Hoo Hoo

Grams is laughing from heaven, and you know why, Bitch!

To Mom (2):

Happy Valentines Day

Thank you for the last 10 years of my life
They were happy without you
And lacking in strife

Valentine's Day to "The Folks" Grouping (1)

Really going to try NOT to hold back on these, but it kind of goes against my nature. So if you think these are strong, that's sort of scary, cause I could go a whole lot worse LOL. On the other hand, I am trying to let my anger and rage fly. I use hate a lot when I perhaps don't mean "hate" cause it sounds funnier and is the opposite of "love" on VDay.

See, I can't do this right, cause I gotta apologize in advance for the "fatso" below, but I had to find something else to call the monster besides Bitch. Apt, but it gets boring over and over again. Plus bitch is a female dog, and they are quite lovely, while the monster is not. I am fat by the way....

To Mom (1):

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You’ve got a couple screws loose
Sad but true

Happy Valentine's Day!!

****Note, sort of fitting as it parrells my mom's recent blog post, which I take it to be that she's admitting she's not quite right. She is probably saying that about me, but I have taken my own interpretation of the subject matter that humans = being nuts. That stalking a person 900 miles in diapers should perhaps be a forgivable act because of this. And it may be, but not because all people have a certain disfunction. A chemical imbalance leading to something like skitzoid behavior would be something that does not even need forgiveness but is tragic. An intent to harm someone due to what you feel is yours, and you know that is wrong is unforgivable period.

Yeah, yeah, my husband already reminded me that I violated one of my NY's resolutions. Hey, these are still a work in progress, and if I am not successful in that one, I am fine with it. I don't check in that often anymore any way .

To The Monster (1):

Roses can be red
Black ones are dead

Figure out which you are getting, fatso!!!

To Dad (1):

Too bad
Sooooooooo sad

What's a guy to do?

When his only daughter hates him
And no one else likes you too?

Happy Valentine's Day.

Chanukah Poems To Tony & The Monster

Just so y'all can sweet I can be, here are the Chanukah poems that I made for my dad (aka Tony) and the Monster (aka my step----um----monster).

***These were done in holiday season 2002. Stopped talking to them around October 2005 due to the conflict that I wrote about, combined with being fed up to the moon with them from things they had done prior.

To [The Monster's Name Here]:

Chanukah lights one to eight
Are lit before it’s late

Glowing wicks gently light
The First sign of dusk before night

To [A Dad's Name Who Doesn't Deserve This]:

Chanukah is another day
To say thanks for our family,
Friends, co-workers, strangers and more,

Who make this hard life, not such a chore
With gentle smiles and peace in their heart
Make some days begin with a good start.

So thank you dad for being there
And showing each year how much you care.

Uh, yeah right!! Now for the things I should have said (VBEG). To follow shortly.

I Almost Deleted My Mom's Poem and My Poetic Reply

You know, I woke up this morning and my first thought was "poor Mussy". He's our cat who died yesterday. Then I thought all the guilt things you think, even though your cat basically died of old age at the age of 19, as did our other two pets die of heart disease or old age. Still you love these guys, you want the best for them, but you can never give them the best. Or at least, immortality, and health 100% of the time.

Then my second thought was "Fuck", I stooped to 1) going onto my mother's website (after searching cyber space for any suspicious postings) 2) posting the actual poem on my blog and finally 3) replying back in bad poetry (not that I can write good poetry ).

When I logged on though, I had a very thoughtful and nice comment from someone. It was nice to connect with someone who may also understand my situation. Not everyone does you know, and some people can be downright nasty. Noone has done that to me on here, but I go and look on other people's blogs, and I can't believe the lack of empathy from other posters. It often makes me wonder what issues those people have that they can't be kind even if they do not agree.

Not only does it help me to write, but I have quite a bit of fun picking out my pictures for the cast of characters. The evil girl fairy is how I think my immediate trinity thinks of me. You know, since I have been plotting to destroy their marriage for 18 years (that's sarcasm on my part, but something that was actually said to me by my step-monster). Here are the other cast of characters.

My dad is racist and sexist. I haven't been able to fully decide between posting pictures like these or cavemen pictures. Each seem applicable, although my dad looks nothing like this.

The step monster. You will also see evil step mother pictures or witch pictures depicting her. This is also good because she is dressed nice, and even can present nice on the surface. But see how this ladie's eyes are kind of rolled up and her arms are about to go into a fit of rage. That is right below the surface of my step monster anytime. You would need to have lived with her to fully appreciate this. This is the curse of my step and dad, they can present so well on the surface and in public for a duration of time (couple of hours or so).

My mother is bizzaroe. She sees people as a list of labels, likes and dislikes that should correspond with her likes and dislikes. She also sees herself as the Beaver Cleaver of mothers. She did feed, cloth, and shelter me growing up. For that I am immensely grateful, but I draw the line at putting her name in for "Mother of The Year" or allowing her to emotionally abuse me due to her "sacrifice". You know, having me. Having to marry a guy to use him that she didn't love, and blah blah blah.

A Poetic Reply to Mother

Oh, it's sick. I recognize my dysfunction in even having to comment on my mother's poem, never mind to respond in poetic kind.

To a "Loving" Mother

Mothers who love their children

Understand that they are individuals

Mothers who love their children

Are not suddenly surprised that

Everything the mother likes

Is not something their child will like

Children who love their mothers

Participate in things with them

That they might not like

Some children are overly polite

Some children did not have role models of

Communicate to follow

So they did not say directly right away

"Wouldn't it be nice if you participated in something I liked"

Instead they admired your photography

They antiqued with you

They watched boring programs on TV

After traveling 8 hours to be with you

And what they heard about was

YOU.

ONLY YOU

NOTHING BUT YOU

Even at their wedding

The reply from the loving mother was

"bite me"

"shit happens"

Not one apology for making it about

Getting back at my father by pulling family members out

To see your vintage car

Not one apology for not having lunch or dinner

With your daughter before her wedding

Not one apology for going on and on about a divorce

Over 8 years previously

But the polite child never complained

And the polite child takes responsibility for that

But this child never dreamed on the one day

She said "stop" "enough" my husband is in the hospital

As you demanded the perfect Christmas gift

Would be met by unending demands for a months

That a break you requested

Would instead be constant harrassing letters

In a "therapy" style

That you would further go on to interview relatives

Instead of listening to or reading your daughter's own words

On what the problem was with our relationship

To send demands after I relented to a visit from you

On your menu choices, as if we were your servants for the week.

I say it again "Enough"

Be gone evil demon of despair.

A New Poem from My Mother

http://www.estrangements.com/poems.html Ah, the passive aggressive poem post. A good technique now that she doesn't "blog" about me anymore. I could analyze the things "left out", I am sure not intentionally. Oh no. Well, and then there are the outright lies (like that I said sh was a bore, that I like Daniel Steele YUCK or that I ever voted for any particular political party LOL) I have put in a request to the pope for the saint status of my mother.

She would be the one that looked at the loving poems to my husband on my website, and called them "sappy". The one and the same that had a defaced wedding picture of me on her website, along with the lie that I wanted "as big a wedding as possible". Well, she got her wish anyway, got my attention and my anger up again. She really makes me want to puke. ARRRRGGHHH. The perfect posting of the passive aggressive, narcistic, mother. She can write volumes about me, but never anything positive or negative to me in any detail. Give her a blog or a group about family estrangement though, and she can post to me in detail by posting to others. Or writing a poem where she thinks I won't check .

I am just a series of labels and boxes to her that she can't unravel. Not a person. Certaintly not one that was ever deserving of love or support.

The Divorce of the Mother and Daughter
Ginny Caputo

I loved coffee,She loved tea.
We were familyAnd I loved her.

I love parrots.She likes dogs.
We were family andI loved her.

She voted one way.
I voted another.
We were family andI thought she loved me.

She liked alternative rock.I like the blues.
We were familyand I thought she loved me.

I like indie films.She likes scary films.
We were family andI thought we loved each other.

I could cook.She couldn't.
We were family andI thought we loved each other.

She visitedI got a migraine
She told me I was a bore butI still thought she loved me.
So then ...
I got anxiousAnd she got angry.
We were familyBut I thought she still loved me.
I sent an email.I got no reply.I sent another.
She told me I was nagging.
She said go to hell.
She called me a waste of ink.
I said let's take a break.
I needed time to think.
We were familyand I loved her.

I suggested a therapist.She told me to see oneBy myself.
I wrote her letters.
Silence was her reply.I knew I was losing her.
We were a broken family.The years went by.
We never spoke.I missed her And still I loved her.

I like coffee.She likes tea.
I liked Ferlinghetti.She likes to ski.
I like Thomas Moore.She likes Danielle Steele.
We're mother and daughter.We're black and white.
We're Bush and Clinton.All we can do is fight.
She is salt.I am pepper.I'm day and she's night.She's upWhen I'm down.There is no getting offThis merry-gp-roundOf accusation and hurt.It's all hit the fanWe can't repairThe damage has been done.

There's no winning or rightNo one has won.We've called the whole thing offBut I'll always love her.
Virginia Caputo © 2006