Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Link To My Mothers Most Recent Solique

Good God, does she never stop whining and trying to justify her selfish acts. The link here will bring you to her latest whining, where no doubt she will be justifying including me in her abusive marriage and her two year affair before the divorce. You know whatever she did is fine with me, but to take no ownership and keep whining about it. Then to top it off, to complain that my father, who I don't think is any great prize myself, but to actually complain that he doesn't want to be friends with her. Well, no duh!!

She starts off by how she had to walk to work, well who fing didn't when they were young. I walked or rode my bike until I was twenty two or so. God lord. And how she had to work her way through school, well also something I needed to do.

But it's everyone else's fault because she was selfish, and let dad know that she wasn't in love, so she used him, but she let him know. So that just makes her a ducky person right? Oh, and about how much she adored me, makes me shudder to think what I would have been treated like later if she didn't.

You would think no one else in the world needed to grow up and take care of themselves or find themselves in the world. And to try and justify using someone, it just makes me sick. It's one thing to say "I realize now I made a mistake and I am sorry", it's another to be such a narcistic siociopath. Seriously.

I didn't hate her before, but the more and more she tries to justify her actions, the sicker she makes me.

The other thing, she complains that she had to wait for college. I don't know about her, but I have always had a choice in my life. Many a single mother may wait while their child is growing, but it is definately their choice to wait. My mother in law, who I loved very much, felt also she was dragged along by fate, but we all have these choices in our lives as we live in America. Just because we never reconciled ourselves to our choice, did not mean we didn't have the power to make that choice. For such a "feminist" as my mother claims to me, it's confusing as to why she thinks everyone else on the planet had this power over her.

When she talks about adoring me, she is talking about while I was in her "control and power" like when I was younger and couldn't escape. Like when I was a pre teen and was basically included in their sexual problems, and copies of the Hite report and Playboys were left everywhere for me to find. It's only later when you are an adult that you realize how inappropriate this was.

I admit to getting back at my mother later on during our estrangement by making some pretty inappropriate comments, to which she completely flipped out. How does she think it was being a tween and getting to witness your parents sexual and emotional disfunction. Because basically your mom thought you were her bud, and it was completely appropriate to unload on you.

She picked him. She got pregnant. Regardless of the reason, she decided it was a good idea to enter into marriage, and then drag her child through every miserable day to feed into her own selfishness.

She talks about my dad's reaction to her being pregnant (I don't know what that was, but I can certaintly read the intimation). Then she talks about how she didn't want to get married, and didn't love him, then complains about his reaction. She is surprised if he wasn't overjoyed by the prospect of being tied down to her for the rest of his life. Good start to a marriage, huh?

I have said before that I didn't judge her, I don't think I did, and so I find it puzzling that the more she writes, the more I do tend to judge her. It just seems so selfish and so self serving to me with the lack of regret, remorse, or apology. Even if you didn't get married loving your husband, once you enter into that agreement, it's a pretty crummy thing to break 18 years of trust. It's not so hard to get a divorce, and then start a relationship. It would just sort of be the responsible caring thing to do. But not so much for the selfish and completely self absorbed person my mother is.

She talks about hating mothers day. I always did too, because I had to buy a card with flowery sayings instead of a card that expressed my true feelings about my mother.

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