Monday, March 21, 2011

Other Things That Narcs or Socios Do

One way we can a,ll help out others is to highlight our observations and experiences.   People who have not yet realized they are going through this, have no idea that they are in the midst of this.   Confusion, hurt, and despair rain down them, as they wonder what they have done to deserve this treatment.   The sooner that someone may be able to come to the conclusion that it is in fact not them, the sooner the process of healing and decision making can begin.  

Do This and I Will Do That #NOT:  A narcissist can only see from the point of view of their need (or a sociopath if they are more likely to step into the world of the illegal or physical violent).   They can not see that their relatives do things with them or for them in order to spend time with them.  They get the correlation of how to get something from their victim alright.  

They see this as a way to get you to do something.  They assume this is the same for you, so they dangle a carrot.   They do not realize that this carrot is a promise to spend time with you or to do a project, nor do they care.   They see this purely as a means to get you to do something, even if you would have done it with the empty promise of a project to be done on your behalf (you are thinking more of afternoons spent spending time together).

Oh, and when the time comes, whatever it was (cookies you last made with your grandmother and socionarc; the bookcases that you would build together, the door to the outside that you would be taught how to frame), those will not ever be considered as being done with you or for you.   These were just a means to get to their end.

Do They Believe That They Are Roosevelts? (or the use of imagined future assets as another carrot)  Another great trick for control is the "I want to leave you in my will but....."   Course this only works if the victim is very concerned with being left in the will or cares at all.   It particularly does not work if your victim thinks socionarc is entitled to whatever money they can save to themselves, AND further more is quite sure that their assets will remain in the negative.

It would perhaps be a bit more affective if they had a narcissist as a child who saw great potential in their future assets.   Then you would have to hope for a greedy socionarc child for this to be at it's most effective.  

Otherwise, what socionarc is  telling their "beloved sperm or egg" is that you think so little of them, that you feel the need to bribe and control them.  Not fodder for a great bonding experience and relationship.

I Have A Great Opportunity for YOU!  (er no they don't)  "I am doing a run (hahaha, not in my stepmonster's case---a charity lift up where her servants carry her around) for charity, and I have an opportunity for you to donate for me and have great advertising"   Translation "You are my horrible step daughter who does nothing for me, I have found a way to use you and am too lazy to get anyone else to give to this to.   I must always find a way for you to do something for me, so I will pretend this has a benefit to you".

Or you have the opportunity to give your product away at your cost so that your donor or monster can gift this to someone, as they are "supporting your business" NOT in anyway using you as a low cost means of getting gifts.   After all, this produces SO MUCH publicity for you, and you would only be relying on family and friends to drive your business.

***Trying to stay out of the personal realm here, but failing in the latter examples.

What other "great" things have your Narcs or Socios done for or to you that announce "I am a Narc and/or Socio"!!!  "I care not at all for others, and may pretend to care for those who cater to my life being as comfortable as possible without regard for anyone else but me!"


mulderfan said...

Mine do give me a cheque now and then with the amount (I assume) dependent on how well I've performed my role as compliant daughter. They then want to know how I spent the cheque and are quick to pass judgment on my choices.

A) Yes, I accept the cheques because I bloody well earned them!

B) No, I am no longer dumb enough to tell them how I spent the money!

Their favourite bride is, "If you come to see us, we'll take you out for a nice lunch." with implication being I can't afford upscale restaurants.

A) I actually can afford such places.

B) Lunch really would be "nice" without their company!

Another great post that brought a smile to my face! Thanks!

Winterskiprincess said...

"Lunch would really be 'nice' without their company!"

Yeah, I feel you there. There is that, they are more than happy to give you the carrot, as long as they are sure you will not actually enjoy the carrot.

Or material things are the way that they buy your affection or devotion. Whereas I have loved ones that give me gifts, but it is much different when a socionarc gives you a gift. There are definate strings and attachments to that gift that a loved one would never consider attaching to a gift.

Forgot about materialism, and the admiration to be given to anyone who has things that they want. And the servantude expected to those they give out their scraps to:)

PWC said...

Yes, they don't understand that the relationship is the important thing, and what you are there for! They think you are after things - specifically, their things. It's horrible to be around someone like this and eventually corrodes your relationship with them (well, that and other things).

I liked your examples of activities - framing the door, learning how to build bookcases, baking cookies together - and how the narcissist will not understand that it is about sharing, learning, and being with them. They totally miss the point, and think it is about using you to get things done. Yuck. Even writing about it squicks me out.

Bemused said...

I always think of it more of a con then a carrot. The current Ns usually does something like invite me for dinner (she is a fab cook) but she will do this knowing full well I am polite enough to do all the clean up. So the con not clean your kitchen or put anything away all week+ and when you can no longer live with your mess nor have any clean dishes invite Bemused for dinner.

I no longer accept dinner invites lol