Friday, September 21, 2007

Parents That Are Aging and Problems that Crop Up

This is not about my parents here, but about my in-laws. The great thing about not talking to NOR liking your parents, is you don't need to worry about taking care of them in their old age. It's the other nice thing about your parents not having been there for you as you grew up, there is no sense of obligation to be there for them. Not that I can't think of circumstances where I would step up to the plate, I guess. My finances are strictly for those that I consider to be in my family PRESENTLY. That means, these are people that have been there for me, and have cared about me. They have shown me more love, than my own parents. It is sad in a way, but in another, I am so lucky to have had them in my life. Like my In-Laws.

Mrs Grace will have died two years ago this December. My husband still cries about this everyday. He really misses his mom, she was his best friend. They were so close, and there were times I was jealous of that relationship, as it was something that I really never experienced. My in-laws stuck with me even as I was withdrawn and lacked some social skills that most daughter in-laws might have. I was tough to get to know and like at times. Somehow though, Mrs Grace grew to love me, and I her.

Now The Poop (aka Mr Grace----name of affection for him) is living alone in their old apartment. Much of Mrs Grace's stuff is still there. On a recent visit, we found that the cleaning lady had procured clothing et, and that the Poop hadn't been watching what she was taking. This really upset my husband, as he wants EVERYTHING albiet a bit unreasonable of his mothers. She used to buy very nice clothing and such, that I know her daughter wanted, and has gone missing. There are other heirloom items, that the family wants as well, that they don't want going to a stranger.

So, nobody wanted to talk about this before, as you can imagine, it's a sensitive subject. Also poor Poop is trying to move forward, which I am guessing might be a little difficult when it looks like Mrs Grace is still living in the apartment. Being relieved of her stuff is probably a relief and a sense of loss each time. The Poop of course wants anything the family wants to remain in tact until he dies or someone takes it. The kids don't want to take anything now, as they feel it's the Poops until he passes. I am talking the "heirloom" items here.

So my husband did the brunt of the tough work. He was very good. I was thinking through the whole conversation, how very differently this would go if it was my family!!!! It's tough, the Poop is lonely, wanting to do nice things for other people, and he's in his late eighties now. He has the same illness that I have only worse.

Even worse, his other son set him up with a computer date of some lady in NJ. She is 24 years younger, and the Poop reports they are both saying the L word after 10 days. He just commented "she has two jobs, so she is probably in debt", yet he seems oblivious to the possible dangers of having her up, as she plans to in November. For some strange reason she has also asked for pictures of the inside of his house. I will let my hubby field this one.

God lord, what worry!! I understand that the Poop doesn't want to move in with his kids, and have a life still that is his own. It's not only a sacrafice for the kids, but think of an adult who has had his own way and say his whole life. Now trying to integrate that in with their kids lives that are ongoing and filled with responsibilities and needs too.

It's a hard thing to field. Luckily we all have such a good relationship with him that he talks with us. I really need to talk to him more.


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Rhea said...

My parents died when I was young. That's another way to avoid taking care of them in old age. I realize this sounds uncaring, but it's a fact.