I am always transfixed by parents and kids out and about for fun. You know, well behaved kids enjoying an outing with a parent or two, perhaps their siblings in tow as well. Maybe it's just a special outing for the child in question.
Parents telling their kids, in public mind you, how proud they are of them. Or kids telling their parents they love them spontaneously without any prompting or not after their parent just screamed at them in public. It's an alien world out there to me sometimes. I don't know how "real" those instantaneous glimpses that I see into the lives of others are. Who knows? Knowing my husband as I do though, I do know there are actual loving families out there. His is proof to me. I get jealous of this sometimes.
The other day, I was telling my husband how my E Donor took away a moment where my grandmother was proud of me (not for anything extrodinary, but she was boasting about me to my mom), and not only did my E Donor belittle this emotion from her, she saw fit to tell me this story on the way home from the event. Heaven friggin forbid someone should be proud of me or love me like that. My husband replied, that his mom let him know she was proud when he raked the lawn!!! He grew up knowing that he was loved in a million different ways, and I grew up sure that I was not in a million different ways.
Anyhow, watching these happy families mill around, I was remembering my S Donor's response to an online (actually on this forum or an e-mail that I attached way back when) that the Monster always encouraged him to spend time with me. Now, let me just say, my S Donor only wanted to spend time with me in the brief time he was single. And he didn't want to spend time with ME, he just wanted another female to boss around and control in the interim until he found his next "victim". I was finally out of the house and sort of on my own, and it was his intention not to let me enjoy this moment of the first freedom that I had in my life.
Let me just say, there is no doubt in my mind in that particular union, they are very deserving of each other. I was wondering though, when did evidence of this "wanting" of my S Donor and myself to spend time alone together surface in her attitude. It must have been the day I made the mistake of moving back in, and was greeted with her calling me bitch at the top of the stairs. Or perhaps it was the day where it was made known to me that the S Donor would not help me pick out a car, and that I should bond with the Monster only and have her take me out. (oh, yeah, she would have probably backed a car over me. Oops) Nope, maybe it was the day where I called to wish the S Donor a happy birthday, and she lied that he was at a meeting as to the reason I couldn't call him back later (they were going to my step brothers for a party)
Yeah, she was always trying to bring us together. Saint Big Ass (that's a play on her initials). I am so sorry to my audience that I am harsh on her, but I use this forum to get my anger out. However, I do not blame her for the distance between me and the S Donor that is all his. I blame her for the way she abused me for thinking I was "the other woman". Or for not believing that I should have a relationship with my S Donor, though I heartily agree these days.
Parents telling their kids, in public mind you, how proud they are of them. Or kids telling their parents they love them spontaneously without any prompting or not after their parent just screamed at them in public. It's an alien world out there to me sometimes. I don't know how "real" those instantaneous glimpses that I see into the lives of others are. Who knows? Knowing my husband as I do though, I do know there are actual loving families out there. His is proof to me. I get jealous of this sometimes.
The other day, I was telling my husband how my E Donor took away a moment where my grandmother was proud of me (not for anything extrodinary, but she was boasting about me to my mom), and not only did my E Donor belittle this emotion from her, she saw fit to tell me this story on the way home from the event. Heaven friggin forbid someone should be proud of me or love me like that. My husband replied, that his mom let him know she was proud when he raked the lawn!!! He grew up knowing that he was loved in a million different ways, and I grew up sure that I was not in a million different ways.
Anyhow, watching these happy families mill around, I was remembering my S Donor's response to an online (actually on this forum or an e-mail that I attached way back when) that the Monster always encouraged him to spend time with me. Now, let me just say, my S Donor only wanted to spend time with me in the brief time he was single. And he didn't want to spend time with ME, he just wanted another female to boss around and control in the interim until he found his next "victim". I was finally out of the house and sort of on my own, and it was his intention not to let me enjoy this moment of the first freedom that I had in my life.
Let me just say, there is no doubt in my mind in that particular union, they are very deserving of each other. I was wondering though, when did evidence of this "wanting" of my S Donor and myself to spend time alone together surface in her attitude. It must have been the day I made the mistake of moving back in, and was greeted with her calling me bitch at the top of the stairs. Or perhaps it was the day where it was made known to me that the S Donor would not help me pick out a car, and that I should bond with the Monster only and have her take me out. (oh, yeah, she would have probably backed a car over me. Oops) Nope, maybe it was the day where I called to wish the S Donor a happy birthday, and she lied that he was at a meeting as to the reason I couldn't call him back later (they were going to my step brothers for a party)
Yeah, she was always trying to bring us together. Saint Big Ass (that's a play on her initials). I am so sorry to my audience that I am harsh on her, but I use this forum to get my anger out. However, I do not blame her for the distance between me and the S Donor that is all his. I blame her for the way she abused me for thinking I was "the other woman". Or for not believing that I should have a relationship with my S Donor, though I heartily agree these days.
3 comments:
Having read this I've concluded that you are both my sister and aunt. I have no other explanation.
Your description of your S Donor has convinced me that we share the same father and the Monster act just like my grandmother.
In most families it might seem odd that I would convince my self you are related, but in my family it would be normal.
Keep in mind that my 4th step-mother is the same age as my older sister and my baby brother is 25 years younger than me. I have 3 half sisters, 2 half brothers, 1 adopted half step brother, 1 foster sister, 2 ex-step-sisters, 1 ex-step brother, and 2 not really step-brothers. So the idea of a perfect stranger being my half sister/aunt barely fazes me.
LOL... in the very least you deserve a lifetime membership in the IADDF (Internation Association of Delinquint Disfunctional Families).
I just hope you like your sisters and aunts then LOL.
Don't you think there should be a limit on how many times you can be married LOL. I mean after the 5th or 6th time, we all know how it's going to end.
Hi it's me,, you know from over there. I've been MIA for some time but am back.
Thought of you over the holidays and hoped you were holding up ok.
This was my firt Christmas without the north side haters and I loved it.. We had such a wonderful Christmas..
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