I think the one and only time she ever called me, many years ago before the estrangement, was to let me know we couldn't be invited to my cousin's wedding because she could not afford it LOL. Bear in mind this was at the same time we were funding our own wedding (though my donors chipped in half each the day of as our wedding present---very small but wonderful celebration), and my cousins, aunt, and uncle had all been invited to ours previously. I would have preferred no call at all. Like now, I feel there was a reason for the call. "Hey, just wanted to remind you that you are not one of us. You are the black sheep, and we could care less how you are or what you are doing." I mean could that message have just been left to themselves.
I am fine with the no contact, because truth be told I am done with that side of the family. Each year I create more and more distance...not that they would notice. I don't need to tell them "hey, I don't like you people. I've wanted to like you people, and I've tried to like you people. But you know what, you are just horrible selfish people, and I am better off without you." I just stopped included them in card lists, stopped saying "oh come over when you are next here", stopped updating on of my family events, stopped keeping track of birthdays, stopped keeping track of where they live, and on and on. It does not matter, they don't reach out or want to come visit me anyway. So I figure we can all just stop pretending, and make opposite actions.
Does my aunt feel she is proving that she cares about me by sending me a cheap piece of paper once a year? I mean, we both know she doesn't (ah but as her God child, she used to specially get me a Christmas present every year, superficial and material things matter most in my family). She quite frankly seems to despise me and my husband. In the brief times she has spent with us, she made no attempt to keep her disdain a secret. It becomes an irritating reminder that my family sucks over the holidays. My aunt is anonymous four in this journal entry that I found about a Christmas gathering with this "family".
If you are experiencing irritation at hearing from some estranged or not so estranged family members, well you are not alone:
http://aconography.blogspot.com/2011/12/demons-of-doubt-and-disappointment.html
http://estrangedfamilies.wordpress.com/2011/12/21/a-week-of-christmasfeeling-like-the-grinch/
http://www.glynissherwood.com/blog/grief-the-holiday-season-12-strategies-for-cultivating-peace-of-mind-dec-21-2011-3-20-25-am-25
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ann-brenoff/the-holiday-madness-cure_b_1151816.html
http://www.manipulative-people.com/beating-holiday-stress/
http://contenthub.in/2011/12/christmas-blues-holiday-depression/
