Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Christmas Cards

How totally bizarre is it that my aunt, who hasn't initiated any conversation or interested in my life...really ever...for over six years at least continues to send me a Christmas card every year?  It is just signed with my aunt and uncles name.   Not following a message, or a written Merry Christmas, or Love (which is good because we all know that to be true).

I think the one and only time she ever called me, many years ago before the estrangement, was to let me know we couldn't be invited to my cousin's wedding because she could not afford it LOL.   Bear in mind this was at the same time we were funding our own wedding (though my donors chipped in half each the day of as our wedding present---very small but wonderful celebration), and my cousins, aunt, and uncle had all been invited to ours previously.   I would have preferred no call at all.   Like now, I feel there was a reason for the call.   "Hey, just wanted to remind you that you are not one of us.   You are the black sheep, and we could care less how you are or what you are doing."  I mean could that message have just been left to themselves.

I am fine with the no contact, because truth be told I am done with that side of the family.   Each year I create more and more distance...not that they would notice.   I don't need to tell them "hey, I don't like you people.   I've wanted to like you people, and I've tried to like you people.  But you know what, you are just horrible selfish people, and I am better off without you."  I just stopped included them in card lists, stopped saying "oh come over when you are next here", stopped updating on of my family events, stopped keeping track of birthdays, stopped keeping track of where they live, and on and on.   It does not matter, they don't reach out or want to come visit me anyway.  So I figure we can all just stop pretending, and make opposite actions.

Does my aunt feel she is proving that she cares about me by sending me a cheap piece of paper once a year?   I mean, we both know she doesn't (ah but as her God child, she used to specially get me a Christmas present every year, superficial and material things matter most in my family).   She quite frankly seems to despise me and my husband.   In the brief times she has spent with us, she made no attempt to keep her disdain a secret.   It becomes an irritating reminder that my family sucks over the holidays.  My aunt is anonymous four in this journal entry that I found about a Christmas gathering with this "family".

If you are experiencing irritation at hearing from some estranged or not so estranged family members, well you are not alone:

http://aconography.blogspot.com/2011/12/demons-of-doubt-and-disappointment.html

http://estrangedfamilies.wordpress.com/2011/12/21/a-week-of-christmasfeeling-like-the-grinch/

http://www.glynissherwood.com/blog/grief-the-holiday-season-12-strategies-for-cultivating-peace-of-mind-dec-21-2011-3-20-25-am-25

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ann-brenoff/the-holiday-madness-cure_b_1151816.html

http://www.manipulative-people.com/beating-holiday-stress/

http://contenthub.in/2011/12/christmas-blues-holiday-depression/



6 comments:

mulderfan said...

The silly, arrogant bitch probably thinks the card makes you feel guilty for not being in touch. She, being a much bigger and better person than you, is "reaching" out at Xmas.

If the "gesture" works the way she hopes it will, she'll be back in your head rent-free!

Wait for it..."Fuck 'em!"

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your timely post. i feel better now that I know I'm not the only one who has relatives (in-laws) who behave so badly. I have been estranged from NMIL and NFIL for about 15 years - she treated me badly for years, and now that we are no contact, she sends a lovely card to me for every birthday, anniversary, and holiday. I suspect she does it on purpose to annoy me and make me look bad. My NSIL who is best buddies with NMIL sent a Christmas card to my husband only this year. How childish to be so petty and vengeful, especially at Christmas. And I have never done anything to this miserable woman. Bah humbug to both of them.

Anonymous said...

I feel every bit of what your talking about...My father passed away 2002 and ever since then his family is all I have in the state we live in...At first I focused alot of attention on them and wanted to be around them when I could...But I had soo many bad encounters with them I just couldn't deal with it anymore..Everything from insults to stealing my property to my cousin trying to hook up with my girlfriend of 11 years 2 weeks after we broke up. "I'm lucky not to be in jail after that one "...But You know what......Friends I think are better anyway because these are people who actually want to be in your life...Not because they have to be...But because they want to be...So I look to them for acceptance....Nice to know I'm not alone thou...You try and move on....But it's hurtful....especially around the Holidays....That's Ok too though because what ever doesn't kill us makes us stronger!!

Anonymous said...

I totally feel the same way. You are right, fuck them. My family are also fool of crap and think very highly of themselves with little to no care for the world. You are better on your own anyways. You don't need people like that.

Winterskiprincess said...

:) Thanks for the comments. It is always helpful to know you aren't alone, though I wish you guys were NOT in the same boat, of course.

Enlightened_ACON said...

I wish they can just leave me alone!