I love the holidays. Robert and I have enjoyed this Thanksgiving immensely. Unavoidably though, and especially on the group boards that I am on, the topic of estrangements and parents comes up.
The post that brought it up was "does anyone else find it more peaceful to be estranged from certain family members". Well, I sure as hell do. Course it gets you all mad again at those family members when a post hits so close to home. Like, why couldn't I have loving and supporting parents? I have seen for myself, and certaintly through my husband side, though while not perfect, his parents loved him and his sibling unconditionally. Of that there is no doubt. No matter what mine say, oh believe me, they do not. They love them. Period. And when their needs concide with saying " I love you", well then they pull it out of their hat then. There's just one little thing, you are about to be used for something. And if you need comfort, support, or for them to leave you alone while a cherished family member is dying or in the hospital; well you can just Fing forget about that happening. Then there are the endless phone calls all about them. Like when I asked dad to leave us alone during the house sale, and then it was all about how he wanted to talk about him and me. Can you just Fing respect my feelings until my mother-in-law is buried? What do you think? And then to show up at the funeral, with the C U Next Tuesday in tow, and walk right by me without any condolensces.
So you see where a simple post can lead me down the path of absolute anger to these shitholes. Why do they have to be my parents? Why did I not deserve better than that? God. If it weren't for certain physical characteristics and some mannerisms (thankfully my grandmothers primarily---on the Italian side) I would guess that some baby switching went on in the hospital. I don't have dad or mom's insane materialism. I don't cherish material items over living things (human or animal). Prestige and wealth does not impress me (talk about uncomfortable the Christmas dad & BA had "help" to impress Andy's in-laws LOL). The inner character of a person does impress me. However, you don't need prestige/power/money to be of good character. I would never had married, as my mother did, just so I would have help in childrearing. I would never have children, if I didn't know I would be a good parent. I would not make promises to someone to bribe for a favor. Oh, and by the way, the favor would have been done for that parent anyway because I am idiotically a nice person even to those who do not deserve it. Why feel the need to promise to do something for a with a person when you have no fing intention of doing it? If it was important to a family member, I would drop a lot of things to meet or talk to that person. That is, until it has been proven that it's a waste of my time and breathe. And in fact, not important to that person. I would not expect someone to use my business services. I would not use a family member who is starting a business to get their products at cost. I would not call a family member to give me pieces of their collection as a gift to someone else, and expect to just drop by on short notice as if they did not have a life so I could "shop" there. This same person who expects me to drop everything for them, and give in every time, and could not make time or effort to discuss their relationship (without the disclusion of the C U Next Tuesday). I would never allow another family member to talk badly about a gay family member, and not stand up for him/her because it was an "embarrassment" to me or my husband. In fact, I think love between two people is no big deal, there are bigger things in the world to worry about. Although I was taught not to be racist, one of my parents liberally uses the "N" word and "Spic" when talking about certain people. I had heard the "S" word myself, my husband let me know that the "N" word was liberally used when not in my pressence. And while I would never cut a family relationship off for that alone, that is incredibly disgusting to me. It makes me want to gag.
There is my holiday rant, well before Christmas begins. Best to get these things out of the way early. Happy Holidays.