MY ANGRY EULOGY

In the over 20 years I have not spoken to [REDACTED] face-to-face or on the phone, I have not once regretted it. It was a long time coming. The relationship was a thousand cuts: being reminded I was the accident and the black sheep of the family.  

The [REDACTED] (except Joshua, who died far too young), very much including the evil cunt spermy married, were not the cause of the rift per se. [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] just got what they always wanted and sped it up. So "fuck you" or "thank you," I am not sure which. Sorry for your loss, though you miserable pieces of shit, even though you probably hated each other at the end.  

My Sperm Donor lived the life he wanted, miserable or not. I am glad that he and his brother, Uncle [REDACTED], may have reconciled at the end, alive and now in death. Not completely sure what caused their rift for a while, but they were [REDACTED], though I have more fondness for [REDACTED] than I do the miserable POS sperm donor. I am sure the sperm donor has felt the same. May he rest in peace, having lived as he deserved, wanted, and designed.

Let me extol Spermy's virtues:

1. Racist

2. Racist and responsible, as an educator, for children

3. Mysogonist, though apparently not MAGA

4. Almost always broke promises to me. I can't recall any promises that were kept.

5. Cared more about appearances than anything else

6. Only valued occupations of me or his step children that would make HIM or the STEPMONSTER look good, NOT WHAT MADE ANYONE HAPPY

7. Never failed to take advantage of me and never reciprocated

8. Emotionally abusive to me pre the estrangement

9. Repeatedly tried to put a rift between me and my grandmother and possibly my grandfather

10. Not telling me my grandfather had cancer while I was in college

11. Cared more for material things than people 

12. Looked at animals and pets as disposable 

13.  Homophobic

14.  How he agreed with the step monster not to include my grandmother at their hosted Christmas on the last year she was alive, and instead left her alone at the nursing home (I should have left when I found that put and driven directly to my grandmother, I regret this very much)

May SD rest in peace, having lived as he deserved and designed himself.

(Sorry, Grandma, I hope you greeted them both in Heaven) Had I agreed to a last conversation with Spermy, it would not have gone well for either of us. Spermy's death does not change what a flaming piece of shit he was in my experience.  I hope the others were affected more positively in "knowing" him.  Spermy had no depth under his mask IMHO.  Knowing and living with him showed a different person under the mask.  He was not physically abusive, but he really could have given 0 $hits about me anyway.  To spend much time with him would be to experience, at least in my case, how little you mattered unless what you did or were reflected on him positively.   Positive things included material things and $$$s.  Not kindness, caring, or his offspring making their own choices and dealing with their own issues in life.  

My husband asked if I felt alone after the SD passing.  Somehow, I felt more alone when he was still here.  I feel less alone somehow now.  Maybe untethered is the word I am looking for.  

This post is not meant to be kind on my part and take of that what you will.  IMHO, SD lived and died in cowardice and lack of real feelings (at least towards the "accident").  I do hope he had the life he wanted and that he was not afraid at the end.  Also, that it happened without pain and with his chosen family.