Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Family Rifts Board-Re Boundaries

This is a response to another member whose parents do not acknowledge that they understand what Boundaries are:

You know my dad tried that on me too. "I don't understand what you mean". So I laid it out over and over until I got the following response "I am not stupid, of course I understand what you are saying".

It was important to me that both my parents could not claim "they were not told" or "they did not understand". I guarantee they both understood from the get go, but it's a common "matyred me" ploy. Once they can't say they don't get it anymore without looking like an idiot, then (for me anyway) I was on my way to freedom and closure.

That, and I just did not accept any excuses anymore. ME: "The monster told me to FO when I said she wasn't going to sell my house"DAD: "She was just diagnosed with diabetes and is upset." ME: "I don't accept that as an excuse from her, or a reason to talk to you more on it." DAD: speechless, as there is no argument for that.

I drew my line in the sand with 1600 foot high concrete wall that went divided us across the world and 1600 foot into the earth until or unless he could respect me. That doesn't happen, oh well. It'snot my loss by any means. In fact, I hope he never claims he can, so I just don't need to deal with him. He is just not a nice person.It's easier to forgive things if you have ever felt loved. I never have or at least since third grade when I started to formulate my own opinions.

I often wonder was it just that I wasn't a boy OR that h ejust didn't want children (but he accepts my stepbrother easily enough no matter what he does) OR he just hates females OR he just
hates me. It's an unanswerable question, and no matter what the answer is, there is just one bottom line there.

And you know what,it's not my problem!!! It's his.My boundaries are my boundaries, whether he understands them or not,that is HIS problem, NOT mine.

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