Imaginny is at it again. She is no longer brave enough to post her lies and half truths on her blog, she has infected other forums instead where she thinks she is not seen, but she is.
I now had both my parents pay for my college!!! Hahahahahaha. First of all, my mother made it pretty clear that she felt it was my dad's domain. Second of all, he handled it by having me take out student loans. And third of all, I admitted my failings in college long ago, what possible reason could she have to bring it up...
Oh yes, now there is my mental illness combined with drinking. I have a lower form of bipolar disorder that I takes meds for it's simply depression for the love of God, but now it affects my relationships. I guess like my first and only marriage that has been happy and going on for 18 years now. It must also affect my ability to have a happy life to, as I do. I seem to also have a drinking problem according to her words. Let's think, why would someone be posting this about the daughter they "loved". Could it be to build themselves up?
Hmmmm. Not too transparent.
Oh, but we aren't over. She implies that a woman that she did not want to meet, by her own admission, influenced my estrangement with her.
Oh, but we aren't done. Then there was my unemployed husband, of 18 years now, who concerned her. Oh my husband who also lacked in self esteem, apparantly.
This is what she talks about 14 years later, about the daughter she was desperate to end her estrangement with, and she didn't know why we were estranged. I guess she answered her own question.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
A Mistake/I Don't Need to Be There Anymore
I found this site by accident on Ning regarding estrangements. Ning is a pretty cool social network where you can do a lot of things. I was actually setting up a dog training site, couldn't figure that out so I set up another name and joined an estrangement site that I found by accident to test things on.
A very nice lady (I am assuming) asked me to share my story, and so I mistakenly did. I really should have done my homework first as I would have found that they were primarily mothers estranged from their kids. Not only that, most are within the first few years of estrangement. I had primarily felt guilty for not sharing, and soon found myself sucked into a void of mothers deflecting their feelings about their kids onto me!!!
I understand that. I just don't need to be THERE anymore, and I find I don't need anyone's sanctioning of decisions that I have thoughtfully and responsibly made in my life. There is nothing I will do to help these mothers there either, but it's also not my job to help them through this. I have a job and a life. A pretty good one actually, and I don't need to defend myself to complete strangers.
The more you get sucked in the more you end up defending yourself and sharing parts of your and your estranged stories that are no body's business unless you seek to share them of your own free will.
So take care of yourself, and take care where you find solace. I find healingfromfamilyrifts, the yahoo group so much more helpful, as there are people there not only from both sides, but having from first years experience to many years experience dealing with it. Some that have reconciled, and others that have not reconciled. Some who are accepting of their solution, and others not so accepting. I feel a better home is found there.
I recognized some of my mom's friends there as well. Yipes!!! (on the ning estrangement site) If I needed a string of quotes from the bible or Mark's book, perhaps this site would have been helpful to me. It's funny how the parents seem to go right for the surveying and quoting stages. Weird.
The post below is the one that I shared. What was I thinking?
A very nice lady (I am assuming) asked me to share my story, and so I mistakenly did. I really should have done my homework first as I would have found that they were primarily mothers estranged from their kids. Not only that, most are within the first few years of estrangement. I had primarily felt guilty for not sharing, and soon found myself sucked into a void of mothers deflecting their feelings about their kids onto me!!!
I understand that. I just don't need to be THERE anymore, and I find I don't need anyone's sanctioning of decisions that I have thoughtfully and responsibly made in my life. There is nothing I will do to help these mothers there either, but it's also not my job to help them through this. I have a job and a life. A pretty good one actually, and I don't need to defend myself to complete strangers.
The more you get sucked in the more you end up defending yourself and sharing parts of your and your estranged stories that are no body's business unless you seek to share them of your own free will.
So take care of yourself, and take care where you find solace. I find healingfromfamilyrifts, the yahoo group so much more helpful, as there are people there not only from both sides, but having from first years experience to many years experience dealing with it. Some that have reconciled, and others that have not reconciled. Some who are accepting of their solution, and others not so accepting. I feel a better home is found there.
I recognized some of my mom's friends there as well. Yipes!!! (on the ning estrangement site) If I needed a string of quotes from the bible or Mark's book, perhaps this site would have been helpful to me. It's funny how the parents seem to go right for the surveying and quoting stages. Weird.
The post below is the one that I shared. What was I thinking?
May 31st 2008-last angry post, I think
I believe there may be an anniversary approaching. The anniversary of my last angry post involving an estranged realative. One year, baby. That is one year on May 31st 2009 (I think). I will need to verify that again at some point:)
I just may release this blog that day into cyber space!!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Sharing my Story from A Different Emotional Place
I got a nice note about "when I am ready to share". I realized that I have been hesitant to share, because I find myself in a strange place right now:) That of peace and acceptance, rather than anger and betrayal. Nope, it's not that I have forgiven (I don't think) or forgotten what has happened. It's more that I am concentrating forward without any effort these days. This has taken a long time to get there.
I have been reluctant to go back, but I think now I can explain why I am estranged without "emotionally" going back. Let's see anyway LOL.
So, I have never considered myself to have a great relationship with either of my parents. I had a horrible relationship with one step mo-nster, and a decent relationship with one step father.My parents were very into themselves while I was growing up OR controlling me. I didn't get the normal affection that I see that my peers did or that other children that I meet do today. So there is no real "relationship" that could be cleaved onto in the first place. There was much yelling and arguing in my house, while my parents finally figured out that perhaps they shouldn't be married. I knew this at age 7, I think. You did not need to be a rocket scientist.
I am not blaming any part of my life on this. In fact, I have a very wonderful life. I found a strength in me that I don't see in a lot of people. I am not recommending this upbringing either, as a model for parenting!! I am just saying that I believe I came out okay. I was not physically or sexually abused. I was emotionally and verbally abused. With a strength of character that came with this, also did the lack of communication skills that I still struggle with to this day. So it did not ruin me by any means, but it has affected some things about me.
My father, I swear, I should have stopped talking to at age 18. It's not until today that I see how I damaged myself by my lack of self esteem in this relationship. How I totally let it take me over and damage my confidence for a long time. Everything was superficial, and my father tried to control me to be whatever it was he thought I should be. Or to marry who he thought he should marry, even though his personal and professional relationships have been anything but stellar. Even though he later had to admit that I was doing pretty good for myself.
The last straw with my father was when my mother-in-law was dying. I don't know how it was possible for my father and step monster to make this about them, but they did. I finally decided that I had no time for them as they were. If they couldn't respect the fact that we couldn't allow them to control us while a beloved family member lay dying (literally) then they had no part in my life or family. Sadly, this was only four years ago that I came to this conclusion. Life has truly been less stressful and more fulfilling since.
Twenty four years ago, when the step monster stormed into my room and slapped me, should have been when this estrangement begin. Why did she slap me? Because my father said he would do the dishes since I came home late from work, and he didn't do them. So she came in, saw they weren't done, and decided the appropriate response was to wake me up with a slap. THEN my father dropped me off at my boyfriend's parents house, and later on tried to defend her actions to me. "Oh that wasn't really her" "She has nightmares about it now" (okay I am going back emotionally now) Well, good!!! I hope she can't sleep for the rest of her life. She did learn that 18 year old girls can hit back, however.
Instead, I went an additional twenty years with these people thinking it was because they were the only parents I had. Well, you know what, so what? They only drained, took, and wanted "appearances" for fathers day, and mothers day, and Christmas. Bite me!
My mother is an 11 year old story now. Similar though, in that my husband was in the hospital have 6 inches of his colon removed. My mother is incredibly narcissistic in that the world just revolves around her. She always got presents from me, but during this time she wanted to be sure she got exactly the right presents for her birthday. We didn't estrange simply because of that though, we estranged because not only did she bring this up when I had something very important on my plate (namely my husband's health), but she just wouldn't drop it after this. It became too much, and I simply couldn't and wouldn't argue it anymore. We had agreements where we wouldn't talk about it, but she simply wouldn't let it die. She needed me to give in, and sorry I try to pick out the best presents I can, just say thank you. She even continued after we agreed perhaps exchanging presents should just stop to keep it off the table.
About four years ago, I checked in on her public postings to see if there was any hope. We corresponded back and forth, and it was still exactly the same thing. I was able to move on from that with a clean conscience.So there it is. My basic summarized story. I have a blog on the earlier and angrier years if anyone is interested, but I only write on there every once in awhile now.
I have been reluctant to go back, but I think now I can explain why I am estranged without "emotionally" going back. Let's see anyway LOL.
So, I have never considered myself to have a great relationship with either of my parents. I had a horrible relationship with one step mo-nster, and a decent relationship with one step father.My parents were very into themselves while I was growing up OR controlling me. I didn't get the normal affection that I see that my peers did or that other children that I meet do today. So there is no real "relationship" that could be cleaved onto in the first place. There was much yelling and arguing in my house, while my parents finally figured out that perhaps they shouldn't be married. I knew this at age 7, I think. You did not need to be a rocket scientist.
I am not blaming any part of my life on this. In fact, I have a very wonderful life. I found a strength in me that I don't see in a lot of people. I am not recommending this upbringing either, as a model for parenting!! I am just saying that I believe I came out okay. I was not physically or sexually abused. I was emotionally and verbally abused. With a strength of character that came with this, also did the lack of communication skills that I still struggle with to this day. So it did not ruin me by any means, but it has affected some things about me.
My father, I swear, I should have stopped talking to at age 18. It's not until today that I see how I damaged myself by my lack of self esteem in this relationship. How I totally let it take me over and damage my confidence for a long time. Everything was superficial, and my father tried to control me to be whatever it was he thought I should be. Or to marry who he thought he should marry, even though his personal and professional relationships have been anything but stellar. Even though he later had to admit that I was doing pretty good for myself.
The last straw with my father was when my mother-in-law was dying. I don't know how it was possible for my father and step monster to make this about them, but they did. I finally decided that I had no time for them as they were. If they couldn't respect the fact that we couldn't allow them to control us while a beloved family member lay dying (literally) then they had no part in my life or family. Sadly, this was only four years ago that I came to this conclusion. Life has truly been less stressful and more fulfilling since.
Twenty four years ago, when the step monster stormed into my room and slapped me, should have been when this estrangement begin. Why did she slap me? Because my father said he would do the dishes since I came home late from work, and he didn't do them. So she came in, saw they weren't done, and decided the appropriate response was to wake me up with a slap. THEN my father dropped me off at my boyfriend's parents house, and later on tried to defend her actions to me. "Oh that wasn't really her" "She has nightmares about it now" (okay I am going back emotionally now) Well, good!!! I hope she can't sleep for the rest of her life. She did learn that 18 year old girls can hit back, however.
Instead, I went an additional twenty years with these people thinking it was because they were the only parents I had. Well, you know what, so what? They only drained, took, and wanted "appearances" for fathers day, and mothers day, and Christmas. Bite me!
My mother is an 11 year old story now. Similar though, in that my husband was in the hospital have 6 inches of his colon removed. My mother is incredibly narcissistic in that the world just revolves around her. She always got presents from me, but during this time she wanted to be sure she got exactly the right presents for her birthday. We didn't estrange simply because of that though, we estranged because not only did she bring this up when I had something very important on my plate (namely my husband's health), but she just wouldn't drop it after this. It became too much, and I simply couldn't and wouldn't argue it anymore. We had agreements where we wouldn't talk about it, but she simply wouldn't let it die. She needed me to give in, and sorry I try to pick out the best presents I can, just say thank you. She even continued after we agreed perhaps exchanging presents should just stop to keep it off the table.
About four years ago, I checked in on her public postings to see if there was any hope. We corresponded back and forth, and it was still exactly the same thing. I was able to move on from that with a clean conscience.So there it is. My basic summarized story. I have a blog on the earlier and angrier years if anyone is interested, but I only write on there every once in awhile now.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Hmmmm, A Quandry
Well, I still think my family sucks. I just don't think about it that much anymore. I will probably be writing in my Middle Aged Princess blog more frequently, and this blog may now die a graceful death, eventually. I can't help but think something else will come to the forefront to be mentioned.
One thing that I did not mention is that my cousins came to town. My father and the monster had them over for Christmas, and there was no invite forthcoming. Not surprising, but pretty hypocritical as my loving father tore up a Christmas card when the monster's name was not on it. This was after she completely ignored that Robert's mom was dying, to instead focus on trying to convince us to let her sell OUR house.
Course she is still doing swimmingly in the real estate market selling four houses a year in this economy. Down from her all time high point of five houses a year. This comes up as someone informed me that she had a listing from yet another one of a dead relative. She may have actually sold the house this past month, but if she did the property does not appear on her sales as yet. This could catapult her again to an all time high:)
Pretty much that is it, and I haven't been all that bothered by it. Just shows that they are who they are, and nothing will ever change it. And I can't accept that treatment. So there you go!!
Thank you all for reading. You probably won't hear from me as frequently as you might have in the past. You can still follow me at the following blogs:
http://middleagedprincess.blogspot.com/
and
http://horrorheaven.blogspot.com/
Both of which ended up being ignored lately, but I am coming back to them. I just had some stuff to ponder over the winter months. Nothing big, just taking time to concentrate on business et.
One thing that I did not mention is that my cousins came to town. My father and the monster had them over for Christmas, and there was no invite forthcoming. Not surprising, but pretty hypocritical as my loving father tore up a Christmas card when the monster's name was not on it. This was after she completely ignored that Robert's mom was dying, to instead focus on trying to convince us to let her sell OUR house.
Course she is still doing swimmingly in the real estate market selling four houses a year in this economy. Down from her all time high point of five houses a year. This comes up as someone informed me that she had a listing from yet another one of a dead relative. She may have actually sold the house this past month, but if she did the property does not appear on her sales as yet. This could catapult her again to an all time high:)
Pretty much that is it, and I haven't been all that bothered by it. Just shows that they are who they are, and nothing will ever change it. And I can't accept that treatment. So there you go!!
Thank you all for reading. You probably won't hear from me as frequently as you might have in the past. You can still follow me at the following blogs:
http://middleagedprincess.blogspot.com/
and
http://horrorheaven.blogspot.com/
Both of which ended up being ignored lately, but I am coming back to them. I just had some stuff to ponder over the winter months. Nothing big, just taking time to concentrate on business et.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
State of Affairs
I hope no one thought I had died from the cold that I had LOL. Things have been good. In fact, so good that I have had not that much to blog about on my "negative" blog.
In May, we have an unveiling to go to for my father-in-law. This is a Jewish tradition (my husbands' family is Jewish, but not me). It's nice in that the family gets together. It brings up a lot of the grief again, however, and I don't enjoy that so much. I prefer the tradition of wake, funeral, and over. It's hard enough getting through the "firsts of everything" throughout the year without a deliberate reminder.
Checked my mother's website today because I was thinking of family estrangements. She has a new poem. Instead of feeling the familiar anger that she does not own up to her part in it, I felt it was a well written poem. If I did not know the person or circumstances, I might feel sorry for that person. As it was, I didn't feel any anger or resentment. It's only been 11 years now LOL. Not really a fast journey for me. A journey that has contributed a lot to my life, however.
An amusing thing about the poem is that it focused on presents and packaging at the end. The superficial stuff that does not make or break a relationship....normally with normal people. At least she was giving this package to someone else, rather than expecting it to be done just right and given to her:)
Oh well.
In May, we have an unveiling to go to for my father-in-law. This is a Jewish tradition (my husbands' family is Jewish, but not me). It's nice in that the family gets together. It brings up a lot of the grief again, however, and I don't enjoy that so much. I prefer the tradition of wake, funeral, and over. It's hard enough getting through the "firsts of everything" throughout the year without a deliberate reminder.
Checked my mother's website today because I was thinking of family estrangements. She has a new poem. Instead of feeling the familiar anger that she does not own up to her part in it, I felt it was a well written poem. If I did not know the person or circumstances, I might feel sorry for that person. As it was, I didn't feel any anger or resentment. It's only been 11 years now LOL. Not really a fast journey for me. A journey that has contributed a lot to my life, however.
An amusing thing about the poem is that it focused on presents and packaging at the end. The superficial stuff that does not make or break a relationship....normally with normal people. At least she was giving this package to someone else, rather than expecting it to be done just right and given to her:)
Oh well.
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