Thursday, April 16, 2009

A Mistake/I Don't Need to Be There Anymore

I found this site by accident on Ning regarding estrangements. Ning is a pretty cool social network where you can do a lot of things. I was actually setting up a dog training site, couldn't figure that out so I set up another name and joined an estrangement site that I found by accident to test things on.

A very nice lady (I am assuming) asked me to share my story, and so I mistakenly did. I really should have done my homework first as I would have found that they were primarily mothers estranged from their kids. Not only that, most are within the first few years of estrangement. I had primarily felt guilty for not sharing, and soon found myself sucked into a void of mothers deflecting their feelings about their kids onto me!!!

I understand that. I just don't need to be THERE anymore, and I find I don't need anyone's sanctioning of decisions that I have thoughtfully and responsibly made in my life. There is nothing I will do to help these mothers there either, but it's also not my job to help them through this. I have a job and a life. A pretty good one actually, and I don't need to defend myself to complete strangers.

The more you get sucked in the more you end up defending yourself and sharing parts of your and your estranged stories that are no body's business unless you seek to share them of your own free will.

So take care of yourself, and take care where you find solace. I find healingfromfamilyrifts, the yahoo group so much more helpful, as there are people there not only from both sides, but having from first years experience to many years experience dealing with it. Some that have reconciled, and others that have not reconciled. Some who are accepting of their solution, and others not so accepting. I feel a better home is found there.

I recognized some of my mom's friends there as well. Yipes!!! (on the ning estrangement site) If I needed a string of quotes from the bible or Mark's book, perhaps this site would have been helpful to me. It's funny how the parents seem to go right for the surveying and quoting stages. Weird.

The post below is the one that I shared. What was I thinking?

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