Saturday, April 18, 2009

MIA My Mother

The person who has been lost is the woman sitting to the right (your side). I haven't seen her for awhile. One day, she disappeared from sight.
She used to bake me cookies on occasion. One Valentines day, she made me a very nice pink cake with candy hearts all around. On my birthdays, it was homemade Angel Food cake, whipped cream, and strawberries. I got as much of that as I would like.
I supported her, even when it should have been evident that she was not doing the right thing. I used to go to antique markets with her and help her set up. We used to enjoy looking at dolls and dollhouses together.
Even when I started to understand what had happened in the family, still I supported her.
The disappearance began subtly with friends. She didn't like my apartment she didn't like my friends. She really resented that there was a boy that I fell in love with. She really hated weddings. My graduation was really about her and my father. Her rage grew and infected everyone. Her entitlement to things that I couldn't provide became that I must not be doing well.
Eventually, I looked around and POOF the mother that I had thought I grew up with either disappeared or was an illusion in the first place. She wasn't the most loving, the most attentive, but I thought she was a nice person once upon a time. I look and look, but she is not there.
There is an angry old woman where she lived. She tells stories about me that aren't true, but I have no idea who this woman is. What the heck did she do with my mother?
Do you know?


Anonymous said...

I'm not sure but maybe she's somewhere hanging out with the grandmother that raised me and took me to the park and held my hand and bought me ice cream cones on the walk home from school. That one was replaced by a frigid, bitter old lady who rages at the site of a candy bar and throws every failing I've ever done wrong in my face with great relish.

(Sorry I know this post is ages old but I just came across it and I think I know what you mean)

Winterskiprincess said...

I am so sorry that you do know what I mean. I'm pretty much over it now, but it hasn't been a pretty place to be:)