Thursday, December 23, 2010

My Goals for Estrangement Remain the Same

I did a pretty decent job this year keeping EFOO out of my head.   Not perfect mind you, but the number of blog posts for the past three years tell a story.  This year there were three main events that distracted me a bit:
  1. My birthday where I found myself on the beach set up near Spermy and Monster.
  2. November posting from Eggy where she tried to get my attention, and when she couldn't listed me as a suspect for cyber stealing from her (she took that post down quickly, after e-mail contact from me).
  3. December or November when I got a third party inquiry as to when *I* was going to stop the estrangement.   This was sent through a relative that I like a lot and has tried to have a relationship with me from one that has had zero relationship or discussion with me about it.  Hey since they talk to HIM, why not ask him why he doesn't wish to have a relationship with HIS daughter and never has?  Why when he has admitted doing things wrong *I* am supposed to make it alright and comfortable for him?
Anywhoo, those are the things that have distracted me this year.  I think I would have gotten away with having only eight posts this year without them .

So at this point every year, I try and make goals for myself that I intend to keep.   This would be related to other personal goals, but here are my goals in estrangement.
  1. To continue to trust and believe that I did the right things for the right reasons OR (to put it another way) to stop having the need to review the evidence and torture myself with it.   I know what I know, and it is what it is.  I can't change them, it, me, the circumstances that brought me here.
  2. Not visit my female donor's blog and hence eliminate the very likely possibility that she will try and lure me in by pissing me off (very much related to number one).  Also ignore any other her postings of what she assumes my life is or was that are elsewhere
  3. Work on my communication with those people that do love and care for me to the best of my ability.  Try to be more open and reach out more than I do.  I really try to cut out any third party contact and go to the source.   I also try to let people know that I care about them, but I have a hard time putting myself out there or allowing people to get too close.
  4. Enjoy everyday that I can.
  5. Be more disciplined and consistent with things that I need to do (IE stop procrastinating and getting down when I do) so that I can stop stressing myself out (oh female donor would latch onto this in the old days). 
  6. Be thankful for what I have.
  7. Let my creativity be something that I do on occasion.
  8. Related to seven patience with learning new crafts, and patience with myself while I learn new things.
  9. Find fun and active things to do as a family.
So there are my goals most related to healing from family estrangement or promoting the healing of estrangement from family.


mulderfan said...

Regarding Goal #1 where you say, "I can't change them, it, me". You can change "me" and deserve a pat on the back for making such a fine job of doing it! (Don't be so hard on yourself!)

Hugs and happy holidays, mulderfan

Winterskiprincess said...

Thank you for the kind compliment. What was in my mind when I wrote me was that I can't change what I want and expect from a healthy relationship. Or that I don't want to change what I want and expect from a healthy relationship.