Link To My Mothers Most Recent Solique

Good God, does she never stop whining and trying to justify her selfish acts. The link here will bring you to her latest whining, where no doubt she will be justifying including me in her abusive marriage and her two year affair before the divorce. You know whatever she did is fine with me, but to take no ownership and keep whining about it. Then to top it off, to complain that my father, who I don't think is any great prize myself, but to actually complain that he doesn't want to be friends with her. Well, no duh!!

She starts off by how she had to walk to work, well who fing didn't when they were young. I walked or rode my bike until I was twenty two or so. God lord. And how she had to work her way through school, well also something I needed to do.

But it's everyone else's fault because she was selfish, and let dad know that she wasn't in love, so she used him, but she let him know. So that just makes her a ducky person right? Oh, and about how much she adored me, makes me shudder to think what I would have been treated like later if she didn't.

You would think no one else in the world needed to grow up and take care of themselves or find themselves in the world. And to try and justify using someone, it just makes me sick. It's one thing to say "I realize now I made a mistake and I am sorry", it's another to be such a narcistic siociopath. Seriously.

I didn't hate her before, but the more and more she tries to justify her actions, the sicker she makes me.

The other thing, she complains that she had to wait for college. I don't know about her, but I have always had a choice in my life. Many a single mother may wait while their child is growing, but it is definately their choice to wait. My mother in law, who I loved very much, felt also she was dragged along by fate, but we all have these choices in our lives as we live in America. Just because we never reconciled ourselves to our choice, did not mean we didn't have the power to make that choice. For such a "feminist" as my mother claims to me, it's confusing as to why she thinks everyone else on the planet had this power over her.

When she talks about adoring me, she is talking about while I was in her "control and power" like when I was younger and couldn't escape. Like when I was a pre teen and was basically included in their sexual problems, and copies of the Hite report and Playboys were left everywhere for me to find. It's only later when you are an adult that you realize how inappropriate this was.

I admit to getting back at my mother later on during our estrangement by making some pretty inappropriate comments, to which she completely flipped out. How does she think it was being a tween and getting to witness your parents sexual and emotional disfunction. Because basically your mom thought you were her bud, and it was completely appropriate to unload on you.

She picked him. She got pregnant. Regardless of the reason, she decided it was a good idea to enter into marriage, and then drag her child through every miserable day to feed into her own selfishness.

She talks about my dad's reaction to her being pregnant (I don't know what that was, but I can certaintly read the intimation). Then she talks about how she didn't want to get married, and didn't love him, then complains about his reaction. She is surprised if he wasn't overjoyed by the prospect of being tied down to her for the rest of his life. Good start to a marriage, huh?

I have said before that I didn't judge her, I don't think I did, and so I find it puzzling that the more she writes, the more I do tend to judge her. It just seems so selfish and so self serving to me with the lack of regret, remorse, or apology. Even if you didn't get married loving your husband, once you enter into that agreement, it's a pretty crummy thing to break 18 years of trust. It's not so hard to get a divorce, and then start a relationship. It would just sort of be the responsible caring thing to do. But not so much for the selfish and completely self absorbed person my mother is.

She talks about hating mothers day. I always did too, because I had to buy a card with flowery sayings instead of a card that expressed my true feelings about my mother.

Boy I Must Sound Horrible On This Blog

This blog represents my angst and frustration over having three people in my life who have brought nothing other than pain and hurt. Specifically they are my mother, my father, and my step-mother. Soon I will post the previous posts that I took off the previous blog when it was found by these people.

I am hoping they forgot my winterskibunny id, as I like it, and I can go on with posting. I was actually having productive conversations with other people that have gone through this. It is painful, but more painful is not only allowing others to mistreat you, but by paricipating by constantly being nice and cowtowing to them. Until one day you wake up and find, you have been sucking up to these vampiric monsters that want nothing more than to suck the life right out of you, and they won't be appeased until they succeed. The more you give, the more they complain and take take take take take, find fault, take, take take take, abuse you emotionally, take take take take, abuse you physically, take some more, and take and take and take.........................................

Into infinity, and you (meaning me) have allowed it!!! Holy shit. So if what I say in past and private postings sounds a tad harsh, it's me venting all the frustration of 39 years that have been pent up in me. Caged there by me thinking I was being good and patient and thoughtful. I mean they are my family after all. And that's my fault!!! I think not.

Someone from The Home Town Checking In

Saw someone from my home town's been looking at my blogs. Don't think I left any clues to who I could possibly be, and have tried to search for myself to get to this blog, to no avail. Hoping it's not the B and T, good lord.Not that it makes any difference, but was hoping to keep this between me and the general public at large, sans them. Too many things could be completely mistrued. "For instance" the dad would love me a whole shit lot more, has nothing to do with any death wish on my part. More to do with the fact that he in fact is way more loving to people when he is on the podium at their funeral. Josh comes to mind for instance.Any way, hopefully it's someone at an educational facility doing research on family estrangement, and not the actually T himself. Not that it matters I guess, said most of this to him, except sans the profanity out of respect. And have been only respectful to the B in person, and this is my area to get out all the profane things that would have "felt good" to say, but were in fact NEVER EVER said to her or anything even close to it. And never would be, there is no reason to. Would be giving her power over me that she never deserves.

Any way, if you are B and T, go away, doubt there will be anything of interest to you here going forward, unless the B still thinks there is hope of selling our house, the opportunistic.....well you know.Good life, if it's you. Stay the heck out of mine----thanks.

Humor About the Horrific

It has occurred to me that on this blog, I have been unable to right humorously about this horrendous event in my life, as some others are able to. That has been one of my goals, and I am going to have to think about it.The other goal was to dig deep into the ugliness, think I can check that one off LOL. At least in the couple of posts where I hit the descriptions of estrangement, and maybe not the raging posts so much. I dunno.Any way, need to think about how to do that for my own edimification LOL. For instance, today had a huge diarrhea accident from my foster dog, and am pretty confident I will be able to write about that humorously.

Big Fats Lexus Next Street Over

That's what we call BA now Big Fat. Not nice to overweight people around the world, but really to good for BF (vs BA) LOL. Pretty strange that the cunt and my dad are one street over during the summer, and I am not speaking to them. Sorry for the abusive language there, but she really really is. So interested to see if I see two vehicles there today, or just the one. And what does that mean? Even if it did mean what it probably does, dad does not get any points for it, because he's a materialistic opportunist shithead, who is probably just worried about who will take care of him when he is old. He really doesn't give a shit about me, no matter what he says.If I was dead, he would "love" me a whole shit load more than he does while I am alive.

Final E-Mails

To Tony in response to following post:

You very well know that Robert also expressed BA shouldn't be brought up to me if you are going to hide behind my husband.And you could let me know you are going to honor that boundary in an e-mail without talking to me.That is obvious, and I shouldn't even have to state it. But then you had to get the last matyred word in.Robin

From Tony in Response to Following Post:

Robin,In my last communication with Robert, way back when this all came to a head, he advised me to do what is in my heart. I have, I've apologized. I can't do more than that, because I can't speak with you. I've done what is in my heart and you've done what is in your. You won't hear from me again, I love you and if you ever want to talk I'll be happy to talk with you. I only wish you and Robert the best

To Dad in Response to Below Apology:

Dad

I don't think it's nice not to respond to an apology. So in short, I wish I could accept the words below. I can't though, as they don't mesh with your actions.There are instances when you have known you were hurting me, and kept on doing it, especially in recent events, and not done what was needed to be done not to hurt me. I do understand this may not be deliberate, but that's not exactly comforting either. At least if it was deliberate, you would know the things you were doing were inappropriate.I do really need to spend time now on my growing business, marketing, taking care of my clients. We are at a known impass anyway, and any further discussion is an exercise that won't get either of us anywhere.I wish you well. I do thank you for the below thought. Please respect my wishes not to be contacted unless you can respect my boundaries. It's my fault this discussion has gone on for responding in the first place. I am sorry for that, and so I won't be responding again.Robert and I are well, and enjoying our life in Maine.Robin

Apology offered by Tony:

Its hard writing to you about how I feel and having you put a spin on it that was never intended.A. I wasn't the father I should have been to you during the divorce and during my remarriage.B. If I've done things to hurt you, and I have, I'm sorry.C. I'm not perfect, far from it. But, I'm not a person who would hurt you deliberately. I should have known what I was doing and I didn't. If you had told me what is was doing was hurting you I would have tried to fix it. We'll never know. My fault I hurt you, I take responsibility.Thats as clear as I can get. I hope that you can accept my apology.Dad