Warning, Stalking Crazy Lady Alert

The enclosed picture is just a funny picture that I found BTW, and not a picture of the Estrangement Queen.

I should warn readers, and perhaps put up this message on a monthly basis. If you poke the Estrangement Queen (and you will only be likely to know who that is if you follow this blog), she will try to glean any information that she can about you. She will try to hunt you down. She does not understand the definition of boundaries, unless it relates to her.

It's sad yet true. I don't even know how she found out where one person works!! Here is what she said about another that dared to disagree (and what she went out and found about about him):


"Mr. Blue/Keillor told me that I wasn't really estranged, that my style was combative, and that I shouldn't write a book. It sounded to me like, "Silly woman! Get your head on straight! Your daughter isn't really not talking to you but you have a combative style and that is the problem and, for heaven's sake, don't write a book .... that would be just .... silly!"My response to this in email was ... combative! I informed Mr. Keillor/Blue that he must have issues with his mother and/or his ex-wife and that I had sent in my question to him as an experiment in asking a columnist anything and he had failed the test! Thereby confirming for him his point about my combativeness! Remembering that makes me smile a bit."

Yes, he failed the test by not agreeing with her, and must have a problem with women because he agreed WITH HER DAUGHTER who didn't even have to talk for herself for the point to come across!!

"Dear Rejected,This is a grievous story and I am sorry for your loss of the adult friendship of a child. But your combative tone makes me think that you have blundered into this situation and antagonized your daughter on your own steam. You say this started back when you got upset about her taking you for granted? Good Lord, madame, that is a poor pretext for a fight with your only child, I must say. God knows, it's human enough to get upset, but there comes a point when you simply must accept your children as they are, stop prodding and pushing and punishing them, and learn to enjoy their company. You weren't rejected: You simply got into a fight you had no business fighting, and you wound up the loser. It's a sad fact that our power to anger and alienate others is so immense and our power to reconcile is so pitifully small. The lesson is: Be slow to anger. Don't be right every time you have a chance to. And don't go off writing a book about this as a further exercise in self-justification. If you need to write something, try writing an apology."

And then the search for info:

"Online .... amazing what you can learn online these days!... I learned that Garrison Keillor's daughter was born in 1998. She is his first daughter. He is now 62. He has a son who was born in 1969. His son is 3 years younger than my daughter. His son works for him. Garrison Keillor has been married 3 times and was estranged for a time from the city of St. Paul, Minnesota but they have since made up.

I learned that Garrison Keillor was raised in a conservative religious family that belonged to the Plymouth Brethren. I know more about Brethren in general than I know about Garrison Keillor. I know that they are truly very conservative. That their beliefs about how to live a life would have been very different from that of a popular writer/entertainer who makes his living creating radio shows and books. I read that he suffered from shyness although that is hard for me to believe as I have struggled mightily with shyness and fears throughout my life and I can't imagine how a truly shy person could have lived a Garrison Keillor sort of life! But this may be due to a shortage of imagination on my part. If he is a Shy Person, then he deserves credit for overcoming his Shy Side and forging on with life"

Shyness is not a disease for God's sake, first of all. I am shy. I need to get things done, therefore, I can not revert into myself as I might prefer. She talks about it like some monumental task that only she has taken on, like having to work for almost no money when you are young.

Any who, be warned Ye Who Visited the Lair of the Estrangement Queen. With programs like site meter, being anonymous is sometimes not protection enough!!!

You know, I like to research people too. There was a guest on Howard Stern that had a lot to do with Satellite radio, and I found his story interesting. Or a celebrity you like dies, or another dog trainer posts an article. But I think something is very very wrong with someone who needs to hunt down each and every person that does not agree with them!!! I mean, some people don't agree with you and in fact will never agree with you, right. The world still manages to turn on it's axis somehow though.

One Grandfather's Funeral

I have a time that I am remembering and I need to post about. One of my grandparents died many years ago. He/she was not the nicest person in the world. In fact, he/she was a gambling drunk that lived in a filthy nicotine encrusted apartment.

I don't think many people thought very well of him/her. However, it was still pretty surprising when their child made their speech at the funeral. See the "eulogy" was about what a crappy person they were. Now, I do know this was mostly true, but really at the funeral????

I was thinking "note to self, if I die before this parent, be sure they are not at MY funeral". Or at least not allowed to speak there. Am I wrong, or is that not a very good representation of Narcissistic?

Good lord. How many other ways could this have been handled? Well, there is the lying, which I personally wouldn't want at my funeral either. You know, if they don't like me, I don't want them talking one way or the other. So, I guess my move would be "wow, I am just too bereaved to say ANYTHING". What is the saying, "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all".

Friday Fishing

Can you believe other people have these estrangement problems? Well, unfortunately they do. Here are some other thoughts on estrangement:

Success and Self Fullfilling Therapy

On Fogiveness and Estrangement

Taking a Risk

Okay A Dog Story Related to Family Estrangement, What is Better?

One Woman's Mother Hated All Woman

Constant Yelling Is As Damaging As Physical Abuse? I don't know about that, but interesting article.

Er, I do Believe Estrangement Queen Just Admitted She Posts in Retaliation

Check out comment 21 in this post.

"Where in the world do you think that she actually misses me, likes me or loves me????? If that were the case, then my actions would be different than what they are. She does not."

Ah, so bi polar was in to get back at the daughter who does not find her Estranged Donor a real charmer when she posts that she did not care when her grandfather and step brother died. I am sorry, I don't know how to "miss, like or love" someone like that. Especially when they are unable to say they are sorry.

But just in case you want to disagree with her:

"You seem to be a very troubled soul and I am beginning to feel sorry for you."

You will be picked apart accordingly. Course, a recent poster just hit a nerve with me as well. I don't think I called them troubled however, just deflecting a bit. I was a bit testy, I admit. Not proud of that moment, especially when it seems to slightly resemble this moment. UGH.

I guess we do share SOME DNA, but I really don't believe I have the lack of empathy and narcistic qualities she does. I don't make up lies or fill in stories where I don't know what happened, or are not based on one's own words.

I realize she doesn't realize that she just admitted that she writes things out of retaliation. Talk about a threat. Course I have fed into her "conversation" by acknowledging it in the first place.

I just hope some other soul can see that sometimes, it's best to just walk away if possible. It still causes me to look inward on occaision.

She has other things that she can post, guess it's just best to look away now, and let her do her worst if she wants. I wonder how different can she really be in her personal life? I mean it's possible she is, I am. I vent a lot of stuff here. It is incredibly helpful. It becomes less and less necessary, and I now enjoy those periods where I really need to dig deep to write about something. Usually that is when Friday Blog Fishing, Tuesday Terror, and Thursday Thirteens come in real handy LOL.

I don't blog about EVERYTHING, I mean do I really need to give more amunition to be given a negative spin for the fodder? It's not that I care that other people read it, it's that I realize each time how much my mother disliked me. No matter what she says, dislike comes through very loud and clear, and it would be just great if she could be honest about it at least. Hey, I don't like or love my daughter. There it is. No more reasons to make up stories that she didn't care that her grandfather and step brother died. And yes, that bugs the absolute shit out of me that she would say such a thing. Wow, she REALLY REALLY didn't know a thing about the daughter she raised. One would have to listen to something other than the sound of their own voice, talking about themselves.

Yackity yackity blah blah blah. Me, memememememe, ME mememeemne, MEMEMEME, mememememee, myf riends, me. my photography, my parrots, and then there is mememememe. Oh yes and you, oh no wait, emememememememmemememememememmemememememmememmememmememmememememmemememmememm.

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

And then there is I and ME and then ME again, and I. And I hate weddings, and I hate Tony, and IIIIIII, and MEMEMEMEMEME.

UGH. I don't want to adopt an nice old lady in Maine by the way. Mom, has kind of been a word with not positive vibes my adult life. I am good. I don't know why it continues to bother me, other than the fact that this must be sooooo ingrained in us from childhood.

And when you look at those superficial photos, even knowing what they represent is not the truth, you want it to be the truth. You want it to be what you thought of them THEN, assuming that was good. I have to admit, I never thought much of my father since the third grade when he started trying to supress me from being me from then until I didn't talk to him very much after 20 or so. He still tried to downgrade my choice in mate. career, where I lived et, but I was just ignoring him then. "Oh, that's nice dad, yeah I will take relationship advice from you. Nice marriage you had there for 17 years NOT!!!!" Meanwhile, 17 years married this year and 22 years together total.

The Mythical Apology

This is the second time my mother mentions, "the apology" (apparently in 1995 while we were pretty much still in contact and it was never mentioned to me until the first online conversation where she mentions it in 2005!!). The apology that I never received by the way, and when I asked her what was in it, all she could say was it said "for whatever it is you think I may have done". Uh, yeah, right. We've all used that one on our husband's before, yes? Or our husbands on us, and most educated people know that is not an apology.

What I did receive were statements like "bite me" and "shit happens" and this lengthy letter about family history, her parrots, and all of this is very nice. However there is no apology, but 10 type written pages glaringly without an apology and also a much about how she adored me as a baby (which I have all heard before) and glaringly nothing about how she likes me as an adult.

Later on, came the letter from my grandmother letting me know I would cause my mother to commit suicide. There was no apology letter. I did stop allowing her mail to pass through my door sometime in 1998 or 1999, however. This is not the time period that she says she wrote the apology.

Gosh I wish she would just post it if she did. I have asked what was in it, given her chances to reiterate it. Wondered why she just didn't send it to me again, or let me know before 1999 that she apologized. Never a mention of it until 2005, not even in her previous blogs about the subject that had gone on for several years prior.

So if it does indeed exist, she has been playing games around it. I mean how easy would it be to show it. Still doesn't excuse her behavior after the fact, but had I known ever that she acknowledged what she did and was sorry, there would have been a different outcome, I think. But the person that I see writing online, I can't see how to reconcile with that person.

Who doesn't think it's wrong to write about someone else's diagnosed illness just to make yourself look good? I mean, is that normal. Is it normal to lie that your daughter didn't care about her grandfather and step brother's death? Is it normal to TRY TO interfere with your daughter's marriage and familial relations to get your way and make her look bad? Is it normal to "not stop" and I quote, another from writing to your daughter that you will commit suicide because of her?

I guess in her world it is, but in my world it isn't. Hence the reason for the estrangement.

Thursday Thirteen (13) Thirteen Ways to Scare People Off When You Really Want To

1. Honesty and bluntness to the right people, usually does it every time.


2. When they think you are not going to call and confront them, call and confront them.


3. If it's a man, any kind of reference to "that time of the month" or the tools used to stem the flow will do the trick nicely.


4. Too much information is always a nice touch in a pinch.


5. Talk unendingly about your children or show slides/pictures of family trips as much as possible. Short ones may be interesting, but if you are determined enough, you can bore the best of them:)


6. Always talk about boring work details ad nauseum. No, no not funny stories, the really boring details.


7. Own large scary dogs of these breeds German Shepard, Rottweiler, bully breeds, and Dobermans. Of course, have them trained so they are of no real danger LOL. You want ones that bark at the door when you don't answer, making visitor walk reluctantly away, but not ever think about cracking the door to look or call inside.


8. Horror movie noises as loud as possible from your tv. The unwanted visitor is "hoping" tha was a movie. Slight danger that they may call the cops to be sure, but hasn't happened to me yet.


9. Have your husband grow out his fro and grow his facial hair into lamb chops and goatee. Then have him answering the door.


10. Animal bones hanging off of trees does nicely. You can probably find some fake plastic ones that look realistic from a distance.


11. Hit people up for money (that you don't want to see of course) every time they come over.


12. Do very inappropriate things loudly when out in public (like make fun of someone's accent where they can hear you).


13. Oh yes, and make out with your significant other in front of unwanted visitors every time they come over. Actually, you should be careful that you don't do this with someone that may want to join in.