Technology Bitch

So I got behind on all my blogs, thanks to Norton Fing Virus software. See, I didn't see the sense in renewing my subscription for 50.00 a year. I was looking for another software to replace (which I found for free by the way, and found an amazing number of virus and spy ware that friggin Norton never found). In the meantime, what I didn't realize is that when you don't renew, Norton (on it's own by the way) ramps up your firewall.

So the next thing I know, Microsoft is mentioning the firewall and a subscription to their service (but not the fact that your actual virus software may be Fing with you). Took my computer administrator (aka husband), who has a day job by the way, to figure this out in his "spare time".

So I can't get rid of Windows or Microsoft products, but I sure don't need my virus software screwing with me. (bye bye Norton)

Talking To The Poop, Something Occurs to Me

I hate hate calling on the phone. This is probably largely due to one of my first favorite jobs, which I loved, but I was customer service and so all I wanted to do at the end of the day was NOT answer the phone LOL. It was just so busy, and you are being so calm and nice all day long. Something needs to fall out later on. So I grew to hate the phone.

My father in law, aka the Poop (affectionate term his kids have called him for forever), is not only not computer literate, but any kind of electronic gadget literate. Except the phone, of course. So I have to screw myself up to actually call and have a conversation. He's wicked easy to talk to and a very nice and loving guy. He can talk about my dogs and dogs I see all day long. He LOVES dogs. He also likes to talk business.

So yesterday, he is asking all the business questions, and I am holding myself back from being annoyed for some reason. I know these discussions (no matter who) have always annoyed me. I also know it's because on some level, instead of interpretting it correctly as expressing interest in what I do, I am bracing myself for judgement.

It occurred to me, after I got off the phone, that the reason for this was that my parents always talked to me in judgement, and just about never in interest. So I brace myself still, even when talking with people I trust and know are interested and love me, for the judgement. I wish I had realized this YEARS ago when I used to get so annoyed with my mother in law for bringing up my job or business. She didn't understand then, I am sure. She did always love and accept me, however, and I miss her very much. As does the Poop and her children and grandchildren.

All Good News, Sorry:)

Luckily, I do write this blog for myself mainly. I like to share experiences with others, but mostly it's for me to look back on, and see where improvements are being made and how I am changing. It's something that is hard to judge unless you have written evidence!!! So, I don't take it personally as my audience dwindles as the news becomes better. If anything, it's a sign that my "tude" is improving. Don't worry though, something is BOUND to come up. There will one day be that second event where we are all in the same room again, but the Monster will have heard about the specialized punching bag:)

And we probably won't need to revisit any Valentine's Day Poetry!! It seems that exercise also hit the spot and did the job, as far as expunging certain feelings.

Anyhow, now that I have the itching under control by FINALLY going to see an allergist and skipping any need for referral, and finding out (duh, and me without any medical degree) "yes you are allergic, and here is a list." What a relief!!! I actually know what's wrong, have new meds to help, have a doctor that understands what is going wrong, AND now realize how much this has been affecting me for a long time. It's very similar to when I finally got the help and drugs for bipolar. To feel normal, and not know you were not feeling normal in the first place. To suspect that something far more sinister was going on in your body, and then find out there are these meds you can take (which though aggravating because I don't like to be reliant on meds, what if I become an earthy crunchy hermit someday....yeah right) that actually relieve the problem!!! Seriously, I suddenly feel 500% better. I thought all this time I was getting the worst dry skin in the winter, and not recognizing that I was breaking out in an allergic rash. Took my eyes to swell shut for this to occur to me.



Even with our financial worries, I can say that this point in our lives (me and my husband) has been the happiest and most fullfilling. Especially for me because of being self employed and making this work for me. My husband loves where we live et, and successful in his career, but I think someday he would like to be self employed to. So I am also working on my business with that in mind. The risk has been worth the stress in the other rewards, and we have scaled back on other things. We have managed to make a short vacation work by selling gold scrap, cell phones, and my old tea business stuff. Also we have cashed in points earned on our AMEX card. Therefore, essentially, our upcoming ski trip is free and not as "luxurious" as usual, but I plan to ski myself to exhaustion anyway. I think it's important for Robert as well, and it's a healthy vacation for us physically.



One piece of very bad news. My father in law was just diagnosed with melanoma:( Rob's mom died of cancer two plus years ago now. So that's pretty scary.

Thursday Thirteen (13) Things I Am and Am Not Allergic to

Here are the results of my doctor's appointment for skin scratch tests for allergies:

1. I am allergic to dust and mites.


2. I am allergic to dogs:( We do have a plan to get this under control so I can continue my career AND love up on my dogs as much as I would like.


3. I am NOT allergic to mold. (thought this forever, thanks to an incompetent DR that I used to have in MA, who did not bother to say anything but "man up" when I got respiratory problems. It was always a "virus" that did not need any checking. Pisses me off.


4. I am NOT allergic to ragweed (always thought I was).


5. I am allergic to every kind of tree pollen that is prevelent in the area.


6. I am NOT allergic to grass.


7. I am NOT allergic to food that commonly causes food allergies.


8. I am allergic to cats (but don't own any myself anymore).


9. I am allergic to the common "weed mix" in the area.


10. I am allergic to English Plantain.


11. I am NOT allergic to my husband.


12. According to number 1, I am allergic to laundry (okay, hope the husband buys this LOL).


13. I am NOT allergic to hard work.

Doctor's appointment

I finally went to an allergist after dicking around with my primary care physician and eye doctor (neither of whom pointed me to an allergist, I just wasn't going to wait until they blessed me with a referral). You know all the things that have been happening (ear infection, inflamed eyes, wheezing,) may all be allergy related. One would think my primary care physician's nurse (couldn't get in to see the doctor that day) would have taken pity on me and referred me out.

I am thinking about changing for that. I never want a veterinarian or physician that doesn't refer out. With the veterinarians that do it, it's always about the money because they don't want (if the specialist is in another clinic that sees the general public) to loose their business. Aggravating that you need to take a lot of this into your own hands, due to the downslide of (well every industry) medical care.

Wednesday, I should get all the proper tests done. I had to come off my allergy medicine so that they could test properly. Husband reported that those scratch tests "hurt". Thanks hon. Course he's a wussy boy LOL.

Why do I post about this stuff?

You know a number of times I have thought about not posting to this blog. The reason being, that a lot of times I am not thinking about this stuff, and I am so over it. The thing that stops me each time, is this is the first time I have done a real exploration of my feelings about estrangement. Or about my family. Or about me and my family.

Many times I think I am all done, and I find another subject or feeling comes up, and the best way for me to explore it (strangely enough) is to write about it. To write about it all good, bad, and ugly. I don't know for some reason it's sort of an exorcism, releasing these thoughts ideas and mean pictures of my family. I am acting out in a way I wouldn't and couldn't before.