Monday, April 03, 2006

Another E-Mail From Tony

E-Mail from Dad:

Dear Robin,

I have resisted trying to make contact with you again. I am trying to
respect your wish to be left alone. I guess today I'm feeling really sad
about what has happen between you and me and I'm still confused about it
all. I did attempt to sign up for the family page, I'll find out when I get
home if I've been accepted (I can't access any other emails from school).If you choose to reply you can send it to (just kidding that's not an his e-mail link). I don't checkthat email very often but I will for the next couple of days.

I hope you and Robert are well and I miss both of you very much.

My Reply to Dad---Note the above e-mails are fairly common from him (not e-mails but implied in conversations or arguments et), and a ploy to get me to contact so we can start the whole cycle over again:

We are well. I am unsure about your confusion, I think I have been very clear. When you say your confused, to me you are saying "I don't bother to read or absorb anything you say or write". Further more it says to me "I can't believe you are blowing out of proportion my and BAs right to verbally abuse you and take advantage of you every chance we get". Finally it says "I am confused, I didn't know you had a backbone, how inconvenient for me".

I think I have gone over all these points in great detail. I made my choices, and was very clear on the boundaries I was willing to accept. I will not be sucked into any martial problems you are having. I will not discuss someone that I gave 18 years, giving her the doubt, being nice, and very thoughtfully calling and giving an explanation I didn't need to give to her, only to be told that I have been ruining her marriage for 18 years. I will not listen to not one more explanation/excuse for her behavior from you. Been there, done it your way, it is over. Warned you about this 18 years ago. I am not some 13 year old girl crying to her guidance counselor trying to cover for her father's verbal and emotional abuse. I am an adult who won't stand for it any more. Have in fact put up with that.

I only wonder what errand you needed me or Robert to run that made you so sad yesterday. That's about the only time I heard from you or Betty Anne for that matter. Then there was when I would say no to Betty Ann, the phone call that came from you to force me to do it with guilt. All over. All over is also the triangulated conversations via you for every time Betty Ann is displeased. What cowards you both are. I am able to have conversations directly with those I am displeased with, and face what comes out of them.

Sorry not interested. Your e-mails speak volumes of where you are, and you are not a person that is healthy for me to have in my life. I don't miss our relationship at all. It was like I was a balloon tethered to the ground, and finally I got some scissors and cut that string. I don't need to be made to feel like crap all the time.

Other people enjoy my company, include me as a valued family member, and call me just to talk. If on the infrequent occaision that I need help, they are there for me if my car breaks down, or my dog needs to go to the vet and my battery is dead, or I just need to talk. Meanwhile Robert & I raced around like eager puppies when you crook your fingers.

Not that I would mind being there for people if 1) when I have a reason to say no, it's respected and 2) the one time in 18 years I ask for a favor (like don't make this house selling thing a problem for us right now) that was respected. It's not though, and it never will be.I will probably never be convinced that you have the capacity for a two way relationship with me. I think there is something lacking in your character that just prevents you from having any empathy to anyone else that does not suit your purposes or goals. You are controlling and manipulative. An e-mail like this is something you regularly use to suck me right back in, so you can make the same controlling demands on me.You can say you are "confused" all you want, I have been clear. I am comfortable with my decision.


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