Response to Tony's Post Below:
Two points to clear up here:
"I guess I was really afraid to be closer because of what happened between you and your mother. I would alway tell her that you would set the limits of our relationship because I had done such a poor job of protecting you during the divorce. "
Robert was in the hospital when the rift occurred with my mother for his colon problem. She started making demands on the quantity and quality of Christmas gifts she wanted during a period of time that was hard. By the way, we always sent her gifts, and gifts that we liked and thought she would enjoy. It could of ended there, but she harrassed me non-stop for months during this period of time. She is in fact still arguing it on her own blog today that started 4 years ago, where she has a wedding picture of me defaced. I have corresponded with her many times this year via e-mail. In my opinion, she is a very sick woman.
The reason we do not speak, and the reason you and I aren't speaking has nothing to do with the divorce, as I have mentioned several times. It has something to do with your marriage(s), and how you feel it's totally appropriate to drag me into the mess that was both of them (according to your own wife now). Also, how it's totally appropriate for your current wife to be abusive to me. so again, DIVORCE = GOOD. In fact, you and mom both get a gold star for FINALLY getting divorced. It was pre and post divorce that was the problem for me. It was always about you guys, never about being there for me.
"I felt that I owed you at least that much, not to pressure you for more of a relationship than you wanted. "Again about you and what you want.
There is no doubt there are going to be limits on the relationship on both sides if we ever speak again. I have boundaries you are never going to be allowed to cross unless you become a completely different person. Everyone has a right to have a part of them that is theirs. It's not about controlling me and molding me, and having me reflect back the relationship you always invisioned when I was born. It's about the reality of the situation, who we are, and even if we can coexist in a relationship.I can't and won't reflect back the relationship my mother wants with me. That would mean not having a husband, and catering to her fantasy of trips together where we only do what she wants, and she abandons me, as she did before at a mall, when she gets ticked off. Not going to happen for her. There were other ways we could have gone that have been offered to both her and you.Too many chances have been offered, in my opinion.
Weak Explanation from Tony:
I guess I was really afraid to be closer because of what happened between you and your mother. I would alway tell her that you would set the limits of our relationship because I had done such a poor job of protecting you during the divorce. I felt that I owed you at least that much, not to pressure you for more of a relationship than you wanted. I guess that was the wrong strategy, I guess I was just a chicken. Anyway, I hope you are happy and that you and Robert are loving your new life inLove,Dad