Tuesday, April 11, 2006

He Just Doesn't Get It

It's tough when you've made what you consider a healthy decision regarding you and your family, and it's just disregarded and not respected. Especially my dad who is trying to side step the issues to regain the control that he has thought he had all this time, but in reality hasn't.He just doesn't get it.

First of all, he comes from a background where the women are the backbone of the family, but were not considered equals. Therefore, this attitude of ownership exists, whether you are a wife or a daughter. "I won't force you to have a relationship with BA", yeah like he has a choice? No, I choose who I have relationships with, and she blew it big time. Luckily in a very public way, so anyone who knows the situation is for once not questioning me about that one.Tony can't get that the same old manipulations that haven't been tried since I was a teenager don't work on this adult (going on) forty year old woman. I just don't fall for that, and actually never did. When I was younger, I just lacked the skills to call him out. I needed a dad then, although I in fact had none that I could count on, and I thought it was soooooooo important that I just do anything to keep him in my life, even though he brought nothing positive to it.He claims he is not dumb or blind, I personally think he is both. He also claims to respect my feelings, well then he would respect the boundaries that I have clearly described.

At the same time, it does bring back the old guilt when he e-mails, and make me feel sad for him (right up until I think about how he's acted during this whole situation). I do want to accept that apology, but I know I CAN'T. Deep down I know what that is, just another way of sidestepping him actually having to unselfishly respect my feelings. He definately has known when he's been hurting me. Like he says, he deals with it with "anger" first. That should read intimidation, and it must drive him nuts that he can't smash a chair next to me like in the old days when he wanted to intimidate me.He's really an ugly person, inside and out. Just remembering those days makes me feel absolutely sick inside. Then to be allowing his wife to physically and emotionally abuse me. I would never ever allow anyone to hurt my kid. There would be hell to pay. But it would have made his life difficult, and so there you go. You get what you gives sometimes.

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