Parental Alienation Syndrome

Okay, got a comment on one of my old posts, saying that I should think about PAS, parental alienation syndrome. I know I have a blog out there, and some people might mistakenly think I am looking for THEIR advice. I am not. I am a big girl and working things out, I think quite brilliantly all by my little self.

I do not believe in hypnosis. I do not either believe people, especially people that I have disliked my whole life whether they donated to my birth or not, have some kind of mystical power over me. Especially when the actions of another party, were not known or ever commented about by the other. Duh.

One has nothing to do with the other. They are both people, separate. I dislike them both on their own standing and by their own actions. I AM NOT some helpless female or child caught in some tug of war. In fact the instigator of PAS is the Egg Donor. She was the only one that talked negatively and endlessly about the "attributes" of my sperm donor. She was the only one who tried to take revenge by writing a letter about a remarriage to my father, that she neglected to inform her own daughter about. She was the only one that encouraged me to break into my father's house to retrieve things she thought were still there. It was only her that talked about herself endlessly, thereby knowing nothing about her daughter at all. Not only by her endless talking, but by her endless disinterest and not listening.

In other words the E Donor alienated herself by her own actions, which though are talked about less in this blog as it was long ago, but are talked about. I don't get how one would think one's is worse that the other, or why that should even matter. Is this a contest, stay with the parent that is the lessor of two evils? If that is the case, my E Donor will hound you to the grave if you don't give her what you want. The S Donor just shuts up in his little passive aggressive shell. Hmmmmm, I will take the one that shuts up and stays away please. I got things to do during the day, that don't involve someone's trauma that we do not have the same taste in Christmas gifts while my Fing husband is in the hospital getting his intestine removed. Thanks.

My S Donor has done his own things. He was never allowed to be close to me in the first place, to warrant an immediate cutting off. He took this silence by me as acceptance of him doing anything he wished, and treating me any way he wished. He was wrong, and I didn't even know the depths of his suckiness. I mean I had a clue my whole life, but the last thing really took me quite off guard. He sucks it's true, but the one thing he did not do is try to pit me against my E Donor.

In fact my S Donor, wonderful guy that he is, didn't think much of me for not talking to my E Donor. Cause I am both their property to him.

Whatever issues my dear secret admirer has, could either be asked of yourself in a public forum, or you can go back to where you crawled from. Just some food for thought.

On the other hand, been running out of topics lately for this forum, thanks. Doubt I would like or sympathize with you very much, as it seems like you aren't the type of person that would take responsibility for their actions or decisions. Apparently, you feel you can be swayed by others. That is just sad.

The other thing is, the post that you posted your little comment to was a very general post. Geez, you must have been thinking about this in your little head a long time.

Dreams

I had two dreams recently about the E Donor. I can only remember one clearly now, but the other was in the same area.

I am visiting her where she lives. It's cold and rainy out. I am sick with a cough. My plane leaves for home in a few hours, and I want to go lie down. However, she won't let me, as she works outside on things she is interested. She doesn't pay attention to me or talk to me, just wants me outside to admire her, until the last minute.

The weird thing was she was working with horses outside. As far as I know, my E Donor never had any strong feelings towards horses, but I have been interested in horses. However, because she was showing an interest or because I felt so sick, I was going to be damned if I got up and checked it out.

I think this relates to how I would feel when I would go visit her. She wanted to do things with me that she thought I would enjoy, as she did, but they were things that I did not want ruined by her company. They had become private things to me. It's just the way I felt. I would not want to go see the symphony with a complete stranger who would whisper in the middle of everything "how great it was just being us" (ie leaving my husband who didn't like some things somewhere else, though he would have come) and how great this "intellectual" diversion was. It was just something I enjoyed on my own, and part of that enjoyment was not having it ruined that way, by someone who would not even understand how or why I enjoyed it. But instead wanted that enjoyment to be a reflection on them, on how they raised such a diverse child or what not.

Thursday Thirteen (13) Pieces of Financial Advice from My Husband

Here are thirteen ways my husband is "saving us" money:

1. Bought Willies for 350.00 last year to plow our road. Sadly the thing needs parts every time you want to start it up, and the snow is too heavy for it to push.


2. Turning off the boiler all the time, so there is no hot water when you need it. Not realizing how close he is coming to driving his wife over the edge if she needs to wait a *&&%$%$&^%^& half hour for WARM water again.


3. Driving 24 miles to "fill up", not actually filling up OF COURSE, and calling that paying less for gas.


4. Driving, first of all, to everything even if it's .7 miles away from us.


5. Petco bought food that provides us one free bag for every ten bags. When you have three large Dobermans, that's a large savings.


6. Buying a bike last year that he has rode maybe a handful of times, but he had to have it.


7. Not paying the meter or getting change for it when he could, and getting a 25.00 ticket. (mine was 50.00, but he doesn't know about that shhhhhhh)


8. Okay, this one is a good one, the pizza buffet at the Gaslight in Portsmouth, NH.


9. Turn in empty wine bottles, and usually that goes to the price of postage stamps or shipping.


10. Slowly replacing the light bulbs to energy saving light bulbs that last for seven years.


11. Making sure our thermostats are timed properly in the winter to go down low in the evening, and up in the mornings (I can not wake up in a cold room).


12. Complaining about products when they are bad, so we can get coupons and get something better in another of the company's product lines.


13. BJs runs for things we buy in bulk once a month.

Couple of Things

-The upstairs toilet is clogged (until hubby unclogs it, HIS JOB). He claims not to have done it, and I usually remember if something like a sea monster has emerged from my butt. Me thinks he lies. BTW, he was occupying the bathroom before the incident.

-The horn in my car is intermittently beeping. Rob's old car remote thing had gotten very sensitive due to his putting it through the wash numerous times. It hasn't been seen for awhile. I wonder where it is at this moment, and if I am going to be surprised by finding it come out somewhere?

-Had a dream in which I had my husband and a more obnoxious clone of my husband. It was somehow combined with my weird dreams of Irene's haunted apartment house, that looks more like the apartment that we rented (slum) from Dom way back in the day. Except it has a few more rooms like the mysterious old furniture room, the multiple shower room, and the leaky tub out back of the mysterious old furniture room. I was really annoyed at clone Robert when I woke up, because he kept commenting that I looked worse as the day went on. I kept throwing pieces of soap at his er, naughty bits. Weird.

My Husband is So Gullible-The Front Fell Off (LOL)

Okay this bit is extremely funny, but it is a gag video. My husband totally bought that this was a real interview LOL.



On this link Snopes.com completely outs it!!

Physically Abusive Men

You know, I never attracted abusive men. I am not saying that like it's a bad thing. It's a great thing. I scared them, whether it was in business or in college.

I believe the reason for this was the vibes I gave off. The reason for the vibes that I gave off was because of the S Donor that I had. He wasn't physically abusive, but he was pretty darned abusive to his wife and daughter in other ways. He would dispute this, but it's true. A couple of times he threatened physical abuse by things such as smashing a chair next to me, which he writes off as a father and daughter having a "heated argument". Wonder what that story would be if I threw the chair at him???? That is not what happened however, as I did not want to demean or intimidate anyone. I just wanted to live MY life.

It's a power play on these "men's" parts as they are so inferior and sad. As a young woman, and thanks to this, I already was quite aware (though not consciously) of what I would NOT be putting up with. Truth be told, I figured I would never marry. It did not seem that attractive to me, at least in the context of the donor's marriage. Apparently I thought being married would mean putting up with this in the end.

It never occurred to me until many years later, that a marriage could be quite different. Also that you need to stand on your own, even when you have the most amazing marriage. It's a partnership not a caretakership. Many of the men in my family of orgin (not considering them my actual family) and my husband's family (I don't know how he came out different) think that a wife cooks, cleans, runs errands, and does the laundry. Basically they are the cook and the maid. As charming as all that sounds, I never got why I would need to or want to be that way. Nevermind and be abused for it!! I don't know how I got these ideas, as apparently my E Donor is quite helpless in the world. "If it wasn't for my new husband, I wouldn't have been able to do this". "I couldn't do this because of my ex husband". What? Huh?

In a way I am grateful that my upbringing made some of these pitfalls a non-issue for me. Thanks guys for showing me what I did NOT ever want for myself. I even realized that just because a sperm and an egg joined, I did not have to live with your abuse either:)

Commercials-Come On Welcome to the 21st Century!!

Here I am lounging in bed, watching....something. I don't know, I am lazing in bed like I was a teenager on a weekend day. Course I have already gotten up to feed and poop/pee all the dogs et. But then I rounded everyone up in bed.

I have seen four commercials, all involving women cooking for their men folk. Are you kidding me? As far as I know, a lot of men cook. It's "mom makes this for football games". Who says mom doesn't get cooked for while she watches a football game? We almost got a woman running for president this year for the love of God. I am ignoring the other side's vice president candidate and believing for my own sanity's sake that McCain will not make it in with the woman, who I firmly believe will secure that no woman is ever voted for President.

You know with the scouring of pots and all.

Boogey Board Queen

Yesterday was an awesome beach day. Besides it being the perfect degrees with cooling wind that made you the perfect temperature, the storm also blew in some warmer water from the south.

Not only that, the waves were soaring above us, and then crashing into us like a linebacker . Makes it a bit tiring, if you are like me and can actually catch a wave (especially all the way in) like me, and sadly unlike the husband:( Perhaps we will have another coaching session today. It was quite a workout, fun but battling the waves back in was exhausting eventually, even though I would have liked to have stayed out.

Not being a strong swimmer, and being able to feel the undertoe, plus finding myself in above my head more than once, I thought it best to air on the side of caution after a half hour to forty five glorious minutes of that.

I caught four incredible waves in, and then seven or eight so so rides that were short. The four were really good, and at one point me and another lady were flying right beside each other, and I had to steer my board for the first time so that we wouldn't collide head on!

Wedding Day Most Important Day?

I was watching a program where they said "most Americans wedding day is the most important day of their life". Now I loved my wedding. It was very informal, but not fodder for the Your Redneck Wedding show. It did end with a pool event, after every changed out of their fancy clothes later that evening after the ceremony and reception when most of the older folks went home.

It was definately one of the more exciting days, and happy days of my life. However, I would contend it's more of a celebration of the beginning of all the better days of your life with your partner. There are some pretty great days and events that came after that with us as a team.

And if you have kids, I bet a lot of parents would argue that the birth and (if they are good parents at all) the growing up years were all pretty darned good days (some better than others).

First Face to Face with S Donor

My husband and I went together (me under protest as usual, but hubby likes my company for some reason) to the grocery store. I saw a white jeep of about my S Donor's make and model with a Mass license plate. Wondered fleetingly if we were in the same vacinity again.

Forgot completely about this, and we got through the store at my husband's slow and steady pace. Seriously it should not take that long to pick out a box of Rice Krispies.

We got out with my stir fry items, and the husbands umpteenth "last hurah" items. We are walking past the car again, and I think it. Bam, I notice someone of a very portly shape and build with a hairline of approcimately my S Donor. He is putting the cart away. "psssst" I go to my husband to warn him, but he thinks I am giving him a love signal. I don't know why that would be a love you signal, but then men aren't that bright.

Before he knows it they are face to face, I look away and keep walking. It was weird, except that I recognize what he looks like, he could be just a random virtual stranger to me. I didn't feel anything when I walked by him, other than the hope he wouldn't try and talk to me. I did clearly want to be sure that I projected that any advances in my direction would not be welcome.

The monster doesn't seem to be here yet. Must be out doing errands to bring food back to her lair. Like she needs that!!

I happened to see her on the beach sitting not too far away from me, and I didn't recognize her 1) because she is huge 2) because she had a butch haircut and 3) because her sister has hit the wall as well. I am only saying this because she has diabetes (supposedly) and melanoma (supposedly). So bloating up and sitting in the sun all day should help both those conditions!! You think?

Course those are no doubt my fault, as is their miserable marriage. I wish I knew I had such power when I was 18, live would have been a heck of a lot easier .

Rare Political Post

Here is the thing that is really bothering me about Palin. She is pro life/anti abortion. I am pro choice, but that is not the only reason for this dislike of her.

In recent news, they reported that she did not tell her family about her last pregnancy (she knew child was going to have down syndrome), because she wasn't sure SHE was okay with it. Ummm, okay, so those choices are okay for her to make, but not for the rest of the country?????

Or is it perhaps better to give away a child that comes with medical issues such as this to someone unknown other person or facility? I mean, I appreciate that she was honest, but can we address the double standard. Must be all those nasty other women that shouldn't have freedom of choice, and have to jump through hoops to make their own medical decisions.

I wasn't aware that there was no "life" involved for these people IF you have down syndrome.

People with a hypocritical or double standard scare me. And the fact that the press has not even picked up on this.......things that make you go hmmmmmm.

Larger Group Photo

Labor Day 2008

Well our Labor Day family event came and went. Robert made delicious grilled chicken, hamburgers, and steak. He also made a mean Sangria.

We took the family on a tour of York and a bit of shopping. The cliff walk along Harbor Beach was our first excursion. I took some nice photos of the family that I need to photo shop later for those that came out too dark. I need to start not pointing the camera towards the sun, but instead so my subject matter is lit.

Then a bit of looky looing down in the "honkytonk" section of York.

A nice day overall.