Monday, March 13, 2006

Appears My Visitor Has Left The Building

I feel bad for Ginny, my mmmmmmmm mmmmmmmm, whatever. But not so bad that I want to know her on even a superficial level. Been there, done that. With both parents by the way. Oh and the step from hell.

I think maybe she has finally gotten the message, which is good for both of us. I really haven't thought about it, unless the occaisional card made it into the mail box before finding itself unopened in the garbage can. I have been reconciled with my decision regarding my break from my mom for several years now. I did revisit it, only to find the same person that I still don't like for reasons I have described and outlined in depth previously.

I look at these people and think, how was I born from them? I do see the physical characteristics, but morally, ethically, in the way I feel and think, what I value is vastly different. It's bizarre.

Both my parents need to paint people in neat little boxes. Andy he's an architect and comes from a wealthy family. Robin she's a republican (I am not by the way lOL) who likes romance novels. Everything is so flat and finite to them. People are nothing more to them than the surface, and I wonder if that's because they are flat themselves?

I don't know. Long ago though my mother and her mother became a non-problem for me. It was a good decision. Recently, my father and my step were sent packing. And I really felt a load taken off me. There is nothing positive that ever came from that relationship. And to continue it would be to recite what my father wants to talk about, and go back under his control. Ain't gonna happen. Not going to be sucked in again.

I finally know what a toxic family is. It's mine. Not my marriage mind you, or my relationship with my cousins, uncles, aunts, but my relationship with my parents was toxic. Now it's non-existent.

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