Wednesday, January 04, 2006

E-Mails and Responses to/from Tony

From Me to Tony in Response to Below:

You were sent both a Thanksgiving e-mail and Christmas card. It really doesn't matter though, just wanted to see why. I would be really curious as to what happened to it, it would be the only Christmas card that did not make it to it's destination. I am not talking about Betty Anne, again, other than the hurt that she has caused me. That's final. I am sorry.Robert has done nothing to damage or abuse you. If he had, I would definately (first of all kill him) and second of all not require you to be bothered by that. I do appreciate your respecting my wishes and boundaries. It would be nice if you could drop a line to Robert yourself for your well wishes. He has done many nice things in the past and present for you.Thank you for your reply, I have my answer. You have yours as well.Robin

Response to below from Dad to Me:

Dear Robin,

First, please tell Robert how sorry I am for what is happening with his mother. That should be the first priority for both of you and I don't want interfere with that process in any way. You need to be there for Robert, I know from experience he will need you.The reason that you haven't heard from me is that I was respecting your wish, as I understood it, "for putting you (me) off for a period of time, but it is something I (you) have to do."

Also, you mention "reciprocal correspondence during the holidays", I never got any correspondence to reply to. I very much want to have a relationship with my daughter, but not one with strings attached. We could no more have a relationship together and never talk about Robert, than we can and not talk about what happen between you and Bettyann. Bettyann is my wife and I love her just as you love Robert. They are part of our lives and we are who we are, in part, because of our relationship to our spouses. I don't expect that you will ever have a relationship with Bettyann or her with you. But if you and I are to have a relationship it needs to be honest and open, no subjects or issues forbidden. That's what I want.

I respect you and your feeling more than you know. But, I have my needs and feelings too. I want to talk with you about what has happen to us, not just about Bettyann, but going all the way back to the beginning. Yes it will be painful, yes it will hurt, but at least it will be real. What we are doing now is not real, what you propose is not real. I'm willing to compromise, I hope you are, but that is up to you.Please think about it for a while, but right now you need to think about Robert first.

Love, Dad

Orginal E-mail from Me to Tony in this thread:

Robert's mother has slipped into a comma. We are probably going to be back and forth to Worcester. However, due to the fact there has been no reciprocal correspondence during the holidays, I am wondering what this means? Have you changed your mind, because if you have you could save me a lot of time and trouble by telling me that?

I am not trying to be difficult here, just trying to be honest, and get an honest response in return. A future relationship is not going back to it's present state. I don't care whether it's closer or just superficial, but there is going to be a zero tolerance policy for what I consider emotional abuse from you. You will not bring up issues about your wife to me, if this relationship continues. That is my boundary, it is not emotional blackmail. I have put up with her for eighteen years giving her the benefit of the doubt, and that is over forever. Just stating this so there is no confusion going forward. That's the way it is, take it or leave it.

So let me know whether you want to get together and I will make plans. Or not, and I will happily continue on with my life.


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