Friday, January 27, 2006
Kind of a late introduction, I know. I went ass backwards, but wanted to save several relevant posts about my estrangement.My mother has a personal blog out there about me, but I have gone over all that personal shit. We are different, in that she has been going on for years and years, but I can only dwell on something for so long before I have to agree to disagree. I can't let it rule my life.But in some ways, this condition, estrangement especially from a parent or child does rule one's life. That someone has betrayed you so much, or won't put something down long enough to continue a relationship that isn't 100 proof torture, is something that I still can't get my mind around. And why is it that I need validation from this source? These are all questions that this estranger feels in her mind, and I know that others do as well.I am going to try someday but I doubt it will work. You tie your feelings to a balloon, and then set them free. That's what you want to do with this inside you, and the only reason a person would bear this, is that spending time with the other person makes you feel much worse down to the bottom of your soul.Any way, I am trying to write for another purpose, and a good exercise in that is writing about things that are not so happy, and upbeat. To talk from the darkest parts of your soul, which I haven't done yet. I don't know that I can do it, but I am going to try.