Saturday, November 10, 2007

Forgiveness, A Topic That I Haven't Talked About

I guess I would have to first define forgiveness for ME. In professions or different situations, certain words can have a "different" literal definition than the actual one. In the context of my family estrangement, I would have to figure out what that word means, and whether I feel it is possible for me to get there.
"virtue, is forgiving, pardon of a fault, remission of a debt. To forgive means give up, cease to harbor resentment, wrath, to remit a debt, to give up resentment or claim to requital for, pardon an offense."

I don't think I can cease to harbor resentment. I am pretty sure I can't "pardon" their behavior without an apology OR acknowledgement of my feelings. Perhaps with that.....even then, they would still be who they are. I could probably with those things, stop caring one way or the other, but not resurrect the relationship. I think that is done, but again that is not forgiveness.
Wow, that was a lot simpler than I thought. So conclusion:

The way things are, I will never be able to fogive, or I don't see in the future a way to resolve it and get to forgiveness.
With acknowledgement or apology, I may fogive, but I will frankly not know whether I can or not until that day comes (which is doubtful-----10 years in one instance, two years in another, and 18 years for the monster). I mean an actual apology by the way, not another excuse for their behavior. I have made it clear, there is no excuse.

In any case, forgiveness does not require the resurrection of a relationship. I don't see that happening unless some different souls of goodness possess these bodies. I can't have a relationship with the people that they are. Because there is no tie or bond in the past, there is really no reason (that I can see) to resurrect these relationships, other than to make my self miserable of course. And who in their right mind would seek to do that?

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