Monday, November 12, 2007

Monday Me Me

Since this is a family estrangement blog, essentially, I thought it would be good to post what caring parents should know about their kids (and then what caring kids should know about their parents). I don't know that I am such a great candidate for this, but it is something that I think about since I say "my parents don't and never did know me, nor seek to know me". And then, I don't think knowing someone is a series of lists of interests.

That may be part of it, but in reading my E Donor's lists of things she "thinks" she knows about me, she has some of them right. But is that me? I don't think I am "someone who likes classical music" or "someone who likes alternative rock" although both those statements are true. So I am going to try to dig deep, which is hard for me:

  • What is it that interests your daughter about music? Answer: The dive, beat and energy of the music. How it matches my mood and whether I can loose myself in it.

  • What are the things that your daughter loves about her husband? Answer: His kindness, his unconditional love, his pride in me, his partnership with me, his ability to change as we both change and grow together,

  • How does your daughter feel about religion, and does she have a religious affiliation? Answer: Against organized religion for myself, and generally do not think it's a good thing (especially in regard to Roman Catholism). I am Agnostic NOT Athiest.

  • What do you think your daughter's favorite memory of you is? Answer for E Donor: The valentine's cake you made with the candy hearts. Answer for the S Donor: My 16th birthday dinner with my best friend Carol and you, and the gift of the tickets to Duran Duran, which I didn't even know that you knew that I liked.

  • What is your daughter's biggest disappointment with you? Answer for The E Donor: The disregard and lack of interest in me or my feelings. The expectation of payment for my having been born as a "mistake". Answer for The S Donor: The disregard and lack of interest in me or my feelings. The expectation of payment for my having been born as a "mistake".

  • What do you think your daughter thinks your biggest disappointment with her is? Answer for the E Donor: The actual estrangement and my inability to deal with her when she became impossible for me to live with. Answer for the S Donor: Not living up to the reflection that he wanted to see of himself.

  • Do you think your daughter is happy now with her current career? Answer: Being self employed is stressful and hard, but I have never been happier in my life re: where I live, my family situation, and my work situation.

  • Why was your daughter not happy with her previous career? Answer: Lack of control, and the politics of Corporate America.

  • What was the most stressful time in your daughter's adult life? Answer: Going through the sexual harrassment case, when she was the sexual harrassment officer, and going through a bipolar episode at the same time before it was diagnosed.

  • What was most hurtful to your daughter in her life as a child? Answer: Lack of interest during the marriage, treatment after the divorce that your love was contigent on the mandates of the divorce contract. This is when it was becoming obvious what a non-entity I was to either of you, despite when you obviously wanted something.

  • What would you list as some of the most important days in your daughter's life? Answer: the day she met her husband, the day she married her husband, going through college successfully to graduation, moving out of the parental house, the day I decided to start my own dog training business,

  • What are some things that your daughter is most proud of (herself)? graduating with honors from college (cum above 3.5), the A that I got in Japanese Language class despite the fact it was pass/fail and I sucked at languages, my kindness towards the ones I love being people and animals, finally sticking up for myself and seperating from those that only wanted to take from me,

  • What are some things that your daughter is dissapointed in herself for? not giving it an honest go at U Lowell while studying music, the short time I smoked and took drugs, being a bit too "exploritory" in college, taking so long to discover what my true relationship was with my parents,

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