Friday, January 12, 2007

Never Really Had Dreams of My Family Before

I have never really had dreams about my family before. They aren't too frequent now, and they seem to gather around the holidays in particular around or after Christmas and Father's Day. I don't think I ever remember having one about my mother, though I am sure I must have and forgotten it. It's difficult to "keep" the dreams once you wake up. For instance, I know I had at least two last night (one unrelated to my family) but I remember only the one now though both seemed crystal clear before I hit the snooze button this morning.

This is kind of a recurring house dream (see now I remember sometimes my mother is in this dream). I can't remember if it was my mother or my step that we are vacationing with. Robert and I are young in this dream, and this is a house that only exists in my imagination (it does not resemble any house I have ever been). It's a cozy warm cottage that is sometimes on a farm, and other times on the sea. When it's on the sea, it has this neat white building that is huge, all windows, and kind of looks like a couple stories of a huge artists studio inside. I am always wanting to make that into my home rather than being in the other house with my mother, father, or step monster. The house always has this neat attic with antiques and bits and pieces of our family history that I have never seen.

In this dream, my father is being very controlling of where I go and what I do. Kind of weird, because later on in life we would visit him at his summer house, and he would pretty much leave us alone. Kind of like he was uninterested in me completely. In this dream he is being obnoxious, and tickling me (never did that to me since I was a toddler) controlling but also joking around too. I kind of like the joking around part, but he's driving me nuts with the controlling, so I tell him we aren't spending our summer vacations there anymore. He's upset and he says, "but if you would only do exactly as I say, we could all be together". You know, not live your own life or (God forbid) have your own ideas, oh and accept abuse that comes from the S monster.

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