Wednesday, January 31, 2007


People who are hurt over something escape from those circumstances in varying ways. The obvious are alcohol or drugs. Other things also are used to split ourselves off from the reality of a situation that we don't realize or we can't escape (ie children in an abusive family).

For instance, I have always used movies. Specifically horror movies as they were the one thing my father and I were interested in and couldn't possibly fight over . I don't know how that happened as everything I seemed to think or do was wrong. That all changed when the horror movies were on. I was even allowed to stay up to 1 AM to watch the creature double features on channel 56 (you know before cable).

I still use these today to escape into when the going gets rough. Also, I use writing. I always have. I used to travel with a little notebook that I would write stuff in, including poetry when I was a girl. I, horrified, lost it in college, and was so mortified by what someone might read or learn about me there, that I stopped carrying a notebook with me . Now I post it on the web, is that progress or not???? LOL

I have also used humor or by "projecting" a better mood than I may actually be feeling. This is always a great game at dysfunctional family events. And I hate, hate, hate being fake. You know the only alternative to this would be walking up to the bitch and slapping her in the face, so since I was talking to my father then, it seemed the only way to go. It's nice not to have to do that. I used to fake it a lot in college too, and even now there are not too many people I let in on the sadness over my situation. More so now in my family know, as I actually talk about it and don't hide it anymore.

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