Monday, February 05, 2007


This is all going to be jumbled as I had dreams last night that I don't want to loose AND a certain thought sequence that came to me.

Dream 1 My mother and I reconcile. She is different than she currently is, and we end up sleeping cuddled up on a couch happy. I hate that dream because it's nowhere close to reality, and I am angry that I would even "want" subconsciously that result. Mostly awake, it makes me angry at myself for being vulnerable to it.

(they are dissappearing fast)

Dream 2 I am in my old first apartment at U Lowell, but me and my husband have just moved there. (why for the love of God) I see old friends there, and wonder why it was that we have moved into this God awful ugly place. Just to let you know, the walls were a dark dark ugly forest green. My other friends moved in after I vacated, and they repainted it to an equally hienous color later on.

Dream 3 Again U Lowell, I come across my old flute teacher (she plays in both the BOS and POPS) She is just playing in a trio, and it's beautiful. I start crying because that's what I am not doing. In actuality, while I did love music, I always hated playing in front of people . Nor promising for the career of a performance artist LOL. Also, I have always realized that the reason that I did not excel during that period of time is that it wasn't the most important thing that I wanted. I wanted my independence more imporantly. If I had worked my ever loving butt off, which there was NOTHING holding me back from doing, I could have done something with it. Obviously I did not want it enough to do that. Also, had I not needed to leave college before they booted me out themselves , I would have never met my husband, and THAT is a huge part of my life that I would never have wanted to miss.

1 comment:

crse said...

I have the reconciliation dream all the time too...i get so mad when i have that....