Wednesday Woes

***Wow I was feeling poorly this last week. Lots and lots of spelling errors, some quite amusing. For instance my father in law is 84 not 34. That would be an impossibility, though I wouldn't mind looking like a teenager while still being my age . By the way, he's going home soon albeit with an oxygen tank due to his infection.

Here is a topic that helps me get through the week pre-planned (along with Thursday Thirteen, and Friday Fishing). However, Wednesday Woes won't be on my alternate personality blog, middle aged princess, as that's me all positive and happy (well mostly ).

--First Wendesday Woes Me? So it's kind of a pain keeping up two blogs for personal topics. One being negative and starting out focused on family estrangement, and the other being positive and focused on fun stuff in my life, good memories, outings that sort of thing. On the other hand, this is possibly the cheapest form of therapy that I can find LOL. And I know there are more than a few health professionals that visit here, but I truly have never met a therapist that was helpful to me. I just don't think that is the way I operate. So I think I will keep my cheap form of therapy right here. This "seperateness" of these blogs started out to hide my identity from people. And while Middle Aged Princess does not exactly scream out who I am, you could probably follow the dogs (or blogs, was that a freudian slip or what?). Clearly, I am pretty out about this. On the other hand, I do sometimes talk about people that I don't necessarily want to know either blog exists. I know a lot of people share blogs with their friends, and they are out there exactly for that reason. Not so mine. I used to have a "family" website up, but the "family" never participated and I got bored of it (just trying to update with lack of info and participation is annoying). So I just took it down this year rather than paying for it.

---Well finances and the economy. Who isn't worried about this now? If you aren't, your probably wealthy enough not to worry about it. Rob's in his new job, and he has taken at least a paycut of one half. That I can deal with, but since it's commission only, it could be a lot harder hit. Got to get the house refinanced in this time frame. Trying to save the 401(k) savings, though I realize that thank God we have them (though I don't relish the penalty for early withdrawal---must talk to tax accountant about that) in case of emergency. Then I worry about retirement, we don't have children and we aren't getting any younger if you know what I mean. We took some risks this year for future benefit of our lives both financially and personally rewarding, I hope they work out. One of my relatives filed bankruptcy this year due to the hard hit economy (especially in any business dealing with real estate), and I don't even want to come remotely close to having to think about that. Or selling this house and downsizing. We've been through this all before and survived, is it possible that we can go through a good spell for at least a few years as we get older? Why did it seem simpler when we were younger LOL!!!

---Business doing in the hundreds of percentages better than last year, however, still needs to do better to keep all the pressure off husband, and so I can feel good about building a viable vehicle for self employment that supports our "place". One justification for our home, is it provides the workplace for me, and in the future could provide the workplace for a pet supply store and possibly an office for Robert. Course Robert running his own business, worries me in some respects, because he lets things fall through the cracks that he relies on his employer to be taking care of now. You don't have that luxury. I will need to post about the failed tea business in the future.

___Fing Mouse broke on computer so that I can't use any excel sheets here, and need to e-mail them upstairs. One too many hits from a dog running under the desk and sending it flying. Trying to find one already in the house to save some money being unnecessarily spent.

-----Very energetic today. Being that I am bipolar or at least cyclomanic (or whatever) that always leads to suspicions that a manic reaction is coming LOL. However, I am just rebounding from the devil of a sinus infection, and am current on my meds, so it's most likely just suddenly feeling better.

-----The state of the economy, real estate and mortgage industry, et is a very big worry these days in regards to my husband's job. Although he is a very talented individual, but he has been carrying the bulk of the load since at least 2003, and before that I managed to do that and I gave up the mantel when it was apparent he was surpassing me, and I could move on to better and more healthy interests. God, I hate accounting for instance. I am so having an accountant do my taxes this year, because they are now complicated, and I just don't have the strength that I once did to pour through tax (ridicoulous) law. I tried to revamp the bookkeeping/accounting small business this year, only to find that I just don't have the patience or liking of it anymore. Way more patience for dog training these days.

-----We love our tenants. They are the nicest young couple, and likely to move out this year. So do we do summer tenants and make the year's rent possibly in 12 weeks (less cost for furnishing and cleaning et) or do we find a year round tenant that we may hate (always a possibility) or do we kidnap the tenants and chain them in our basement. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. You didn't hear it from me.

-----I got these bags of poop from big boarding weeks lately. There was snow then, and a percentage of frozen snow was put in to make life easy for me. Now it's getting warmer, and garbage day isn't until Thursday..................

-----My husband will not 1) fix the windshield wiper on his car or 2) get an inspection sticker (almost a year over due now). This is part of his penny pinching ways that almost always ends up costing me more money than fixing the *&(%^^%&^%&^% windshield wiper would. I would "kidnap" the car but the husband works on the road.

-----My husband just accepted a delivery of gas without checking how much was delivered, and allowing them not to leave a receipt and bill us later. Great!!!

Yesterday I Had All These Thoughts

Where do my musings go when I am ready to write my blog. That's why I pre-prepare my blogs days in advance. Thursday Thirteens are a great help, because I can come up with lists all day long. It's really not that much effort for me to do so.

My husband's dad is stable now. Apparently he had an old blood clot, and he has an infection in his chest. He's still in the hospital, but being taken care of well. That is the only thing that has sucked about moving to the beach (an hour and a half away). He won't move up here, or even out of his upstairs apartment (bad hips). I know how he feels, but eventually these kind of practical things have to be done. Course it could be still many years in the future, like with my grandmother who lived on her own in her house until she was 89.

The husband just walked though all dressed up for a day on the road for his job. Then he announced that he hated his job. He came in to let me know they were going to do Natalie's career history on the Today show. They did Ann yesterday, and my favorite Al will be done tomorrow. So that finished, and the husband has gone down the stairs and on his way. He will vacilate between hating his job, and loving it. Good months he will love it (he's a salesman), and bad months (as is now as they have cut all sorts of programs, so he has nothing to sell) he will hate it. I wish he would start taking steps towards self employment. Meantime, I need to improve my game in that area, and we certaintly can't afford Robert to be full time self employed right now for a variety of reasons, not the least being that I can't afford my own health insurance yet!!

I am about to go get some coffee that has been prepared for me downstairs, the husband brought up the first cup at about 9 am this morning. I have one dog, Leon, completely under the covers asleep (everyone has been pooped, peed, and fed), Jack pressed up against my knees on the other side but above the covers, and old lady Jazz towards the foot of the bed curled up in a ball. Our time thermostat has made the room nice and warm. I don't know about you, but I need a warm bedroom in order to make it out of the bed in the morning. I have been up and about today to take care of the dogs. I have no appointments other than to train Jack, (probably won't train Leon as I suspect his knee is bothering him), clean the house, laundry, bills, update Moose's log (aggressive Weim client), pooper scoop the yard, get the tax info together for our accountant/friend, and that's about it. Not looking forward to it. Oh yes, working out is on my priority list too.

I am just getting over a sinus infection that I have had for three weeks, and won't go away. Or I think it does, then I stop taking the sinus medicine, then I regret it because it's still here. Seems there are a bunch of respiratory and stomache viruses going around right now all over the place. I am a big baby, and completely can't function when I feel sick.

Family Not Well

My husband lost his mother Dec 2005. Our cat died in 2006. And now, his father is having multiple problems at the age of 34. He has contracted pnemonia and a blood clot. He is also bipolar, so often these things mean that he needs to go off that mediciation. He can already be difficult about medical stuff as it is (on meds) never mind off meds.

He has a proxy, and that son is trying to get control now, as he is refusing tests and stuff, and not with it due to the med problem. Though I bet he would still be putting up a fight. I am hoping perhaps 2007 could be a year that we could avoid another loss. Ugh. My father in law has been a very loving father to his kids, and a great father in law to me. My fingers are crossed. So far he is stable.

Other Blogger Frustrations

No calendar that you can click on to select a posting date (if you are like me and occaisionally post topics to write about in the future now so you can remember what you wanted to write about then).

That you need to mannually go in and change post from draft to published (unlike Typepad which has both the calendar and the ability to save the post and publish it automatically for the date AND time that you choose).

The Source of My Religious Musings Recently

I am Agnostic.

NOUN:
One who believes that it is impossible to know whether there is a God.
One who is skeptical about the existence of God but does not profess true atheism.
One who is doubtful or noncommittal about something.

For me, it's more about not believing in organized religion. It's something I thought since childhood, and a belief system that cemented itself during my college years. My family is Roman Catholic, and then there's the "other side". I think they had Protestant routes (whatever that is), but I don't really remember church being so much of a topic there. My grandmother and grandfather were very Roman Catholic. My grandmother was "surprising" sometimes in her beliefs. So much so, that I wonder sometimes if I dreamed certain conversations between us, or did I just imagine them. Or did she just have one sip too many of wine that day. Until the day she died, she went to Mass if she was at all physically able and attended the functions that she physically could.

I don't recall my cousins being particularly religious, and as far as I know, I only have one "blood" cousin that professes to be. This is a new thing for him by the way ever since he decided to get divorced from his wife of 15 years. Not that I am against divorce, I am not, especially with my family history. I think it is sometimes way more healthy to cut those losses while you can, and not put the children through the fighting et. if possible. Adult parents need to be over that pain, or able to mask it once certain other life events start happening for their children.

I do find it interesting that now, on breaking a religious rule (clearly), that now is the time to become religious. Especially in preaching this new religious fevor to others, um, like me. On the other hand, I was trying to be as supported as possible. Unfortunately, supportive usually menas using humor ie poking fun at the situation. Truly, I was trying to hang in there to be a shoulder to cry on. My husband wasn't really being a help in that regard. Everything is a joke to him. Trying to have a serious conversation with him, is like trying to catch a lion with a butterfly net.

The thing that really spoiled my resolve is when my cousin announced to me "that marriage is only for procreation. If you don't procreate, you don't have a real marriage." Reeeaaaalllly. How fascinating. And how convenient that religion can now be used while another is being a hypocrate to put someone else in their place. Religion and how I should "join" is first of all a hot button for me. The next hot button would be any insinuation that I am selfish because I don't have kids. Unlike my cousin who did not use protection and got his wife pregnant at 19 (big surprise that marriage is not going to work out). So I have been with my husband for 21 years, without the word divorce escaping our lips, but WE don't have a real marriage.

So my cousin most likely got a ration of shit from me, which was a blur I can't even recall what I might have said, but we get past that. By the way, I was expressly not invited to that wedding because of my step mother. Although my aunt/"GodMother" (also a "devote" and yet hypocritcal Roman Catholic) had called and said it was because they didn't have any money. Meanwhile, Robert and I put on our wedding ourselves, and their whole family was invited. This never made sense until yeeeaaarrssss later when I asked another cousin (cause you know everyone else was there, including my step brothers) and she confirmed the reason I wasn't invited. So being the black sheep of the family anyway, I guess my point is, an occaisional pat on the back for making well thought out and rational decisions (and responsibly using birthcontrol), and having a successful marriage AND career might be nice as a change. So that was yet another button that had been pushed until his next statement......

"You don't think you will just get to heaven just because your good, do you?" No, I think if I rape children and then do a confession I am going to heaven. And if people go to "heaven" that way, and if you even believe in heaven (which I don't) then I don't want to go to heaven to be around a bunch of people who "confessed" at the eleventh hour. Thanks. Not really sure I want to be around a bunch of people who find the bible story of the father that goes out to murder his son, but doesn't to be a good "morals" story. If that was a woman, we would say she was probably suffering from a mental illness like postpartum. In modern times, because God tells you to do it, just doesn't fly. We know a bit more about mental illness these days.

Any way, that's the end of my rant on religious hypocracy, I think:)

Oh, I will just throw in one more story to get it on here, as it's a topic that I won't discuss too much in the future. My husband's family is Jewish. And while I grew to love my mother-in-law no one was too pleased on that side that I was not Jewish. So my future mother-in-law called me out to have lunch one day, which I thought was nice. My feelings were so hurt, when she announced instead the topic was "why you should convert to judiasm". First of all, I am a pretty private person, and the only other thing that I would have considered more of a breach of privacy would have been instituting a timeline and sex schedule for the procreation of grandchildren (hate being treated as if my sole purpose on earth is to be a brood mare). I actually would take something like that seriously and not just do it to "fit in". Any way, that's yet another reason why I am against organized religion, it makes people who don't even follow it that closely rather "cultish". I would say the last thing anyone would ever call me is a "conformist".

Friday Fishing

Smith's Mom On Anna (scroll to bottom)

About Anna and Other Relatives

Book Recomendation Regarding Family Estrangement

Talking About Rules of Estrangement Between Friends

Thursday Thirteen (13) Problems that I Have With Organized Religion

I am picking mostly on my understanding of Roman Catholic as that is what my Italian grandparents and some current family members follow:

1. Can you say sexist, first of all?
2. Confessions, and how they can wipe away whatever you do.
3. That marriage's main purpose is for procreation.
4. Against birth control.
5. That sex is only for procreation. (guess the term population explosion wasn't real big when the bible was being developed)
6. That the church tried to hide and shield pedophile priests.
7. That there have traditionally been no female priests or females in the hierarchy of the church.
8. Against relationships that include sex without marriage, or sexual experimentation period.
9. Against same sex relationships.
10. That you can not follow the religion until you feel like it, and then end up pope.
11. The whole worshipping the pope as if he is God.
12. The belief that others who believe differently are going to hell.
13. Also confessions, and having priests judge you who can often not follow their own religious rules.

These thoughts came to me after a discussion with a cousin. He asked me to name three things that I had against organized religion, and I said "do I have to stop at three" . And I do believe in everyone's right to their own religion or beliefs. This always comes up when someone is trying to convince ME that I do not have the right to my religious beliefs. Or that my marriage is less because I did not procreate as they see is my duty to THEIR GOD. Oh, don't get me started.

And Then There Are The Other Clients

Thankfully, most clients that want dog training services do care for there dogs. I should say, of the clients that I accept into the training program, those people 98% of the time have the well being of their dogs in mind. For which I am thankful, as clearly I couldn't take it otherwise. My blogs came to a screaching halt as I am so upset over this. There was no excuse for this dog to come back like this.

For one, I have clients whose dogs have behavioral problems that in the short term make them mildly dangerous. For instance, some dogs that I work with had the ability to deliver a bite, not at the most serious side of the spectrum, but still it could get there with practice. I am known for taking on dogs with behavioral problems that I feel I have the ability to handle, and owners that seem dedicated to solving the problem beyond the finances (ie actual time and work spent with the dog). You might expect that in the heat of the moment, where one of these owners thinks the dog might bite them or a guest, the dog could be misused. I haven't found this to be the case in owners that want to solve this problem with these dogs. In fact, these are some of the best cared for (not spoiled but well cared for in exercise, nutrition, vet care) dogs.

Now this Great Dane puppy (and dog coming out of this) had NO behavioral problems. He was a lovely Great Dane puppy. And he is a lovely Great Dane dog that now has some unnecessary medical problems due to abuse and neglect. I actually sent thank you notes to my clients that I know take great care of their dogs. Those clients also allow me to love my business and what I do:)

On Clients I Would Like To Hurt

As you may know, I am a dog trainer. This is probably a post that could go on either of my blog's as there is a bad part, and a good part to it.

Any way, in April 2006, this adorable Great Dane puppy came here for some two week training on basic manners and housebreaking. Very sweet, friendly, well behaved guy who was no problem at all. On meeting the family, I had a very bad feeling regarding the relationship between the puppy and the husband/father of the family. The wife seemed to love Moose very much.

Due to this bad feeling, and because my husband fell in love with this dog too, I offered to pay the adoption fee, the vet bills AND refund the training for the dog. Never heard back from the family, until.....

This last Saturday, which is why I haven't posted. I did take Friday off, as we were getting ready for some guests to arrive on Saturday as well. The phone rang, and it was the husband/father. The dog has been circling between family homes, and now they don't want him. We have just adopted Jack awhile ago in the meantime, and our dog Jazz is a senior and needs much attention and love. My husband and I discussed it, and came to the conclusion that because of our responsibilities we could not offer this dog a home. However, I was determined to try to find him a better position in life. This guy is a lovely dog.

I called a client that used to watch us training, and had expressed an interest. I also take care of this client's other dog, also a Great Dane. Much to my surprise, they were very interested in this dog, and the next day they had him:) The dog came to them very thin, filled with whip worms, and lame in one leg. It's pretty obvious that he was not taken care of well, and most likely physically abused during his absence from here. It really makes me sick. They tried to tell my client that the reason that he would have "accidents" was from "seperation anxiety" (oh no, not from whip worm, and the fact that they left him alone for 10 hours at a time). Meanwhile, the dog has had no indoor accidents. It especially makes me angry as I offered them an out almost a year ago, and tried to follow up with this dog.

I have clients with dogs with behavioral issues, that completely take care of their dogs correctly. In fact, they stick with those dogs far beyond what I expect an owner would do with a behaviorally challenged dog. I am glad they do, as these are also the dogs that I get incredibly attached to, because the nature of the work is that these are the dogs that I spend most of my time and effort on. Also, I spend a lot of time and effort with the owners making sure things "go well". I also don't think you are going to do so well with a dog, if you don't find something to like about that dog, whether it's their drive, their stuborness, their wanting to protect their family, their work ability, et et. So as a trainer, it can truly suck when you have no control over how a dog gets treated, because you do give your heart to these dogs.

I wish I had told them their dog had run away, and that I was a horrible trainer. This dog wouldn't have had to live through the hell he probably went through for a little under a year last year.

God Damn People, sometimes.

Blog Fishing for Family Estrangement

A 43 year old woman finds a new and unconventional family. We've actually been talking about this and her site on one of my lists.

The loss of one grandparent, opens up commnication to another?

Thursday Thirteen (13) Movies I hate or Won't Watch

1. Breakfast at Tiffany's (have never warmed up to this movie, am trying to watch it again at this very instant as it seems to be some sort of classic, and it's torture that I am about to give up AGAIN)
2. Old Yeller (Yellow) whatever, I will NEVER watch this movie especially after watching....
3. Sounder This, if I remember correctly, is a good movie, but I just can not watch it knowing what happens to that cute beagle who loves his owner so much. This is the kind of movie that could put me into a crying jag for a week!!!
4. Any of the Friday 13th movies. Worst horror movies ever, and started a stint in horror movies that I hate. Try to avoid horror movies that start out with "six college students".... yada yada yada. Not real hard to figure out what the plot is going to be.
5. I love all of "Dances with Wolves" EXCEPT the end that I refuse to acknowledge exists. As far as I am concerned, the movie ends when the soldier agrees to travel with his new Indian bride and tribe. Nope, THAT IS WHEN THAT MOVIE ENDS FOR ME. PERIOD.
6. The recent remake of Texas Chainsaw. Ugh, what trash and they didn't even bother with some of the more classic and classic scenes.
7. I used to love Camille with Greta Garbo. I have long since fallen out of love with both. What used to seem so dramatic and romantic when I was young, seems stupid and useless in my old age. There was really nothing keeping these two apart.
8. Ditto for Wuthering Heights by the way.
9. Remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Why for the love of God would anyone have their kids watch that, when the orginal just blows it away. There was nothing that I thought was a "new slant" or more interesting than the orginal. Are they going to remake the Wizard of Oz next? Come on, seriously!!
10. Pet Cemetary and the book too, which would explain why I don't like the movie. Big Stephen King.
11. Beaches, my husband loves this movie, and I like Betty Midler but this movie seems like so much drivel to me. The young girls are the most entertaining part, and then it's like a Daniel Steele's novel. Course according to some sources, I am apparently a Daniel Steele fan NOT!!
12. Who Framed Roger Rabbit---loud and obnoxious we walked out.
13. Switch---seemed like a funny concept. Guy woman switch, so much funny stuff, and it ended up being the most depressing movie that I had ever seen.

Valentine's Day for "The Folks" Grouping (5) and Final

To The Monster:

I wanted to find a card just for you
But apparently Bitch, Cunt and Whore cards
Are far and few.

Happy Valentine’s Day!! I hope it brings you EVERYTHING that you deserve.

To Dad:

L is for Looser
O is for over
V is for verbal (abuse)
E is for end

And F is for Fuck You
Happy Valentine’s Day Fuck Face

To Mom:

Oh life was sooo hard on you
You suffered and suffered oh yes it’s true
So I offer up the following present on Valentine’s Day

I’m going to stay far away!!
Happy Valentine’s Day Psycho.

Valentine's Day to "The Folks" Group (4)

Got a bit carried away creatively on these. I think the shorter ones are funnier. What do you think?

To The Monster (4):

On the day of St Valentine
While your heart so black withers
On your marriage a dead dry vine

Things you have amassed to this day
By getting men to pay your way
Sparkle, shine, and soft of furs and jewels
Because accomplishments can’t be had by an ignorant fool

One you’ve caught who will never leave
It’s not necessary for him to deceive
As his heart is empty just like yours
But loneliness is not his wish
And so the one that will have him, is his dish

So enjoy your day
While you suck the life
And joy from others who you can’t see
Have their own cares that don’t always include thee.

In other words, it’s not always about you, Bitch. (wanted to use the C word there, but just didn’t feel like it worked in the end)

To Dad (4):


A choice was never asked of you
A choice you made, yes it’s true
To treat your daughter like a piece of shit
From childhood to adulthood, you great fat prick!!

And on this Valentine’s Day the tables are turned
Another holiday for you I don’t yearn
In fact Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter
It’s true, are all better without you

Father’s day, what’s that?
A sad day my whole life, that’s a fact.
What the fuck do you deserve?
Except a big fat seagull turd
On your head!!!

Happy Valentine’s Day you stupid jerk.

To Mom (4):

A riddle to me
You will always be

Mentally ill
Or just not nice

Or perhaps the combo of both
Is your vice?

So I wish a narcistic Valentine’s Day to you
I’m afraid that’s the best I’m gonna do

Valentine's Day to "The Folks" Grouping (3)

To Dad:

Happy Valentine’s Day

Please enjoy the attached heart shaped box, with chocolates specially made with my dog’s feces.

Take the Pristies chocolates and shove them!!

To The Monster:

The way I feel about you is beyond compare


I hate every part of you including your stupid hair

Bitch!!!

To Mom:

How do I love you?

Let me count the ways...........

Uh, oh!!

Valentine's Post Secrets

These will most likely disappear into cyber space soon, so check out posecrets "Sunday Valentine Edition". I love postsecrets. I am still trying to get up the nerve to send one of my own. You might remember that I tried to come up with some. I think I have come up with a few, course my husband still knows every one:)

Valentine's Day To "The Folks" Grouping (2)

To Dad (2):
Roses are Red
Violets are blue
Hope the monster and her son
Are prepared to take care of you
When you get old:)

Happy Valentine's Day!!

To The Monster (2):
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Did you Lexus have four flat tires?
Boo Hoo Hoo

Grams is laughing from heaven, and you know why, Bitch!

To Mom (2):

Happy Valentines Day

Thank you for the last 10 years of my life
They were happy without you
And lacking in strife

Valentine's Day to "The Folks" Grouping (1)

Really going to try NOT to hold back on these, but it kind of goes against my nature. So if you think these are strong, that's sort of scary, cause I could go a whole lot worse LOL. On the other hand, I am trying to let my anger and rage fly. I use hate a lot when I perhaps don't mean "hate" cause it sounds funnier and is the opposite of "love" on VDay.

See, I can't do this right, cause I gotta apologize in advance for the "fatso" below, but I had to find something else to call the monster besides Bitch. Apt, but it gets boring over and over again. Plus bitch is a female dog, and they are quite lovely, while the monster is not. I am fat by the way....

To Mom (1):

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You’ve got a couple screws loose
Sad but true

Happy Valentine's Day!!

****Note, sort of fitting as it parrells my mom's recent blog post, which I take it to be that she's admitting she's not quite right. She is probably saying that about me, but I have taken my own interpretation of the subject matter that humans = being nuts. That stalking a person 900 miles in diapers should perhaps be a forgivable act because of this. And it may be, but not because all people have a certain disfunction. A chemical imbalance leading to something like skitzoid behavior would be something that does not even need forgiveness but is tragic. An intent to harm someone due to what you feel is yours, and you know that is wrong is unforgivable period.

Yeah, yeah, my husband already reminded me that I violated one of my NY's resolutions. Hey, these are still a work in progress, and if I am not successful in that one, I am fine with it. I don't check in that often anymore any way .

To The Monster (1):

Roses can be red
Black ones are dead

Figure out which you are getting, fatso!!!

To Dad (1):

Too bad
Sooooooooo sad

What's a guy to do?

When his only daughter hates him
And no one else likes you too?

Happy Valentine's Day.

Chanukah Poems To Tony & The Monster

Just so y'all can sweet I can be, here are the Chanukah poems that I made for my dad (aka Tony) and the Monster (aka my step----um----monster).

***These were done in holiday season 2002. Stopped talking to them around October 2005 due to the conflict that I wrote about, combined with being fed up to the moon with them from things they had done prior.

To [The Monster's Name Here]:

Chanukah lights one to eight
Are lit before it’s late

Glowing wicks gently light
The First sign of dusk before night

To [A Dad's Name Who Doesn't Deserve This]:

Chanukah is another day
To say thanks for our family,
Friends, co-workers, strangers and more,

Who make this hard life, not such a chore
With gentle smiles and peace in their heart
Make some days begin with a good start.

So thank you dad for being there
And showing each year how much you care.

Uh, yeah right!! Now for the things I should have said (VBEG). To follow shortly.

Dying to Share My Valentine's to My Folks

I am starting the Valentine Day Cards for "The Folks" festival on the 10th. It's been a little frightening how these are flowing from my fingers. I am not saying they are good, I am saying I am having a little too much fun here.

I'm not sharing until the 10th though. Hard enough keeping these blogs updated. I will throw you a little treat that I found today though:

http://www.hatemark.net/ (course their family section has nothing in it as yet)

That was the best site I could find, so sad. Mine are more personal, else I would try and market them, but no one but me would probably get the joke.

Thursday Thirteen (13) Favorite Phrases

1. People call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that distinguish me from a doormat.


2. I'm not bossy, I'm just right.


3. I fought the lawn and the lawn won.


4. Bite me. (I don't know why, but employees were always buying me T-Shirts that said this when they went on a trip. Might have said it a bit LOL.)


5. Fuck me with a rusty chainsaw (from college my good friend Toby introduced me to the phrase. I don't know, I always liked it and it made me laugh. Used appropriately in the same spirit of Bite Me.)


6. Life is a shit sandwich, and every day is just another bite (no I am not that pessimistic, but we have all had THOSE days).


7. I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day, and tomorrow doesn't look good either.


8. No I don't have PMS, I just really hate you.


9. I didn't ask to be a princess, but if the crown fits....


10. Yes, it is all about me.


11. I don't suffer from insanity, I love every minute of it.


12. Just because you are paranoid does not mean they aren't out to get you.


13. It's good to be the Queen:)

Valentines Day for Hubby

I like to make homemade cards. I haven't done so for a few years, but awhile back I was so into it that I took calligraphy courses, and wasn't bad. This was surprising to me as my handwriting BLOWS CHUNKS. When I worked as an accountant, I tried to do everything, even what we call manual workpapers on the computer. Hence part of the reason I have become talented in figuring out all sorts of computer programs, I've just been around them so much, and even if they are different they all operate on the same principles and ideas......basically.

So being the creative person that I am inside, I started playing with paper, glue, sparkles, stamps et. I have given out a few cards, and a few with personal poems. The main recipient of those, my dad UGH. My poor husband never got one. It's not that I never attempted a card for him, I was never happy how his turned out. Yet I have given my husband love poems, which he cherishes. I'll have to publish some of those here, so you can see how sweet I was to my family that could have cared less. What I hate though, is the one that would find a folded up piece of grocery bag as a card charming, is the one who hasn't gotten one of my handmade cards. The rest of my family and friends are just getting valentines post cards that I picked up a long time ago. I am still figuring out whether I will send them as a "secret admirer" just for fun.

Then there will be my "special" cyber cards for three members of my family. I don't think they visit here anymore (after an oops on my part with technorati that identified all of my blogs), so I doubt they will ever see them.

On Hockey

You know, something occurred to me lately, and it probably signified the beginning of my independence. I had written about how my parents insisted I did figure skating which I loathed. I do realize that parents often have their kids "try out" things for their own good. And many times even good parents forget that their kids might have things that they actually have an interest in, which they also forget to ask their kids about or value their opinion. Parenting is hard, and I realize that. It's why I haven't had kids, I realize the work that goes into it, even if one is a completely sucky parent, it's hard work. Never mind if you are a good parent, then it's an art form that takes up your life 24/7. Oh life, you probably don't have one that doesn't revolve around your kids at that point . Any way I digress.

So young ME wanted to play hockey not figure skating. It never occurred to me to outright revolt and just NOT do figure skating (as it would now). It also didn't occurr to me to tell my dad to pound sand when he insisted that my long hair be cut off (this was during the akward tuff skin period, junior high, not developing and already looking like a young boy) for the Hamel cut. Dorothy Hamel, and if you don't know who that is, you need to leave now.

In high school, I just realized I DID play hockey. Field hockey, okay, but as close as I was going to come. The HS provided the equipment in those days (don't know whether this is still the case after prop 2 and a half started nixing these things). I don't remember asking anyone's permission to do this. I mean I must have gotten it at some point, I just don't remember. I am pretty sure that is one of the times I split off, and started making my own decisions. I loved it, and I loved playing defense. I also wanted to play soccer too, but was a bit afraid of the more popular kids on the soccer team and fitting in. More geeks or overweight girls were on the field hockey team with some popular girls. I remember the football @holes entering the girls locker room, and luckily I was small enough to hide in a locker so they wouldn't see me. So I must have liked it enough to be doing it despite possible molestation or rape from those jerks. That never did happen to anyone, but my JHS experience did not give me the outmost confidence in boys at all.

Plus, field hockey kept me out of my house longer. Anything that kept me away, was a welcome thing.

Dreams

This is all going to be jumbled as I had dreams last night that I don't want to loose AND a certain thought sequence that came to me.

Dream 1 My mother and I reconcile. She is different than she currently is, and we end up sleeping cuddled up on a couch happy. I hate that dream because it's nowhere close to reality, and I am angry that I would even "want" subconsciously that result. Mostly awake, it makes me angry at myself for being vulnerable to it.

(they are dissappearing fast)

Dream 2 I am in my old first apartment at U Lowell, but me and my husband have just moved there. (why for the love of God) I see old friends there, and wonder why it was that we have moved into this God awful ugly place. Just to let you know, the walls were a dark dark ugly forest green. My other friends moved in after I vacated, and they repainted it to an equally hienous color later on.

Dream 3 Again U Lowell, I come across my old flute teacher (she plays in both the BOS and POPS) She is just playing in a trio, and it's beautiful. I start crying because that's what I am not doing. In actuality, while I did love music, I always hated playing in front of people . Nor promising for the career of a performance artist LOL. Also, I have always realized that the reason that I did not excel during that period of time is that it wasn't the most important thing that I wanted. I wanted my independence more imporantly. If I had worked my ever loving butt off, which there was NOTHING holding me back from doing, I could have done something with it. Obviously I did not want it enough to do that. Also, had I not needed to leave college before they booted me out themselves , I would have never met my husband, and THAT is a huge part of my life that I would never have wanted to miss.

Another Blogger Frustration Which I Keep Forgetting

There is no easy way that I have found to do a RSS feed in blogger, other than to download orginal HTML as backup and then try to edit it to work in blogger. (ie nightmare for those like me who are not HTML literate, as easy as it supposedly is.

Reminds me of a conversation I had with my 21 year old tenant going to college, and for some reason they still make the kids suffer through cobalt. If you are too young to remember what I am talking about, I don't want to hear from you.

Or DOS.

Holidays

I was such a looser this Christmas. I did not send out any holiday cards to family or friends, as I have been doing for years now. I also did not update the family calander which may not be so surprising .

So I am going to send out Valentines day cards this year instead. Who doesn't love getting a Valentine? But in the meantime, I thought of a fun dysfunctional family day exercise. Online blog cards of Valentines you WISH you could find at the local Hallmark store that say how you really feel. It's hard for me to tell when I am being funny or just depressing when I do these things, so I am going to try my best for humor.

I did manage to do one of these for Christmas. http://my-family-sucks.blogspot.com/2006/12/greeting-card-to-dad-and-step.html. If you are in the situation that I am in with people who are supposed to love you, yet don't, do you remember going into your local card store, and thinking "come on" to all those flowery phrases. "Dad, you were always there for me". Yeah Right. I was always looking for the humor card that in some way either did not come close to grazing the relationship, or had some kind of subtle zinger that would not be commented on.

More Pros and Cons Typepad vs Blogger

So, YouTube video, I figured out that if you type something before the insert to the videosite on Typepad or Blogger, it keeps the entry so you can change the tags and dates. While I was doing this before, stuff was disappearing. So frustrating, and so I just left the sucker alone once it was there.

So now there is Videoegg, also a free service and one that I prefer for videos. I still haven't tested it on this site, will need to do something so I can. If you upload that, it has you make your post up on Videoegg. Also the infor for the video is actually kept in your blog files (which I prefer though I am not sure why ) then in the video service, though you can do that too.

Oh, I remember why, because I have gigs and gigs of space to play with in Typepad to keep files like that, while you are limited to MBS of storage space on YouTube. Course you could just keep opening up accounts, but a pain. So in Video egg, you don't need to store it there, but can instead store it in the service that you are actually paying for the space to store those things, since an amazing amount of text takes up almost zero room these days, while video still can suck up the MBS or GIGS quite quickly.

Thursday Thirteen (13) Worst Days of My Life

I have been in a such a good mood lately, that it's been kind of a struggle to write about this stuff . See I found something to complain about after all. And in that spirit, I present the 13 worst days of my life (I am excluding death from this list):

1. 22 or 23 years old, living in Southbridge where I commute a half hour to work every day, and I have the only working car that my husband and I share. We have no "cash reserves" and the car dies. About 1989, I remember how hopeless I felt that day. Horrible.
2. Goes without saying, when I was 18 or 19, and agreed to move in with my dad and monster while I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. Huge mistake.
3. Which brings me to the last day in dad's house (barely two months later) when I was awaken after coming home in the evening by a slap from the monster.
4. Was at the vets with my cat, Clyde, who had been hit by a car. Our car's axel broke, and my dad wouldn't come pick us up to bring us home. In fact, he yelled at me about caring about my %$#@** cat, and that was the reason he wouldn't help. Cat became indoors, completely healed and lived until 19 years old.
5. The day I found out my dog had cardiomiopathy and what that meant.
6. The day we found out that Robert's mom had cancer.
7. The day we found out that after remission, Rob's mom's cancer came back.
8. I completely Fd around during music college, didn't attend classes, and didn't go to finals or mid terms. For some insane reason, I did decide to go to the panel with a piece of music that I had not even practiced with an accompaniest that I found that day. Horrible. Got reamed by the panel, and then felt even worse because my flute teacher stood up for me as working all night (she didn't realize I was partying all night more). Not a good day.
9. The day the gas station was broke into, while I was at college, because I left my post to attend a party.
10. September 11th, I thought the world was ending. Horrid day. More so for other people than me, but it is a pivotal point in my life where I started wondering at what the real priorities were for me.
11. Day my husband went in for a section of his intestine to be taken out, even though everything worked out well. It was pretty stressful.
12. Day that Jazz, instead of staying in the backyard and doing her business that she had done her whole life, instead decided to bolt to the street and say hi to the beagle that had stopped there. A very good recall command kept this from becoming a tragedy, but she still got grazed by a speeding truck that did not stop. She was in pain for several weeks, but fine. (and we learned about efences and ecollars as a result)
13. First job that I got laid off at a crummy accounting firm. I had showed up that day, husband had brought me in the only car that we owned that ran at the time and had gone onto his own job. There was no more work, and they only thought to tell me that when I got there. One of the partners (only two people in the whole firm, I was only staff) had to drive me home. Awkward...and what assholes. Actually, all turned out to be a good thing, if you can imagine. I have some funny stories about that place loosing records, and having to "manufacture" stuff without the clients knowing it, as if they actually did have the records. Horrid place.