When I Said Call Me If You Needed Anything...

Always, always think twice before uttering the following words "call me if you need anything" to a divorcing family member. To my credit, I did say "except babysitting, adopting, or otherwise taking care of your kids". Note to self, keep it to "call me if you need to talk". Financial, taking your pets, getting involved in disputes between you and your spouse is all outside the realm of what I mean.

A recent phone call inspired the linked post on my business blog.

It's a very sad thing, and I feel bad, but why put MY family's health in jeopardy? It boggles the mind how thoughtless people can be. I am just grateful they let me know how much they were not taking care of their little family member BEFORE I foolishly agreed to anything.

Diet/Exercise Update

Dieting, not so good judging by maintained weight. However, on the plus side (and a pun to boot), I have maintained.

Started exercise program again yesterday, and almost all caught up with personal stuff to do. Sometimes it feels like life doesn't stop for a moment, though I almost always seem to have time to watch movies or my favorite programs.

Should have brought home the fat picture that I found at Rob's dad's house to remind me of what we actually did look like at one point. It was under the chin too!!! Not pretty at all.

Perhaps I am a lazy ass!!!! The below picture is not even half as bad as the one I found of the both of us. I should have been sure it was destroyed if I did not take it LOL.

Tuesday Terror-Severance

Cross between a very mild Hostel and The Office. Again dark comedy horror movie, done well, I love them. The only thing missing was the why, and what was going on. Now some people like true fans of the orginal Halloween claim this makes it creepier. I am more of a fan of a little history. That was about the only the "wrong" with this film that is right up my alley.

First Official Fall Day

Poem to S Donor

I know you don't realize it
But I can see
When you come to visit it me

AOL might mask your address it's true
But the page you look into, gives you away, yes it do

Plus you have been to my business site as well
As you know, I would rather you go to hell

A relationship with me is not your right
Your marriage is your current plight

I have given you chances again and again
Only to regret them----yet again

So go your way, and I'll go mine
I guarantee in the end, I'll be just fine!!

If you are waiting for the father of the year

Trophy, you will grow old I fear.

My feelings for you are plain and true

Are you looking for something here, are you?

Just post and let me know

The audience here enjoys it muchly, and it's quite a show

Of how you are and what you think

If it were a court of law, the jury would put you in the brink.

How to end the poem I just don't know,

But again could you just go? (thought the tampon post took care of this)

Okay, if your question is yet again, "what happened to us" I will again direct you to the following posts. Bullet points on explaining it to other family members, thoughts about estrangement and what "love" is really (and something you obviously don't experience or understand), and lest we forget there was you and your wive's narcistic; self centered, wish to be involved with the sale of our private real estate.

Really the most important reason, my life is better now. I have gone on. There is nothing positive you bring to the table. I asked you what "good times" we had after the third grade, and even you could not answer what those were LOL. Being the criteria that I had a "good time" as well with you. I do not miss you, nor your negative influence in my life. I am hoping no one else is suffering because I am no longer in contact with you, even the monster, as you may now be deflecting on some other female. Good luck in life.

Fishing but Not on a Friday

Okay, it's not Friday, but I found a gem on a blog that I recently frequent, regarding what you do with time spent with your kids. I thought it was excellent, though I am not religious so the church thing would be out for me.

So maybe this will just be about blogs that I like for some reason that I just can't put my finger on. Like this lady's blog. She lives in the country, has a dog, a husband, a mortorcycle, and some kids. There is something so peaceful and joyful about her blog:)

Here is a creative guy that lives near me. He reminds me of my days in music college, oh so long ago. In fact, here is a picture that an old college friend sent me last year (and I need to send him his). I miss being as creative and artistic as I FELT, yet never was LOL, back then.

The ONLY reason that I would be doing dishes there, is a just lost a bet to Keith and Chris, and they documented not only this chore, but me vaccuming as well. I didn't even know these pictures were out there. Look at those skinny little arms, I was like 100-110 pounds maybe with clothes on!!! Oh, those were the days. Course I payed the student loans off for years. Wow, I would love to get my FACE back to that state, instead of these chubby cheeks and chin!!! Course, now there would be wrinkles and age spots. Damn it!!!

And this blog shares my particular bipolar woes. She just found out not too long ago!! I have been lucky in knowing some sort of chemical imbalance would happen eventually. It is nice to be prepared, even though it hasn't been easy.

There is a whole group that I call the dorkbloggers, but this guy cracks me up the most.

The dorkblogger site hasn't been all that active, but you can find more of these like minded people on the side bar there.

Parents That Are Aging and Problems that Crop Up

This is not about my parents here, but about my in-laws. The great thing about not talking to NOR liking your parents, is you don't need to worry about taking care of them in their old age. It's the other nice thing about your parents not having been there for you as you grew up, there is no sense of obligation to be there for them. Not that I can't think of circumstances where I would step up to the plate, I guess. My finances are strictly for those that I consider to be in my family PRESENTLY. That means, these are people that have been there for me, and have cared about me. They have shown me more love, than my own parents. It is sad in a way, but in another, I am so lucky to have had them in my life. Like my In-Laws.

Mrs Grace will have died two years ago this December. My husband still cries about this everyday. He really misses his mom, she was his best friend. They were so close, and there were times I was jealous of that relationship, as it was something that I really never experienced. My in-laws stuck with me even as I was withdrawn and lacked some social skills that most daughter in-laws might have. I was tough to get to know and like at times. Somehow though, Mrs Grace grew to love me, and I her.

Now The Poop (aka Mr Grace----name of affection for him) is living alone in their old apartment. Much of Mrs Grace's stuff is still there. On a recent visit, we found that the cleaning lady had procured clothing et, and that the Poop hadn't been watching what she was taking. This really upset my husband, as he wants EVERYTHING albiet a bit unreasonable of his mothers. She used to buy very nice clothing and such, that I know her daughter wanted, and has gone missing. There are other heirloom items, that the family wants as well, that they don't want going to a stranger.

So, nobody wanted to talk about this before, as you can imagine, it's a sensitive subject. Also poor Poop is trying to move forward, which I am guessing might be a little difficult when it looks like Mrs Grace is still living in the apartment. Being relieved of her stuff is probably a relief and a sense of loss each time. The Poop of course wants anything the family wants to remain in tact until he dies or someone takes it. The kids don't want to take anything now, as they feel it's the Poops until he passes. I am talking the "heirloom" items here.

So my husband did the brunt of the tough work. He was very good. I was thinking through the whole conversation, how very differently this would go if it was my family!!!! It's tough, the Poop is lonely, wanting to do nice things for other people, and he's in his late eighties now. He has the same illness that I have only worse.

Even worse, his other son set him up with a computer date of some lady in NJ. She is 24 years younger, and the Poop reports they are both saying the L word after 10 days. He just commented "she has two jobs, so she is probably in debt", yet he seems oblivious to the possible dangers of having her up, as she plans to in November. For some strange reason she has also asked for pictures of the inside of his house. I will let my hubby field this one.

God lord, what worry!! I understand that the Poop doesn't want to move in with his kids, and have a life still that is his own. It's not only a sacrafice for the kids, but think of an adult who has had his own way and say his whole life. Now trying to integrate that in with their kids lives that are ongoing and filled with responsibilities and needs too.

It's a hard thing to field. Luckily we all have such a good relationship with him that he talks with us. I really need to talk to him more.

Thursday Thirteen (13) Of My Favorite Comfort Foods

Okay, these thirteen of my favorite comfort foods, should probably all be called warm weather comfort foods....due to the weather:

1. Pastina (basically Italian baby food, like my Nana made me). It's small round pasta made with butter, eggs, and salt. So if fits right in with my low cholesteral diet. It was in our marriage vows that husband has to learn how to make it for me when I am sick.



2. Cadbury raisin and nut milk chocolate bar.



3. Macaroni and cheese velveta or craft (or all natural amy's????)



4. Tomato Basil Soup



5. Grilled Cheese (also real low cal of course, and low cholesteral)



6. Chocolate Pudding



7. Butterscotch Pudding



8. Orange Jello with canned assorted fruit and whipped cream (again like gram used to make, and we would eat it during the Lawrence Welk show when I stayed over during the weekends)



9. Potato Chips



10. Doritos



11. Cupcakes



12. Dumplings, man, though I haven't had any decent ones in a loooonnnng time



13. Crepes with strawberries and sour cream.

Small Achievement

This military style, green, wool jacket has not fit me for years. Nicely buttons across my boobalas now. Yahoo. My size twelve jeans are an inch from fitting me around the stomache, but everything else fits in them (those aren't the ones pictured, and those are a bit loose on me).

Die! Die! My Darling

A young Stephanie Powers in a horror movie. I had seen this before, and liked it well enough. I had caught it in the middle on tv, so I hadn't remembered the title or anything. It's kind of a cool little known classic. Course, I didn't remember liking it so much as to sit through it again.

Sort of a religious undertones horror movie. Clearly showing hte religious woman as a nutcase, so don't worry.

Not a must see, but a see if you are bored and want to see something a little new and a littel unusual.

It's Co-co-co-cold this morning

Here is where it becomes a real test of "when to turn on the heat". In my older age, I have gotten surprisingly better about sucking it up. As my husband says, ever since I discovered skiing, it seems my internal thermometer has adjusted accordingly.

Dog training and exercising seems to warm one up a little during the day. So I am looking forward to stopping the typing of blogs on the computer (sometimes done with mittens on even when it is warm in the house but not now), and to go to the warmth of physical activity inside or outside!!

Not frost weather yet, by far, but a bit of a reminder that it's coming.

Better get out there and do some apple picking for the apple pies that my husband bakes around this time!!!!

My Childhood House for Sale

We had an event recently near my home town about an hour and a half away from our house. We road through Worcester MA, tallying up the changes (or non changes) since we have gone. Like that 290 still has heavy construction going on (oh, how I hated that while commuting out of Worcester way back when). The "park" that ended up being a business park (ie a huge business building went in there). What businesses weren't there, who was. Riding by George's bakery, and realizing "shit, we gotta get those meat pies, spinach pies, and syrian bread".

We managed to visit our friend at his house. Another friend was walking his dog, and so we missed seeing him due to the schedule. Spent some time at my husband's dad's house to help him sort through his deceased wife's(my beloved mother in law/husband's beloved mother) pictures and stuff. Tough, as it's still not been two years, and my dad-in-law is still very much grieving and missing his partner. He has met someone long distance, and hopefully that turns into some companionship for him.

During some downtime, my husband pointed the car towards my childhood home. The for sale sign is so huge, that you can probably see it in the next town (nice to use one's real estate connections). And it was interesting to note, that the monster couldn't help herself but put her name on the sign, even though she is not supposed to be the listing RE agent. I'm not sure she realizes, the bigger sign won't sell the house...... Perhaps the talents of an actual real estate agent would though LOL.

OJ, how low can you go

Do you remember the time that OJ was the darling of the sports world? I do. I remember in shock as I saw him driving his white jeep, followed by police, firmly believing they had the wrong man. Then the photos and 911 calls came out.

Well, now he's involved in the theft of sports memoriabilia in a casino. These are items that WERE his, but he was ordered (by the court) to sell in the civil suit that judged him guilty.

I vote OJ, the most dysfunctional father/husband/boyfriend/man of something.

Thursday Thirteen (13) Things I Looooovveee About Fall

Okay, it's not fall yet, not even here in Maine. However, the leaves are starting to turn, the weather is changing, and I know one of my favorite seasons is coming. Here are the things that I love about fall:

1. Halloween. Favorite holiday bar none.


2. Leaves when they change.


3. Crisp fall air.


4. Tourists have at least become less around here.


5. Soup for dinner.


6. Thanksgiving.


7. No need for air condition or heat (saving some money).


8. Putting on the fall clothes (favorite sweaters and turtlenecks). Also good camouflage for things.


9. Apple picking.


10. The season for candied applies, dumplings and apple pie.


11. Pumpkin pie or soup.


12. New tv programming seasons start (I think)


13. Driving in the car, and looking at the scenery. Or hiking and looking at the scenery

My Post On Healing From Family Rifts

(I hate that things I copy and paste from boards turn out like this---formatting problems. Also, this was written to a woman who is receiving info third hand from family members, and these were my thoughts on that and my experiences with it).

I decided for my self not to do the "triangulation thing" anymore.If someone called me on my dad's behalf, much to his dismay, I picked up the phone and called him directly. If someone had something to say from the monster (like my, er dad), I ended the conversation with him and called her. I got it right from the arses, er horses, mouth so to speak. It cleared up a lot of things for me. It made m erealize that it is all a game to them.They want to look good in front of other people. Their actions towards me are obviously not good. So they need to say things, not in my pressence, to make them look good. They are not meant for me,they are meant for their audience.

I have heard the "other" things they say too, which does not put them in a positive light to anyone.It's been a big eye opener to me re: who my family really is. It's a bit different with others here, in that my relationships were never close or positive with my "parents". Or the monster----understatement of the year. So there is no positive "thing" to cleave to, and when you combine that with their disrespect and clearly not respecting certain boundaries in particular, it is a no brainer for me NOW. This wasn't so before in my life, where I didn't realize how this "molding" of myself in what I thought were these isolated situations, changed me in ways that I did not want(shy, untrusting, low self esteem as far as my place i nmy "family").Truthfully, even messages from the arses, er horses, mouth are ignored by me (not that they have come recently) at this point as I read between those lines.

My cousin said how sad he felt my father was in that the legacy he was leaving behind was an only child that hated him. I said, yes it's the legacy he regrets (and which he made for himself by the way) NOT the loss of a daughter. It's the outward appearance and how that makes HIM look ONLY. The fact that it's so blatantly obvious and indefensible that his and the monster's treatment of me is something you would give your worst foe not a "loved one". I can't make that right for them, they did it, and it's theirs. I will not feel guilty either for being born or finally drawing my line in the sand. Sorry, not going to happen for you. These are the messages I get in the triangle. I just tell mycousin, I know these people, and I know they are not for me. Feel free and enjoy their company and hospitality, but don't think you will convince ME that they are good people.

Anyway, the triangulation subject hit close to home, clearly LOL.As for what Ann should do? There has been excellent advice to look inward to what you want. How do you want to handle it? What do you think are the right circumstances for you? No rush.

September 11th

This date should be a memorial day, don't you think? People say "holiday", but that's a celebration. This day is why I decided that I had to be self employed someday. To realize that you could go to your mundane job one day, and that would be the end. Wouldn't it be better if your life ended doing something that you enjoyed? At the least?

It's also probably a day that foretold what my relationship or lack there of would end up being with my father. Life is too short. Usually people who say that to me are thinking "and so that's why you should reconcile with your father." While I am thinking, that's exactly why I won't reconcile with my father. Life is too short for someone, who doesn't even know or care about you, to be sucking away the drops of joy in your life. Or contributing to sorrow, pain, and stress only. There is no room in my life for that person(s).

I think that day, and other days affected most people in some way. What ways did it affect you?

Interesting blogs:

Bush's Business Conections Played a Role?

Shelf Life of Grief

Jean D Roger, One Victim and One Beloved Friend, Daughter, Woman Who Left Us on September 11th

Oh The Temptation, Can You Imagine?

My step monster's business site domain name has been up for grabs for some time. Can you imagine that I am just barely holding myself back. She let it laspe, and recently renewed one, but it ends in .net instead of .com.

If I were her, I would grab the .com one, in case the spirit of "bad me" takes hold. It's the 18 years that I was nice, did favors for her, and gave her the benefit of the doubt....only to be told that my very existence has destroyed her and my father's marriage that makes me so bitter and vengeful. It's like, you think me being nice to you made your life miserable? You thought I would just roll over and cry? This is what me being vengeful and ruining your life looks like, Bitch!!

I always had the capacity, I just never used it. I mean, when I think of all those times that I bit my tongue around her. How much more fun would it have been for me to just call her out right there? With just enough subtelty for the rest of the relatives not to catch onto the exchange? Really, bitch, that would have been more fun for me rather than cow towing to your demented ass.

What was her/your problem anyway? Did you think my E donor was going to come flying back? Was it that you were afraid that the S donor might grow to (heaven forbid) love his own daughter? How can someone be so shallow, self centered, and purposely hurtful to someone who never did anything other than be born into (clearly) the wrong family?

Ugh, the things I wish upon you. I am not proud, but I do hope you get your just deserts. I really really really do.

Crazy Family Update

My E donor has not posted to any of her blogs for a couple of months now. Not to the estrangement blog, "the ordinary woman blog" nor her art photography blog. Interesting, as she was so into it before I found her out. I saw that a couple of months ago, she found one of my posts about her poem, and the outclick was my e-mail. Thankfully, she did not e-mail me though.

I am very pleased to announce that the house, in which I grew up for so maaannnyy "happy" years, has not yet been sold by the step monster "real estate agent". Quite a crackerjack, she is. Can you imagine, had she been our real estate agent, we would have paid 24 months of 2000.00 (15 yr mortgage) a month mortgage, real estate taxes, utilities PLUS our current big nut of a mortgage!! So that would be 48000.00 of mortgage payments, 6000.00 of re taxes, and a few thousand for utilities. OR, I guess we could rent out to people that we can't oversee from here, who could further damage our property, all so the Monster could "not be humiliated" as she said. Well, I hope that I have done my best to fullfill her nightmare of humilation.

I hope everyday that she is sad or upset, I come to mind. The house actually disappeared from realtor.com for a day, but then reappeared today, so the subscription was probably just up. For a moment I thought the beast had sold something in record time. Hahahahahaha.

News Story Disagreement

Is this action punishable as a crime? Or was this an accident, albeit a tragic and terrible accident?

I am not a mother. I have dogs. I have not made this mistake with my dogs, but I can't honestly say that I couldn't picture circumstances that might cause this to happen. I say this is a horrible accident. My short term memory sometimes goes, and I can't remember what I was just watching. There was no intent to leave the child in the car. The intent was to bring the child to the babysitters after the change in routine. Unfortunately, the child was quiet and sleeping when mom went back to her routine.

It's horrible. It's horrible what happened to the child and the mother. My husband says it was a crime. I say it is an accident. It's not like the guy that went hunting, and intentionally left his kid in the car (who woke up, and in the dead of winter went looking for daddy). I think people forget how hectic and pressure filled parents have it, especially working parents. What do others say? Crime or accident? Unforgivable negligence?

On the other hand, with the tempature approaching the levels it is reported to, one would be thinking you would be repeating something over and over in your head, so as not to forget. If this was a non professional woman at Walmart, let's say would I or you feel the same?

Friday Estrangement Blog Fishing

Real Estate Family Feuds (sound familiar?)

Rememberances of A Mother

Is That Obituary Misleading (this struck me because there are two obituaries of my actual relatives where my step brother, but not me was listed-----nice-----by the way I do love my step brother who died at 18 or 19) Note: glad to know this has happened to others and not just me!!!!

Uncle's Death Found Out About Months Later

Defining Ones Self

The Religious Connection

A Mother's Bid to Prevent a Marriage Fails

The Other Woman

Living Well Is The Best Revenge

John Lennon's Long Lost Half Sister

Overwhelmed and Overworked

Screwed Up Messages

My husband was shocked to hear the word "vulva" on a show I was watching the other day. I thought to myself, my we are so repressed in some ways. I mean, come on, what is the big deal. Course it is a tricky subject, and I guess not all parents deal with it well. Perhaps in our society there is no good way to deal with it? But it got me thinking about my own weird mixed messages growing up in my household.

The education started for me when I was five or so. The book and detailed explanations of what would happen to me every month once I became a teenager. Better than no advanced warning, but I was pretty horrified, and remember thinking then, I am never going to have kids, so why does my body need to do this (ie either being violated LOL or having my monthly friend). It was also explained that the Donors do this by the E Donor. Great. So that started explaining the occaisional noises next door, as my room was always destined to be right next to theirs.

(Now I should note, the S Donor, nor anyone from that way has visited this blog since, uh, the tampon/feminine napkin post, which was sort of the point of that post LOL)

From early on, I remember arguments of where the E Donor might throw away her, er, feminine products. From before I hit puberty, and somehow I still thought "what is the big deal" although some girls get to feel dirty for this. I know I have not been the only one to have to deal with a repressed asshole for an S donor. Um, why not have seperate closeable baskets in the bathroom if you truly can't take it. Jeez. Grow the F up grownups. If I was the E Donor, I would have been taping tampons up around the house like decorations until he shut the F up. Actually, no, I wouldn't have been married to him in the first place.

The E Donor was the more liberal one, I guess sexually and in other ways. I think the non racist or sexist ideas mainly came from her, and in no way from the S Donor. I was shocked to later learn what a racist sexist he was, but I think that is because we never really had a real conversation. We both pissed each other off so much, that we never did dig beneath the skin to the true human. If we had, I most likely would have been estranged at age 19, and that might have been better for me. Maybe not though, as I might have more doubts than I do now about the type of person he is. The mistake might be made to now seek him out, and go through a whole bunch of shit that I really don't need right now. Life's hard and short enough. You know what I mean? In no way do either of them contribute anything positive.

So back to mixed messages, the S Donor kept an extensive collection of Playboys in the bathroom (the only bathroom by the way) which makes me only now realize what else he was probably doing in there other than "reading" them. Ick. But very early on, I knew they were there and used to read them. I got to see the Caligula episode well before was appropriate, as well as one issue where a grown yet "height challenged" woman dressed up like a little girl in a nightmare sequence. Might have been Penthouse too, they were both in there.

Yet sex was inherently bad, and nothing I should do according to the S Donor. Meanwhile the E Donor had the Hite (sp?) reports out, and encouraged the reading of such stuff. So bad, good? Am I supposed to enjoy it later? Mainly I thought, yeah it was something to look forward to. The S Donor did not have that much pull with me, as, especially when I hit puberty, he was a complete dickhead. I am convinced now that I was paying for their bad relationship for a long time, and he was taking it out on me.

Not to mention the "sex" arguments that I got to hear in depth through the house. Yippee, surely every kids dream. I think what I learned from that though, is the core relationship is really important or NOTHING will be good. If you don't like the person, if you shouldn't be with the person, no matter what you do or how hard you try, nothing in the relationship is ever going to be good. Unfortunately, they are both such superficial people, I am not sure either of them will ever understand that or how it affects other relationships.

I am happy for who I am, I also know how these things have negatively affected me. That does not mean I am "blaming" my parents per say, but trying to understand what additional work that I need to do and where things stem from. I am repressed in some things, much like my husband sometimes . Luckily, we talk about these things, and it's no big deal and we can laugh and tease each other. I guess it's normally for all of us to be repressed to an exent, you think? Just growing up through the 80s, will make you feel a little less sexually "free" to experiment.

So do we/I need to get unrepressed? Am I really unrepressed already? Then with age, your drive goes kaploey sometimes. Age and health actually. Depressing, but true. So I am probably pretty much normal in both my mixed messages and feelings during this point in my life. You think? I dunno, just thoughts that rolled around after my husbands dismay at hearing the word "vulva". (and now I will undoubtedly get a whole bunch of weird people reading this post. every now and then, look up the key words that people use to find your post, and you may be a bit dismayed). So regarding my note, perhaps I am repressed?

Happy Birthday to You

So my aunt is over at my father's house. It's her birthday weekend, and they have been there all week.

It's sort of hurtful to know that your relatives wouldn't try to get together with you for a lunch or something. It's not like she was just over for a day or an hour.

I know the Step Monster makes it clear that she doesn't want anyone visiting me. And that is fine and all, cause I don't blame her. We are all adults and can make our own decisions.

I have never been that close to this aunt, but she is a part of my past. I have nostalgic memories of her, and I guess that is all I am ever going to know of her. Perhaps I should be thankful. I may remember her in a better light than she actually is.

It makes me feel dirty somehow though, that someone would do that knowing that I have expressed and given an invitation to do lunch sometime. How little someone must think of me!!

Last Day of Wine and Roses

Okay, I agreed to give up wine until Halloween, which will probably continue to fit in nicely with my weight goals. And my husband agreed to give up his vice, which I will mysteriously leave out LOL.

This was all my husband's idea by the way. I am hoping he won't be a big grumper this whole week!! I should be good.